SURGERY CHRONICLES: A BUMPY ROAD

     Many people who need back surgery refuse to have it. The back is the main support of the body. It is where you do many of your movements like bending, twisting, lifting, reaching and so on. When the back is messed up, it affects the whole body. A lot of people would rather suffer then have surgery on their backs. It’s also tricky to heal after surgery. Recovering from back surgery is a bumpy road that takes a lot out of you physically and mentally.

Bumpy Road

     While I was on antibiotics, the stuff seeping from my incision turned red. I left a message on my MyChart app for Cleveland Hospital to my doctor’s office. A nurse called me and asked me several questions about the leakage. It wasn’t yellow or green and it didn’t have an odor. It was just like the color of blood. The nurse called me every couple of days. After I was finished with the antibiotic the leaking should have stopped, but it didn’t.

     On a Tuesday, the nurse called, and said, “The Physician Assistant wants you to come in Friday to have a look at your incision.”

     I called my husband at work and told him. His boss gave him a personal day for Friday. I worried myself sick. Now what could be wrong? Haven’t I had enough problems? Did I do something to screw up my surgery? I followed all the instructions from the last visit: limited bending, no twisting, and reaching for only light stuff. I used my reacher a lot; a long metal pole with two claws at the end and a button at the top to press to make the claws close. It worked well for somethings and not so well for other stuff. My husband Lou wouldn’t allow me to do much. I spent a lot of time watching Christmas movies and woodburning.

     That Friday we arrived at Hillcrest Hospital, Cleveland Heights Ohio, a little early. We sat in the waiting room in socially distant chairs playing with our phones. When a nurse came my husband stood up with me. The nurse told him he couldn’t come back. It seemed like I was waiting forever in a room when a Physician’s Assistant came in.

     She checked over my incision. “It looks like your incision has come open, but I’d like to have a doctor look at it. I’ll be right back.”

     Oh no, something is wrong! A doctor has to look at it. It must be bad. I screwed up my incision. What did I do wrong? I thought I followed all the doctor’s orders. I mostly lay around because the antibiotics made me feel sick. I did do wood burnings, but I sat with pillows behind me. Maybe I moved wrong. This had to be all my fault.

     The Physician’s Assistant came in with a doctor. They both looked over my incision.

     “The incision is open in two places. Do a wet dry bandage and get her in home wound care,” the doctor said.

     The Physician’s Assistant explained that this sometimes happens when fluid builds up from the surgery and a nurse would be scheduled to come into my home and do wound care. The secretary of the office would call me once a nurse was scheduled. The next week was Thanksgiving week so the assistant wasn’t sure how soon a nurse could come. She sent me home with supplies to treat my wound and showed me what to do. I went home with gauze pads, bandages, and syringes of saline.

     It wasn’t until the day before Thanksgiving the nurse could come. I had only a couple of bandages left. The nurse said she’d order me more and they would come Friday or Saturday. She wrote her number down on a folder. She told me If the bandages don’t come by Saturday and I run out to call her and she’d bring me some. She seemed nice and showed Lou how to care for my wound on days she would not be able to come. She told me that she or another nurse would come three times a week.

     Friday came and no bandages arrived in the mail. I had one left. I called the nurse’s cell number and waited for a call back. By Saturday, no one called back and still nothing came in the mail. I called the nurse’s number again. I waited an hour and still no reply, so I called the number for the place the nurse works for.

     An operator answered and got my information. “The on-call nurse will give you a call within an hour.”

     I watched television with my husband. He reminded me an hour and a half had passed. I called the number again and was told the same message. I continued to watch TV with my husband. Another hour went by and no call. I called again and Lou had to go to bed. I was getting frustrated and mad.

     I texted my friend Cheryl. She told me to get bold and tell them if they don’t get me bandages, I’ll call the medical board, but I wasn’t that brave. I barely ever swear, but I typed out a lot of swear words to Cheryl.

It was the weekend and the holiday weekend on top of that. There were no medical stores open. The kind of bandages I needed couldn’t be found at the local Walmart. I didn’t want to wear a dirty bandage all weekend and get another infection. If I got another infection, it would be all their fault and I would yell and sue them.

     Finally, by 9:00 p.m. the on-call nurse called and promised someone would bring me supplies the next day. Sunday, after breakfast a nurse brought me two bandages, gauze, and tape to hold me over. Lou was finally able to change my bandage.

     Monday a male nurse named Mike showed up. I told him the whole story. After doing the wound care he called the medical supply company, using the speaker on his phone so I could hear. The woman on the other end never received an order for bandages. So, he put an order in for bandages, saline syringes, and gauze pads. He gave me an exceptionally long bandage I could cut in half until my order came in.

Different rolls of medical bandages and care equipment on a black background

     I was so furious the bandages were never ordered. Later that morning I called my physical therapist and told her my incision was open. She told me to stop doing the at home exercises. She said I couldn’t follow up with her in a month unless my incision heals. Another bump in my road to recovery. Now I couldn’t work on building up my strength and work towards going back to work. Everything seemed hopeless.

     I went to my room, lay down on my bed, and covered up with my blanket. I started sobbing into my pillow. I cried for a half hour. Everything was going wrong. It was hopeless to even try. I might as well give up. There were too many bumps in the road. I would just lie in bed and pretend the world stopped.

     Lou called on his way home from work. Our phone connects to our car so he could talk hands free. His soft voice filled the phone encouraging me to keep fighting, telling me everything would work out and I would get better.

     “Baby, go to the bathroom wipe your eyes and get your shoes on. When I get home, were going out to dinner. You need to get out of the house,” he said.

     Getting out of the house helped, having a supportive husband, and journaling when I got home also helped. He told me I’m not a quitter and he was right. I just needed a good cry and then I needed my husband to help me pick myself back up.

Facing bumps in the road is rough. Just remember you don’t have to face them alone. That is why a support team is important. Your support team can be friends, a partner, a relative or a therapist. Remember when you feel like giving up turn to them to help you find your courage to fight. Then fight.

I will continue to strive to reach recovery from my surgery. The bumps in the road and mental illness will not stop me. In time I will be healed and standing stronger than ever in the light of recovery.

MY BULLYING STARTED BY A TEACHER By Aimee Eddy

A Guess Post on Chatuae Cherie

Last spring, I had the pleasure of interviewing another survivor of bullying, Aimee Eddy. But Aimee is more than a survivor, she is an overcomer, a winner, a CONQUEROR! I wanted to repost this because I wanted all who missed it the first time around to read her heartbreaking but inspiring story and be encouraged […]

MY BULLYING STARTED BY A TEACHER By Aimee Eddy

SURGERY CHRONICLES: ROADBLOCKS ONE AND TWO

     Sometimes recovery from surgery doesn’t go smoothly. There can be complications that make the healing process difficult. At times it seems like roadblocks are placed in our way preventing us from reaching a healthy recovery. These roadblocks not only affect a person physically, but also mentally. We all want to get better without problems, and when problems are thrown in the way, we can become depressed, discouraged, and frustrated. How do we stay positive when things go wrong? How does someone who has mental illness keep from falling down the dark hole?

     Two weeks after my surgery I had a follow up appointment in Mayfield, Cleveland. My husband had been checking my incision daily, looking for leakage, redness, and swelling. I was told I didn’t need a bandage unless it was leaking. Lou took pictures of my incision with his phone so I could also see what it looked like. We didn’t see any signs of infection and the incision looked good. I was sure we would get good news from the doctor.

     Instead of seeing the doctor who did the surgery, I saw the physician’s assistant. He seemed nice. He said part of the incision wasn’t healing all the way, so he needed to put steri-strips on. He then prescribed me antibiotics in case I get an infection. He said I could bend occasionally, I could only reach for light things, and I no longer needed a walker outside of the home. However, he said I couldn’t twist, and I couldn’t lift over ten pounds. He also prescribed out of the home physical therapy. I felt confident everything was going well. I was excited I would be able to do more things and be a little more independent.

     After being on hold for a long time and being sent from one operator to the next, a lady told me the doctor on call would call me back.

     Several minutes later the physician’s assistant I saw the day before returned the call. He said, “I told you you had an infection; that’s why I put on antibiotics.”

     He continued to tell me what to look for: a fever, yellow or green leakage, swelling, and the incision turning a bright red. If I  had any of these symptoms, I would need to head to my local ER. He instructed me to put a bandage over the incision  and to change the bandage daily. The antibiotic would take care of the infection.

     I felt my heart drop. I thought I was doing well. He said the antibiotic was in case of an infection not because I had one. Did I hear him correctly or did he just leave that part out? Will I ever fully heal? Why did he lie to me? Lou was so angry, and I was near my breaking point. I wanted to scream and cry.

     We went to a medical supply store near our home for the bandages. They were three dollars per bandage. I got five, and that cost was fifteen dollars. That’s a lot of money when only one of us is working. On top of that, the antibiotics were making me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t eat much, and I threw up a couple times. I felt so nauseous that all I could do was lie around and watch Netflix.

     On a Monday I went to my first physical therapy appointment. They told me that since I did therapy before they found out I had a broken bone in my back, I  had used up all but three of my allowed visits. The secretary said she would contact my insurance company and request more. We scheduled another appointment for within a week to see if the insurance company would allow more, but they denied the request. My therapist gave me exercises to do at home and we would meet on my last appointment I had left to see how I was doing.

That night my mind went wild and darkness filled my soul. I texted and messaged my friends and they tried to help me, but the sadness was too deep. I started crying uncontrollably. My husband had gone to bed early because he had to be up at five in the morning to go to work. I hated the idea of bothering him, but the tears wouldn’t stop. I decided to wake him up.

     He held me as I sobbed. He whispered words of comfort and asked me what was wrong.

     I choked out, “Everything is going wrong. I’ll never get better. I’ll never be able to work again. I might as well give up. I can’t fight any more. I can’t do surgeries anymore. I don’t want to go on.”

     He wiped my tears away and told me to get ready for bed. He told me that being alone at this point was not good for me. So, I got ready for bed. I couldn’t roll over enough to lie on his chest, so I lay on his arm and pulled his hand up to my lips.

     He whispered to me, “You’re not a quitter and I won’t let you quit. You can get through this. These are just some setbacks and you will get better. You can do this, and I will be right beside you through it all.”

     He kissed my head and I lay on his arm until I felt groggy. The next day I got up and journaled my feelings. I also listed five positive things: I had a wonderful husband, I had supportive friends and family, my dog kept me company while Lou was at work, I could wood burn Christmas gifts for my family, and I could do a few more things for myself. The infection and physical therapy were just roadblocks. I made it through so much in my life and deep in my heart I knew I would get through this, too.

     When roadblocks get in your way it’s okay to get down, discouraged, and have a good cry. It’s how you cope and deal with those rough times that count. Let yourself have a bad day, then pull yourself up. Practice coping techniques that work for you, turn to your support system, and find the positive. Life’s roadblocks will always threaten to push you down that hole of depression, but you are strong, and you can pull yourself up and take on the challenges head on.

     I’m facing my roadblocks and in time I will recover from my surgery. Because I can pull myself out of depression episodes with the help of my support system and coping techniques, I stand determined in the light of recovery from mental illness.

SURGERYCHRONICLES: RECOVERY BEGINS

     Recovery from surgery is hard. It takes a toll on you both physically and mentally. Before surgery you did things on your own, you worked, you were active, and so on. Then suddenly all of that is taken away from you. Doctors give you a list of things you can’t do, you need help doing the simplest things, you need rest, and for a while you can’t be alone. You go from being independent to being dependent. It takes a toll on you not only physically, but also mentally. If you have mental illness it makes it even harder to cope.

     As you read in my last blog post, I had surgery October 21 and I came home from the hospital on Saturday October 24. When Lou and I bought our row house, which is like a condominium, we never thought about all the stairs. The row houses were built in the nineteen hundreds for GE employees. Now anyone can rent one or buy one. They have four floors. Our row house has a refinished basement with a bathroom, and upstairs there is another bathroom. The attic is also refinished and like another room, but we don’t go up there often. So, to go to the bathroom you either go upstairs or downstairs. Kitchen and living room are on the main floor.

     When I came home from the hospital, I looked at the stairs with horror. Just moving hurt. How would I walk up fifteen steps to the bathroom and to go to bed? The steps have no railings. On one side is a wall and on the other side is half a wall. What were we thinking when we bought this place? Why didn’t we pick a place with everything on the first floor? We were newlyweds when we bought the row house. We were in a hurry to get out of a friend’s basement we were living in and we didn’t even think about the steps.

     Lou took me by the hand and stepped on the first step. “I got you. Just one step at a time. Go slow.”

     Walking up the steps slowly felt like I was climbing a mountain. The steps seemed to never end. By the time we made it to the top, I was lucky I didn’t pee my pants. When I thought I got over the biggest challenge I found myself staring at the toilet. Since when was the toilet so far down? How would I get onto it and off? The toilets in the hospital were higher and there was a bar and a nurse to help me up.

     I gently lowered myself down, careful not to bend or twist my back. A pain in my back reminded me I had surgery. When I was down, I placed my hand on the edge of the claw foot tub next to the toilet. Lou reached out towards me. With the help of the tub and Lou, I slowly made it to my feet. It seemed like a lot of work just to go to the bathroom.

     Lou helped me into bed that night. I could only lie on one side and not move. I’m used to moving from side to side. After Lou went downstairs to watch television, I began to think, which is a bad thing for me. I can’t believe I went from walking miles with my friend Denise to not even being able to go up the stairs or go to the bathroom on my own. I can’t believe I’m doing this again. I can’t believe I’m recovering from yet another surgery.

When will this end? Weren’t seven surgeries enough? Why did I have to have an eighth? Am I causing all these health problems? I can’t do this. I can’t make it through another recovery. I started exercising and losing weight so I would be healthier, and now look at me. There is no help for me.

The next days after surgery my husband had to dress me, help me get around the house, pick up anything I dropped, and much more. I couldn’t help but feel useless and helpless. Every hour he had to make sure I walked, so I wouldn’t get blood clots. The kitchen leads right into our living room. He had me walk from our couch to the stove. Luckily, friends and family brought us food, so Lou didn’t have to make supper. One friend from my breast cancer support group brought us a big dish of spaghetti that lasted a couple of meals.

     My husband’s boss gave him the week of my surgery and the week after off, but he had to return to work the following week. I couldn’t be home alone. My mom came on Monday. I had to stay upstairs until she could help me down and our dog went number   two on the floor. I couldn’t bend, so my mom had to clean it up. My dad came and had lunch with us, and my mom had to help me to the kitchen table. I thought to myself, “I’m 46 and my mom who is 70 has to help me down the stairs, off the couch, and to the kitchen table.” Wasn’t this the stuff I’m supposed to help her with as she ages? She’s older and I have more health problems. God must be punishing me.

     Mom brought up how I didn’t take care of myself until recently when I started working out with Denise. My mind went wild. I did this to myself. I caused my bone to break in my back so I’m getting what I deserve. Was I to blame for all my other surgeries? If I weren’t such a big fat slob, then I wouldn’t have gone through all this stuff.

     I texted my friend Cheryl and Amy my thoughts. They both told me that I didn’t cause surgeries. I got cancer and had a mastectomy and hysterectomy due to a gene I had no control over. The plantar fasciitis surgery and the detached tendon in my ankle surgery had to do with years of working on my feet as a cashier. Nose surgery was because my nose was deviated, and my sinuses weren’t draining, and the gallbladder surgery had to do with stones. Tonsils at the age of four didn’t factor into the equation, but was due to tonsilitis. None of these surgeries was my fault.

The prediabetes, high blood pressure, getting sick with viruses each winter were because of not taking care of myself, but the surgeries were because of things I had no control over. My back surgery was because of scoliosis that chiropractors failed to find when I was a child. It was found when I was an adult by my chiropractor Steve Krauza, and at that time there was no easy fix. The scoliosis weakened the bone, and in time it just broke.

My friends reminded me that my helplessness is just temporary and to recover I had to be positive. I began to write my feelings out in my journal. That was one thing I could do without using my back. Each day I searched for something positive to add to my journal. I had to use many of the coping techniques I learned in therapy to stay above the hole.

Lisa, a friend of my husband and mine, on her day off, brought me lunch, and while social distancing, we watched movies. My husband would take me for short rides to just get me out of the house. Of course, I had to bring pillows to put on the car seat. I started reading a humor book. I watched lots of Netflix. I had to keep busy, so I wouldn’t dwell on my situation.

     A long recovery awaits me, but I refuse to let depression take over. While I heal physically, I must also maintain my mental health, and this will help me stand in the light of recovery from mental illness and surgery.

MY SURGERY CHRONICLES

     No one likes surgeries and it’s not even the surgery part that is so hard. That’s the easy part. You are hooked up to IV’s, rolled in a bed into the surgery room where they explain things to you, and then they put something in your IV and lights out. Suddenly you’re in a dreamland totally oblivious to what they are doing to your body.

It’s after surgery that’s the hard part: waking up confused, being moved to a hospital room, and weeks of recovery. The pain, the medication, the side effects, the need to be taken care of, the inability to do things you usually do all take a toll on you mentally. There are bouts of depression, boredom, and feelings of helplessness.

     On October 21 I was wheeled into the surgery room and before I knew it, I was dreaming. I was with my husband snuggling on a blanket underneath a baby blue sky.

We were laughing and kissing when suddenly a voice intruded, “Aimee, Aimee, your surgery is over. Do you feel any pain?”

My eyes fluttered open and shut. I mumbled something and then came more questions I didn’t quite understand. Suddenly, I became aware of searing pain in my back. I wanted to cry out, “This hurts; make it stop hurting,” but my words were jumbled.

The nurse handed me a button. “This is a pain pump. Press the button when you feel pain.”

My husband was escorted in and told I had stopped breathing during surgery and I must have sleep apnea. My husband told them I never stop breathing when I sleep at home. Oxygen was being pumped in my nose and when they took it out a machine sounds off. They put the oxygen back on and I was taken to my room.

The first day and a half were spent in and out of sleep, pressing the button for the pain pump, and nurses waking me up for medication and vitals. My husband sat at my side muttering, “I love you,” and I whispered it back before going back to sleep.

By the middle of the second day, I became more aware of where I was, and my heart sunk. A nurse took the catheter out and I needed to hit the call button each time I had to go to the bathroom. I was very thirsty, and this led to me pressing the call button often. The nurses saw more of my bottom than I wanted them to.

Lou, my husband, stayed until six pm at my bedside and then the inevitable had to happen. He had to leave me to go back to his hotel room. He wouldn’t be there to hold me until I went to sleep or comfort me when I had a bad dream. I felt a sadness fill my heart as he kissed me goodbye. The only comfort I had to get me through the night was a teddy bear he bought me while I was in surgery. The teddy bear had a blue sweatshirt on with the words, “Get Well,” on it. I wiped a tear away after he left and squeezed the bear to my chest.

Day three I walked with a physical therapist; I was prescribed at home therapy and told I’m allowed to go home. There was one exception, I must have a bowel movement before they will release me. My mind went crazy. I had to get out of the hospital. I had to sleep beside my husband. I needed to go, but my tummy cramped, I passed gas and that was it. A woman nurse put a suppository in, and I prayed.

God, please let me go home with Lou. I can’t spend another night without Lou. Please let me go to the bathroom.

My stomach cramped and I pressed the call button. A nurse helped me to the bathroom just to pass loud gas. Dang, nothing. An hour later a male nurse came in with an enema. That had to work. There was no way I could stay another night in a hospital away from the love of my life. I just couldn’t do it. Unfortunately, the enema was little help. An x-ray of my belly revealed I was backed up and had to spend the night again.

When Lou left, I pressed the teddy bear tightly to my chest and cried onto its fuzzy head. I felt like I was trapped in a prison of IVs, ringing bells, nurses waking me up, and no one to hold me and say it will get better. I felt alone in a hospital full of people. I cried myself to sleep.

Suddenly I woke up. All the lights were on in my room. I looked at my cell phone. It was eleven-thirty and Lou wasn’t there. He was always there by nine am. He had to come so I could have a bowel movement and go home. I called him and asked where he was.

His gentle voice filled my ear, “Honey, why do you want me to come at eleven-thirty at night.”

We laughed at my mix up and we said our “love you” and hung up. The next morning the nurse brought a glass bottle of stuff she called the witches’ brew that was sure to make me go. I drank it all despite the awful taste. It came out the wrong end.

I texted my friends, “Please pray that I have a bowl movement so I can go home. I can’t stay here any longer.”

After a while I was begging the nurses to let me go home. I even told them I’d leave against doctor’s recommendations. I commend them on their patience with me. They just calmly told me that I needed to stay. Around three in the afternoon a nurse gave me something in apple juice. A few minutes later I was pressing the call button.

When the nurse helped me off the toilet I sang out, “Yes, I went. I can go home. I finally went.”

The emotional battle of worrying about spending another night in the hospital away from Lou was over. Unfortunately, it seemed like it took them hours to release me. My surgery was in Mayfield Heights, Cleveland, Ohio. We had an hour and twenty minutes’ drive home. Plus, I needed to stop ever so often to walk with my walker. The hour became two hours, but once I was home, the rest of my recovery was waiting to begin.

I now officially hate hospitals. This was only the beginning of my recovery process. Even though I felt hopeless, I had many praying for me (even praying for me to have a bowel movement), my husband visiting me each day, I had kind nurses taking care of me, and a teddy bear to keep me company at night. God was there providing for me and helping me fight to stay in the light. His light surrounded me and will continue to hold me up as I recover.

Quote by Aimee Eddy

“When it’s seems like the world around you is blanketed in hopelessness, know there is hope. Your heart may be clouded, but look around you there is good and hopeful things in your life. Write them down each day. Recovery is possible.”

GOD PROVIDES

     Life seems to kick us in the butt sometimes. It likes to throw a lot of bad stuff at us all at once. It’s easy to get discouraged, stressed out, and depressed. When you’re in recovery, the bad times seem like God is throwing roadblocks in your way to test your strength and your ability to stay in the light. That old saying, “God never gives you more than you can handle,” is true. He also provides for you.

     Since I have been off work, life has been stressful. If anything could go wrong, it has. Life seems like it’s pushing me towards the hole of depression. I’ve asked God over and over, “How much more do you think I can take?” First, I was denied for unemployment, and we had to figure out bills on one paycheck. Then we could only get sixteen dollars in food stamps, so we had to see what we could buy with such a little amount. Next, we were told we needed rear brakes in our SUV, and finding the money for brakes was hopeless. Finally, my doctors weren’t sending my records so I could get disability from work.

     I thought I was dealt every bad thing in the book when one day I went to the bathroom in our basement and noticed the carpet was sopping wet. I called my dad, and he came over after my parents went to Bible study and looked around our basement. Whoever owned our home before us carpeted the whole basement except for the bathroom. They also boxed in the furnace and hot water tank into a tight room with a door on one side and another door next to the toilet. In that room are also water pipes and gas lines. My dad looked around the pipes and found nothing dripping from them.

Our wet carpet in the basement

     He looked beneath the water tank and looked at me. “I think your hot water tank is leaking. You may need a new tank.”

     I felt my heart drop and my stomach twist. “How can we afford a water tank on one check? What are we going to do?”

     My dad told us to mop up the water around the tank and keep an eye on it. So, we did. The leak got worse. The water reached further up into the carpeting and when we walked it squished. That was it.

I dropped to my knees and said to God, “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t take anymore.”

I felt like everything was hopeless. There was no way we could afford a water tank. Maybe if I got unemployment, we could manage it, but not on just my husband’s check. Where would we get the money from? Water tanks are not cheap. I couldn’t even get my doctors to send my records so I could get disability. Disability through work doesn’t even amount to much after taxes are taken out, but at least it would be something.

My muscles tightened and my throat felt like someone was jamming a fist down it. One night I woke up at three in the morning and rushed to the bathroom to get sick. My anxiety was on high. I felt like all was hopeless and my surgery was getting closer. I journaled out my feelings and I vented to Denise when we walked. I texted with my friend Cheryl and cried in my husband’s arms. This helped me cope but didn’t solve all our problems.

My friend Amy said, “I’ll pray about it. God will provide.”

I wished I had faith as strong as hers. All I could see was hopelessness. My mind went crazy with worries. I tried to keep myself busy during the day to help fight the worries, yet all looked impossible.

God did just what Amy said he would. He provided. I applied for an employee fund at work. One day a lady called saying the employee fund would pay two months of our mortgage making it so we could use my husband’s check to pay our bills. Next, a friend Anna, started a GoFundMe page and raised a hundred dollars for us. Then a woman from the cancer support group I attend offered to bring us meals after my surgery which took care of some of our food worries. Then one Sunday my mom called to tell me their church was giving us a thousand dollars. Part of that thousand dollars paid for the water tank, and my dad and his friend installed the water tank. The rest of the money will pay for my husband’s hotel room while I’m in the hospital.

Our new water tank

God breathed hope into my soul when I was at my wits’ end. He brought good out of the bad. My dad even offered to buy our brakes and put them on for us. God gave us the help we needed. He provided my husband and me with the things we needed to get through this rough time.

He has always been providing for me. When I was bullied, he gave me the family garage and family to keep me from falling to the bottom of my mental illness. He provided a friend, Patsy, in high school when I felt all alone, and he provided me with my friend Cheryl to be able to handle my illness when I was at my worst. He provided my friend Denise to help me lose weight and he provided Amy to be my mentor in writing my memoir and as a part of my support system. He has also provided me many other friends who have taken a big role in my life and other help to get me through many of the rough times I have faced in my life.

God will provide for you, too. He is already providing for you. You may be too caught up in your illness to notice the things he’s doing for you. Open your eyes. Look at the people in your life and look for good things that happen when you least expect it. Do the people in your life help you with things like take you to your appointments? Is there one person who listens to you and encourages you? Did you find money when you had no money for a gallon of milk? When you were short in the grocery line, did the person behind you pay for the things you couldn’t afford? These things and people come into your life because God is providing for you. When things get tough, remember God provides.

Because God provided for me, I stand in his light, forever humble and grateful.

Why You Absolutely Must Love Yourself

This is a post I’m sharing from Cherie White’s blog https://cheriewhite.blog Her post is so true. We must love ourselves first. Cherie writes a blog about bullying.

If you don’t love yourself, who will? And how can you love anyone else if you don’t first love yourself? These are valid questions. When someone doesn’t love themselves, we can tell. We can see it in their demeanor, their face, and their posture. We can hear it in their tone of voice and the […]

Why You Absolutely Must Love Yourself

ESCAPE TO THE FAMILY GARAGE SNEAK PEEK

I have been working hard for over three years to write a memoir of how I was bullied in school and found love and acceptance at the family garage. Many of you have heard about my memoir journey and some of you may not have. I wanted to share with you a scene from my memoir. I took a scene from Chapter 9 when I was in second grade. I’m not going to give you to much details about the Chapter, because I don’t want to spoil it for you when my book comes out. I will tell you I have a learning disability and had a hard time learning to read. My mom read books with me to help me learn and in time I could read simple things. I was excited to show my second grade teacher I could read. Well, the rest is in the scene below. My goal to finish editing my memoir is June 2021.

ESCAPE TO THE FAMILY GARAGE.

CHAPTER 9 SCENE

A few weeks after school started, my teacher, a round lady with short hair, handed out a worksheet. My soul lifted. Now was my chance to show everyone my new ability. I followed the directions and circled the answers. Holding my head high I walked up to the teacher’s desk. She graded my work while I stood there.

     “You cheated.” Her voice screeched. “There is no way someone like you could have gotten an “A”.” She drew a big “F” across my paper. “I don’t tolerate cheaters.”

     But I worked really hard all summer to read. I didn’t cheat, honestly. I worked hard. Tears threatened to spill. My head hung low.

     Words formed at my lips, but I couldn’t force them out. I could feel my classmate’s eyes on me. It was like they were tearing through my skin. Snickers filled the room. I slowly made my way back to my desk.

     Donna leaned towards me. “You shouldn’t use my answers. Don’t worry, I’ll tell her you need my help.”

     But I didn’t. I did it myself. My mom helped me read. I got the “A” myself. What’s the use? No one will ever believe me.

To keep track of how my memoir is coming a long checkout my author page at http://www.facebook.com/Aimeeeddygross/