Author: Aimee Eddy

     There much confusion and misunderstanding of mental illness. Some think sadness following a dramatic or traumatic event is mental illness. When things get better, they think their illness is cured. All people face hard times that put them into periods of depression, but that doesn’t make them mentally ill. Mental illness is something you can’t get past without medication and therapy. It’s a sickness that can not be cured. There is no magic potion or wand to make it go away. It’s not temporary. It is a lifetime battle.

     It’s confusing to think of this illness as not temporary when there are people living successful lives and working at successful careers after struggling. How can a man with schizophrenia be the CEO of a company? How can a person with major depression go from being non-functioning to working a job and going to college? Some come up with the automatic assumption that the illness must be temporary. If it’s temporary, many assume you can just watch funny movies, think happy thoughts, and tada! your illness is gone. The moment of insanity will suddenly disappear. Then the old happy person with no problems will return.

Sorry to disappoint you, but mental illness doesn’t magically go away. If it did, I wouldn’t have gone through years of suffering and therapy. It is easy to mistake recovery for a cure, but unfortunately it is not. Those people who are doing so well after struggling are managing their illness with coping techniques, medication, and therapy. Their illness is being treated and they must work each day to keep it under control. It’s like any illness. When you have high blood pressure, you have to cut down on salt, eat healthier, and take medication to keep it down. It’s the same with mental illness.

I’m in recovery, but I work each day to keep my mental illness under control. I take antidepressants, anti- anxiety medication, and medication to help me sleep. I go to my psychiatrist every two months to let him know how I am doing. I no longer go to therapy, but I have a big support system to lean on during bad days. My husband reminds me to stay positive, lets me vent on bad days, and talks me through anxiety attacks. I journal out my feelings instead of keeping them inside. Like high blood pressure, I manage my illness to stay well.

Recovery is in a way like going through remission from cancer. Remission doesn’t mean the person suffering with it is cured and the disease will never rear its head again. It’s only temporary. Recovery from mental illness doesn’t mean you’ll never struggle with the illness again or that you’ll never fall down that dark hole again. It means your illness is being controlled. It’s not a forever fix. Even in recovery you can still tumble down into darkness again. You’ll just know how to handle it better.

I struggled with my mental illness through-out school and college. After taking a year off from college, I found recovery. I made friends, I had a social life, I started dating, and I was enjoying the life I never got to have as a teen. My life seemed great. I went back to college and graduated. I moved in with a friend. I sometimes went with a friend and her husband to their cabin to spend a few days. I went bowling late at night to early in the morning with a group of people from work. Life was going wonderfully and yet I tumbled down into that hole again. I went back to therapy and an abusive relationship made the illness worse. I was hospitalized.

I found my husband and I found recovery again. We married, bought a house, and were incredibly happy. My therapist told me I no longer needed therapy. Then a few years later, I started obsessively worrying about paying the bills and my husband was working days and I was working nights. I couldn’t handle being alone while he was at work and once again, I fell. I went back to therapy.

Recovery doesn’t mean you will never struggle with your illness again. Recovery doesn’t mean mental illness was only temporary and you’re cured. It means your sickness is being controlled and you have the proper techniques to cope with it. It’s the same with any illness that is incurable. You treat the illness and its symptoms to maintain it.

That person who struggled with panic attacks who is now a lawyer is maintaining his or her illness. That woman who once was too depressed to get out of bed and is now enjoying time with friends is not cured. She is taking care of her sickness so she can live a happy life. Mental illness is not temporary. It is a lifelong battle. That CEO who once heard voices in his or her head is controlling his or her illness with medication, coping techniques, and maybe therapy.

I had a manager tell me she got depressed when her husband found out she was seeing another guy. She told me how she wanted to end her life. Then she and her husband discussed the situation and he forgave her. She was happy again. She claimed to have had mental illness, but she didn’t. She had depression brought on by an event. Mental illness is a chemical imbalance in the brain. A person may have a happy, wonderful life and still be sick. Life situations can increase the severity of the illness and can bring the illness to the surface. It’s the unbalance of chemicals in the brain that causes it.

I have been in recovery from mental illness for several years. I no longer go to therapy. I work hard each day to maintain my illness and this keeps me in dancing in the light.

What is a disability? Wikipedia defines a disability as any condition that makes it more difficult for a person to do certain activities or interact with the world around him or her. These conditions or impairments may be cognitive, developmental, intellectual, mental, physical, sensory, or a combination of multiple factors. Does this describe someone with mental illness? Some say mental illness is only a disease and others say it’s a disability. How would you categorize it? Does mental illness make it hard for you to interact in the world or do your normal activities?

There is a wide variety of types of mental illnesses. Some mental illnesses can be treated with medication and some cannot. Some are too severe to treat with just medication and therapy. In any form this sickness can be debilitating, and it does impact your life and how you function. If your illness is severe enough you may never be able to have a normal life or function in society. There are illnesses that people can rise above and live normal lives.

When I was in the mental health hospital, I saw people suffering from different kinds of this sickness. My hospital roommate walked the halls in a daze, like a barely functioning zombie. I felt bad for her. A while after I left the hospital, I joined a mental health support group. It was there I saw my roommate again. She was still unable to function fully. Her illness was so severe she could barely exist in the world. She told how she was in and out of the hospital and no matter what she did she couldn’t feel better. She lived with her parents, and she had no friends, no job, and no life. I felt for her.

When my mental illness was at its worst, I cried a lot over small things, I couldn’t sleep, many of my relationships were unhealthy, I spent a lot of time alone, and I had to force myself out of bed. My mind was riddled with racing thoughts, negativity, suicidal thoughts, and self-hate. I couldn’t even make a simple decision like what kind of shoes to buy. I buried myself in my college work while I self-injured. My illness soon became so overwhelming I had to take time away a year off from college. I went to work while I was off.

While working I called in sick because I couldn’t get out of bed. One day I got in trouble for a no-show. I forgot I had to work, and I slept all day. I struggled to interact in society and to do regular activities. It took all my strength to get up each day and put a fake smile on my face.

Many at their worse struggle to function in their daily lives, but there are many who work their way through these stages and live normal lives. How do you define a normal life? Is it living life without any signs of sickness? Is it a life where you must work to face each day? Can you really define normal? To me a normal life is being able to work a job, have healthy relationships, be able to smile and laugh, and live life to the fullest. I do that each day while still managing my mental illness.

There is no cure for the illness of the mind. There will always be bad days. I must use many coping techniques to continue to live my life. If I don’t take my medication, I fall down that dark hole. If I don’t have my support system and my coping techniques, I will slip into darkness. Is having to manage my illness daily make me disabled? I have my limits and I must set boundaries. I need to say no to things and people who trigger my illness. I can’t work fulltime because the stress is too much for my anxiety and mental wellbeing. Does that fit under the definition of a disability?

I have a happy life. I am married to the love of my life, I have healthy relationships, I do fun things, and I’ve worked the same job for early 25 years. Does this sound like someone who is disabled? You decide.

Not everyone can have a normal life while struggling with mental illness. Some are confined to a hospital, some are struggling just to survive, and some live in group homes or on the streets because they can’t get past their illness. There are people with this sickness who have had several kinds of treatments and cannot find relief from and they spend their time in and out of hospitals. Does this define them as disabled?

For me, my illness is a challenge I had and have to face and fight to overcome. It is just one of those things life threw in my way to see if I had the strength and courage to fight and rise above it. We all face challenges in our lives. We all have things we have to work through. That is what mental illness is to me. Something I had to work through to live a better and more enriching life and something I must manage to keep living in the light. Managing my illness is just a part of my daily activities and doesn’t keep me from living life to the fullest.

Now that you have read this, what is your opinion? Do you think mental illness is a disability? Do you think it’s just a challenge you have to overcome? Do you think it’s a disease? Does mental illness keep a person from doing activities or interacting with the world around her or him? Or does it depend on how bad the illness is to make it a disability? Does having to manage this sickness make it a disability? Leave me your opinion in the comments.

Seeing my illness as a challenge helps me strive in the light of recovery.

 

 

 

Humor is a powerful tool. It’s good medicine for the soul. Laughter is even good for those struggling with depression. It is no cure, but it can help. I know it’s hard to laugh when your soul is filled with darkness. You may even sit in front of a funny movie and can’t laugh. You’re probably wondering how humor can help with your depression if you can’t even force yourself to smile, let alone laugh.

Humor is a better way to look at your mistakes instead of dwelling on them and beating yourself up for them. It’s a way to let yourself off the hook. When you’re depressed, your human errors become a confirmation of your worthlessness. You obsess over them, you tear yourself up over them, and you internally punish yourself for them. How about instead of beating up on yourself you look at your mistakes in a humorous way?

I did that just recently. I ordered, The 4-Ingredient Diabetes Cookbook by Nancy S. Hughes. It arrived Friday in the mail. I was excited to test out the recipes. I searched through the book for a recipe I had ingredients for and found Extra-Easy Meatballs.

   Perfect, I thought. It’s extra easy. I couldn’t possibly mess this recipe up. It’ll make a nice supper for Lou and me.

I gathered the ingredients. It called for cooking oats. I looked through my cupboard. I pulled out a canister that read steel-cut oats.

   Hmmm, are steel cut oats the same as cooking oats? You cook them for breakfast. They will have to work.

   Dang, I’m out of eggs and it calls for 3 egg whites.

I was ready to give up, but reluctantly my husband offered to go get me some eggs. When he returned I began to mix the ingredients. The recipe called for three egg whites. I had no idea how I would separate the yok from the whites. They all come out of the shell at once. Do I put it on a plate and separate them with a fork? Do I put them in a strainer? I shrugged my shoulders and just put the whole eggs in. I put in the oats, hamburger and a half a cup of spaghetti sauce just like the recipe said.

I mixed everything together with my hands. It seeped through my fingers. I looked at it. I was pretty sure it shouldn’t be so squishy. Maybe this recipe wasn’t simple enough for me. I held up the mixture and it oozed from my hand like slime. How would I make meatballs from this? My husband has lived through my cooking for thirteen years; will this be the one time I kill him with slimy meatballs?

I proceeded to roll the meat into small balls and place them in a pan. Lou is in for it tonight. He’ll have the most interesting meatballs he has ever eaten in his life. Sloppy meatballs for dinner; eat them if you dare. I could just see the headlines on the morning news: WOMAN KILLS HER HUSBAND WITH SLOPPY GOOEY MEATBALLS.

I wanted to turn to my husband and yell, “Run, while you can. Dinner tonight might be deadly.”

Instead I attempted to flip the meatballs and they all fell to pieces. It looked like I was cooking my husband a lovely dog food meal instead of nice rounded meatballs. I added in the rest of the spaghetti sauce. It looked more edible, but how could I serve this to my husband? Maybe as sloppy joes or just meat and sauce?

Then what little sparks I had left in my brain lit up. I could turn my meatballs into spaghetti. I gathered up some noodles and began to cook them on the stove. I place my meatball mess off to the side. Once the noodles were done I added the meat mixture to the noodles and mixed it together. I placed some on plates and called my husband to the table.

Here comes the moment of truth. My meatballs became Dead Meatball Spaghetti. Would my husband die from my cooking or would he just get sick? Did I by some mistake create a new dish that my husband will love? Would my husband run for the bathroom after one mouth full?

My husband placed his fork into the food and I watched as he placed it into his mouth. I had my cell phone nearby just in case I needed to call 911 after he keeled over from my creation. Maybe I should have taken CPR classes for moments like this. That way if my husband falls over, I could at least get credit for trying to revive him. This isn’t exactly the way I wanted to get his life insurance and 401 K plan money.

Lou smiled. “Delicious. What is it?”

I smiled, relieved. “Well, it’s kind of a dish I created by accident. It’s Dead Meatball Spaghetti.”

After I explained my cooking disaster to Lou, we laughed together. I could have apologized to Lou for messing up dinner. I could have berated myself up for my mistake and I could have obsessed over my mistake, but instead I got a good laugh and I created a meal my husband loved.

Instead of being critical of yourself for simple mistakes you make, look for the humor in it. Let a little bit of laughter release the self-torture of human error. Tearing yourself a-part for your mistakes only makes your depression worse. You need to give yourself a break. You are human and humans make mistakes. Don’t worry about your errors. Don’t tear yourself down, but instead just laugh about it.

Laughing about my mistakes helps me stand in the light of recovery.

Here is an old, but good post. It’s been a busy weekend. Next week will be a new post. enjoy. Please leave a comment.

 

In many of my blogs, I mentioned determination, but I have not talked about what determination is. How do you define determination? Is it the ability to make it through one more day of sadness? Is it the choice to face daily struggles? Is it the ability to stand up to life’s challenges? Or is it how you stand up to all of these challenges?

To me determination is to face life’s challenges with all the strength and willpower within you. It’s not giving up when everything around you seems dark and hopeless. It’s pushing forward when you feel as if you cannot go on anymore. It’s surpassing all odds and reaching forward when others have lost faith in you. Determination is the key to recovery from many disabilities, illnesses, and especially mental illness.

In grade school and high school, I struggled with a learning disability. My classmates and teachers thought I wasn’t smart enough to pass my classes or to have a future. I decided to prove them wrong. In high school, I found ways

to work around my disability and pass my classes with A’s. I pushed forward against all odds and graduated with scholarships and honors. I decided I was going to prove to my classmates, teachers, and the world I was not stupid. With determination, I went to college, earned a degree, and held a job for twenty years.

I applied this same determination to my mental illness. My life seemed hopeless and the dark hole endless. I lost faith in myself and when I was hospitalized, I dug deep down inside for the strength to climb out of the hole. I decided I did not want to live my life in darkness. I wanted to find happiness and to live a normal life. I felt like I was dying inside, but I pushed through it to reach towards the light. I mustered up all the strength I could to stand up to my illness. I pushed onward even though I could barely get out of bed or face the next day. It was the hardest challenge I ever had to face, but with determination, I reached recovery.

I’m now using all my inner strength to face physical health problems and to keep within the light. It would be easy to get depressed at the thought of facing another surgery and waking up each day with pain, but I will push forward.

It’s determination that has helped me through all my life challenges and has helped me grow into the person I am. If you’re not determined enough to stand up to your illness against all odds, then you’ll sit at the bottom of the hole in complete darkness. Stand up, take control of your life, and your illness. Push forward against all odds and climb the walls of the hole. Because of my determination, I stand at the top of the hole and I bathe in the light of happiness.

Many are stuck at home, only leaving for the essentials or going for quiet rides. They are craving any kind of human interaction beyond the walls of their homes or the confines of their vehicles. They want their lives back, out in the open world with their friends and family. We all do. Some employees on the front line crave the security of their homes and the silence and comfort they bring. Many essential workers face people from day to day. Some face sick people, unhappy people, defiant people, and so on. These workers need a vacation from the public. They need a break from the mad frenzy of the pandemic.

As you know from my other blog posts I am one of those essential workers. As a cashier I face hundreds of people each day. Some are nice, some are mad that we are out of things, and some refuse to follow the distancing rules. Lines form with people stocking up on food so they don’t have to leave the house for a few weeks. There are still a few who just do their normal daily or weekly shopping trips.

Our registers have plexiglass near the belt, and the debit machine was moved towards the beginning of the belt where customers enter. On the floor are signs where to stand for distancing, and a sign sits at the end of our register informing customers to wait until the cashier calls them. One day while I was waiting on a customer, a woman stepped past the debit machine and started putting her groceries down.

I kindly said, “Ma’ma, could you please stand back until I’m done with this lady’s order.”

The woman stuck her head high. “I’m not a kindergartener that you can tell what to do. I’m not hurting anyone.”

I felt it would be pointless to explain to her that she was breaking the distancing rules. She also was making it hard for my customer to pay for her groceries safely. Instead I bit my tongue. Luckily customers cannot read their cashier’s mind. If they could, I’d be fired for my thoughts. This woman was just one of many who refused to follow the rules.

Another day a guy came to my line telling me our managers do not know how to order things because we were out of toilet paper. I tried to explain that everyone was out of toilet paper. He yelled at me and called me a liar. Again my thoughts were pretty colorful.

I’m grateful for the customers who thank me for doing my job, but frustrated with the ones who are not so nice. I have anxiety attacks when the lines start growing. I feel sick to my stomach and I fight off dry heaves. In my head I think, People stay home. Stop coming in. Please stay away. I just want some peace and quiet.

When I started my vacation on April 17, I couldn’t be more excited. I needed to sleep in, stay home, and be away from others. I needed to find peace within my soul and to manage my mental illness. Originally we planned to leave for North Carolina to my sister’s on the seventeenth and from her house go to my brother’s in Tennessee, but instead my ten-day vacation just became a break from people and the front lines.

Kathy Dahlkemper, the county executive of Erie County, put in effect a stay at home order, but said we could go for rides as long as we stayed in our vehicles. So during my vacation my husband and I took quiet drives in the country. These drives helped me relax and focus on the beauty of nature. I needed to focus on something other than the fear that had been eating at my soul each day I went to work and the anxiety that rattled my nerves. Going for a ride helped me do that.

Several days during my vacation I worked out with my friend Denise. We did the exercising with a safe distance between us. We walked and ran around the blocks in my neighborhood. Denise and I also did exercises, or Denise’s ways of torturing me, in the alley behind my home. This helped build up my self-esteem and helped me release my inner demons. Denise is very encouraging. When I think I have nothing left in me, she reassures me I can keep going. Losing weight helps me feel good and pushing my body to its limits helps me let go of my anguish. It’s rejuvenating to see the progress I have made since I started.

During my vacation I also found time to edit my memoir, journal, and write a guest blog post for another blogger. My writing is my life and it’s my therapy. I pour my soul out in my writing. My journal has gotten me through some very rough times in my life. Working during this pandemic wore me out and made it hard for me to pursue my writing. It felt so freeing to get back to it, to let my feelings out on paper, and to document my struggles with this pandemic in my journal.

I also spent some days just sitting in front of the TV. It felt good to just sit and do nothing. During my vacation I also practiced some of my coping techniques like journaling positive things, and video chatting and texting with my friends and support system. I even spent extra time with my husband.

I hated the idea of going back to work, but I returned renewed and with my mental wellbeing intact. I needed a vacation. Now I face my job with a new perspective and with extra strength.

Be nice to those on the front line. They are in desperate need of a vacation and not all of them can take one. They are putting their lives on the line to serve you. Be kind.

For those working on the front line, if you feel like you are getting burned, out take a vacation, and if you can’t, take some sick days. You need time to just relax and be free of the panicked public.

Because I took a ten-day vacation, I feel a little less anxious and afraid at work. The vacation helped me stay in the light of recovery.

 

 

Before COVID-19, only thieves and bank robbers wore homemade masks and bandannas. No one even thought of going into places with masks unless they had an illness that weakened their immune system. If we saw someone with a mask, we’d expect them to say, “It’s a hold-up; give me your money.” Just recently many states started requiring all of us to wear masks when in businesses or places with a lot of people. So while we are in line, should we point our fingers at the clerk like a gun and say, “It’s a hold-up. Give me everything, but the virus. You can keep that.”

Starting Sunday in Pennsylvania everyone will be wearing masks in grocery stores and other essential businesses, along with the thieves. As a cashier, we were taught that if we are held up to try to remember as much of the person’s facial features as possible. Now we’ll have to try to remember what color his or her eyes were and the kind of mask he or she was wearing. Truthfully, if someone was pointing a gun at me, I’d be too busy peeing my pants to remember if the customer was wearing Depends for a mask or the cup of a bra tied around the face.

People are very creative with their mask making. There are even videos online on how to make masks out of socks, shirt sleeves, and so on. Just about anything can be made into mask-like washcloths, towels, bandannas, and scarfs. Who knows, someone may be using underwear to make a mask. They do have elastic that can be used to go around the ears. If I was told, “This is a hold-up,” from a guy with underwear wrapped around his face, I would be laughing uncontrollably. I’d be laughing behind my mask if a regular came in with one made from underwear.

How do we tell the crooks from the people just trying to stay safe? Was it the woman using a maxi pad over her mouth and nose or the guy with women’s underwear wrapped about his face? Could it be the one with a mask that lights up when he or she talks? Maybe it’s the washcloth girl?

Just think about how much more creative thieves and bank robbers will be with their masks after the virus goes away. Even when nonessential businesses start opening up, people will still have to wear masks. People will be going into banks with their faces covered. The tellers will even have masks on. No one will even question a would-be bank robber. The pantyhose over the face could just be a creative mask someone came up with or a person trying to rob the bank. Is the person demanding money or asking for money to be deposited?

When you think about it, we are all being held at gunpoint by a relentless virus. The virus is hiding under its own mask. It’s hiding on surfaces, in a sneeze or a cough, and so on. It’s even more creative than we are. Sometimes it infects a person and the person doesn’t show symptoms. We are left to use masks to try to keep the virus from infecting us. It’s time we tell the virus, “It’s a hold-up. We want the secret you’re hiding to put an end to you.” Until we can do that, we need to laugh a little about our current situation.

Humor is powerful medicine. A little laughter frees us from the loneliness and isolation we are feeling during these rough times. If this post didn’t bring out a bit of laughter, find something that will. I couldn’t make it from day to day at work without it. I joke around with my customers and co-workers. I actually had a man come in my line with a pair of depends tied around his face with strings. I was wearing a mask my boss gave me and I was so glad the guy couldn’t see me cracking up.

I’m on vacation this week, but when I go into stores I’ll be observing the creative masks and putting one on myself. When I go back to work and face uncooperative customers, laughter will help me stay in the light.

 

 

It’s a very scary time for all of us. Many of us are trapped at home, only able to leave for the essentials. It’s easy to look at all the negative that the COVID-19 is causing us. It has totally turned our lives upside down and inside out. Life as we know it has completely changed. If we weren’t afraid of germs before the pandemic, we are now. We are afraid of each other. Everyone outside of our homes could potentially infect us with this deadly virus. It’s hard to find anything positive during an awful time like this.

When I was going through therapy my therapist had me look for and write down the positive things in my life. It was extremely hard to do when it felt like my life was a bottomless pit of darkness, anguish, pain, and hopelessness. She had me list the positive things in my journal. At first it seemed like an impossible task. I struggled with it. I stared at a blank page for hours on end until I wrote one thing. In time the one thing turned to two, three, and more things.

Right now is one of those bad times in our lives that we need to find something good to focus on. Below I have a few positive things that will help you look at the brighter side to this world crisis.

POSITIVES

• Immediate families that live under the same roof are spending more time together. My husband is laid off. When he was still working, he usually went to work before I got up, and by the time I got out of work, we usually had a little time together before he went to bed. But now I get to wake up each morning in my husband’s arms, and after I get out of work, we watch TV together or go for rides.
• Extra time to get housework done, to do gardening, and do home projects. Since my husband has been home, he has been able to get some of the housework done and other projects. We have lots of clean clothes and clean floors.
• Time to exercise outside, go for a walk with your pet or by yourself, or just sit on the porch. My friend and personal trainer, Denise, and I have been exercising. The days are getting warmer and sunnier and we are taking advantage of it. There is less traffic to worry about and only a few people around. My friend Cheryl tells me about how she likes to sit on her porch and watch birds.
• For those of you who are out of work, you can have PJ days. You can decide not to get dressed for a whole day or several days. My one friend told me she has spent several days lounging in her pajamas. I’m jealous. I want days where I don’t have to dress for work. Next week when I start my vacation, I’m planning to spend some days in my nightie.
• There are random acts of kindness going on in our towns, cities, and states. People are picking up groceries and prescriptions for elderly or handicapped neighbors. People are making meals for those on the front lines and so on. When my husband got laid off, friends gave us a gift of money to help us out.
• It’s a good time to put your crafty side to work. People are bored so they are working on crafts to take up their time. My friend Cheryl has made a cross out of clothespins, wreaths, and other projects. I’ve been seeing some pretty crafty masks coming through my lines. A lady and her kids came in my line with knitted masks. One had a mask with a pig face and the other had a dog face.
• You can spend time reading that book you have been meaning to read for a long time. When I’m on my ten-day vacation, I have some reading I plan to catch up on. For those of you out of work, you can sit outside on a warm day and read.
• It’s a good time to video chat with friends and family. If we can’t spend time with our friends and family, then we can video chat with them through Zoom, Messenger, and Skype. My friends Cheryl, Jane, and I have what we call, “Date night.” We watch SWAT while we are video chatting on Messenger. During commercials we catch up on what’s going on in each other’s lives. Jane shows us her kitties, I show off my dog, and Cheryl shows off her only pet, her man.

 

These are just a few good things about this crazy time. Now it is your turn. Take out a notebook or a sheet of paper. Write at the top of it, “POSITIVE THINGS IN MY LIFE.” Beneath it start listing the positive things about you being stuck at home or working on the front lines. Positive things about me working on the frontline are free lunches each day at work, customers thanking me for what I do, and gift cards from my employer. Also, since my husband is off work, I can take the car to work instead of the bus. Now you try it. Think hard. Despite how hard things are, there are positive things in your life. Start listing them. Put a few in the comments. I’d love to hear about the good things happening in your life.

Focusing on the good helps me get through each day of work during a very scary time and it keeps me standing in the light.

 

With the pandemic many people are feeling bummed about Easter. Many are quarantined, most states have a stay at home order, and we are all struggling to make it from day to day. Half of America is out of work and are struggling just to pay bills, let alone put food on the table. But Easter will go on. There won’t be a sunrise service at church, Easter egg hunts, and family get-togethers, but Easter will go on. More than ever before we need the Lord and we need to celebrate his sacrifice for us.

Easter isn’t just about getting together with family, the Easter bunny, and egg hunts. It’s much more important than those usual traditions. It’s about God sacrificing His only son to save us from sin. It’s about Jesus giving His life for mere mortals so they can be forgiven for the wrong they do. It’s about Jesus rising from the dead and ascending into heaven so we too will go to heaven when we pass. No virus can take this away from us. We have forgiveness because of the sacrifices God and Jesus made for us. How wonderful is that? It’s magnificent.

The COVID-19 can’t take away Easter from us. It has taken a lot from us, but not this special holiday. We may all be away from our families and we may not be able to get dressed in our best clothes and worship at church, but we can still celebrate. Even if you live alone or if there are just two of you, you can celebrate.

I’m a cashier. Usually this time of year just about every cart has a ham and the makings of a dinner. Instead this year people’s carts have cleaning and disinfectant supplies along with food to hold them over for a week or two so they won’t have to go out in public. There are a few hams going through, but nothing like usual. Many are saying they are not celebrating Easter. They say it’ll be just another day stuck at home.

I’ve been hoping that the count of people in Erie County would go down so my husband and I can go to my parents for Easter. Every year Mom puts together a wonderful meal. I always bring the yams. It seems to be my designated dish that I bring to each holiday. Mom always makes a bunny cake. The cake is the Easter bunny’s face with a bow and ears. The face is covered in coconut, the eyes are gumdrops, the mouth licorice, and the bow tie decorated in gumdrops. The cake is carrot cake. We usually eat it later in the day after our dinner settles. Then we talk about everything that we can think of.

This year we won’t be able to do the holiday with my parents. I bought two slices of ham, ingredients for string bean casserole, and we have boxed scalloped potatoes. I still have to figure out what we will have for dessert. After dinner, I’ll call my parents and text my other family members. Then Lou and I will sit down with the Bible and read the Easter story of Jesus’ death and resurrection. We will go online to listen to our pastor giving her sermon. Even though we can’t be with family, we will celebrate.

Times are bad in our world right now. I wake up each morning with my stomach twisted in knots. I struggle through a day of work where I face hundreds of people. Some are grateful I am working, some are mad because we are out of things, and some yell at me when I remind them to follow the rules. I fight my fear of catching COVID-19 and anxiety to make it day to day. My husband is laid off and we are trying to figure out what bills we can pay with my check and if he’ll ever get his unemployment.

In a time like this among my fears, anxieties, and worries, I need Jesus and God more than ever. I need a reminder of what God gave up for us, how Jesus suffered on the cross for us, and how Jesus rose from the dead. I need the Heavenly Father and Holy Son to make it through each day. Easter to me is a celebration of how wonderful our Heavenly Father and Holy Son are. Who else would sacrifice His son for me, a sinner? Who else would die a painful death on a cross so I would be forgiven?

Don’t give up on Easter. Celebrate it. Even if you’re by yourself, celebrate. Video chat, text or talk on the phone with family. Fix yourself a meal. Pull out the Bible and read about Jesus’s death and resurrection. Watch a sermon online and praise the Lord. Rejoice, for Jesus is a live and he will deliver us from these traumatic times.

For the first time since I worked at Giant Eagle, the store will be closed on Easter. I can’t wait to celebrate Easter with my husband and praise Jesus and God. This will help me keep going in the light of recovery.

 

 

 

A Facebook post says, “Check on your friends who suffer from depression. Being forced to stay at home and not having scheduled reasons to get dressed and leave the house can exacerbate symptoms.” This holds true for all who are suffering from this mental illness. This pandemic is putting everyone on edge. It’s enough to cause someone without mental health problems to feel down, develop germ phobias, and become emotional. Just imagine what it does to someone who is already struggling with these problems!

In Erie we have been issued a “Stay at Home Order” for over a week. The news preaches social distancing and businesses that are essential are taking measures to help enforce this. The grocery store where I work put up plexiglass around the registers and lines on the floors where customers are to stand until we call them. People are walking through the aisles trying to stay as far away from each other as they can. There is no human contact. Many are stuck in their homes only going out for things they need. It’s sad but necessary. Life as we know it has completely changed for us all.

For those suffering from mental illness, staying at home can give them a reason to stay in bed, to stop taking care of personal hygiene, to become crippled by fear, to be alone more and to self-injure. Their anxiety and panic attacks worsen. We need to look out and check up on our friends and family members who struggle with mental illness. We can’t physically checkup on them, but there are ways we can look out for them.

A fellow co-worker who has struggled with mental illness kept falling apart at work. She couldn’t handle the fear and stress of facing the public. She fell down that hole of depression, and couldn’t get out. She had to take a sick leave, so I text her as much as I can to check up on her. I want to make sure she is doing well and isn’t staying home and dipping further down that hole. Her husband is home with her but having friends who care helps.

Each day before work I struggle with anxiety attacks. A few times I went to work and got sick. I’m afraid to face the public and risk exposing myself to the Covid-19 virus. I have asthma. On television they list the people who are at high risk for this virus and people with asthma are on that list. This heightens my fears and anxiety. Before work my stomach gets upset and my hands shake. At work I wear gloves and I clean like I’m supposed to, but I worry that maybe the next customer may be infected.

When I’m off from work, I want to lie in bed all day. I don’t want to get up and hear the news tell how many more cases there are, I don’t want to wake up to my growing fears, and I just don’t want to face another day. If it weren’t for my husband urging me to get up, I would stay in bed. My husband and I go for rides and I video chat with my friends Jane and Cheryl. This helps me to keep going.

In high school I had developed a phobia of sick people. I couldn’t be around my siblings when they got a cold or the flu. I prayed every night that I wouldn’t get sick so I could get perfect attendance. It seemed like the only award I could get in school no matter how hard I worked. My fear of sick people followed me for many years. It took me a while to overcome it and with this virus the fear is back. It is terrorizing me. It makes my skin crawl. I want to hide in the house and never leave. I can’t. I have to force myself to go to work.

There are people with mental illnesses who are going through a really hard time. Some are stuck at home facing their symptoms and they are feeling helpless. Think about how you can help those people. You can look out for them from home. Video chat with them, call them, text them, or send them a gift.

There are ones on the front lines who are struggling with their illness to be there for you. Ask them how they are doing, thank them for what they are doing, and do small gestures of kindness. I have friends who brighten my day with air hugs (hug the air towards the person). Little things help. During these rough times let’s look out for each other.

I face my fears each day to serve the public. I have friends, family, and my husband checking up on me. With their help I continue to soak in the light.

 

Times are scary and rough on all of us. We are living in the middle of a suspense movie that has become a reality. People are quarantined in their homes, others are out of work, and some are working jobs that expose them first hand to the covid-19 virus. America is stressed out, scared, and depressed. It’s hard to eat healthy when most stores are out of products. Emotions are running high. When emotions are pushed to their limits, it’s easy to sit down and binge on food.

As you know I am a cashier and we are part of the front line workers of this pandemic. People need food, toiletries, medications, and so on. They come in buying cartloads of food with orders ranging from $200 and up. The lines stretch down the aisles and wraparound displays. People are unhappy because we are out of products, they are wearing masks and gloves, and they are scared. During this time I feel like I’m being pushed beyond my limits both physically and mentally.

Before all this started, I worked hard at losing 12 pounds. I was proud of myself, but now I’m finding it very hard to keep the weight off. I’m trying hard to keep to my diet, but I’m finding it difficult. After a day at my crazy job, I want to go home and pass out on my couch and eat junk food like a bag of chips, a bowl of microwave popcorn, and a package of Girl Scout cookies. It would be easy to stress eat until my nerves are decompressed.

My husband, like thousands of others, has been laid off. We applied for unemployment, but we have no idea when that will begin. We had to talk to the bank about our mortgage being late. We also had to go through our bills and see what my check will pay for and which ones we’d have to make arrangements with. I’m stressing like everyone else in this situation, but my stress heightens my anxiety and increases my worrying. I want to shut myself in the house like everyone else and eat unhealthy food.

I try hard not to eat junk food. I even reason with myself. What if I just eat one handful of chips? How about I just eat two cookies? It won’t hurt, right? Just a little junk food won’t put the weight back on. The problem is once I eat one handful I won’t stop. My best bet it to avoid it, but it’s easier just to sit and eat and eat. For some reason when I’m stressed, food seems to be comforting. It’s like I can just eat away the problems, the worries, and the stress. In reality I’d be putting on the pounds and hating how I look which only adds to my awful feelings and my stress.

The hardest time to resist eating bad is at night. Nights seem to be the time when my mind races with worries the most. When I’m at work I have fifteen minutes to eat without tasting, go to the bathroom, and punch in on time. After work when I sit in front of the television or the computer, worries pop up like an annoying ad on the computer. I stress and I want food.

Last Monday when they closed all nonessential businesses, the grocery store was so busy that it seemed like the whole city of Erie was there. I lifted numerous bags of groceries, cases of pop, cases of water, and pet food. By quitting time I was in pain. I put my back, neck, and shoulders out of place. I was in no condition to work the next day. Calling off causes me extra stress and I begin to worry. I worry about not having enough money for our bills, I worry about work getting mad at me, and I worry that my boss will think I’m faking.

While lying on the couch with ice on my back and shoulders all I could think about was junk food, but instead I ate an orange. Wednesday we went grocery shopping and I got apples, strawberries, and bananas to eat instead of junk food.

This pandemic has us all feeling stressed; some of us are trapped in our homes and it would be easy to eat junk food. When you feel like eating, grab a piece of fruit. Don’t let this drive you into unhealthy eating. While you are stocking up on food, add fresh fruits to it. If you are a stress eater don’t sit down with a bag of chips. Instead grab something healthy like fruit, rice cakes, or vegetables.

I’m not going to let the stress of fearful customers and my husband off work lead me back into bad eating habits. I’m going to stay on my healthy path and work on losing weight. This helps me feel good about myself. I’m dancing in the light of recovery as a stronger, healthier person.