Everyone has an opinion on how you can lose weight, how you can handle your mental illness better, how you should dress, and so on. What those struggling with mental illness need is someone to listen, not someone to lecture them on what they should be doing and on how to change their lifestyles. It’s okay to give advice when you’re asked and give guidance when needed, but continuous lectures only make a person suffering from mental illness feel worse. Lectures can be more hurtful then helpful.

   I’m overweight and I know it. Throughout my life I have struggled with my feelings about my weight and my looks. I still struggle, but not as badly. A family member lectures me continuously about my weight, about what I eat, and how much I eat. I’ve become nervous about eating in front of this person. With each lecture I feel like he is stabbing me with a knife, and I start to hate myself more. I go home and cry. Lou holds me and reassures me I am beautiful, even if I don’t feel beautiful.

   I know this family member means well. He is just concerned about my health, but he’s going about it the wrong way. His lectures hurt me and don’t help me. I know I’m overweight. I know I don’t eat the healthiest and I know that I’m at risk for heart disease, diabetes, and so on. I don’t need it rubbed in my face. I have tried to eat healthy, to exercise, and to cut down on bad foods. I lose a little and I gain it back. I don’t seem to be able to keep to an exercise plan. I’m trying to learn to love myself and the way I look no matter what size I am. The lectures just reinforce my self-hate.

   What I need is some encouragement, support, and advice. I need to know that I am still beautiful even though I’m heavy. I want my family member to say, “I love you no matter what.” I need a little friendly advice on some ideas for healthy meals or snacks, but not a lecture. Be willing to stand beside me in my struggles and offer me your support; that’s all I ask for.

   When I was fighting my illness, I heard many lectures on what I could do differently to find happiness. They seemed to have all the answers for why I couldn’t get out of the hole. All I needed was to watch funny movies, think happy thoughts, or do something fun. I wanted to scream, “If it was that easy, I would have been cured by now.” I didn’t want to hear speeches on what I could do and what I was doing wrong. All I could ask for is support, guidance, and a shoulder to lean on.

   Keep the lectures to yourself. Just be a friend, a shoulder to lean on, and a supporter of someone who is mentally ill. Leave the rest to the professionals who know how to guide him or her towards the light. Suggest to him or her to find help, but don’t give him or her your ideas on how they can find the light, especially if you don’t know much about mental illness. Lectures hurt, even if they are meant to be helpful. Stand behind your friend or loved one in his or her struggles and encourage them to seek professional help.

   I wrote my family member a note explaining how his lectures hurt me and don’t help. He has backed off some. I am working on loving myself for who I am. When my family member begins to lecture, I try to change the subject and remind myself God makes all of us beautiful no matter what size we are. This is what helps me sparkle within the light.

  This week there will not be a blog post. I am recovering from an illness, but there will be one next week as long as I’m up to it. Until then stay positive and fight hard to reach for the light.

   Depression can happen to anyone and can come as a result of traumatic events in a person’s life and even as a result of chronic illnesses. Anyone can suffer from deep sadness when his or her life is turned upside down by an illness he or she has no control over or cure for.

   My friend Cheryl Miller suffers from fibromyalgia and her illness also spirals her into depression. I interviewed her for this blog post.

   Aimee: Can you explain your chronic illness?

   Cheryl: I have fibromyalgia, which causes chronic widespread pain. It can affect different parts of my body or it can affect my whole body depending on the day and what I am doing. Most of the time it affects my legs and arms. They feel like they are on fire on really bad flare up days. Cold wind also makes it feel like I am being stabbed by a million needles at once.

I also have degenerative disease in my back which hurts every day. I try not to do too much on good days, because it can send me into a major flare up. Stress can also cause a flare up.

   Aimee: How does a chronic illness affect you emotionally?

   Cheryl: Having a chronic illness can make you depressed because you can’t do the things you used to. It is really hard to get used to. It’s hard to make plans because you don’t know how you will feel from one minute to the next. You feel bad for canceling plans because you are too exhausted and in too much pain to function.

   Aimee: How does your depression make you feel?

   Cheryl: Sometimes I feel hopeless. Most of the time I feel like I am too much of a burden on others because I can’t do all the things I used to be able to do and I need others’ help.

   Aimee: How do you fight these feelings?

   Cheryl: I will keep my mind busy doing things I like that don’t cause me to have flare ups. I play games on my computer, read, watch TV and just talk to friends or family.

   Aimee: How do you handle your depression?

   Cheryl: I take antidepressants as prescribed and I also talk to friends to help me through it. I am also part of some Facebook groups with people who have the same illness, and it helps a lot to have them because you know you aren’t alone.

   Aimee: What advice can you give to others suffering from chronic illness and depression?

   Cheryl: Find a good support system. Join groups who have people going through the same thing because they will understand what you are going through. If you have family and friends who may not understand, but want to help, then teach them about what you are going through and tell them what you need from them. If need be, you can also seek professional help like finding a therapist.

   Aimee: Is it possible to reach recovery from your depression?

   Cheryl: I think so, with medication and a good support system. Those things help to keep you in a happier place. Don’t get me wrong, there are still some times when the depression can overwhelm you, but you can feel better with having people you can talk to.

   Aimee: Do you think you have reached the light from your depression?

   Cheryl: Yes, I believe I have. I have a good support system and I have proper medications that I take like I’m supposed to. So even though my flare ups do happen and they do make me sad a bit, I know it will pass and that makes me feel better.

   If Cheryl can reach the light despite her chronic illness so can you. Because Cheryl is willing to turn for help, take care of her needs and teach others about her illness, she bathes within the light.

  Dreams can be meaningless creations of the subconscious, but sometimes dreams come from something that happen in your past or something your subconscious is trying to work out. Dreams can also be flashbacks of a traumatic event. The world the mind creates while we’re sleeping can be a mystery, but when they become regular and start triggering old feelings and inner anguish, then it’s time to see what in your life might be triggering the night time journeys.

   For several nights I tossed around in my bed. My mind wandered into the realms of the dream world. I was being touched in a way I didn’t like by a person I know would never hurt me. I called out for Lou in my dream and he was nowhere around. I cried for help, but my pleas went unheard. Then suddenly my alarm clock went off and the dream faded away. I turned my alarm to snooze and reached for Lou, but he had already left for work. I pulled my legs to my chest. I cradled myself until the anguish within me subsided.

   What could my dreams mean? I texted my friend Kelly and told her about my dreams. She suggested I journal about it. I also discussed my dreams with my friend Roberta. With the help of these two friends I started to analyze the meaning behind my late night journey into the subconscious. My dreams relate back to a time when I was abused. A friend’s news triggered my dreams and for some reason I dreamed my friend was the abuser even though I knew she would never do such a thing.

   So why would I dream this friend would hurt me? For some reason her news stirred up memories of the abuse I undergone years ago. For an unknown reason my subconscious mind replaced the person who abused me with somebody I care about. Maybe because it was a person I cherished who originally hurt me. Then again it could be just the mind playing games.

   A while back my therapist helped me deal with what happened to me and I thought I had a good handle on it. The thing is abuse of any kind leaves a scar on the mind that never goes away. You can never forget, no matter how hard you try. You can place it in the back of your mind and go on with your life, but sometimes it resurfaces in a flashback, a dream or a memory. The important thing is not to allow it to bring you back down into your dark hole. You can rise above it.

   If your dreams are more than a creation of the subconscious and they bring up feelings of pain, sadness, anguish and so on, then take steps to find out there meaning. Talk to your therapist about your dream, discuss it with a friend or family member, and journal about it. Then find ways to cope with the feelings and bad memories the dream may create. Journal about your feelings and memories, talk to someone, remind yourself you are in control, and remember you rose above it once and can do it again.

   I’m still sorting out my dreams and coping with the memories they brought up. I’m taking steps to deal with the pain of the past that has resurfaced, and because I am doing this, I will stay within the light.

   Have you forgotten the commitment you made at the beginning of the year to work on your mental illness? Are you still working hard on it? Have you found it challenging?

   At times you have probably felt like giving up, but you couldn’t allow yourself to give in. You want to get better. You may have made small steps towards the light. Now is the time to take a look of how far you have come since you first made your commitment. Then celebrate your success no matter how small.

   I made the commitment to work on my excessive worrying. Since I made this commitment ,I’ve had a very big event happen in my life. I had surgery on a detached tendon in my ankle. I was off work for four weeks and laid up. During that time I made some discoveries about the root of my worrying. I learned that my job causes a lot of my anxiety and stress. My anxiety leads to worrying. I made plans on how to handle my anxiety, stress, and worrying, but plans are not good until you put them to work.

   I returned to work February 20 with light duty and instructions to sit. Sitting and bagging puts more stress on my neck and shoulders. I have to sit far enough back from the register so my drawer opens. So I have to reach for groceries causing soreness in my back. My neck jammed up while I was off, and seems to be worse while bagging and stretching. I started to worry about having more problems that will put me out of work.

   I journaled about my feelings and worries. When my mind started on an endless worry binge, I told myself to stop. Everything will be okay. I’ve already been through the worst. These aches and pains are not that bad. I went to my doctor about my neck and am doing physical therapy for it. When I was home and I started to think too much, I pulled out my adult coloring book. This helped to ease my weary mind.

   Then a woman stood at my register for fifteen minutes accusing me of stealing her check. I tried to convince her I did not take it, and when she wouldn’t go away I had to call a coordinator. Next while cashing out a customer’s check, the check shot out of the machine and fell down into the register. The only way to get to the check would be to tear apart the register. Again I started worrying about getting in trouble.

   I talked to my husband about my worries. He listened to me and reassured me I would be fine. He even had me repeat several times, “I have nothing to worry about.” I did relaxation techniques and tried to keep my mind busy with my coloring and writing. I also listed positive things like I’m a good cashier, I’ve worked there twenty years and have not made any major mistakes, I’m lucky to have a job, I’m a good person, and I have done nothing wrong. These techniques helped and I did not get in trouble.

   I’m happy to report despite all that has happened, I have not had an anxiety attack since before my surgery. I have been able to ease my worries, I found out the causes of my worries and I am learning how to combat them. These are big steps to celebrate. I celebrated with a favorite snack and a dinner out with my husband.

   How far have you come with your commitment? Did you start going to therapy? Did you tell someone about your illness? Did you admit you have an illness? Each of these is a big step towards recovery. Now is the time to celebrate. Take a soothing bath, go to dinner, buy yourself something nice, or make yourself a special treat. Once you’re done celebrating, push on to the next steps. Keep to your commitment and you will reach the light.

   I am determined to stick to my commitment. Times will get tough and I may slip, but I won’t give up. Since I’m willing to fight to take control of my worrying, I will continue to stand within the light.

  Many of the symptoms of mental illness can be made worse by abuse. Some mental illness is also a result of abuse from peers or family members. Continuous put-downs can lead to loss of confidence in oneself. When you’re depressed, you feel bad about yourself and you feel hopeless. This also causes a person to lose his or her confidence. Feeling unsure of yourself and of the things you do can result from many things, but is often worse when you suffer from mental illness.

   Throughout my childhood, my teachers and my peers told me I would never amount to anything. Day after day I was put down. I lost my confidence in myself. I felt as if everything I did wasn’t good enough. I sat back and allowed the teachers to assign students to give me answers on tests. I gave up on trying to do my own work. I figured they were right about me: I was stupid. I had no belief in my own ability to succeed.

   From sixth grade on my teachers stopped assigning students to give me answers on test. I had to learn to study and to do my own work. I felt helpless. How could I pass on my own? I thought I wasn’t smart enough, but deep down I knew I had no choice, but to try. I spent hours studying. I buried myself in my classwork. My mind went in circles. I can’t do this. I’m going to fail. I’m going to prove them all right, I am dumb. I pushed on and started getting high grades. Good grades weren’t enough. I still felt inferior. Even though I was proving them wrong, I didn’t believe I was worthy. I needed reassurance from my parents.

   Even as an adult I find it hard to believe in my abilities. I worry I’m not a good cashier and that I have failed as an author. I’ve started writing many manuscripts and gave up on them because I feared I didn’t have the ability to write a book. Every time I write a blog post and send it to my friend for editing I tell her I think I did a bad job. She always tells me how much she learned from my post and how well I write. I never have confidence in my ability to write something good. I even question each chapter of my memoir. I constantly need to hear people’s reassurance of my abilities and their praises.

   How do I find self-confidence? This is a struggle for me. I work on it daily. I have to learn to love myself. Each day I point out something good about myself. I list the accomplishments I have made. I keep my customer compliments in my journal; when I lose belief in myself, I read through them. I remind myself, “I am a good writer and I can finish my memoir. I will get it published.” I keep writing my blog post and I tell myself if I weren’t a talented writer, I wouldn’t have as many followers.

   Finding your confidence is not easy. It can be a struggle, but it’s worth fighting for. Forget what others have told you in the past; ignore those self-put-downs and dig deep down inside yourself and find your self-worth. Learn to believe in yourself and your abilities. Put index cards with compliments about yourself around the house; write positive things about you and your accomplishments in a journal daily. Be proud of all your successes, even the small ones.

   I’m still building my self-confidence, but I have come a long way. This time I’m finishing my memoir manuscript and I’m determined to get it published. Since I am willing to build up my confidence, I still live within the light.

   Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression brought on by the dark and dreary seasons of fall and winter. The lack of sun and long, cold winters affect everyone. Those of us who live in areas with rough winters struggle through them, but for people with SAD, the winters are almost unbearable. If you already have mental illness, the weather can make the dark hole seem endless. It’s more than just the winter blues. Unexpected sunny warm days during the winter can lift your spirits, but in some areas, days like this are very few. Some people even have SAD during the spring and summer months, but this is less common.

   Here are some symptoms of winter SAD I found online at Mayo Clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/CON-20021047):

• Irritability

• Tiredness and low energy

• Problems getting along with others

• Hypersensitivity to rejection

• Heavy, “leaden” feeling in the arms or legs

• Oversleeping

• Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates

• Weight gain

  

   I’ve never been diagnosed with SAD, but during my younger years I felt even more depressed during the winter. Soon as fall came around, I started dreading the sudden lack of sunlight and dip in temperature. My dark hole seemed to get deeper. I lacked energy and found myself feeling even more hopeless. I wanted to sleep all day and I easily lost my temper. The darker days seemed to mimic the darkness in my soul. I also seemed to eat more during the winter, which added on extra weight. Fall and winter deepened my sadness, making each day seem like a prison of darkness.

   Some people are only depressed during the fall and winter. A lady at work confided in me that every winter she would get depressed and didn’t know how to shake the depression. During warmer and brighter seasons her sadness would fade away. She felt helpless. She didn’t know how to deal with her seasonal depression. I found information on SAD and gave it to her.

   I told her that SAD can be treated with medication and therapy. There is also a therapy where you sit for some time under special lamps. For me I handle the winters with positive thinking, I try to keep busy with work and crafts, I remind myself that spring and summer will soon come, and I rejoice during those rare days when the sun shines and warm temperatures fill the air. I try to look for beauty in the dismal days, like how the snow lies across the tree branches.

   SAD is a serious illness. If you think you have this illness, get help. Don’t dismiss your feelings as just the common winter blues. Seasonal Affective Disorder can lead to suicidal thoughts, withdrawal from friends and family, inability to concentrate in school or work, and abuse of drugs or alcohol. These symptoms can be also found online at Mayo Clinic. With help you can learn to handle your Seasonal Affective Disorder and you can get through the darker seasons with some ease.

   I still hate the winter, but I have learned how to get through it without falling into the hole. I look forward to the uncommon days like last Friday when the temperature hit 75 degrees in February. I keep myself busy in the winter with my writing, crafts, and work. I look for the beauty in all things and remind myself brighter days will come. This helps me soak within the light.

  We all deal with stress differently. Some people handle it well and some don’t. Some symptoms of stress on Web MD are anxiety, agitation, feelings of losing control, low self-esteem, and so on. Knowing what causes your stress and how you react to it can help you prepare when you know you are going to face a situation that will stir up your stress. In this case, it’s important to create a plan for how you will deal with it.

( http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-symptoms-effects_of-stress-on-the-body#2)

   I go back to work next week and I know my job brings on stress and anxiety. These few days before I go back are crucial. I need to come up with a plan to deal with the long lines, grumpy customers, and the aches and pains that go with the job of a cashier. I also have to make sure I take care of my ankle so I won’t have any relapses. A lot rests on my shoulders. Like you read in a previous blog post, I discovered my job is the main source of my anxiety. I have to be ready to handle that, too.

   There are many techniques to handle stress. I just have to find the ones that work for me and will help prevent anxiety attacks. Before surgery I dragged myself to work each day worrying about doing my job well, about keeping the line going, and dealing with aches and pains. There are many things to worry about like doing a WIC check right. One mistake could result in a five day suspension without pay. It’s important to make sure you give the right change back or to not forget to give change back. Then there is lifting heavy items like dog food and pop and standing on concrete floors for hours. Even with a mat, it’s difficult.

   The question is, how am I going to handle all this when I return to work? For a while I will be sitting while cashing and bagging. This will put a lot of extra weight on my shoulders, arms, and upper back. So it’s important for me to ice these areas after work and do stretches while I’m at work and home. I must also make sure I ice my ankle after work. I also must prepare myself mentally before work, during, and after. I have to use positive thinking and fight the worries with relaxing techniques. After work I will journal, color in my adult coloring book, and work on my memoir to keep my mind busy.

   I found some techniques on Web MD you can use to deal with stress. Some of them are:

• exercise

• deep breathing

• meditate

• do yoga

• pray

• making time for hobbies

• talking about your problems

• positive thinking

• journal.

  

   Find a method that works the best for you. Talk to your therapist about other ways to deal with the stresses in your life. Discuss with your therapist what things in your life cause your stress and develop a plan to handle it.

   While I’m writing this blog post, I am preparing for my return to work. Each time I start worrying about work, I tell myself to stop and try to think of something more positive. I iced my ankle and I went to the chiropractor to make sure my back and shoulders are ready for the extra work. I’ve been coloring in my adult coloring book and expressing my feelings in my journal. I’m also going to enjoy the couple of days I have left of freedom. By the time you read this, I will be back to work and well prepared to handle anxiety. This will keep the light shining down on me.

   Mental illness can lead to physical problems such as tense muscles and a weak immune system. However, sometimes physical problems arise that have nothing to do with our mental health. Keeping your body healthy and dealing with physical ailments can boost your mental wellbeing. It’s not only important to feel good mentally, but also physically. Just suffering with your ailments only makes you feel miserable inside and out. The most important rule to recovery is, “Take care of yourself first.” That means inside and out. Jobs, college, and so on are not more important than you.

   A friend of mine has many aches and pains. I have referred her to a couple of my doctors, but she refuses to call them. She comes up with excuses. She can’t afford another bill, she doesn’t like doctors, she can’t find the time, and so on. So she goes to work each day toughing out the pain and feeling wiped out physically and mentally. I tell her to put all her worries aside and take care of herself. She should be number one and her health is more important than the bills and finding the time.

   I used to be like my friend. I used to drag myself to work sick. I even passed out a few times at work. I thought going to work was more important than my health. The more awful I felt physically, the worse I felt mentally. I felt sick inside and out. When I was physically ill my mind seemed to dip deeper into depression. I became obsessed with having perfect attendance. My mind raced and the darkness took over. I was afraid I’d lose my job if I called off, I feared other employees would think I was faking, I thought I wasn’t a good enough employee if I didn’t go in, and my mind went on and on. My illnesses only got worse.

   When I married my husband, he refused to allow me to go to work sick. He made me call off. He told me, “You are more important than your job. I can’t replace you.” I soon realized he was right. Taking time off to take care of myself began to help me feel better within and get over my illnesses faster.

   This even goes for aches and pains like when my ankle was hurting. I worried about my pain, I felt sad because something was wrong, and I started to think the worst. Lou insisted I go to my foot doctor and I’m glad I did. If I didn’t get my ankle taken care of when I did, I would have been in even more pain and out of work longer with no income. Lack of income, intense pain, and six months off would have only dumped me deep into depression. Taking care of it when I did has been a challenge emotionally, but yet a relief. Recovery has been hard, but I have found plenty of time to relax and have had no anxiety attacks.

   When you’re working towards recovery, put yourself first. Take care of your emotional and physical needs. You’ll find that your physical needs are connected to your mental health. The better you feel on the outside, the better you’ll feel on the inside. When we are feeling the most vulnerable is when the mind attacks. When you’re physically ill or hurting is when you’re vulnerable. Make yourself number one.

   I now take care of myself first and I worry about my job second. Because I take care of myself inside and out, I shine within the light.

 

   We all have had anxiety at a point in our lives like when we have to give a speech or talk our bosses about a situation. Anxiety becomes a problem when it begins to overtake your life and makes you sick or have panic attacks. It’s when your fears become so overpowering that your body begins to react with an attack that makes you ill. The question you must ask yourself is, “What causes my anxiety?” What is the source of my internal fears and worries?

   Anxiety comes from your fears and worries being magnified. They are relentless. They can come from your job, stresses in your personal life, finances, illnesses, and so on. These are the things that bring on dizziness, sweats, uneasiness, nausea, panic attacks, shortness of breath, and so on.

   During my time off after surgery, I realized I have not had any anxiety attacks. I started looking at my daily rituals before my surgery to see if I could point out what could be the source of my anxiety. On a normal day, I work usually a six hour shift on my feet as a cashier. Half way through my shift, my feet, back, and shoulders start hurting. After work, we decide what to do for supper, and I do the checkbook and rest.

   During my time off, I slept in, I watched lots of TV, I colored in adult coloring books, and I worked on my writing. The pain from my surgery was managed by medication. Church ladies brought me lunch while Lou worked. I still had to keep track of the checkbook, but I didn’t have to go to work and deal with the stresses of life. Friends and family brought us food so I didn’t have to worry about dinner.

   These past two weeks I have done nothing but relax. I haven’t worried about endless lines of customers, aches and pains, and not making mistakes at work. I did the checkbook, but with people bringing us food, we seemed to save money.

   I realized work and finances cause a lot of my anxiety. When I work, I worry obsessively about doing my job right, whether or not I will be able to make it through with the aches and pains, and if I’ll be able to walk out of the store at the end of my shift. Then I’m usually too tired to cook and it becomes too easy to eat out. I begin to worry about my hours and if I’ll make enough to pay bills. Will we go broke? Will we make enough money to get through the week?

   Now that I know the source of my anxiety, how do I handle it when I go back to work? Time off from work has given me a chance to think out a strategy. I’m going to try to list the positive things about my job. I’m going to focus on doing my job to the best of my ability and not think about the aches and pains. I will remind myself not to worry about the bills and other finances. We will be fine. When I start to worry about money, I will take time to sit and relax. I will do things that distract me like coloring and writing.

   Figure out what the source of your anxiety is and create a plan to deal with those fears and worries. Talk to your therapist about it and use relaxation techniques. Fighting your anxiety is not easy and will take time, but don’t give up.

   I will continue to find ways to ease my anxiety and learn to control it. Because I am willing to fight my fears, I will continue to bathe in the light.