Tag: caregiver

MISCONCEPTIONS AND DEMENTIA

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

Dementia is an awful disease. It robs people of their memory, of themselves, and of their independence. It affects not only the person who has it, but also the people who love him or her. It is a hard illness for a caregiver to deal with, and it is devastating for the one with the illness. Like with any illness, it comes with well-meant intentions and misconceptions of others.

I have a loved one who was diagnosed with dementia. His illness has taken me on an emotional roller coaster. I have turned to friends and my therapist for support. I have found that a lot of people understand, and some don’t. It angers me when people joke about it or have misconceptions about this illness. I want my loved one to be taken seriously and to be treated like a person with feelings, but sometimes that doesn’t happen.

I told a customer of mine that my loved one had dementia, and his reply was, “I’m a little demented too.”

I found his joke insulting. Dementia is not a joke and should be taken seriously. I wanted to yell at him for his comment, but since he was a customer, I just smiled.

I’ve gone to public places and have seen people my loved one and I know. They say hi to me, but not a word to him. I found it odd. Later the people who ignored him told me they didn’t know if he remembered them, so they avoided him. First, my loved one is in the early stages and still remembers people. Second, even if he had forgotten them, he shouldn’t be ignored. He has feelings and can still get hurt. Even if you must reintroduce yourself, you should still acknowledge the person with dementia. It angers me when they ignore him. He’s already feeling bad about having this illness, and now people are avoiding him.

Some people say to me, “He seems fine to me.”

He may seem fine in public or when he’s around people for a little bit, but they aren’t around him enough to see his struggles. I see his frustration when he can’t remember something he told me a minute ago. I must set him reminders on Alexa and yet sometimes he still forgets. I tell him the same things over and over again. I remind him to do simple things like when to eat, when to take a shower, when to put deodorant on, and when to take medicine. He may seem fine to the public eye, but he’s struggling behind closed doors.

Some people told me, “I forget things too because of old age.”

 Memory loss because of old age and forgetfulness are totally different than dementia. I’m a very forgetful person. I write lists and then forget where I put them. Dementia is much more than forgetting a list. It’s forgetting how to get to a place you’ve been to most of your life. It’s forgetting the same thing continuously. I have told my loved one ten times within minutes what time I get out of work for him to forget again. Not only is his memory fading, but a part of him is also fading. Parts of his personality are changing and it’s only going to get worse the further his illness progresses. I just pray he’ll never forget me, but it is a possibility.

I’m working hard to dispel the misconceptions of dementia and to be there at my loved one’s side. On the positive side, I have people who have put my loved one on their prayer chains at church. I have had people share their experiences and give me some excellent advice.

What a person with dementia needs is kindness, love, understanding, and patience. What a caregiver needs are love, support, and understanding. The caregiver goes through this illness with their loved one. They are feeling a lot of emotions, taking on a lot of responsibility, and pushing through each day. Put your misconceptions aside and listen, offer to make a meal for the caregiver, offer to sit with the caregiver’s loved one, offer to help with doing dishes or some other chore, and be willing to listen and give moral support. For the one struggling, don’t ignore them, spend some time with him or her, be patient, give hugs, and be willing to listen. To find out more on how to connect with someone with dementia read Dementia: Keys to Connecting and Caring for Your Loved One: Wert, Beverly J: 9798270166731: Amazon.com: Books.

I stand at my loved one’s side, supporting him, defending him, loving him, and being patient. Making each day special and taking care of myself helps me sit in the light of recovery.

CELEBRATING THE MAN BESIDE ME

Published on by Aimee Eddy1 Comment

I saw my grandfather die of cancer; I also knew of co-workers who died of the disease and heard of many others going through cancer. I told myself that if I ever got cancer I’d fall apart and sink back into the dark hole of depression. I never actually thought it would happen.

Last May when I heard the words, “You have breast cancer,” I thought it was the end of my world, I didn’t give up. I went through the steps, the appointments, and the surgeries with courage and determination. I fell apart a few times, but I still stayed strong. I didn’t give in to depression even though it threatened to throw me down that hole again, and I didn’t let cancer ruin my life. This is why celebrating one year cancer free is so important.

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I didn’t fight cancer alone. Through it all my husband stood at my side. He sat for hours in the waiting room with my mom while I was in surgery. He stayed the night with me, sleeping beside my bed in a recliner. He took twelve days off work to take care of me. Each morning, afternoon, and night he emptied my drains and measured them and what came out of the drains wasn’t pleasant. He brushed my hair when it hurt too much to reach up, and he held me when I broke down into tears. He was the strong unbending tree standing tall during the storm while I huddled beneath his branches for protection.

Celebrating one year cancer free wasn’t just for me, but also for my husband Lou. He cried with me when we found out about it, and he went through the battle with me. He never complained about taking care of me. Lou just stood strong at my side. I wanted July 17 2019, my one year cancer free, to be special for him, too. What made it special for Lou is spending a whole day with me and for him to spoil me, something he loves to do. I wanted to do more for him, but he wouldn’t let me. I am trying to think up a way to also spoil him.

My husband is very good at going all out for me. Wednesday morning my hubby got up at ten-forty. He said he had to go somewhere and I was not allowed to go downstairs until he returned and came to get me. I lay in bed trying to figure out what he was up to. I tried to guess what he had planned, but my mind went blank.

At eleven he came upstairs to get me. He said to follow him down the stairs, but look straight. So I focused on his back. At the bottom of the stairs he directed me to close my eyes. He led me to a chair and told me to sit. Once I sat down, I was allowed to open my eyes. On the kitchen table before me was a bouquet of pink roses, sponge candy, a balloon that said, “Congrats,” and a white medium size box. I opened up the box and inside there was a small cake that said, “Happy 1 year Anniversary.” Tears fell from my eyes as I got up and wrapped my arms around him.

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He smiled. “There’s more. We have somewhere to go at five tonight, but first how about we have a piece of cake.”

We cut into the cake while I tried to guess where we were going at five. After our piece of cake and lunch we went for a ride around the Peninsula. I continued to make guesses, but Lou wouldn’t budge. When five o’clock finally arrived, we got into the car and he took me to Hoss’s for dinner. He made sure the waitress knew we were celebrating my one year cancer free. The waitress brought out a small cake for me and congratulated me.

That day Lou made me feel like I was on top of the world. That night when he went to bed I stayed up and bragged to all my friends. When I went to bed I felt so giddy that it took a while for my sleeping medication to kick in. He made my day extra special with not only the things he bought me, but with the love he put into it.

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He tells me continually, “I don’t want any pats on the back for what I do for you.”

I can’t help but pat him on the back. He is an extra special man. He puts his whole heart in everything he does for me. He is the love of my life, my soulmate. He doesn’t just spoil me with gifts, but with love. He gives me lots of attention, he kisses me every morning, and every night we snuggle before going to sleep. He’s always looking out for me and he often puts me before his own needs.

While I went through cancer he put me first. He took care of my needs and put aside his own. It was a difficult time for him, too. He has lost a lot of people to cancer, especially his grandma, the woman who raised him. I can’t imagine what he was feeling to have his wife go through the same disease. I’m sure his heart was breaking, but he wouldn’t admit to it. He gave his all to me without one complaint and I can’t love him anymore than I do for it.

If you have someone taking care of you while you’re sick or who is always at your side during the roughest times in your life, let him or her know how grateful you are. We not only need to be there for the ones struggling, but also for the caretakers. The caretakers need to know how important they are. We need to celebrate all the people out there who care for their loved ones selflessly.

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This blog post is a celebration of the man who holds me up and stands beside me no matter what. I’m in the light because of my husband, Lou. Together we slow dance in the light of recovery.