At the beginning of August, I went to my eye doctor because I was having a hard time seeing small things, seeing in poor lighting, and my eyes getting tired and blurry. I figured it was just time for new glasses since it had been two years since I seen the eye doctor. A new prescription would fix my vision problems, and everything would be fine. I was sure of it.
I got the normal puff of air in my eyes and did the exam with the eye doctor. I read the chart the best I could as the doctor changed the lenses through the machine. After the doctor finished, he jotted something down.
I put my glasses back on. “My eyesight has gotten pretty bad, hun?”
“You don’t need a big change in your prescription. What is wrong with your eyes is a hint of glaucoma,” he said.
“Glaucoma? Is that bad?” I asked.
He went on to explain what glaucoma is and told me I needed to see him yearly. I wanted to cry, and my mind went blank. I left his office and told my husband. He held me as I cried in his arms. It seemed like I always get all the health problems. If something was to go wrong, it was going to happen to me. Hadn’t I been through enough? A new prescription wasn’t going to completely fix my vision problems. I was going to continue to struggle.
Glaucoma was affecting my writing. I couldn’t see the keyboard on my computer with the lighting in my living room, I couldn’t see some of the small print on my computer screen and after writing for a while my eyes would get blurry. Writing is my passion and my business. Being a published author, I have to write a newsletter and write out blurbs for my book and advertisements to post on social media. I also need to make business cards and postcards with my information and my book information. How could I do all this when I couldn’t see my keyboard?
I felt like my diagnosis was a road into hopelessness. I felt helpless and depressed. I told my husband and my friend I was going to just give up. My friend and husband often share the same brain wavelength when it comes to me. They both told me the same thing. They told me I wasn’t a quitter, and I would find a way around this. I did.
First, I bought a clip-on light I could hook to my lap desk. Then I bought a book light so I could read books, but those didn’t seem to be enough. I was also having a hard time seeing to do my woodburning. I clipped the light on to my TV tray that I woodburn on, but I still struggled. I needed something brighter.
I asked my friend who is vision impaired about lamps that would brighten my living room up enough so I could see my keyboard and my woodburning projects. She suggested a sunlight lamp. My friend Cheryl searched for them online and sent me links. I found one I liked and ordered it. The lamp helps a lot. I can see my keyboard, my woodburnings, my books and my journal.
I worked at my job for twenty-eight years and I have had the same combination lock since then. With a hint of glaucoma, I struggled to see the numbers well enough to unlock it. I had to change to a key lock. My eyes get blurry if I write or read too long so I have to take breaks.
I was working my way around my struggles, but I still felt saddened by my new problem. I kept telling my husband, “I don’t want to go blind.”
He held me in his arms. “You won’t go blind. You’ll be just fine.”
My friend does quite well with her impaired vision. She even works as a cashier at the same company I work for in a different town. My thoughts took over. I’m not as strong as her. If I lose my vision, I’ll just lie in bed and give up. What’s the use of living if I can’t see?
I talked to several people who told me glaucoma progresses slowly and there are eye drops and surgery that can help it when it gets further along. Cheryl told me her father has had glaucoma for years and he can still see. She also reminded me I was in the earliest stages of it, and I would be fine. Lou also assured me I would be fine.
With coping techniques and new provisions, I’m learning to see beyond my struggles with my vision. Working around my struggles is helping me stay in the light of recovery.
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