Everyone has dreams for the future. We dream of finding our true love, of owning a bakery, writing a book, becoming a lawyer, and so on. Our dreams drive us to strive to make them come true, but sometimes when we struggle with mental illness, we feel like dreams are hopeless. We see our dark little world and suddenly the future seems like a road into more agony.

I have had several people who struggle with mental illness tell me, “Because of my mental illness I have to give up my dreams.” Or they say, “With my mental illness I can’t follow my dreams.”

I once thought this way. When I hit the bottom of my dark hole, I stopped writing. My father kept asking me when I was going to write a book. My excuse was because of my illness I’ll never be able to write a book. I thought my dream to publish a book could never come true. I stopped trying. I told myself it was hopeless. I thought of myself as a failure. I was just a worthless loser. I put my paper and pen down and sat in despair.

When I started on my path to recovery, I began writing again; I wrote short stories and essays. I had a few essays and a couple of humorous stories published. I even won a special award for a short humorous story, but I still believed I could not write a book. My parents asked me when I was going to write a book. My answer was, “I can’t; I can only write short stories.” I still could not believe in myself enough to strive to make my dream to publish a book come true. My dreams couldn’t come true. But I was wrong.

When I met my husband, I still struggled with bouts of depression and bad self-esteem. He changed my life. Every day he complimented me and encouraged me. He even agreed to go to couples’ counseling with me to learn how to handle my illness. With his help I strove to reach recovery. On that road towards the light, I attempted to write a book, but I gave up. Five years ago, I decided I was going to write and publish my memoir. I started writing, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying.

I struggled with reliving powerful emotions and self-doubt. I told my husband several times, “I can’t write this. My writing sucks.” Continuously, he encouraged me to keep writing. He told me to follow my dream.

Each night, before he went to bed, he said, “You’re going to write tonight, right?”

I hugged him. “Yes, I’ll write tonight.”

When I came to bed he’d wake up and ask, “How many pages did you write?”

When I needed a break to handle the memories and heal the wounds of the past, he reminded me that I could not give up on my dream. At times the emotions of the abuse the younger me felt were so powerful I felt like I couldn’t go on. My husband reminded me of how far I had come and that I could not give up when I was so close to making my dream come true. I started to believe in myself, in my dream. With each chapter I wrote, my writing improved and my dream got closer.

When I got to chapter 20, I started daydreaming of holding my book in my hand and giving talks about bullying. By the time I finished my first draft, I was dreaming of my launch party. My dream of publishing a book was coming true. When my book was finally published, I couldn’t wait until my first box of books came in the mail. I checked my front porch each day, hoping they would arrive early. I was jumping for joy when they finally arrived. I can’t tell you how wonderful it felt to hold my dream that I once thought would never come true in my hand. I was floating among the stars.

2022 was the year I made my dream come true. The year I started my work as an advocate against bullying by giving talks about my experiences and the harm bullying does. I have spoken at libraries, a historical society, a girl scout troop, and at the YMCA. Now my dream is to speak at schools and I’m going to strive to make that come true.

Don’t give up dreams just because you have a mental illness. It may take you longer to achieve it and you will have to work towards recovery before you can reach it, but dreams can come true. Never give up or stop following your dreams. If you are really struggling with your illness, put your dreams aside until you get stronger. Once you have your illness under control, strive to make it come true. If I can do it, so can you.

Because I followed my dream and made it come true, I stand proud in the light of recovery.

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