Author: Aimee Eddy

HELPING ONE PERSON AT A TIME

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

We can all reach out and help each other through volunteering. Giving a little bit of your time to a cause that means a lot to you strengthens you as a person and helps you help others. There are a lot of organizations that need help, but one that means a lot to me is The One Life Project created by Alexander Kovarovic. This program fights for teens, college students, and young adults who are struggling with mental illness.

One Life Project’s mission statement is: The One Life Project works to build and create a kinder world where we educate, advocate for, and support teens, college students, and young adults who are struggling with mental health in the hopes of preventing suicide in young people and ending the stigma that surrounds mental health.

I volunteered several years ago with another nonprofit Alexander ran. I believe so strongly in Alexander’s missions that I agreed to volunteer with his new nonprofit, One Life Project. The Project’s mission means a lot to me. I use my blog to fight the stigma that surrounds mental illness, to educate others, and to inspire those who struggle with mental illness to fight for recovery. By volunteering for One Life Project, I am taking my advocacy even further to help in an even bigger way.

I am assistant to the director of One Life Project, and I will be dealing with research and education. It is an important position. I will have other volunteers under me who I will direct to do research that will be put on One Life’s website. It’s important that we provide as much information to the public as possible to help educate, guide, and save lives. I can also do some research of my own. I also write for the Project’s blog.

You don’t have to sacrifice hours that you could be working, spending with family, studying for school, and so on to volunteer. I am volunteering on my days off. If you can only give one day a week or a couple hours, your help is valued. Volunteering for One Life Project is your chance to help others learn about mental illness and to help those who are suffering with this awful illness. There are many ways you can volunteer and there are many aspects to this project. To explore the project and to find out about volunteering, go to their site at Inspire Kindness | One Life Project (projectonelife.org).

A lot of issues tie into mental illness such as bullying, dating abuse, sexual abuse, suicide, and more. One Life Project deals with every aspect of mental illness and even the related issues. We put together information to educate, train, and inform society about these topics. One Life Project also arranges events to bring awareness to mental illness. It’s our job as volunteers to reach out and help others. We may be just helping one person at a time or maybe hundreds. We are helping save lives and bring change into our world by volunteering to this nonprofit.

Suicide is a big problem among our teens, college students, and young adults. Young people are taking their lives because they feel there is no other way. They’re struggling and are afraid there is no help for them. By bringing awareness to suicide prevention and mental illness, we can give these younger people a second chance at life. We can show them there are other choices and there is help. How can you turn down this chance? How can you not volunteer for this project?

According to the World Health Organization, “Globally, one in seven 10-19-year-olds experiences a mental disorder, accounting for 13% of the global burden of disease in this age group. Depression, anxiety, and behavioral disorders are among the leading causes of illness and disability among adolescents.” You can find this information at Mental health of adolescents (who.int).  That is a lot of young people who need help. Imagine giving a young person a chance to get help and reach recovery.

One Life Projects motto says it all, “Be true, be you, be kind.” The goal is to create a kinder, more understanding, and accepting society for everyone despite their differences. The Project accepts everyone as the special unique individual they are. Please consider volunteering.

Checkout the Spectrum News interview by clicking this link. When it asks to log in click ask later. https://spectrumlocalnews.com/nys/capital-region/public-safety/2023/04/17/one-life-project-nonprofit/

Because I am volunteering for One Life Project, I am growing stronger as an advocate for mental illness and I stand tall in the light of recovery.

ADULTS ARE BULLIED TOO

Published on by Aimee Eddy6 Comments

We hear quite a bit about children being bullied. It is a big topic in the news and on social media. However, the fight against bullying should stretch beyond the walls of schools because bullying also happens to adults in their workplaces, communities, and even churches. Many children who bully learned how from their parents. They see their parents bully and think it is all right.

I have never faced bullying in my community, workplace, or church, but I have witnessed it. Being a victim of bullying as a child, I know how harmful this type of abuse is to a person. I worked in the bakery department of a grocery store and witnessed bullying. A Greek woman worked there with us. The others found fault with her traditions, how she did things at work, her accent, and so on. They insulted her accent and her lack of knowledge of American ways. They made snide comments to her and made fun of her behind her back. They insulted the work she did, and they did what they could to get her in trouble.

I enjoyed working with the Greek lady and learning about her customs and country. I even admired her accent. The others claimed that she had been in our country long enough that she should not have an accent. They were foolish. You don’t just grow out of it, especially if she still spoke the language at home. To me her accent made her unique and exciting.

They bullied her daily and when she tried to fight back, the manager punished her for it. The abuse got so bad that she left the store and found a new job. I see her from time to time and we fill each other in on our lives. She is much happier now. I was and am angered that she was bullied so badly she had no choice but to leave. I’m angry that the manager of the bakery didn’t defend her. Bullying should never happen in a workplace and this should have never happened to my co-worker.

I also witnessed bullying in a small church I was going to. One woman seemed to take it on herself to run everything, and she had her faithful followers. If she didn’t like someone, neither did her followers. She bullied a person who means a lot to me. She made this person feel small and worthless. When the person tried to revive the Sunday school, the woman put her down and made it evident that the person would fail. Other church people joined in on the bullying. They excluded the person from events, put down her clothing styles, her role as a housewife, and so on. The person struggled emotionally with the bullying. It dragged her down and tore at her self-esteem. She was judged in the place where she was supposed to receive acceptance. She ended up leaving the church. The only person who is supposed to judge us is God, not our fellow parishioners.

Gossip is a big problem in communities and even in workplaces. One person tells something about a person, and by the time it gets around it turns into a whole other story. People’s lives are destroyed by gossip. That odd man who keeps to himself killed his son, then it turns to he killed his son and wife and next he killed a family that suddenly moved away in the night. What they may not know is that odd man is simply different and lived an interesting life. He may be just waiting for the right person to tell his story to. His son may have died unexpectedly from an illness.

We need to fight bullying not only in our schools but outside of our schools. If we show our children how to treat each other with respect and teach them not to judge by our example, then maybe we can prevent some bullying in schools. It’s our job to not only stand up against bullying in schools, but to stand up against all bullying. Wheter the victim is a defenseless child or an adult, this type of abuse is damaging and needs to stop. Stand with me to stop bullying.

I’m working hard at spreading the word wherever and whenever I can that bullying is abuse and we must rise together to stop it. In advocating against bullying, I am healing my own wounds and helping others. I am standing stronger in the light of recovery.

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER IS A TRAUMA BASED ILLNESS

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD is often confused with multiple personality disorder, but they are not the same. BPD is an illness that disrupts a person’s life and it can be categorized with PTSD as a trauma-based disorder. It fits a lot of the criteria as a disorder caused by trauma. Many who suffer with this illness faced some form of trauma at a young age.

When I was first diagnosed with BPD, a psychiatrist I was seeing was confused on how I got it. I had and have very loving parents. They never abused me in any way. My psychiatrist insisted that those with this illness were abused by their parents. He was wrong. BPD doesn’t just come from parental abuse; it comes from any kind of abuse. The abuse I suffered was from the bullying I faced as a kid.

You may ask what is Borderline Personality Disorder?  “Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a psychiatric disorder featured by intense fears of abandonment, difficulties in emotion regulation, feelings of emptiness, unstable interpersonal relationships, impulsivity, and heightened risk-taking behaviors, as well as high levels of interpersonal aggression,” states the authors of the research, led by Benjamin Otto of Ruhr-University Bochum in Germany. (Found on Psychology Today website  in an article called How Childhood Trauma Can Trigger Borderline Personality Disorder | Psychology Today.) Symptoms of this illness are rapid mood changes, fear of abandonment, impulsive behavior, unstable relationships, self-harm, explosive anger, and unclear or changing self-image.

If you look at the definition and symptoms, you can see how it can relate to trauma. I can see it in the symptoms of my own illness. I feared and still fear abandonment. When I was bullied, many of my friends or people I thought were my friends, hurt me, turned their backs on me, or moved away. A girl at school did her best to make sure others would not become my friends and she convinced those I thought were my friends to turn their backs on me or they would be picked on. After facing that, how could I not be afraid of abandonment? Repeatedly as a child I felt abandoned.

After being tormented day after day at school, my emotions became out of my control. It didn’t take long from me being sad to suddenly in the middle of an out-of-control episode of anger and rage. I threw things, I fought with my siblings, I called my parents’ names, and I screamed from the top of my lungs. It was like a small flame suddenly turning into an inferno. It was hard to control my emotions. I went from being fine to being a mess in minutes. I had so many emotions from what was happening to me in school that I just couldn’t control them.

I didn’t get caught up in risky behaviors, but I self-injured. In school I pulled my hair and punched hard surfaces. In college I began cutting myself. I felt so many emotions that I had no control over and the emotions hurt worse than the wounds I inflicted on my body. Each nasty thing a fellow classmate or teacher said to me caused an emotional wound. Each day that wound was being dug at and widend. The pain was excruciating and the only way to escape it was to pull my hair or punch something. This allowed me to escape from the hurt even if it was for a few minutes.

The unstable relationships started with friends leaving or turning their backs on me. In high school I became friends with a girl who abused me when I was at my lowest. No matter how badly she hurt me, I couldn’t let her go because I was afraid of being alone. As a young adult, I became friends with people who used me and took advantage of me. I even got into an abusive relationship with a man. I wasn’t sure what a good friendship or relationship was because throughout school I didn’t have too many decent friendships. I had one very good friendship in high school and into my college years and I messed it up because I was afraid she’d hurt me. I wrote her a not so nice letter.

As for my self-image, well, that was a mess. I didn’t know who I was or why I was even alive. Was I the retard my teachers and classmates called me or the smart girl who just learned differently that my mom said I was? I saw myself as a worthless person that God made a mistake in making. I hated myself. Self-hate was basically beaten into me by the names I was called and how I was treated.

As you can see, my BPD was caused by the abuse I faced in school. For those with BPD the trauma can be caused by physical, verbal, or sexual abuse, from neglect, having unstable parents, or parents addicted to drugs and alcohol. The abuse doesn’t have to happen by a parent; it can be from anyone who harms you.

If you think someone in your life is suffering from BPD, get him or her help. Be very selective in finding a therapist or psychiatrist. Not all know how to treat this illness. Research BPD and write down questions for the therapist and psychiatrist. Most importantly, ask them if they have experience in dealing with BPD. Also look into group therapies that are centered around BPD. When I was diagnosed, I participated in a group therapy that taught me a lot of coping techniques.

It took me years of hard work to take control of BPD. With therapy, support and hard work I now have the symptoms of BPD under control, and I stand happily in the light of recovery.

UPDATE ON MY BOOK

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A customer at the grocery store where I work, said, “You have a book published; you shouldn’t have to work.”

I wish that were true. I wish it were like in the TV shows where you write a book and make a fortune. If that were true, my husband and I wouldn’t be struggling right now with finances and I wouldn’t care that my job has cut my hours. I’m making a small profit on my books. I get a percentage from Amazon for each book I sell, and for each book I sell in a bookstore I get a percentage. For books I sell myself, I must take money out for the cost of each book and I have to take taxes out. I am making money, but not enough to live on. The extra money has helped us, though.

My main reason to write my book was not to get rich, but to bring awareness of bullying and to speak out against it. I’m doing that by doing speaking and book signing events. My most recent speaking event was at McCord Library in NorthEast, PA. Twenty-four people came and I sold seven books and a few “Stop Bullying” bracelets.

A lady brought her son who is being bullied at school. I had met her online, and she happens to be taking care of my grandma’s best friend. She messaged me before the talk that her son had to meet me. I met her son and gave him a hug. She was so inspired by my speech she told her pastor who has ties with Westfield School. The pastor called me and asked me several questions about talking to schools. He said he will get back to me. My fingers are crossed.

My next speaking event is May 17 at Patterson Library in Westfield, NY at 4 P.M. I’ll be speaking to children and their parents. I’m also working on speaking to my church’s youth group. I’m researching other places I can speak at where I can reach parents and their children. Selling and signing my book is very rewarding and a dream come true, but bringing awareness to bullying and the effects it has on people is even more rewarding. God wanted me to write my story to help others, not to get rich.

I would love to get a movie deal and for my book to become a bestseller so I can stay home and write for a living, but I’m proud of having published a book and being able to speak out against something I am passionate about. When people ask me if I’m making a fortune on my book I say, “I’m not the next J.K. Rowling, but what I’m making is helpful.” Times are rough for my husband and me right now. It would be wonderful to make a living off my book, but that is a dream. Who knows it may happen? Dreams do come true.

How can you help me with my book? The best gift you can give an author is to write a review. You don’t have to be good at writing to do a review. Just put down what you like about my book. You can go on Amazon or Goodreads and post a review. Reviews help sell a book. Good reviews tell readers “This is a book you want to buy.” If you have bought my book, please consider writing a review.

Last week I did a promotion on the Kindle version of my book. It was on sale for ninety-nine cents for a week. I sold eighteen books. I consider that a success. I got an excellent review from someone who bought a Kindle copy. I hope more will write some reviews.

Many are asking me if I am going to write another book. Right now, I have not started on any books. My friend Roberta is organizing some of my blog posts for a book. I have plans to write about the years after the garage and I am writing down memories on index cards. I have written an article about adding emotions to memoir which I hope to submit to Pennwriters’ newsletter. Otherwise, I have not done a lot of writing. I put a lot into Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying and I just need time to sort out my emotions to write another book that deals with powerful and painful memories.

Speaking out against bullying and bringing awareness to the damages it causes help me stand proudly in the light of recovery.

ONLY 99p/99c!!!!!

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Aimee Eddy’s memoir Kindle is just 99p/99c at the moment. The sale goes on until March 17. Get your Kindle book Now before it’s too late!!! You have two days left!!!!

Here are the links:

AMAZON UNIVERSAL LINK: mybook.to/EscapetotheGarage

AMAZON UK LINK: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0B7FNK8WW

AMAZON  .COM LINK: www.amazon.com/dp/B0B7FNK8WW

Description

“Honest, determined and deeply emotional, Author Aimee Eddy provides an in-depth look into her life growing up and being bullied. Her imagination sustains and ultimately fuels her courage to move forward. A powerful read.” -Amy Bovaird, Author, Seeking Solace: Finding Joy After Loss

“Aimee shows a strong viewpoint of her childhood through her own personal lens. Escape to the Garage is very personal, educational, heart wrenching, and emotional.” -Alexander J. Kovarovic Executive Director and Founder / One Life Project & Our Colors United

“Aimee Eddy gives a highly emotional, target’s eye account of the bullying she suffered as a child during school. This book is an emotional roller-coaster and one you won’t be able to put down!” -Cherie White, former target of bullying, anti-bullying advocate, blogger, and author of From Victim to Victor (A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experience with School Bullying)

Unable to do classwork in first grade, Aimee Eddy is called a retard by her teacher.

This label follows her throughout elementary school and forces her to endure daily bullying from classmates and teachers. Low self-esteem and hopelessness threaten to swallow her.

Despite the hardships at school, she finds love and acceptance in one place—the family garage. There, Aimee, her siblings, and cousins disappear into their imaginations as they build forts in the junkyard and roll down hills in inner tubes. The support she receives from her family at the garage gives her the courage to withstand the deep depression school produces.

Then tragedy strikes, and the family loses the garage. Without this place of refuge, how will she find the strength to stand up to bullies?

DEPRESSION WITH GRIEF

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

When a person loses someone close to him or faces any kind of loss, he goes through five stages of grief. One of the stages of grief is depression. No matter what kind of depression you have, whether it be because of mental illness or grief, it is something that should be taken seriously. If you already have depression due to mental illness grief can intensify it. When it is depression from grief, it can be handled differently than that caused by mental illness.

I have gone through a lot of grief in my life. I went through the five stages of grief, but when it came to depression, it was intensified for me. When I lost my uncle in an accident, I was already suffering with depression. The loss intensified my depression and sent me into a very dark place. I fell to pieces and was on the edge of my breaking point. My thinking was illogical and internally I blamed myself for his death because of a wish I made. I didn’t know the difference between depression because of grief and the depression I already was feeling. I didn’t even know what depression was at that time.

Each time I have lost people in my life, it intensified my mental illness. In therapy I learned different ways to cope with depression as a mental illness. Recently I learned that dealing with a person who is suffering with depression just caused by grief is different than handling a mental illness.

A dear friend of mine lost a very close family member. Her family member had been ill, and as she took care of him, she started dealing with stages of grief. When he passed, she sunk into a depression. I wanted to be supportive, and I thought I could help her by sharing some of my coping techniques I learned for depression. She didn’t respond to my suggestions. I decided to do some research.

Here is a list of things you can do to help your friend or family member suffering from depression due to grief:

  • Don’t tell them about your grief or depression experiences. When a person is grieving, he can only focus on what he or she has lost. Grieving people don’t want to hear your experiences.
  • Don’t give advice. Don’t tell people what they should do with their grief or what worked for you. Don’t tell them how you think they should deal with their depression. You could do more harm to them. Everyone grieves differently. Allow your friend or family member grieve in his or her own way.
  • Be willing to listen and be supportive. This is when your friend or family member needs you the most. Be available to listen, to comfort, and to give support when they need it.
  • Don’t get pushy. If your friend or family member pulls away and insists he needs time alone, let him have that time. Don’t insist on visiting, on getting him out of the house, or talking when he is not ready to. If your friend or family member is sleeping a lot and doesn’t have interest in everyday activities, don’t push him. Let the person come to you when he or she is ready.
  • Do little things to remind the friend or family you are there for him or her. Offer to get the person’s mail, send a thinking of you card, or bring the person a meal.
  • Check in on your friend or family member. If your friend is spending a lot of time isolated from everyone, check in with him. Give him a phone call or drop in just to make sure he is well. You don’t have to stay to visit or have a long conversation. Just make sure the person is okay and then let him or her be.
  • Give your friend or family member plenty of time to grieve. Some get over grief in a short time and others may take longer. Never tell him or her to get over it. Let him take as long as he needs to grieve. Just support the person, no matter how long it takes.
  • Don’t avoid talking about the loved one your friend or family member lost. He needs to be reminded of the good memories and to share his own memories. Talking about the person he lost helps him come to terms with his loss.
  • Beware of signs your family member or friend needs extra help. If your family member or friend stops functioning, talks about suicide, gives up on taking care of himself, and the depression worsens, suggest grief counseling or therapy.

Grief is a hard thing to go though and sometimes we fear we’ll say or do the wrong thing when trying our best to help a loved one who is grieving. The best thing we can do for a person grieving is to be supportive and patient.

Because I researched grief I am working to be as supportive as I can be for my friend. Being there for others in their time of need and learning about depression from grief helps me stand in the light of recovery with a full heart and new knowledge.

SPEAKING EVENT

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

While I was writing my memoir, a fellow writer told me that I was going to become an advocate. She was right. Since my book came out, I have become very passionate about speaking out against bullying and sharing my experience with the world. My book is a testimony of the bad effects bullying has on a child, and the effects are the same for an adult. I am proof a person can rise from that bullying to help others. I believe God helped me write my book so I can help others.

Saturday, I gave a talk at McCord Memorial Library in North East, PA. Twenty-four people attended. So far that is the biggest audience I have had for my talks. Most of those who came were older people. One lady whom I had met through Facebook brought her teenage son who was facing bullying. I spoke from the heart and received a big applause at the end. Many told me how inspirational my talk was, some shared experiences with bullying, and many told me I am an excellent advocate for those who have been bullied. It was great, but I realized something. I need to find a way to speak to younger adults and children of all ages.

I’m working with a lady from my church speak to the youth group. I need to also find ways to speak at schools. I have a customer who works at a local school who hopes to have me speak there, but I haven’t heard anything from her yet. If you have suggestions on how I can bring my messages to schools and parents of children, please leave a comment.

A common question I have been getting from my readers is “How do you become an advocate?”

There are different kinds of advocates. My friend Alexander Kovarovic gave me some advice on this topic.  This is what he told me: Advocates are people who want to step up to make the world a better place for a certain reason like suicide prevention, bullying, domestic violence and more. This can be as simple as people sharing things on social media, going to events etc. Advocates are also people work on creating laws, people who run nonprofits and people who run charity events. To become an advocate, it’s good to start by volunteering for a nonprofit.

For me I became part of a nonprofit organization called National Internet Safety and Cyberbullying Taskforce (which is now called The One Life Project). First, I wrote blog posts for them and then I helped them set up events and interview volunteers. Then my book came out and I began to set up speaking and book signing events. Then being an advocate fell into place. I found myself able to stand up in front of people and speak from the heart without even planning my speech.

I think the biggest part of becoming an advocate is to find a topic you may have lived through and rise above or something you passionately want to change and speak out about it. Find a nonprofit that deals with your topic and volunteer. Learn as much as you can about your cause and how you can help others. Be willing to speak at events in front of crowds of people. If you have experience with your topic then share your story. Your story can help many.

I believe my talks and my book is helping many. I received a email from a reader who said by reading my book she learned more about bullying and the affects it has on people. I hope that many more are learning from my book too.

By speaking out against bullying I am growing stronger each day and I stand proudly in the light of recovery.

MISSED A POST

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This week due to a lot of stuff going on I forgot to write a blog post. Things have been a little bit crazy. I will have a post for you next week. If you live in my area don’t forget I’m signing books and speaking at McCord Library Saturday in North East PA at 10 am.

VALENTINE’S DAY

Published on by Aimee Eddy4 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day. Some say it’s a day created by sores and restaurants to sell products. Some see it as an ordinary day while others see it as a special day to celebrate love. Those who are lonely and don’t have a special someone may find Valentine’s Day depressing.

Before I met my husband, I used to get depressed on Valentine’s Day. I imagined the perfect man to sweep me off my feet and shower me with gifts and love. For the longest time I thought there was no special man for me. I hated watching others celebrate and talk about the special day they had. I felt alone and unwanted. My prince charming didn’t exit, so I thought.

In my school years boys picked on me and in my adult years I waded through bad relationships. After my one ex I swore off men and figured that no man could ever handle my mental illness. I made plans to live with my parents and after they were gone, I hoped to live with my younger sister. Love wasn’t meant for me. I would live my life single.

That all changed when I met my husband, Lou. My husband spoils me with love every day. None of my exs were as generous as Lou. One boyfriend bought me gifts, told me the prices, and told me to take good care of them. When we broke up, I destroyed the gifts. Lou bought me stuff without worrying about the cost. He gave from his heart. Plus, Lou gives the gifts that money can’t buy: kisses before he goes to work in the morning, cuddles at bed time, snuggles on the couch while watching TV, helping me down the stairs of our porch when it’s wet or icy, and much more.

Lou never forgets a holiday. He’s a romantic. He never ceases to surprise me. Even though he shows me his endless love continuously, he loves to make Valentine’s Day magical. The days of loneliness and depression on February 14 are gone. Now I feel loved, cherished, and special. I no longer hate Valentine’s Day. I can’t wait to find out what surprise he has in store for me.

When you love someone, you show them every day. You don’t need a holiday to do it, but still Valentine’s Day can be fun. Some married couples may need a day to remind each other of their loves. Married couples can get caught in ruts. They become so busy with their jobs and duties that they forget to stop and spend extra time together. Valentine’s Day can be the day to rekindle those flames.

You don’t have to have a significant other to celebrate Valentine’s Day. You can give flowers to the people in your life that you love and care about. Give a card or candy to a friend, buy flowers for your mother, spend the day hanging out with family, and so on. Don’t let today put you into sadness. Celebrate the special people in your life. It’s not just a day to celebrate romance, but a day to celebrate love. Love can be shared with anyone in your life that mean a lot to you. Celebrate loving yourself. Buy yourself flowers, go for a nice dinner, or take a day to sit in your PJs and watch movies.

Love is in the air. Let’s celebrate everyone we love. Celebrating the love of my friends, family and Lou on Valentine’s Day helps me dance in the light of recovery. Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

AN APOLOGY LETTER

Published on by Aimee Eddy4 Comments

Part of life is getting hurt by people. Sometimes they hurt us by accident, some don’t even realize they hurt us, and some hurt us because they are not nice. Getting an apology helps ease the pain, but not everyone apologizes. How do we mend our broken hearts if a person who hurt us never apologizes?

Since my book has been published, people have asked me, “Has any of your bullies read your book and apologized?”

Unfortunately, none of them has apologized and I don’t expect them to. I’m not even sure they would admit it was them in my book if they read it. My friend, Roberta, suggested I try writing an apology letter from one of my bullies to me. I thought about it and decided that would be a great idea. Below is an apology letter I have written from one of the bullies in my book, Donna. If you haven’t read my book, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, reading my book would give you a better idea about what Donna did to me.

Dear Aimee,

  I’m so sorry I called you a retard and other names in school. I didn’t understand what a learning disability was. I was a fool to think you were stupid. Look at you. You went to college. You wrote a book. You were never stupid or retarded. My words were cruel and wrong. I wish I could take them back. Now I’ve read your book and I can see how much they hurt you. I’m sorry I caused you so much pain.

  In school I thought you weren’t smart enough to ever work a job and I told you that you would be on welfare. Boy was I wrong. My life turned out to be a mess, but you went on to college, you got a degree, and you have worked the same job for twenty-seven years. I’m sorry I said that about you. I was so wrong. I’m the one who failed to succeed, but you are a success.

  I’m sorry I took your friends away and turned them against you. I’m sorry I stopped other kids from making a friendship with you. I didn’t feel good about myself and I turned that on you. I made your life miserable. It wasn’t nice of me to tell others lies about you so they wouldn’t be your friend. In a way I was jealous of you. My family and home life weren’t as good as yours, so in turn I made your school days miserable. I’m sorry for that.

  Maybe if I took the time to really get to know you, we could have been good friends. Maybe you could have been someone I could have confided in instead of someone I tore apart. I’m glad to see you were able to rise above the abuse I put you through and are now able to help others.

  You are a smart wonderful person and I’m sorry I never took the chance to get to know you for who you are. I can never take back all the pain I put you through or heal the wounds I caused, but at least I can do is tell you how wrong I was and how sorry I am.

   I am truly sorry for being so awful to you in school. I hope you will forgive me.

Sincerely,

Donna

I’d be surprised if I ever got an apology from Donna, but writing this letter helped ease the pain in my soul. It helped me see Donna as a person who acted out of ignorance and as an imperfect person instead of a monster. I’ll never be able to tell her I forgive her, but I forgive her for my own benefit. I don’t want to talk to her or have her in my life, but she is no longer that evil monster that tore me apart in school. Now I see her as a broken person who used her own insecurities to hurt me.

Try writing a letter of apology from the person who hurt you deeply. It will help you in the healing process and help you to forgive that person. It will also help you let go of the grip that person has on you. Once you have written the letter whisper or yell it out loud, “I forgive you.” Then let the wounds in your heart heal.

Writing the letter to Donna helped me heal. Because I wrote the letter I bathe in the light of recovery.