Author: Aimee Eddy

Love is a beautiful thing. Finding someone special who completes you and makes you fall in love with him or her each day is magical. Love comes in many forms. There is the love between a couple, the love of a friend, parental love, family love, and even the love of a pet. Each type is special and deserves to be celebrated and cherished. Valentine’s Day is a wonderful time to celebrate all kinds of love.

I never dated in school. The boys picked on me, and they made me feel hideous. I felt lonely and sad on Valentine’s Day. When other girls were getting gifts and roses from their boyfriends, I was dying inside. I day dreamed of Mr. Wonderful showing up and sweeping me off my feet. Unfortunately I could only dream. I spent a lot of time day dreaming of my perfect Valentine.

It wasn’t until I became an adult that guys started paying attention to me and I began to date. I had several boyfriends who bought me gifts for Valentine’s Day, but those relationships ended badly. The men I dated crushed my dreams of Mr. Wonderful. None of them knew how to handle my mental illness nor did they try to learn to help me. Instead they hurt me. After my one ex, I gave up all hopes of finding the right guy. I figured I would live with my parents until they passed, and then move to where my younger sister lives. I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life.

I had and still have very supportive parents, loving siblings, and good friends. I was willing to accept that would be enough to keep me going. For several years it was. Their love sustained me and encouraged me to fight towards recovery. Their love also helped me put an end to self-injury. Not everyone with mental health problems has these kinds of love. I felt blessed, yet I still dreamed of Mr. Wonderful.

It wasn’t until my thirties that I met Mr. Wonderful on a blind date. I agreed to one date with him, but he won my heart over. He swept me off my feet. He promised to treat me like a woman, to respect me, to spoil me with love, and to always be at my side. I thought when I told him about my mental illness he would walk away, but he didn’t. He agreed to do couple therapy with me so he could learn how to help me.

I was scared to say, “I love you” to him and when he said it to me, I told him it was too soon. Without me knowing he began to say, “I love you” with sign language. I thought he was giving me the peace sign or something. I had no idea what it meant until I asked a customer. Once I found out, I began to say it back to him. Our hearts were united, and I let go of my fears.

Next month we will be together fourteen years, and in April we’ll be married 13 years. There is not a special occasion or holiday that he forgets. There is not a day that he doesn’t shower me with love. He’s the love of my life, my Mr. Wonderful.

I was told once you get married Valentine’s Day just becomes another day, but not to us. Yes, we show each other love every day, but on Valentine’s Day we celebrate the magic of love. We celebrate the love of a friend that brought us together, the love of family that supported our relationship, the love of a man that filled my lonely soul with happiness and gave me hope, and the love of two people that created a magical bond. Despite struggling from mental illness, I found a special love. Valentine’s Day is a celebration of all the love I share with not just my husband, but with my friends and family.

Love is a magical thing that builds us up and encompasses us. If you’re feeling alone and unloved, look around you; you may find you are surrounded by love. If you think no man or woman could ever love you because of your illness, you’re wrong. The first step to finding love is to learn to love yourself, and to begin that fight towards recovery. Be patient: Mr. or Miss. Wonderful maybe waiting for you. Don’t give up on love, and never think you are not loved. If you spent this past Valentine’s Day feeling alone and unloved, then decide now that next year you will cherish all the different forms of love you have in your life. Maybe this is the year you’ll find your soulmate.

This Valentine’s Day, my husband spoiled me with gifts and dinner, but the best present he gave me is his undying love. His love and the love from friends and family allow the light to shine down on me.

Things happen in your life that lifts your spirits and also get you thinking. Life is full of surprises. Sometimes it gives you a bumpy road to travel and other times it gives you smooth roads. We never know what road we will be traveling on. The road to recovery can be like getting rid of an old, rusty car for a shiny, new one. You’re getting rid of an old, broken life for a new, bright life.

Tuesday morning my husband and I sat down to have breakfast. We began to talk about the problems with our 2008 Chevy Cobalt. We needed to get it fixed before May when our inspection would be up. We had a hole in the rocker panel, a sensor needed replacing, and we were having problems with the steering. There was no way we could afford to fix all these problems. We had already replaced the gas line and had the muffler repaired along with other things. It was time for something new.

This got me thinking about myself while I was sick. I was like our old car. I had lots of problems that needed fixing. I was self-injuring, my thoughts were negative, I was suicidal, and I couldn’t control my anxiety attacks. Like our car, I couldn’t afford to keep my life going on that road. I needed to change. I needed to renew my life.

After breakfast my husband and I decided to look at newer cars. We texted a friend we met through the dealer we bought our Cobalt from and she suggested a dealer ship. We drove to a town about a half hour away. We talked to a sales man, and he took us to a cherry red Chevy Equinox. The inside looked like new even though it was used. Both of us fell in love with it right away. We took it for a ride and we wanted to buy it. We were like kids in a toy store. So we began the long process of paperwork.

My choice to work towards recovery was like looking at new cars. I looked at what my life could be like in recovery. I saw a chance for a new, bright life. I was excited to take it for a test drive. I fell in love with the idea I could be happy. Like doing paperwork, I had a long process of therapy, medication, and work before me to reach recovery. I knew it wasn’t an easy process, but I wanted it like we wanted that car. I was willing to do whatever it took to reach recovery.

Hours later we got the keys to the SUV, and we drove to my parents to show it off. For a long while I had gotten used to being chauffeured around by my husband and lost interest in driving. When we got this SUV, I suddenly wanted to drive everywhere. I had a new toy and excitement filled me. At work I told my customers about our new vehicle and showed them pictures. Getting rid of the old car helped me let go of worries and getting a new one filled me with happiness.

Reaching recovery is like getting a new car except instead of a new car, I got a new beginning. I wanted to show everyone the new me. I bragged about my new beginning. I had this new shiny life to show off, and I wanted to tell everyone and I did. I still do. I tell everyone about how I threw away my rusted life and built a new one. I was and am excited. I’m not cured, but I’m happy.

Recovery is as shiny as a new car. Reach for it; strive for it. Get rid of your old broken down life, and work towards a new one. Recovery is worth the fight. You don’t have to settle for an endless life of darkness and sadness. You can find happiness. You can learn to control, and manage your mental illness. Happiness is waiting for you. Fight for it.

I’m doing well in recovery. I’ve had bumpy roads, but I enjoy the smooth roads. I’m driving down the road in the light of recovery.

 

Antidepressants are supposed to help us feel better about ourselves mentally and physically, but in a way they hurt our view of our body. Many antidepressants add extra pounds and can make you hungry. Not only do antidepressants add weight, but binge eating when you’re down also puts on extra pounds. How do you feel better if you’re hungry and adding extra pounds when you take your medication? How do you like yourself when you can’t control your eating when you’re down? How do you get healthier mentally and physically?

I have been struggling with my weight and my self-esteem for a long time. Over the years I put on a lot of extra pounds. My psychiatrist gave me a diet plan to help fight the weight gain my antidepressants caused and I was excited at first. I tried to keep to the plan, and at each visit my psychiatrist weighed me. I lost a few pounds, but I lost interest. Eating unhealthier when I was stressed and down became too easy. I got into a habit of eating junk food at night and snacking in between meals. It’s so easy to eat junk food when your emotions are running wild.

I put those pounds back on along with extra ones. I went from being one hundred and seventy to two hundred and thirty three. My round belly popped out and I began wearing elastic pants and double extra-large shirts. This also made it hard for me to look at myself in the mirror without disgust. I hated myself even more.

I kept saying to my husband, “I’m fat and ugly.”

He looked into my eyes. “Don’t put yourself down. You’re not ugly and you’re just overweight.”

I wanted to believe him, but I felt ugly and fat inside and out. I didn’t like myself, but I didn’t have the willpower to change it. Instead I just kept shoving food in my mouth, and sitting in front of the television. It wasn’t until the doctor said I was close to getting diabetes that I decided to do something about it. I mean I did try to work out with a friend for a little bit after I recovered from cancer, but gave up. A diagnosis of prediabetes woke up my determination.

As you have been reading in previous blog posts, I have been working hard on losing weight and eating healthier. It has been a trial and error process. I hurt in places where I didn’t know there were muscles. I keep pushing myself and resisting the junk food. Instead of snacking on chips and candy at night, I’ve been eating fruit. I’ve cut down my portions, and I’m drinking lots of water even though it’s making me pee a lot.

I didn’t think I could do this until I was smacked in the face with the possibility of getting another illness. Now I’m doing it. I have been doing this for four weeks so far and I have lost five pounds. I keep pushing myself. I wonder if I can keep up this lifestyle, and then I remind myself I have to. I can’t give up on losing weight and being healthier, because it is helping me physically and mentally.

At work a customer said to me, “You look like you’re losing weight.”

I couldn’t help but feel the light shine from my soul. I smiled and said, “I have lost weight. I’m working hard at it.”

“You look good,” the customer replied.

For the first time in a while, I feel good inside and out. It’s been a while since I’ve been happy with myself. I have a long ways to go to get below two hundred pounds, but I am already proud of how far I have come. All the pain, the cravings, and the giving up of foods I like are worth it. I am losing weight. I couldn’t be happier with myself.

My friend Cheryl is also trying to lose weight and we keep telling each other we can’t wait until we have “bikini bodies.” I have no breasts to hold up a bikini top, but it is a goal I am going to reach for. I am already starting to feel healthier physically and mentally.

Don’t let mental illness and antidepressants take away your self-esteem. Yes, the medication puts on weight, and yes it’s easier to eat unhealthy when you’re feeling down, but it doesn’t make you feel good. Get off the couch and do some exercises, even if it’s just walking around your neighborhood. Replace that chocolate cake with an orange. When you’re down, binge eat on healthy foods, cut down on your portions, and get off that couch and get moving.

It’s up to you to change your ways so you’ll like yourself more. You can be healthier mentally and physically. Make eating healthier and exercising part of your recovery plan. Don’t put it off like I did. Push yourself. You can do it.

I won’t give up on my quest to be healthier. It’s helping me feel better about myself, and that helps me run with pride in the light of recovery.

 

Some people are born chefs. They cook up fancy meals with all kinds of spices and herbs that tickle the taste buds. In this modern age, many buy frozen dinners or eat out a lot. However, there are people who still cook a meal each night for their families. It’s easy to make unhealthy meals that are quick and simple. In these busy days, who has time to slave over the stove? Eating healthy can be a challenge. Trying to cook meals when you’re used to taking the easy way out can be an adventure.

My mother always made home cooked meals when we were kids, and she still does. She is a wonderful cook. When I got married, I started using many of her recipes, but after standing for six to seven hours a day at work, I became lazy. My husband and I started eating out a little too much. With my recent diagnosis of prediabetes, I began a new adventure of cooking healthy.

I decided my husband would be my victim. If he flopped over from my cooking, then I wouldn’t make that recipe again. If he asked for seconds and bragged about how good it tasted, the recipe would get a high score. First I had to learn some new things about cooking like what certain spices are and if I can leave them out or if they are necessary. I had no idea what spices like curry and cumin are. Being a cashier, I did know that spices are expensive. There are a few cheaper ones you can get at the dollar store. So with this knowledge I was hoping to make recipes with the cheapest spices I could get or find alternatives.

Wednesday, my husband Lou and I went shopping for ingredients for several different recipes. That night I decided to make chicken broccoli casserole for the next night’s supper. My husband went to bed at seven-thirty and I went to work.

I read through the ingredients and put them out on the counter. Will my husband survive this recipe? Can I cook him a healthy meal he’ll love or will I be sending him to an early grave?

It said to mix the ingredients in a bowl. Two of the ingredients were bread crumbs and curry. I realized I forgot those two. I didn’t even know what curry is. Was it something necessary? Could I use something else in place of it? I private-messaged my friend Amy and she told me it’s a hot spice. My husband and I don’t like hot stuff, so I decided to skip it. My solution for the bread crumbs was to take piece of wheat bread and rip them up into small pieces. Perfect solution, I thought.

I started mixing all the ingredients in a bowl. I forgot the cream of chicken soup. I reached up into the cupboard and a can of tomato sauce fell into the bowl. The bowl tipped, and the contents splattered everywhere. Our dog was fast at licking up what hit the floor and she didn’t flop over. I took that as a good sign. On the bad side, I had to start over.

Once again I started mixing the ingredients. I tore up the bread into crumbs and dumped them in. Next I mixed in the cheese and olive oil. It looked like a clumpy, yellow, and slimy mess.

Oh boy. I hope this taste better than it looks. I really hope Lou doesn’t divorce me for trying to kill him.

I read the next steps. It said, “Pour contents of the bowl over the chicken and broccoli layer in the pan.” Then next to it, it said, “Mix bread crumbs, olive oil and cheese in a separate bowl and sprinkle it on top of the casserole.”

I threw my hands up in the air. Now I’m really going to kill Lou with my cooking. I mixed everything together and I needed actual bread crumbs. What have I done? I failed big time. What do I do now? I already mixed it all together.

I decided I would put it in the oven anyways and pray my husband would survive the next day when I served it to him. It did smell good while it was cooking. Another good sign.

This had to turn out good. My husband doesn’t usually like chicken. How could I make him want to eat this if I messed up the recipe? He loves cheese. That was a plus, but it had chunky pieces of bread mixed in instead of bread crumbs sprinkled on top. Cheese couldn’t be bad mixed in, but pieces of bread?

I worried the next day while at work if I would score a 10 or make my husband double over. After work I pulled out the casserole and dished it out on plates. I warmed each one up. Then we sat down at the table. I said the prayer and afterwards my hubby picked up his fork.

I held my breath. This is the moment of truth. Should I move the garbage can close to him in case he gets sick? Should I stand next to him so I can catch him if he keels over?

He scooped up some of the casserole and put it in his mouth. “Yum, this is delicious. You have to make it again.”

I let my breath escape my lungs. I wanted to scream, “I scored a perfect 10.” Instead of saying, “Mikey likes it,” I wanted to say, “Louie likes it.” I actually impressed my husband with a fumbled, healthy chicken recipe. He even wants me to make it again. I felt like a medal was being placed on my chest. I graduated from a simple chef to a moderate chef.

“Yay, Louie likes it.”

My advice to you is don’t be afraid to try something new. If you goofed up, keep pushing forward. Don’t mark yourself as a failure. Your goof up may turn out to be better than you think. Take on new adventures with your fight towards recovery from mental illness, breast cancer, prediabetes, and so on.

Cooking healthy recipes is going to help me lose weight, beat prediabetes, and feel better mentally and physically. Working towards being healthier and taking on new adventures is allowing the light above the hole shine even brighter.

 

When you have health problems, sometimes you need to create a plan of action to help manage or prevent the issue. There are plans for types of treatments, plans for changing eating habits, plans for increasing exercise, and so on. Even with mental illness, you need a plan to work towards recovery. When you’re diagnosed with breast cancer, you are given a plan of treatment and things you can do on your own to help. Action plans come in handy with many other illnesses like prediabetes, and diabetes.

I wrote last week about being told I have prediabetes, and this week I’m going to write about my plan to prevent diabetes. I know my blog is mainly about breast cancer and mental illness, but I found that my plan is also helping with those, too. My plan is to lose weight, change how I eat, and exercise more. Eating healthy and exercising are also suggested to help fight mental illness and breast cancer.

It’s too easy to get depressed and eat comfort foods like ice cream, cake, and cookies. In the end, do these foods really give you comfort? I mean, you eat them and gain weight. Then you feel bad about yourself and how you look. I have felt bad about my weight for a long time. I hate to look at my round belly and pudgy cheeks in the mirror. I kept telling myself I needed to lose weight, and I tried and failed. I just couldn’t give up my so called comfort foods. I just hated myself for being fat, yet I didn’t put enough determination into changing that.

Being told I have prediabetes awakened the determination I used to fight so many other challenges. I refuse to get diabetes. I refuse to have another illness to fight and overcome. I have had too many health problems, and I will not let myself have another one. So I came up with an action plan with the help of my friend Denise and my hubby.

My friend Denise and I have been working out this week. Three times this week I have gotten up at 8:30 am and Denise comes over around 9 am. We walk around the neighborhoods I live in or near. We also jog. On a bike rack near the elementary school, we do pushups and leg stretches. In the alley behind my home, we do stretches, lift weights, and other exercises. On Friday we walked around the blocks near my house, and we jogged. At the nursing home next door, we did steps up on a parking block, pushups on a picnic table, and I squat down onto the bench and stood up. By the time I was done, I was sweating.

Denise is very encouraging. When I feel like I can’t take another step, she tells me, “Come on, you can do it. Push through, just a little bit further.”

I push and I make it and then she says, “Let’s go a little further.”

I hurt in places I never thought I could hurt, but I feel proud of what I have accomplished. I feel confident that I can lose weight. I also noticed my spirits have lifted. I feel better about myself. I feel confident in my ability to lose weight and prevent diabetes. Instead of calling myself a fat pig, I’m thinking of how great I’ll look when I shed the pounds.

I’m not just exercising; I’m also changing the way I’m eating. My cousin told me of an App called Lose It. It keeps track of your calories and exercise. It’s hard to cut down on how much I eat and what I eat. I’m craving the things that are not good for me, and I’m always hungry, but in the end it will be worth it.

I bought some cookbooks to help me. The books are Diabetes and Heart Health Meals for Two by the American Diabetes Association, The Prediabtes Action Plan and Cookbook by Cheryl Mussatto, MS, RD, LD and The Everything Guide To Managing and Reversing Pre-Diabetes by Gretchen Scalpi, RD, CDN, CDE. I’m trying out recipes on my husband. I made a tuna casserole from one of the books that was delicious. I’m gathering ingredients for other recipes.

I bought fruits to snack on when I’m feeling down, and I’m adding vegetables to my meals. No more comfort food; now it’s healthy foods. I am eating sugar free candy in moderation. I don’t consider myself on a diet. Instead, I’m just changing the way I eat. Fruits and vegetables can also boost your mental health. Green leafy vegetables can help fight breast cancer. It’s cheaper to buy unhealthy foods, but more expensive when it comes to health problems. Healthy foods are more expensive, but cheaper when it comes to less doctor visits.

If you’re struggling with mental illness, breast cancer, or fighting off prediabetes, come up with an action plan. Becoming a healthier and stronger you will help you feel better. It’s hard work to get there, but you can do it. Do it for you. Do it to feel stronger, do it for good health, and do it to help you feel better about yourself. If I can do it, you can, too.

I’m still in the beginning stages of my action plan, but I am determined to follow it through. Because of my determination, I will prevent diabetes and continue to stand in the light as a stronger, healthier person.

Sometimes health problems occur when you least expect them, problems that require you to change your lifestyle. This is a very hard task to take on, but if you don’t, your quality of life could be at risk. It could lead to a miserable existence if you don’t or death. This is hard to wrap your mind around. When you’ve been through mental illness, the news that you have another health problem can weigh heavily on your mental well-being. Changing your lifestyle is more than changing how you eat, how much you exercise, and how you live; it also means working on your thinking and how you feel about yourself.

My sugar has been running a little high for a while and I have cut down on eating candies and I drink a lot of unsweetened tea. Apparently that wasn’t enough. I went to see the doctor Wednesday for my carpal tunnel and they took my blood work. A couple days later a nurse called me to tell me my A1C was 6.3 and diabetes is 6.5. I’m only a few points from having diabetes. It was like a kick in the stomach.

My mind went crazy. I deserve diabetes. It’s my fault for getting so fat. I’m a fat pig. I don’t eat right and I have a big stomach. I gave myself diabetes. I knew I had a sugar problem and I didn’t take care of it. I’m going to die a miserable, awful, and painful death and it’s my fault.

I couldn’t help but hate myself for having a health problem. I didn’t need another problem. I’m still waiting for the doctor’s office to schedule me with an orthopedic doctor for my wrist. I have been worrying for a while about having another surgery, and now on top of that I’m worrying about how I can prevent myself from getting full blown diabetes. My mind is swirling in circles. My thoughts are out of control. Which should I worry about first? How to prevent an awful disease or is there something the doctors could do to my carpal tunnel other than surgery?

I messaged my friend and she told me not to be hard on myself. She said I needed to make a lifestyle change and from now on I need to think positive. Deep down I knew she was right. I have to make more serious changes to my life. I have to start eating better, I have to push myself to exercise, and I have to give up sugary sweets. I have to do this.

There is no more sneaking a candy bar, no more eating a doughnut while on the run, no more drinking pop in the mornings to wake me up, and no more meals out because I’m too tired and sore after work to cook. I have to pick healthy snacks when I’m watching television at night, I have to learn to plan healthy meals at home, and I have to push myself to exercise. This is a lot. Can I do this? I’ve tried diets in the past and never succeeded. This time I have to be successful.

To make these big changes I have to get my thoughts sorted out. Thinking this is my fault and I’m a fat pig is not going to help me change. I need to think positive like my friend told me to. I need to put my mind in a good place. I’ve overcome so much and I have never given up, even when things got really bad in my life, and I’m not going to start giving up now. I’m not a quitter and I’m determined.

My friend messaged me, “You can do this. Stay positive. Don’t be hard on yourself. It’s all up hill from now on and we will exercise.”

I have to fight those negative thoughts and worries. I have to find that determination I used to rise above bullying, to reach recovery from mental illness, and to kick cancer in the butt, to fight off diabetes. The worrying and self-destructive thoughts will not help me change my lifestyle. It’s not easy. I can’t flip a switch in my mind and shut them off. It’s a battle. I have to battle my mind, my cravings for junk food, and my lack of interest in exercising. I have to fight for me. I need to change for me.

Medical problems will come up in your life. Your mind will go to a dark place. You may have to change your lifestyle, and you’ll fear you can’t. You can make those changes. You had to make changes to fight mental illness and you have to make changes to stay healthy. You can do it. Don’t beat yourself up. Dig deep inside you and find your determination and fight.

I don’t know what will happen with my wrist, but I do know I can prevent diabetes. I will do whatever it takes to change my lifestyle and be a healthier me. Because I’m willing to do this, I know I will soon be standing even taller in the light of recovery.

Breast cancer is a harsh disease. No matter what kind of treatment you endure, it is not an easy road to travel. It takes a lot out of you physically and mentally. Mastectomy is one form of treatment. A mastectomy is not an easy surgery. There is no way to truly be prepared for what lies ahead of you, but there are a few things you can do to get ready. A friend shared a few tips she did with me before mine. It helped a lot. I’d like to share a few tips with you. If you are preparing to have a mastectomy, these may help you get ready for your surgery.

Here are a few tips that may help you before and after you have your surgery.

• Buy button down shirts. You can buy shirts at a second hand store like the Salvation Army. After the mastectomy, you with have drains and it will hurt to lift your arms over your head. After my mastectomy, I wore some old button down shirts my husband had from an old job he once worked. It was more comfortable to slide my arms into sleeves without raising them over my head.
• Ask your surgeon for a prescription for a camisole or get a fanny back. The camisole is like a vest with pockets to hold your drains. It fits comfortably under your shirt. You can even get one from the hospital after your surgery. Some find camisoles uncomfortable, and in that case you can use a fanny pack to hold your drains. I was fitted for two camisoles. One was loose and the second was a bit tighter. I found the looser one more comfortable.
• Plan to sleep in a recliner or gather pillows to prop you up in bed. After your surgery, it will be too painful to sleep lying flat on your back or on your side. You’ll need to sleep propped up. My husband has a recliner in the basement, but I didn’t want to sleep down there, and there was no place in our living room to put it. I gathered several pillows and propped myself up in bed. I’m normally a side sleeper, but going through a mastectomy takes a lot out of you so I fell asleep without problem.
• Buy protein foods you don’t have to prepare. Protein helps with the healing process, but you will not be in any shape to prepare meals. So, before your surgery buy protein bars, Ensure with protein, and peanut butter. If someone is making you a meal and he or she asks what you like, suggest foods rich in protein like chicken, peas, and cheese. After my surgery, I drank Ensure regularly, my mom bought me protein bars, and some of my friends made me meals with chicken and other protein rich foods.
• Build a support system. You’ll need family and friends to talk to, to cry on the shoulders of, and to encourage you. Support groups are also helpful. Losing a part of your body is not easy. You’ll go through stages of grief and depression. I had friends I could text, my parents to call, and my husband to rub my back. I also joined a support group for breast cancer patients and survivors called Link By Pink. The group was, and is very helpful and encouraging. Losing your breasts or a breast is not easy to handle; if you think you need to see a therapist, talk to the cancer center for references. They may even have a therapist for you to see.
• Welcome friends and family who offer to help. If you have friends or family who ask, “What can I do to help?” suggest they help with meals, to sit with you to give your caregiver a break, or help with household chores. When I had my surgery, a friend started a chart where people signed up to bring my husband and me meals each day, my mom, sister and family visited with me while my husband took some time for himself, and a family friend did dishes for me. This helped not only me, but also my husband who was my caretaker.

Going through a mastectomy is rough. You’ll need a lot of rest and plenty of time to grieve. Don’t plan on doing much, beyond resting. Follow these suggestions on the list and you will get through this. Don’t be surprised if you’re very emotional or if it takes time to even look at your chest. This surgery takes a lot out of you physically and emotionally. You can get through this. You will beat cancer.

It was rough going through this surgery, but I am proudly a year and a half cancer free. I’ll never forget what I went through to get there, but I am happy. The light of recovery is beaming down on me.

 

 

2019 is about to end, and at midnight we will usher in 2020. Do you look back at 2019 and think of all the bad things that happened? Do you reflect on the good things or do you look ahead? Many make resolutions they never keep in the new year. Many plan on starting diets, declare they will exercise more, decide they will tighten their budgets, and so on. Some of the resolutions get off to a good start and then the person loses interest. We can make resolutions we never follow through with or we can look at a new year as a new beginning.

The past three years have been rough for me with surgeries, illnesses, and loss of loved ones. It’s easy to worry that a new year will bring more problems and heartaches. It would be easy for me to fear 2020. I’m already having problems with my carpal tunnel in my wrist. It hurts to be writing this, and I have to take several breaks to get the feeling back in my fingers. I tried the chiropractor, but there doesn’t seem to be much improvement. I’m worried I will have to start out the year with carpal tunnel surgery. That would be my eighth surgery. I don’t want another surgery. I could dwell on this or think about the new year in a more positive light.

What new things can I do? What changes can I make to my life? How can I take a leap into a new beginning? 2020 doesn’t have to be another bad year. I could have another surgery, but by doing the surgery, I would be able to write without pain. Then I’d be able to write more consistently and 2020 could be the year I get my memoir published. In the new year my new beginning could be me holding my first book and autographing it. There is always a better way to look at the negative side to life and life’s challenges.

If it comes down to surgery or giving up my writing, I’d rather do the surgery. My writing means everything to me. It’s my dream, my escape from my life and my therapy. I can’t stop writing.

Even my chiropractor said, “I can’t have a writer who can’t write.”

I don’t want to think of the New Year as another bad year. I want to think of it as a year with new beginnings. This is my year to shine in my writing and speaking. It’s my year to try new things and make new memories. I’ve been through so much and the health problems seem to keep popping up. I could worry that more problems will come, but I choose to look at the brighter side. I can’t live my life worrying if another health problem or tragedy is going to happen.

2019 wasn’t a totally bad year. I gave two speeches, I received an award, I was on TV three times, and I was published in another author’s book. If I could accomplish that despite losing Aunt Fay, my grandma, and a dear friend, Nancy Coleman, just think of what I can do in a new year. I have a whole year to make many strides in my life. I will grow, learn from my mistakes, and take new steps.

This could be your chance to start your life over. 2020 can be the year you take control of your mental illness and find recovery, it can be the year you kick breast cancer in the butt, it can be the year you start a life with the man of your dreams, and much more. It’s a new year and your chance for a new beginning. Welcome 2020 with open arms, big dreams, and much more, and reach beyond the inner pain for a new start.

Don’t look back at the bad things that happened in 2019 and dwell on them. Instead, cherish the good things and reach for a better year. Start something new; do something new. 2020 is your year to shine.

I’m not going to look at 2020 as the year I may have another surgery. Instead, I’m going to look at it as a new start with lots of new steps and dreams. The light of 2020 is bright, and at midnight I will be dancing in the light of a new beginning.

 

 

 

Merry Christmas to you all!! This time of year can be difficult. Many have materialized Christmas. They rush around to buy the best and often the most expensive gifts for their loved ones. They spend thousands of dollars on gift cards. Many wrack up big bills on their credit cards and spend money they don’t have. Why do people go overboard on material objects? Christmas joy is not material gifts. It’s the gift of Jesus and the gift of a father who loved his children so much he gave us a king to save us from sin.

When I was a child, my family never had a lot of money. My parents struggled to just feed us. Mom and Dad told us to write out a Christmas list, but because they didn’t have a lot of money, to help Santa out we would each get three gifts. After Christmas I heard about kids getting an abundance of toys, but I was happy with my three. We didn’t need a lot of presents to be happy. Most importantly, my parents put Jesus first and they gave us endless love. Material things weren’t important even though we enjoyed getting gifts. The true joy of Christmas was more than the presents.

This year I’m struggling a bit with Christmas. Every Christmas since I was a baby I spent time with my grandma. When I was a child, my family and I went to my grandparents for dinner and we spent the whole day there. When my older sister started having children, my mom began making Christmas dinner and after dinner we went up to my grandparents to give them gifts and spend time with them. When Grandpa passed, Grandma started having Christmas dinner with us. When Grandma was placed in a nursing home, my husband and I began to bring her Christmas cookies and a poinsettia.

Since I was born, I never spent a Christmas without my grandma. This will be my first year without her. I feel lost and sad. Grandma was always the most faithful believer in God. She loved God first, then family and friends. She practiced God’s teaching in her daily life. On Christmas she put Jesus birthday first. She gave all twenty-seven of her grandchildren and all eight of her children the best gift of all, love from deep within her heart.

When I was a kid sometimes there were elderly ladies joining us for our family meals. Grandma couldn’t let anyone be alone on Christmas. In the nursing home she offered some of the cookies we brought her to the other residents. She gave endlessly. She gave with a smile and endless hugs. She even hugged strangers. In her eyes we saw Christmas joy. Through her faith we found the true meaning of Christmas.

Christmas joy isn’t the material gifts. Yes, the material presents are fun to get, but the gifts money can’t buy are much better. Wise men brought baby Jesus gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrhh, but the ultimate present was given by God. He gave us the gift of his undying love. He gave us his son, a son that died on a cross to save us from sin, a son who walked the earth healing people, preaching, feeding many, and much more. What an awesome gift!

We as humans can’t give a present so wonderful as that, but we can give from the heart. We can take a minute to give a hug, put on a smile, give a warm greeting, make a stranger laugh, and so on. My grandma did those things and I try to do those things, too. I give customers and fellow employees hugs, I joke around with customers, and I smile even when I feel like falling over. Grandma smiled even when she was in a wheel chair, she gave when she had nothing to give, and much more.

Christmas joy isn’t in the material gifts you give. It’s the presents you give from the heart. So tomorrow while you’re opening up your presents, stop and think about what gifts you can give from the heart. Invite someone who is alone over for dinner, make a call to someone you haven’t called in a long time, give a hug, and much more. Spread Christmas joy to everyone by giving from the heart and celebrating Jesus’ birthday.

This Christmas I’m giving not only material gifts, but I’m giving presents from the heart. I’m honoring Grandma’s memory by putting a poinsettia on her grave and sharing my love with others. This Christmas the light of Jesus is shining all around me and Grandma is smiling down from heaven.