Everyone has a fear or more than one. Some fears have special names like acrophobia (fear of heights) or arachnophobia (fear of spiders and some fears are personal). We all avoid things that make us feel uncomfortable. We’ll stay away from high places when we have acrophobia, or we’ll avoid spiders if we have arachnophobia. When fears grow bigger in our mind or prevent us from living a happy life, then they become a problem.

All fears are irrational feelings that are very real to the person facing them. When these fears build on top of each other or grow from a small fear to a big one, they cause anxiety. They prevent us from falling in love, leaving our homes, reaching our dreams, and starting something new. When fears paralyze our lives when we need to get help and learn to stand up to them.

In high school I developed a fear of getting sick. I was obsessed with proving to my classmates that I was not dumb and getting the highest grades. At the end of the school year, I listened to the kids in my school receive multiple awards for their success in school. I decided to get awards and to succeed I had to stay healthy and not miss a day of school. In my mind getting sick meant I was weak and a failure. When my siblings got sick, I avoided them and was nasty to them. At night I begged God to keep me healthy, and at home I cleaned my hands frequently and became unbearable to be around.

That fear was built from my irrational thinking. Sickness didn’t make me weak; it wouldn’t have prevented me from proving to everyone I was smart. It prevented me from being kind to my siblings. It made me into an awful sister who treated my siblings horribly for something they couldn’t control. This fear followed me into adulthood and when I was dating my husband and he got sick, I left the house and drove around for hours. He called me several times and I ignored the calls. In time I learned to handle illnesses better.

I’m a director of One Life Project and we’re in the process of planning events. I’ve always been the person who likes to sit in the background unnoticed. Then I published my book and I’ve been standing in front of people giving speeches about bullying and now the founder of One Life, Alex, wants me to take a step further into the public. He wants me to learn to be a leader and to contact organizations. This scares me. I’d rather sit in the background and follow someone, but I can’t do that. Alex sees something in me I don’t see. He wouldn’t have chosen me if he didn’t. I could let my fear take control and prevent me from helping many with mental illness and making changes in others lives, or I can stand up to my fear.

I learned through my friend, Denise, and through therapy, you cannot let fear stop you. Denise picked me up from home one day and drove me to a resort that has many activities. When we got there, she turned to me and said, “You’re not afraid of heights are you?”

“Yes, I am,” I replied.

“Well, then you’re going to face it because we are going ziplining,” she said.

The whole time we rode the ski lift up the mountain side and I slowly climbed the tower to the zipline I kept telling myself, “I can’t do this.” Denise encouraged me all the way up and even until I jumped off the tower. I felt a rush of excitement as I sped down the mountain hooked to a cable. Through Denise I learned not to let fear stand in my way of doing things.

Instead of letting my fear of becoming a leader grow bigger and bigger until it paralyzes me, I’m going to face it. I will learn, I will ask questions, I will take it step by step and in time I will lead and be confident in contacting organizations.

Facing our fears helps us grow as a person. We grow stronger and more confident. I can’t tell you that fears will completely disappear. I still don’t like heights, but I’m more willing to tackle them. Facing your fears and pushing through them will open you up to new opportunities, new ways of thinking, and new beginnings.

Don’t let your fears cripple you from living, doing something new, from enjoying life, and from discovering yourself. Stand up to your fear and say, “You will not defeat me. I can overcome you.” Stop those little fears in their track before they grow into huge ones and leave you sick with anxiety. This is hard to do. I am still working on standing up to the little fears, but we can do it together.

Standing up to fears makes me a stronger person. Each day I take that step towards a fear I grow inside, and this helps me soar in the light of recovery.