Tag: anxiety

RECOVERY HAS DETOURS

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With many illnesses recovery occurs in a straight line. You go from illness to wellness. Your illness is gone and you feel better. Mental illness doesn’t go in a straight line. Recovery doesn’t mean you will no longer struggle again. Instead, in recovery from mental illness, you have detours, bad days, and good days. You use coping skills and you learn new ones, you make progress, and you fall.

If you have been fallowing my blog posts, you will see that I have written about struggling with illnesses, death, becoming a caregiver, surgeries, money problems, and so much more. All these things are detours in my recovery. Each one affected me emotionally and left me struggling with my depression and anxiety. Each time I felt like I was falling backwards, but I used coping skills to pull myself up. I also learned new coping skills to help me handle these. There are also days when I feel depressed and I’m not sure why. I just want to cry and lie in bed, but I must force myself to get up and keep pushing forward.

I have had to set boundaries in my life. Boundaries with friends, family, and my job. It’s important to put my recovery first. I have walked away from friends because I couldn’t handle their dramatic lifestyles or negativity. I’ve had to take breaks from friends because what they were going through became too much for me to handle. When my one friend’s brother was very sick, I did my best to be supportive but had to take a couple days break to take care of myself. I work part-time because full-time is too much for me to handle. When I’m called into work early, I have to decide whether I can handle the extra hours or not.

I use coping techniques to not only manage my illness on bad days, but to also make it through each day. My depression and anxiety don’t just disappear because I’m in recovery. Coping techniques help me manage my sickness so I can be happy. I can live a happy life if I cope with the challenges and struggles of living in society. I cope with stressors and detours of everyday life, so I don’t fall down into the hole of darkness. I have coping techniques for my anxiety, so I don’t have an attack that leaves me physically sick. I’m also learning new coping techniques.

I take my medication each day. I have to take medication in the morning, afternoon, and at night. I put my meds in pill containers with the days of the week. I have one for mornings and for bedtime. I carry a pill box with me everywhere I go so I have my afternoon medicine when I need it. If I miss an anxiety pill, I have the dry heaves and I get sick. Once in a while I do forget, but I try to keep on track.

I keep my appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist. For a while I was doing well without a therapist and I just leaned on my support team, but when my loved one was diagnosed with dementia, I knew I needed to take care of him and get help for myself. So, I started back to therapy. Part of being in recovery is knowing when to ask for help. I knew caregiving would be hard to handle mentally, so I found a therapist. I also keep my appointments every two months with my psychiatrist. This is important so that he knows how I’m doing on my medication and if I need any modifications or changes.

I have a support team I can lean on when I don’t see my therapist. My support team listens to me, gives me advice, and encourages me. I call my friend Cheryl my first therapist. I text her almost every day about things I’m struggling with, my worries, and my bad thoughts. A lot of her advice is the same as my therapist gives me. I also lean on my friend Nicky. She’s good at telling me about new coping techniques to try. She also has good advice.

Despite all the work you do to stay in recovery, old feelings come back, you fall, new stressors set you back, and old unhealthy coping techniques can return, but that doesn’t erase the years of progress you made. These are more of those detours in your recovery, and there are ways around them. You can pull yourself back up. You didn’t fail. It’s just part of the recovery process.

I hurt my back and have been going to a chiropractor for four weeks, and I’m not getting better. I feel sad, frustrated, scared, and hopeless. I fear I may have hurt the spot where I had surgery several years ago. Hurting, not being able to bend over, and trying to work while in pain is stirring up my depression. On top of that I struggle taking care of my loved one with dementia, and my dad’s bone cancer has come back. A lot of old feelings have resurfaced. I want to lie in bed and block out the world, but instead I use coping techniques, my support team, and therapy to keep pushing forward.

I look at this setback not as a failure, but as a lesson I can learn. I look at my feelings, my depression, and struggles and think, “What do I need to do? How can I help myself? What have I learned about myself and the detour?”

Recovery is work. There are many detours. It’s how you manage your illness, how you cope, and how you take care of yourself that gets you around them. Don’t let setbacks discourage you or make you think you failed. Push through them and ask for help when you need to. Recovery can be a bumpy road. It’s not a straight line. You move forward and make progress. Then you hit a detour and fall. Next you pull yourself up and push forward. And then you fall again to only pick yourself back up. Despite the ups and downs you’re stronger now and you can handle it.

Each day I work hard to stay in recovery. I have many detours in my life, but I always manage to pull myself up. Because I’m willing to work my way around the detours, I bathe in the light of recovery.

NICOLE’S STORY

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Listening to others’ stories about how they struggled with mental illness and worked their way to recovery encourages and educates people. Nicole Galloway Miller is a friend I met years ago when I was self-injuring and struggling with my mental illness. Nicole was struggling too. We became a strong support system for one another. We saw each other through some rough times. In the years I’ve known her I have seen her at her worst and now at her best. She has an inspiring story to tell.

I decided to interview Nicole because her story is very encouraging. Below is my interview with her.

Aimee: What mental illnesses do you struggle with and when were you first diagnosed?

Nicole: Autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and PTSD. I was first diagnosed in first grade.

Aimee: How did mental illness affect your life at such a young age?

Nicole: Mostly, I just remember always having intense anxiety and trouble sleeping. It is hard for me, because I assumed everyone was like me and was much better at coping than me. I did not understand then like I do now that my brain works differently. I just always thought I was terrible at coping with stuff and lazy.

Aimee: How has having autism affected your mental health?

Nicole: At its core, autism is a central nervous system disorder. That means my body has much more intense emotional and physical reactions to stress and environmental stimuli like noise, lights, and scratchy fabrics. As I learned that my reactions were normal for me and not everyone experienced the world that way, it improved my depression and anxiety some, but there are other challenges.

My brain processes information differently, too. I went to therapy as a teenager; therapy did not really work until I found a therapist who worked with autistic people. That is the first time I ever made progress in therapy. I was 26.

The key to therapy was actually to not try so hard and constantly push myself, but to take breaks and give my brain and nervous system more rest and recharge time.

Aimee: Tell me about when you hit rock bottom of your illness and how you pulled yourself up?

Nicole: One of my hardest struggles has been employment. I have been trying to maintain a job for longer than one year since I was twenty. I am now forty-three. The last opportunity I tried was an organization that employed autistic people in corporate roles. Unfortunately, my manager there did not know anything about autism. This opportunity ended in a hospitalization where I was having extreme attacks of paranoia so intense I believed my boss was spying on me through my phone and car. I had to resign and I felt like a failure.

However, after getting treatment, resting, and regrouping I have decided to start my own business. This is going well so far. I am working hard and custom orders and opportunities keep coming to me. The biggest lesson autism has taught me is not to give up, but to keep trying.

Aimee: What unhealthy coping techniques did you develop while struggling?

Nicole: I was a cutter. Now I am a smoker.

Aimee: What healthy coping techniques did you learn to cope with your illness?

Nicole: There are so many. Some of my favorites are yoga, deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation. The last two really help me with sleeping. The coping skill I use the most is knitting and crochet. It helps me regulate my emotions, relax, and can be socially acceptable in public places. I even knit standing in lines. I am always trying new coping techniques, too.

Aimee: How did you pull yourself up to where you are happy and functioning in society?

Nicole: In some ways I think I am lucky. I have struggled with this illness for as long as I can remember. There has not been a time when I have not. For me, it has always been about making tomorrow happier and healthier than today has been. I am happy to report that my forties truly have been the happiest years of my life. Every decade of my life, I have struggled a little less and made progress.

Aimee: What advice would you give others struggling with mental illness and working towards recovery?

Nicole: We have a saying in the autistic community that if you meet one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism. Everyone’s journey is unique. Some of us take longer to do things. Your recovery journey is personal to you and will be done on your own time. Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s, and above all celebrate the victories. Sometimes, when you are depressed, brushing your teeth is tantamount to climbing a mountain. Celebrate that and give yourself credit.

Below are my thoughts after my interview with Nicole:

We all have stories to tell about our struggles with mental illness. If we talk about our journey, we can help others and educate the world. The more we speak out, the bigger chances we have of spreading light on mental illness and showing the world it is an illness like any other illness. Your story can inspire others to fight for recovery.

By Nicole telling her story, she was able to reflect on her journey and see how far she has come. This helps her stand tall in the light of recovery.

MINIMIZING WORRIES

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I’m a worrier. It’s part of my anxiety. My worries start small and get bigger. They make me feel tense and nauseated. Sometimes, if my worries get really big, I can’t sleep. I roll around in bed while my mind goes over my worry, making it bigger and bigger. I want to cry, scream, and turn off my brain, but nothing seems to stop it. I silently plead with my mind to quit torturing me, but it rages on.

I write my thoughts down in a notebook for my therapist to read and then we discuss them. I wrote about my obsessive worrying. She told me I need to minimize my worries and evaluate them. If there’s nothing I can do about my worry, I need to let it go. Easier said than done. Then she told me there is something I can do: I need to look at my worry and think about how I can make it smaller. She said I should look at the facts and figure out step by step what I can do to shrink that worry. It sounds easy but it’s hard to do.

My biggest worry is finances. I worry each week we’re not going to have enough money to make it through the week. Then the worry turns into, “We’re going to go broke!” It snowballs until I think that we’re going to lose everything and live in a cardboard box. It makes me sick each week to worry about this.

I text with Cheryl about my worries. She always tells me everything will be okay, but I can’t stop my mind. This week I texted her a breakdown of my worry.

I texted her, “I have $93.00 until Wednesday. I have prescriptions for $36.95, and if I get half a tank of gas, it will cost $25.00. That leaves me $31.11 and Wednesday is four days away. We can make it, right?”

Cheryl replied, “Yea, you can make it. Very good.”

It helped me to look at my worry clearly and made it look less overwhelming. It prevented me from obsessing over how we were going to make it through the week and kept it from getting bigger. I broke it down even further. If we eat meals at home and take short rides, we could make that money stretch. I try to take my husband on rides after work to get him out of the house, and small rides will still get him out.

Recently we got a new to us SUV and the alarm kept going off every time I locked it. On Thursday we dropped it off at a Honda dealer for repairs. I worried about the cost being big. They called and told me the hood latch caused the alarm to go off, the transmission fluid needed to be changed, and we needed a cabin filter. They said it would cost over nine hundred dollars. If I only got the hood latch fixed, they quoted me $604.00. I had the $604.00 left over from the loan, and I could do that. My dad could change the transmission fluid and cabin filter, and I would just have to buy the filter and fluid.

I decided to call my dad, and he suggested I call the dealer I bought the car from and ask if he could give me anything towards the repairs. So, I called the dealer and he said he would send me a check for half the cost of the repairs. I decided I could use the money he sends me for the transmission fluid and cabin filter. The left-over money I’ll put in my savings for future needs. By thinking it through like this it prevented me from worrying about the costs of the repairs.

I’m still working on letting go of worries I can’t do anything about. This one is going to be harder. The minimizing my worries also takes some work. Right now, I’m doing it with financial worries, but I have to work on it with other worries too. What I have been doing is helping. I’m not going to lie to you; this process is not easy. It takes a lot of work. Are you willing to do the work to minimize your worries, before they take control of you? The trick is to catch the worry in the beginning and then break it down. 

Even though you’re working on making your worries smaller, there still will be days the worries get out of control. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Just keep practicing until it becomes a habit. I know that I will struggle at times with my obsessive worrying, but I won’t let it get me down. I’m going to keep working at minimizing them until it becomes a part of my everyday routine. Let’s do this together.

I’m working each day on making my worries smaller and by doing this it helps me stay in the light of recovery.

TIPS FOR RECOVERING FROM AN ANXIETY ATTACK

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Anxiety attacks are different for everyone. Many experience symptoms like chest pain, dizziness, panic attacks, throwing up, and so on. One thing strugglers have in common is that the attack takes a lot out of them. It’s hard to go through both physically and emotionally, and it’s hard to recover from an anxiety attack.

The other night I had an anxiety attack. I threw up and then my whole body started shaking uncontrollably. My husband held me and rubbed my back until the shaking eased. That night and the day after I felt weak, fatigued, and drained emotionally. I couldn’t think clearly. Handling the attack afterwards is what helped me get back on my feet. So, I put together a list of tips for recovering from an anxiety attack.

Here is my list:

  • Rest. If possible, take a day where you do nothing but rest. Don’t do daily chores, run errands, or do anything strenuous. If you’re married, let the husband take care of the kids. If you work, rest after work. If you have too much to take care of, then find time in your day to take a breather. I spent a day lying on the couch watching TV. It was my day off from work.
  • Take a hot bath or shower. Taking a hot bath or shower helps the body relax and eases any tense muscles. If you have a bathtub, try an Epsom salt bath. Take your time soaking in the steam and heat. My friend suggested I take a bath after my attack, and it felt good.
  • Practice relaxing techniques. Listen to music you love. Do self-guided relaxation. Pet your fur baby or someone else’s. Practice deep breathing techniques. Spend some time off social media. I did deep breathing and I petted my fur baby.
  • Talk to someone. If you have a support system, talk to someone from the system, or talk to a friend or family member. Talking about your feelings will help you heal emotionally. I talked to my husband and my friends. My friend Nicky even checked up on me the next day.
  • Watch a funny movie. Watching a funny movie won’t cure you, but it will distract you. Watching something lighthearted will help with regulating your emotions. Something sad or intense can increase the emotions that sent you into an anxiety attack.
  • Journal. Put your feelings down on paper. Getting those feelings out keeps them from building up and causing another attack. I wrote in my journal, which is very comforting to me.
  • Process later. Wait to process why you went through an anxiety attack and how you can prevent it right after you have it. Give yourself time to practice self-care and heal your body and emotions. I waited until a couple days afterwards when I no longer felt fatigued and emotionally drained. I felt better and that made it easier to think about why I had an attack.

Anxiety attacks are hard to go through. Give your body and mind a break afterwards. Try these tips to help you recover from an attack. If these don’t help, find ones that will help you. Talk to your therapist about ways you can recover.

Using these tips to recover from anxiety attacks helps me bathe in the light of recovery.

SIGNS OF SELF-INJURY

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Self-injury is an unhealthy coping technique where a person causes bodily harm to oneself. It’s often done to feel something when a sufferer feels numb or to deal with painful internal emotions. It’s a serious problem. Knowing the signs of self-injury can help you aid a struggler in finding help to learn healthy coping techniques.

I started self-injuring at a young age by pulling my hair to relieve my inner anguish. When I started college, I tried different ways to relieve my pain such as burning myself, punching a wall, and cutting. I settled with cutting. It was the only way I knew how to cope with the overpowering emotions of depression. I hid my injuring from my family and friends.

There are signs you need to know that will help you identify self-injury taking place with a friend or loved one. The signs are:

  • Wearing long sleeve shirts or pants even when it’s warm out. I wore long sleeve shirts even though it was summertime. I didn’t want anyone to see my wounds.
  • Fresh scratches, cuts, bruises, bite marks, or other wounds. I had cuts on my shoulder area and lower arm.
  • Excessive rubbing of an area to create a burn.
  • Keeping sharp objects or other objects used for self-harm on hand. I kept sharp objects in my bedroom where I injured.
  • Scars often in a pattern. I never cut deep enough to cause a lot of scars. I didn’t want people to question why I had scars. However, many who injure do have scars.
  • Spending long periods of time alone. I spent a lot of time alone in my bedroom. That’s where I hurt myself.
  • Frequent reports of accidental injury.
  • Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. I was depressed when I harmed myself and I thought I was worthless and my life was hopeless. I felt like I had no control over the darkness that was holding me down.
  • Difficulties in relationships with others. I lost a lot of friends throughout my school years. When I got older, I became a victim of abusive relationships.
  • Behaviors and emotions that change quickly and are impulsive, intense, and unexpected. I went from being calm to emotional in minutes. I couldn’t regulate my emotions and had episodes of anger.

You can find these symptoms and more information on self-injury on the Mayo Clinic website at Self-injury/cutting – Symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic. If you think someone you love is harming him or herself, talk to him or her and urge the person to get help. Tell an adult like a teacher or parent. There is help for self-injury and the struggler can learn healthy coping techniques to deal with his or her pain. I got help and now when my emotions become powerful, I turn to healthy coping techniques like journaling, confiding in my support team, and relaxation techniques.

With new coping techniques. I stand in the light of recovery as a stronger and healthier person.

CAUSES OF STRESS

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We all deal with stress in our lives. It’s all around us. When we struggle with mental illness, stress seems like a huge cloud hanging over us, threatening to throw us deeper into our hole. To handle that stress, we must first identify the things in our lives that cause stress. Knowing what causes you stress will help you find ways to avoid them and ways to cope with them.

I talked to my therapist about the things in my life that are causing me stress, and then we talked about how to cope with them.

Below is a list of things that cause stress.

  • Finances. With the cost-of-living, money is a big stressor in many people’s lives. Coming up with a budget and keeping to that budget is helpful. Look for ways to save money. Focus on the bills you can pay and work out payment plans for ones you can’t pay. Don’t dwell on not having enough money. Only focus on what you do have.
  • Relationships. Bad and unstable relationships cause a lot of stress. Take steps to end unhealthy relationships or go to therapy to work on them. Look for healthy and positive relationships.
  • Health problems. Having a lot of health problems is hard to handle and stressful. Focus on what you can do for your health, and don’t worry about what you can’t do or the future. Like if you have diabetes, focus on the medication and changing your food habits, but don’t worry about the health problems diabetes can cause.
  • Work. Working can be stressful. Know your limits. If working is too stressful for you then find other alternatives like filing for disability. If working full-time causes a lot of stress, then find a part-time job. I work part-time because working forty-hour weeks is too stressful for me. If you get stressed out at work, practice relaxation techniques or take a break if possible.
  • Death. Losing a loved one, whether it’s a family member or a friend is very stressful and can cause depression. Allow yourself to grieve, use coping techniques to deal with depression, and take care of yourself. If you have a lot of decisions to make, take your time and if possible, delegate decisions to other family members or friends.
  • Care giving. Taking care of a loved one who is sick is very stressful. Make sure you take care of yourself. Get someone to stay with your loved one while you take some time for yourself. Get help from friends, family, and in home-care agencies.
  • Change. Moving, starting a new job, and other forms of change can be stressful. Find ways to cope with change and allow yourself time to get used to it.
  • Traumatic events. Natural disasters, rape, abuse, and so on are very stressful. Look for a therapist to help you cope with the trauma. Give yourself time to heal. Journal about what you went through. Use art to get your feelings out.

These are only a few things that cause stress. Stress can make fighting mental illness harder. If we identify what causes us stress and find ways to cope with them or avoid them, it will help us reach recovery or stay in recovery. With mental illness you need to know your limits and use boundaries to protect your mental health. On a piece of paper list the things in your life that currently cause you stress. Then come up with a plan on how to cope with them or, if you can, avoid them.

Right now, I’m dealing with a lot of stress in my life: a sick loved one, a dog recovering from surgery, finances, and a badly bruised thumb. My therapist told me to practice self-care and to focus on the things I can change and let go of the things I can’t change. By doing this I stand in the light of recovery.

DEALING WITH STRESSORS

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Stressors are things in our lives that cause physical, chemical, or emotional strain triggering a stress response. Stressors are all around us. They are in our environment, they are events, and they are also internal. When stressors happen to you, how do you cope with them? Do you let them tear you down or find ways to ease them?

I have a lot of stressors in my life right now. I was sick over a week ago with a viral infection and haven’t completely recovered. On top of that my dog, Esther, had surgery on her leg and requires a lot of care. The cost of her surgery and visits to the vet are adding up. I’m also trying to take care of my loved one with dementia and get him in-home care. I’m doing all this plus I work as a cashier.

Esther had a lump on her leg. It started out small, I thought it was because of her arthritis. The lump got bigger and that worried me. I had the vet look at it when I took Esther for her blood work. They said it was concerning so I set up an appointment to have it looked at further. When they aspirated it, they said the cells were abnormal and they needed to remove the lump and biopsy it.

Esther had her surgery last Tuesday. The vet had us coming in every couple of days to change her bandages, and that was not cheap. So, I asked them for the supplies to do it myself. The vet said no running, jumping, or rough housing for Esther. Trying to keep a dog from jumping is nearly impossible. I try to lift her on and from furniture as much as possible. I carry her outside down our porch stairs so she can go to the bathroom. I also carry her upstairs to her bed in our room at night. Taking care of Esther is stressful. I have dealt with some anxiety because of it.

On top of Esther’s care is the cost of the surgery and appointments with the vet. It’s adding up on my credit card. Finances are another stressor for me. I worry a lot about paying bills and having money to live on. Thanks to some extra money we got last year, I paid off our credit cards and now they’re adding up again.

On Thursday we had an appointment to get my loved one in-home care. We went over paperwork which included our income, how much we have in our checking and savings account, what we own such as properties and vehicles and our bills. This triggered more stress. My loved one needs help, I need the help, but I fear we won’t qualify because of income.

While dealing with all of this, I am not a hundred percent better after having a viral infection. My nose keeps running, I have drainage down my throat, and a cough because of the drainage. Plus, I have some fatigue. Not feeling good is a stressor. It’s hard to deal with everything and work when I don’t completely feel like myself.

Due to all the stressors in my life, I have been having anxiety attacks. To deal with the stressors in my life, I have been using coping techniques. Journaling helps me get out my feelings and release my stress. Texting with my support team and talking to my therapist helps me get the support I need. My friend Cheryl often gives similar advice as my therapist does, and I call her my first therapist. I also practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, guided imagery, and grounding. I do woodburning, a hobby of mine. I also make sure I am getting plenty of rest.

Sometimes we can’t avoid the stressors in our lives, but we can cope with them. Using coping techniques will help you better handle stressors. If the coping techniques I mentioned don’t work for you, talk to a therapist to find ones that will. Stressors make mental illness harder to handle, but if you cope with them you can work towards recovery.

Using coping techniques to handle my stressors helps me bathe in the light of recovery.

WHAT IF’S

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Do you ever worry about what might happen in the future? You start thinking about what could happen, and then it snowballs into a lot of “what if’s.” You think about so many “what if’s” that you feel tense in the shoulders and neck, you feel sick to the stomach, you have panic attacks, and you can’t sleep. You literally make yourself sick with anticipatory anxiety. Sometimes you get so upset that you cancel plans, stay in bed and block out the people you love.

I am guilty of struggling with anticipatory anxiety and even more now that I am doing somethings on my own since my loved one (lo)is  struggling with dementia. I’m learning to be more independent and to be a caregiver. I once depended on my lo for many things. We were a team, but now I have to take care of some of those things by myself. This is scary to me.

When our nephew passed, we had to travel three hours to his memorial service. My lo and I always shared the driving, and we always drove there in the summer. In the week before the service, I started spiraling with anticipatory anxiety. The “what if’s” swirled around in my mind like a tornado.

What if we can’t get out of Erie? What if we run into bad weather on the way there? What if we get in an accident and end up dead? What if we make it there and the weather is too bad to go home?  What if I can’t drive that far? What if we get stranded on the highway?

The “what ifs” made my shoulders tense, made me sick to my stomach, made my chest ache, and made emotions well up inside me like a ball caught in my throat. I told my “what if’s” to my friend Cheryl and she told me to stop worrying and I’ll be fine. She assured me that she believed I could make the trip without problems, but I couldn’t shut off my mind.

I wrote down my “what if’s” in a notebook and let my therapist read them.

My therapist said, “When you come up with a “what if,” find a solution. For each of your “what if’s,” there are solutions. I have faith you’re very capable of making this trip, but if your anxiety gets too bad, it’s okay to decide to cancel your plans. Have faith in yourself.”

So, here are my solutions for my “what ifs.”

  • What if we can’t make it out of Erie? Solution: If the weather is too bad, we’ll stay home.
  • What if we run into bad weather on the way? Solution: If the weather gets bad, we’ll pull off at an exit and find a hotel for the night.
  • What if we get in a bad accident and end up dead? Solution: Focus on the positive that we will make it safely.
  • What if we make it there and it’s too bad to leave to go home? Solution: I can call off work and stay at the hotel until the weather gets better.
  • What if I can’t drive that far? Solution: I’ll take breaks and take my time getting there.
  • What if we get stranded on the highway? Solution: We’ll pack a shovel, sleeping bags, water, and food.

With solutions to my “what if’s” I had a set plan and our trip no longer seemed so scary. My anxiety began to lift. We packed our car the night before and left early the next morning. Starting out it was snowy and a bit difficult to see, but I kept going. Farther down the highway the snow faded away and the sun shone. It was sunny for the rest of our trip. I stopped a couple times to stretch my legs, but we made it to our hotel without any problems.

The memorial service was on a Saturday, and we were going to stay until Monday, but because of a storm coming across Pennsylvania and much of the US, we left for home after we got some food at the meal after the service. The trip home was great. Sunny skies all the way home. The snowstorm hit the next day, and we were safe in our home. My anxiety was for nothing. I was so proud of myself for making the trip there and back without any problems.

If you’re struggling with anticipatory anxiety, come up with solutions for each of your “what if’s.” Once you do that, you’ll see that you have a plan for things that could go wrong. Having a plan makes the anxiety less powerful and helps ease your physical reactions.

From now on when I’m struggling with anticipatory anxiety, I’m going to come up with solutions, and this will help me stay in the light of recovery.

CATARACT SURGERY

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Surgeries are a hard part of life. No one likes them and they bring lots of anxiety and fear. Going under anesthesia is scary. There’s always the fear that you might not wake up, or something may go wrong while you’re unconscious. Then there is the fear of being cut open. All of these brings on anxiety. Are there any surgeries a person could be excited about?

My first surgery was when I was four years old. I had my tonsils removed. Back then they kept you in the hospital overnight. I remember being scared and a nurse cradling me. I loved going home and eating popsicles and ice cream. My eight other surgeries happened when I was an adult. I became nervous and anxious with each one. I think the worst surgery was back surgery. I couldn’t bend, twist, or lift anything for three weeks. Plus, I got an infection in my surgery site.

The second worst surgery was a double mastectomy. I had drains so I couldn’t lift my arms without pain, and I had to learn to love myself as a woman without breasts.

Before each of my surgeries I dreaded them and I worried about them. Fears plagued my mind and that caused anxiety. During a couple of my surgeries, I stopped breathing and they had to give me oxygen. That made going under anesthesia even more scary. Later I learned I stopped breathing because I have sleep apnea. I learned that the easy part of my surgeries was sleeping through them. The hard part was recovery. Recovery involved restrictions, some infections, pain, fatigue, and boredom. It took a lot out of me to recover from my surgeries.

November 24 I am going to have cataract surgery on my left eye, and on December 8 I will have it done on my right eye. Instead of fear and anxiety, I am excited. I will be mildly sedated, and I’m not too worried that I will stop breathing. The surgery is minor. I have been wearing glasses since the fourth grade. Over the years my lenses have gotten thicker, making the glasses uncomfortable. With this surgery I will no longer have to wear glasses all the time. I will only need them for reading. This is the best part of the surgery. I’m so excited I bought a strap at Dollar Tree to carry my future reading glasses around my neck.

When I went to my pre-op appointment, the lady who scheduled my surgery said, “You only need to take two days off, but you can’t bend or lift heavy items for a week.”

I looked at her. “I’m a cashier.”

She looked at me. “Two days should be good.”

“I lift heavy cases of pop, dog food and groceries. I bend to scan things and to put things under the cart,” I replied.

“Ah, then you need to take a week off work,” she said.

The good thing is it’s the week of Thanksgiving that I will be off. I won’t have to worry about the last-minute frozen turkeys and the rush of customers to get their dinner fixings. Instead of dealing with the stress of long lines, I will be relaxing at home.

When I told the assistant team leader about needing the week off because I can’t lift heavy items or bend, she said, “Why can’t you bend? Will your eye fall out?”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

Instead of dealing with anxiety and fear of my cataract surgery, I am excited. I can’t wait to see without glasses except for when I read. It’s a dream come true. I won’t have to worry about smudged, fogged up, and wet glasses. I won’t have to push them up my nose all day long. I can’t wait. Being able to see better is a double plus.

Not all surgeries are bad ones. Some bring promises of a new look at the world around you or the ability to do things you’ve never done before. If you’re feeling anxious about your surgery, use coping techniques like journaling, grounding, and relaxation techniques to get you through. You can also cope with recovery by doing crafts, coloring in adult coloring books, watching movies, and turning to your support team.

Seeing the positive side of my cataract surgery helps me gleam in the light of recovery.

VALIDATING FEELINGS

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

A person with mental illness struggles with a lot of feelings. To others not struggling, those emotions seem minor or confusing. They might not understand why a person is feeling depressed without a reason or when the person’s life seems to be good. It sometimes becomes too easy for others to brush off or minimize the feelings of the one who is struggling. Even though you don’t see a reason for a person’s feelings, to the one who is sick those emotions are real and powerful. How you handle the person’s feelings is crucial.

When you brush off a person’s emotions, you make him or her feel like he or she is not important. When a person who is sick is made to feel like what he or she is going through is not significant, it can deepen depression, lead to suicide, or cause the person to turn to unhealthy coping techniques. It’s very important that you validate the person’s feelings.

What you say to a person who is struggling is meaningful. Don’t say, “What do you have to be depressed about?” or “Oh well, it will get better.” By saying this, you are dismissing how the person feels. Even though you don’t understand why a person is depressed, those emotions are very real.

Here is a list of ways to validate a person’s feelings:

  • Listen actively. Nod your head and maintain eye contact. Don’t interrupt the person as she or he talks. By showing you are listening, you are making the person feel like he or she is being heard. The person will be more willing to confide in you.
  • Show sympathy. Tell the person, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Is there anything I can do to help you?” Showing sympathy helps him or her feel like you care, and you are willing to help. Too often a person who is sick feels like nobody in the world cares about him or her.
  • Acknowledge the feelings. Tell the person you accept his or her feelings even if you don’t understand or if you have another perspective. By doing this, you are telling the person that you know his or her feelings are real to them and important.
  • Identify the problem. Ask the person about what is going on in his or her life that could cause these feelings. This can help you understand better. Helping the person identify the reason for his or her feelings; this can open a door for him or her to understand what is going on inside.
  • Don’t be judgmental. Don’t give advice or offer solutions unless you understand what the person is going through. Don’t form your own opinions about why the person is feeling the way she or he feels. Judging can make the person feel angry and more depressed.
  • Use validating statements. Use statements like “This must be hard for you,” “I understand how you would feel this way,” “I’m truly sorry you had to deal with…” and “I too would feel that way if I were in your situation.” These and other validating statements can be found at 25 Examples of Validating Statements to Show Empathy – Happier Human
  • Don’t minimize. Don’t make the person’s feelings seem small and unimportant. To the person, what he or she is going through is a big thing. If you make him or her sound small, you will cause more pain and make him or her feel dismissed.

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By validating a person who is struggling with feelings, you are showing him or her you care, he or she can confide in you, the person is not alone, and he or she is important. If you have a friend or loved one struggling with mental illness, use this list to help the person feel seen, cared for, and heard. By doing this you can help your friends and loved ones through their rough times without sending them deeper into their illness.

I have a friend and husband who is very good at validating my feelings, and they get me through many rough times. This helps me stand in the light of recovery.

*Information for this blog post can be found at how to validate someone with mental illness feelings – Search