Tag: anxiety

CAUSES OF STRESS

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

We all deal with stress in our lives. It’s all around us. When we struggle with mental illness, stress seems like a huge cloud hanging over us, threatening to throw us deeper into our hole. To handle that stress, we must first identify the things in our lives that cause stress. Knowing what causes you stress will help you find ways to avoid them and ways to cope with them.

I talked to my therapist about the things in my life that are causing me stress, and then we talked about how to cope with them.

Below is a list of things that cause stress.

  • Finances. With the cost-of-living, money is a big stressor in many people’s lives. Coming up with a budget and keeping to that budget is helpful. Look for ways to save money. Focus on the bills you can pay and work out payment plans for ones you can’t pay. Don’t dwell on not having enough money. Only focus on what you do have.
  • Relationships. Bad and unstable relationships cause a lot of stress. Take steps to end unhealthy relationships or go to therapy to work on them. Look for healthy and positive relationships.
  • Health problems. Having a lot of health problems is hard to handle and stressful. Focus on what you can do for your health, and don’t worry about what you can’t do or the future. Like if you have diabetes, focus on the medication and changing your food habits, but don’t worry about the health problems diabetes can cause.
  • Work. Working can be stressful. Know your limits. If working is too stressful for you then find other alternatives like filing for disability. If working full-time causes a lot of stress, then find a part-time job. I work part-time because working forty-hour weeks is too stressful for me. If you get stressed out at work, practice relaxation techniques or take a break if possible.
  • Death. Losing a loved one, whether it’s a family member or a friend is very stressful and can cause depression. Allow yourself to grieve, use coping techniques to deal with depression, and take care of yourself. If you have a lot of decisions to make, take your time and if possible, delegate decisions to other family members or friends.
  • Care giving. Taking care of a loved one who is sick is very stressful. Make sure you take care of yourself. Get someone to stay with your loved one while you take some time for yourself. Get help from friends, family, and in home-care agencies.
  • Change. Moving, starting a new job, and other forms of change can be stressful. Find ways to cope with change and allow yourself time to get used to it.
  • Traumatic events. Natural disasters, rape, abuse, and so on are very stressful. Look for a therapist to help you cope with the trauma. Give yourself time to heal. Journal about what you went through. Use art to get your feelings out.

These are only a few things that cause stress. Stress can make fighting mental illness harder. If we identify what causes us stress and find ways to cope with them or avoid them, it will help us reach recovery or stay in recovery. With mental illness you need to know your limits and use boundaries to protect your mental health. On a piece of paper list the things in your life that currently cause you stress. Then come up with a plan on how to cope with them or, if you can, avoid them.

Right now, I’m dealing with a lot of stress in my life: a sick loved one, a dog recovering from surgery, finances, and a badly bruised thumb. My therapist told me to practice self-care and to focus on the things I can change and let go of the things I can’t change. By doing this I stand in the light of recovery.

DEALING WITH STRESSORS

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Stressors are things in our lives that cause physical, chemical, or emotional strain triggering a stress response. Stressors are all around us. They are in our environment, they are events, and they are also internal. When stressors happen to you, how do you cope with them? Do you let them tear you down or find ways to ease them?

I have a lot of stressors in my life right now. I was sick over a week ago with a viral infection and haven’t completely recovered. On top of that my dog, Esther, had surgery on her leg and requires a lot of care. The cost of her surgery and visits to the vet are adding up. I’m also trying to take care of my loved one with dementia and get him in-home care. I’m doing all this plus I work as a cashier.

Esther had a lump on her leg. It started out small, I thought it was because of her arthritis. The lump got bigger and that worried me. I had the vet look at it when I took Esther for her blood work. They said it was concerning so I set up an appointment to have it looked at further. When they aspirated it, they said the cells were abnormal and they needed to remove the lump and biopsy it.

Esther had her surgery last Tuesday. The vet had us coming in every couple of days to change her bandages, and that was not cheap. So, I asked them for the supplies to do it myself. The vet said no running, jumping, or rough housing for Esther. Trying to keep a dog from jumping is nearly impossible. I try to lift her on and from furniture as much as possible. I carry her outside down our porch stairs so she can go to the bathroom. I also carry her upstairs to her bed in our room at night. Taking care of Esther is stressful. I have dealt with some anxiety because of it.

On top of Esther’s care is the cost of the surgery and appointments with the vet. It’s adding up on my credit card. Finances are another stressor for me. I worry a lot about paying bills and having money to live on. Thanks to some extra money we got last year, I paid off our credit cards and now they’re adding up again.

On Thursday we had an appointment to get my loved one in-home care. We went over paperwork which included our income, how much we have in our checking and savings account, what we own such as properties and vehicles and our bills. This triggered more stress. My loved one needs help, I need the help, but I fear we won’t qualify because of income.

While dealing with all of this, I am not a hundred percent better after having a viral infection. My nose keeps running, I have drainage down my throat, and a cough because of the drainage. Plus, I have some fatigue. Not feeling good is a stressor. It’s hard to deal with everything and work when I don’t completely feel like myself.

Due to all the stressors in my life, I have been having anxiety attacks. To deal with the stressors in my life, I have been using coping techniques. Journaling helps me get out my feelings and release my stress. Texting with my support team and talking to my therapist helps me get the support I need. My friend Cheryl often gives similar advice as my therapist does, and I call her my first therapist. I also practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, guided imagery, and grounding. I do woodburning, a hobby of mine. I also make sure I am getting plenty of rest.

Sometimes we can’t avoid the stressors in our lives, but we can cope with them. Using coping techniques will help you better handle stressors. If the coping techniques I mentioned don’t work for you, talk to a therapist to find ones that will. Stressors make mental illness harder to handle, but if you cope with them you can work towards recovery.

Using coping techniques to handle my stressors helps me bathe in the light of recovery.

WHAT IF’S

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Do you ever worry about what might happen in the future? You start thinking about what could happen, and then it snowballs into a lot of “what if’s.” You think about so many “what if’s” that you feel tense in the shoulders and neck, you feel sick to the stomach, you have panic attacks, and you can’t sleep. You literally make yourself sick with anticipatory anxiety. Sometimes you get so upset that you cancel plans, stay in bed and block out the people you love.

I am guilty of struggling with anticipatory anxiety and even more now that I am doing somethings on my own since my loved one (lo)is  struggling with dementia. I’m learning to be more independent and to be a caregiver. I once depended on my lo for many things. We were a team, but now I have to take care of some of those things by myself. This is scary to me.

When our nephew passed, we had to travel three hours to his memorial service. My lo and I always shared the driving, and we always drove there in the summer. In the week before the service, I started spiraling with anticipatory anxiety. The “what if’s” swirled around in my mind like a tornado.

What if we can’t get out of Erie? What if we run into bad weather on the way there? What if we get in an accident and end up dead? What if we make it there and the weather is too bad to go home?  What if I can’t drive that far? What if we get stranded on the highway?

The “what ifs” made my shoulders tense, made me sick to my stomach, made my chest ache, and made emotions well up inside me like a ball caught in my throat. I told my “what if’s” to my friend Cheryl and she told me to stop worrying and I’ll be fine. She assured me that she believed I could make the trip without problems, but I couldn’t shut off my mind.

I wrote down my “what if’s” in a notebook and let my therapist read them.

My therapist said, “When you come up with a “what if,” find a solution. For each of your “what if’s,” there are solutions. I have faith you’re very capable of making this trip, but if your anxiety gets too bad, it’s okay to decide to cancel your plans. Have faith in yourself.”

So, here are my solutions for my “what ifs.”

  • What if we can’t make it out of Erie? Solution: If the weather is too bad, we’ll stay home.
  • What if we run into bad weather on the way? Solution: If the weather gets bad, we’ll pull off at an exit and find a hotel for the night.
  • What if we get in a bad accident and end up dead? Solution: Focus on the positive that we will make it safely.
  • What if we make it there and it’s too bad to leave to go home? Solution: I can call off work and stay at the hotel until the weather gets better.
  • What if I can’t drive that far? Solution: I’ll take breaks and take my time getting there.
  • What if we get stranded on the highway? Solution: We’ll pack a shovel, sleeping bags, water, and food.

With solutions to my “what if’s” I had a set plan and our trip no longer seemed so scary. My anxiety began to lift. We packed our car the night before and left early the next morning. Starting out it was snowy and a bit difficult to see, but I kept going. Farther down the highway the snow faded away and the sun shone. It was sunny for the rest of our trip. I stopped a couple times to stretch my legs, but we made it to our hotel without any problems.

The memorial service was on a Saturday, and we were going to stay until Monday, but because of a storm coming across Pennsylvania and much of the US, we left for home after we got some food at the meal after the service. The trip home was great. Sunny skies all the way home. The snowstorm hit the next day, and we were safe in our home. My anxiety was for nothing. I was so proud of myself for making the trip there and back without any problems.

If you’re struggling with anticipatory anxiety, come up with solutions for each of your “what if’s.” Once you do that, you’ll see that you have a plan for things that could go wrong. Having a plan makes the anxiety less powerful and helps ease your physical reactions.

From now on when I’m struggling with anticipatory anxiety, I’m going to come up with solutions, and this will help me stay in the light of recovery.

CATARACT SURGERY

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Surgeries are a hard part of life. No one likes them and they bring lots of anxiety and fear. Going under anesthesia is scary. There’s always the fear that you might not wake up, or something may go wrong while you’re unconscious. Then there is the fear of being cut open. All of these brings on anxiety. Are there any surgeries a person could be excited about?

My first surgery was when I was four years old. I had my tonsils removed. Back then they kept you in the hospital overnight. I remember being scared and a nurse cradling me. I loved going home and eating popsicles and ice cream. My eight other surgeries happened when I was an adult. I became nervous and anxious with each one. I think the worst surgery was back surgery. I couldn’t bend, twist, or lift anything for three weeks. Plus, I got an infection in my surgery site.

The second worst surgery was a double mastectomy. I had drains so I couldn’t lift my arms without pain, and I had to learn to love myself as a woman without breasts.

Before each of my surgeries I dreaded them and I worried about them. Fears plagued my mind and that caused anxiety. During a couple of my surgeries, I stopped breathing and they had to give me oxygen. That made going under anesthesia even more scary. Later I learned I stopped breathing because I have sleep apnea. I learned that the easy part of my surgeries was sleeping through them. The hard part was recovery. Recovery involved restrictions, some infections, pain, fatigue, and boredom. It took a lot out of me to recover from my surgeries.

November 24 I am going to have cataract surgery on my left eye, and on December 8 I will have it done on my right eye. Instead of fear and anxiety, I am excited. I will be mildly sedated, and I’m not too worried that I will stop breathing. The surgery is minor. I have been wearing glasses since the fourth grade. Over the years my lenses have gotten thicker, making the glasses uncomfortable. With this surgery I will no longer have to wear glasses all the time. I will only need them for reading. This is the best part of the surgery. I’m so excited I bought a strap at Dollar Tree to carry my future reading glasses around my neck.

When I went to my pre-op appointment, the lady who scheduled my surgery said, “You only need to take two days off, but you can’t bend or lift heavy items for a week.”

I looked at her. “I’m a cashier.”

She looked at me. “Two days should be good.”

“I lift heavy cases of pop, dog food and groceries. I bend to scan things and to put things under the cart,” I replied.

“Ah, then you need to take a week off work,” she said.

The good thing is it’s the week of Thanksgiving that I will be off. I won’t have to worry about the last-minute frozen turkeys and the rush of customers to get their dinner fixings. Instead of dealing with the stress of long lines, I will be relaxing at home.

When I told the assistant team leader about needing the week off because I can’t lift heavy items or bend, she said, “Why can’t you bend? Will your eye fall out?”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

Instead of dealing with anxiety and fear of my cataract surgery, I am excited. I can’t wait to see without glasses except for when I read. It’s a dream come true. I won’t have to worry about smudged, fogged up, and wet glasses. I won’t have to push them up my nose all day long. I can’t wait. Being able to see better is a double plus.

Not all surgeries are bad ones. Some bring promises of a new look at the world around you or the ability to do things you’ve never done before. If you’re feeling anxious about your surgery, use coping techniques like journaling, grounding, and relaxation techniques to get you through. You can also cope with recovery by doing crafts, coloring in adult coloring books, watching movies, and turning to your support team.

Seeing the positive side of my cataract surgery helps me gleam in the light of recovery.

VALIDATING FEELINGS

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A person with mental illness struggles with a lot of feelings. To others not struggling, those emotions seem minor or confusing. They might not understand why a person is feeling depressed without a reason or when the person’s life seems to be good. It sometimes becomes too easy for others to brush off or minimize the feelings of the one who is struggling. Even though you don’t see a reason for a person’s feelings, to the one who is sick those emotions are real and powerful. How you handle the person’s feelings is crucial.

When you brush off a person’s emotions, you make him or her feel like he or she is not important. When a person who is sick is made to feel like what he or she is going through is not significant, it can deepen depression, lead to suicide, or cause the person to turn to unhealthy coping techniques. It’s very important that you validate the person’s feelings.

What you say to a person who is struggling is meaningful. Don’t say, “What do you have to be depressed about?” or “Oh well, it will get better.” By saying this, you are dismissing how the person feels. Even though you don’t understand why a person is depressed, those emotions are very real.

Here is a list of ways to validate a person’s feelings:

  • Listen actively. Nod your head and maintain eye contact. Don’t interrupt the person as she or he talks. By showing you are listening, you are making the person feel like he or she is being heard. The person will be more willing to confide in you.
  • Show sympathy. Tell the person, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Is there anything I can do to help you?” Showing sympathy helps him or her feel like you care, and you are willing to help. Too often a person who is sick feels like nobody in the world cares about him or her.
  • Acknowledge the feelings. Tell the person you accept his or her feelings even if you don’t understand or if you have another perspective. By doing this, you are telling the person that you know his or her feelings are real to them and important.
  • Identify the problem. Ask the person about what is going on in his or her life that could cause these feelings. This can help you understand better. Helping the person identify the reason for his or her feelings; this can open a door for him or her to understand what is going on inside.
  • Don’t be judgmental. Don’t give advice or offer solutions unless you understand what the person is going through. Don’t form your own opinions about why the person is feeling the way she or he feels. Judging can make the person feel angry and more depressed.
  • Use validating statements. Use statements like “This must be hard for you,” “I understand how you would feel this way,” “I’m truly sorry you had to deal with…” and “I too would feel that way if I were in your situation.” These and other validating statements can be found at 25 Examples of Validating Statements to Show Empathy – Happier Human
  • Don’t minimize. Don’t make the person’s feelings seem small and unimportant. To the person, what he or she is going through is a big thing. If you make him or her sound small, you will cause more pain and make him or her feel dismissed.

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By validating a person who is struggling with feelings, you are showing him or her you care, he or she can confide in you, the person is not alone, and he or she is important. If you have a friend or loved one struggling with mental illness, use this list to help the person feel seen, cared for, and heard. By doing this you can help your friends and loved ones through their rough times without sending them deeper into their illness.

I have a friend and husband who is very good at validating my feelings, and they get me through many rough times. This helps me stand in the light of recovery.

*Information for this blog post can be found at how to validate someone with mental illness feelings – Search

SUICIDE AND SELF-INJURY

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Many people don’t understand self-injury or even know anything about it. Many who hurt themselves do so in private and then they hide their injuries from others. It’s hard to understand why people would harm themselves on purpose. It is a misunderstood coping technique. Many people mistake self-injury for a suicide attempt, but it is not. However, suicide is still a risk factor.

Even though those who harm themselves do not injure to take their lives, that doesn’t mean they are not at risk. People who injure are sick and in pain. They have a mental illness, and with mental illness comes the risk of suicide. It’s important to take self-injury seriously. Don’t think it’s a way to get attention, don’t ignore the person, and make a joke about it. Look at it as if the person is suffering and needs help.

When I was self-injuring, I didn’t hurt myself to take my life. The physical pain released my inner pain. I felt so many overwhelming emotions that tore me apart inside. I was in agony. The only thing that eased that pain was hurting myself. Even though hurting myself wasn’t an attempt at suicide, I was suicidal. I suffered with depression, borderline personality disorder, and anxiety. My thoughts raced, I felt hopeless, I thought I was worthless, and I thought I was hurting my family by living.

When I was in college, I wrote a suicide note and planned my death. I thought of ways to take my life. One time I took a bottle of pills and got sick. I lived with my grandparents while I was in college, and my grandma thought I had the flu. I wanted to die because I was very sick. My mind was plagued with an awful illness that distorted my thinking.

No one injures themselves just for attention or for fun. They harm themselves because they have an illness that causes them a lot of emotional pain and suffering. It’s not a game or a joke. Every person who hurts themselves on purpose is suffering from some type of sickness and needs help. If they are hurting themselves, they are also at risk of being or becoming suicidal. So don’t walk away or laugh at them. Take it seriously.

The person might not be thinking about suicide when they are injuring. Self-harming releases endorphins that make the person feel better. The person could just be coping with his or her pain, but he or she is also struggling with a mental illness and can become suicidal at some point. By not ignoring self-injury you maybe saving a person from committing suicide in the future.

If a person shows you his or her injuries or you happen to see them, ask him or her if they would like to talk about it. Be willing to listen without judging. Encourage the person to get help. Tell someone who can help him or her. Don’t minimize the person’s feelings or pain. Look for the phone number for crisis or a helpline.

It took a while before I admitted to my mom I was self-injuring and that I was sick. When I told her, she went to great lengths to get me help. Because of my mom’s determination to get me help, I have not hurt myself in twenty-three years and I am alive. I stand in the light of recovery because I got help.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU’RE TRIGGERED TO SELF-INJURE

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Last week I shared healthy coping techniques to use instead of self-injuring, but there are still things that will trigger you. Everyone has triggers that cause them extra stress or anxiety. Self-injurers have things that trigger their need to hurt themselves. In order to completely quit self-harming you have to know your triggers and how to cope with them. It’s a process to stop hurting yourself and it’s not an easy one. Take each day step by step.

When I was self-injuring, a lot of things triggered me to injure like stresses of life, a bad relationship, feelings of worthlessness, feeling alone when with others, and angry outbursts. When I started to replace my self-injuring with healthy coping techniques, I found myself struggling with my triggers. To control those triggers, I had to learn new techniques. It wasn’t easy. A few times I slid backwards, but in time the need to harm myself went away.

Here are some coping techniques to cope with your triggers:

  • Reach out to someone you trust or someone on your support team. In last week’s post I mentioned starting a support team. This team should be a group of people you trust and know will be supportive. If you don’t have a team, talk to someone you feel comfortable with and trust. This is not a fight you can do alone.
  • Go somewhere different. Self-injurers are known to hurt themselves in the same room or area. Leave that place. Go where there are other people like to a restaurant or to the movies. Go for a walk in the park or ride a bike to your favorite spot in nature. Find something fun to do like going hiking, going out with friends, going to a fair, or anything else you consider fun.
  • Practice breathing exercises or relaxation techniques. Breathe in slowly and slowly exhale several times. Do relaxation techniques like listening to soft music or nature sounds, visualization or guided imagery, or muscle relaxation. Some people do yoga and meditation. This helps relax the body and refocus the mind.
  • Express your feelings. Express your feelings the best way you know how to like with journaling, art, dance, crafts, or some other kind of art. Find whatever way you can to release your feelings and emotions. Keeping them inside only makes the triggers stronger.
  • Punch a punching bag or pillow. Use a punching bag or pillow to let out your pent-up feelings. Punch until everything inside you is released. Keep from punching anything that will lead to more harm. Keep it safe. It defeats the purpose if you hurt yourself while letting out your feelings.
  • Use something cold. Hold an ice cube until the sting replaces the need to self-harm. Put an ice pack on your chest to get your adrenaline pumping. These will take the place of hurting yourself without causing you injury.
  • Join a support group. A support group gives you other individuals who are struggling with the same problems. Together you’re on the same journey, and through the group you will learn more about self-injury and other coping techniques. Your support group can also become like a support system. You support each other.
  • Seek professional help. When nothing else works, turn to a professional for help. Get a therapist and psychiatrist. A psychiatrist can try different medications to treat your mental illness to minimize the symptoms that make you want to hurt yourself. A therapist can help you work through your mental illness and self-injury. You must be willing to do the work.

Try these techniques when you feel triggered to injure. Putting an end to self-injury is not an easy task. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication. You may slip up a few times, but don’t give up. Keep fighting the urge and in time it becomes easier. Once you learn to cope using healthy techniques, you will no longer have the need to hurt yourself.

Once in a great while I think of injuring, but instead I use my coping techniques. With my healthy coping techniques, I stand in the light harm free and happy.

TIPS FOR MANAGING STRESS

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Life is stressful and some things that happen in our lives heighten our stress. Stress can lead to anxiety, depression, and lack of sleep. Knowing how to manage your stress will help you handle it in healthy ways.

I’m not very good at handling stress. I become overwhelmed and end up having anxiety attacks. Right now, my life is very stressful with my husband being sick, my dad having bone cancer, and my older sister being vision-impaired. I have been helping my sister find help for her vision problems by taking her to specialists. Now my husband is sick I need to do extra things to help him out. With his illness I’m trying to figure out what all I need to do to prepare for when his illness gets worse. I’m also trying to help him cope with his diagnosis and keep him active. It’s a lot. I feel more anxious.

I did some research and came up with some stress management tips.

  • Know your triggers. Know what things in your life cause you extra stress and work on ways to manage them. List the things in your life that cause you stress like money, death, divorce, illnesses, homework, school, college, and so on. Finances are a big trigger for me and right now we’re struggling financially. I’m doing my best to deal with the anxiety this stressor causes. I’m looking for financial help and cutting things we can do without from our budget.
  • Practice relaxation techniques. If you’re feeling stressed out, do deep breathing, listen to soft music, do guided imagery, meditation, and so on. Find which technique works best for you. I do deep breathing and guided imagery.
  • Set boundaries. Learn to say no. You can only do so much, and when you have a lot to do, it’s okay to say no when someone asks you to do something extra. Know how much you can handle and stay firm on not going over that limit. I know I have a lot going on right now, so if someone were to ask for my help with something else, I know to nicely say no.
  • Reduce your workload. If you have a lot of things to do and it’s stressing you out, see how you can reduce that. If you’re running a club, doing choir on the weekend, and volunteering three times a week, and you feel overwhelmed, then see what you can cut or do less of. I work part-time because working full-time causes me extra stress, which causes anxiety and depression.
  • Lean on your support team. If you are really struggling and feeling stressed out, turn to your support team. Talk to them about what is going on in your life.  They may have some good advice and encouraging words for you. Right now, with everything going on in my life, I am leaning on my support team a lot. They remind me to slow down and take one day at a time.
  • Take breaks. If you have a lot of things to do at once, find time to take breaks. My days off are when we plan errands and appointments. Doing a lot of running around gets stressful. My husband and I plan breaks in between our errands. We go for a ride around the peninsula in our city or go down to the dock.
  • Take care of yourself. When life gets stressful, you must remember to take care of your needs. Make sure you eat regularly, make time to sleep, do a craft you like, and make sure you are taking care of your health. While helping my husband cope with his illness, I’m making sure I’m managing my mental health. I take my medication, I use coping techniques, and I lean on my support team.
  • Look for professional help. If things become too much for you to handle, there is no shame in seeking professional help. A good therapist can help you find coping techniques and work through the things that cause you stress. Right no I’m handling the stress in my life well, but I know when things get worse to look for a therapist. I see a psychiatrist and I keep him informed on how I’m doing so he can properly manage my medication.

If you are dealing with a lot of stress in your life, try these tips. Managing stress effectively can help you avoid becoming anxious and depressed. It can also ease tension and help you maintain a healthy mental and physical wellbeing.

I’m working on managing my stress, and doing so helps me stay in the light of recovery.

ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING

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This week I’m posting an old post because I have been struggling with a sinus infection. I hope to write a new post next week.

Last week I wrote about the cognitive distortion called catastrophizing, and this week I would like to write about another many struggle with, including me. It’s called All-Or-Nothing Thinking. It is seeing your personal qualities such as your success or mistakes in black and white. Like if a student in school got two questions on a test wrong, that student would automatically see himself or herself as a failure. The student wouldn’t be able to celebrate his or her got a passing grade. Instead, the person would only see the situation in extreme black and white or in a negative viewpoint.

I developed all-or-nothing thinking in high school. In school I became obsessed with passing and proving to everyone I wasn’t stupid. I pushed myself to succeed at all costs. I spent hours finding ways around my learning disability to study for tests. I had a hard time remembering what I read, I was a slow reader, and I couldn’t keep up with the notes in class. So, I had to make notes from my textbook and put them on index cards. I read them over and over for hours to remember them. I had to pass all my classes no matter what. A low grade was unacceptable to me.

If I didn’t get an A on a test, I saw myself as a failure. I pushed myself hard. I gave up time with my family and had fits of anger when I couldn’t remember things well enough. If I didn’t pass with high grades, then everyone would be right about me. I would be the stupid, loser they all said I was.

This type of thinking followed me into my adult years. I had my future planned when I started college. I was going attend a two-year college to get a degree in journalism, then go on to a four-year college and become a journalist. College was much harder than I thought. Because of my disability, I couldn’t meet the requirements for a journalism degree and instead I got a humanities degree. Then mental illness and my disability made completing college difficult. It took me four years to graduate from a two-year college. My plans were destroyed.

For years I viewed myself as a failure for not being able to go on to a four-year college. I became a cashier, not a journalist. I was a worthless loser who proved that I was good for nothing. I didn’t succeed at my dreams. I let myself down. I dwelled on what I didn’t accomplish instead of what I did succeed at.

For years and even now I tell people I have a journalism degree when I have a humanities degree. I’m ashamed of myself for not getting the degree I wanted. A humanities degree is a basic degree that doesn’t really amount to much. I wasn’t good enough to get a journalism degree. I failed. I was and am a looser. I can’t admit to peoples’ faces that I am a worthless failure. If I tell people the truth, they will look down on me like they did in school. I’m just a cashier not a journalist like I planned.

Repeatedly I tell people I have a journalism degree and I am working as a cashier because I couldn’t get a job as a journalist. I couldn’t see past what I couldn’t do to what I have done. Right now, while I write this, I see myself in another light. For so long I have viewed my life as black and white, but now there is color in my life.

I didn’t fail when I got a humanities degree and became a cashier. I worked around my learning disability to be a cashier, I have written a book, I have a small woodburning business, and I have kept the same job for 26 years despite many illnesses. I didn’t get the degree I wanted, but I continued to pursue my writing. I didn’t go on to a four-year college, but I have touched many lives as a cashier. I have customers who have been coming to me for years. I advocate against bullying and for mental illness awareness through my writing. For so long I felt I had failed when I have succeeded.

It’s so easy to strive for perfection and when you don’t quite make it you look at yourself as a failure. It’s hard to see the small things we do in our lives as successes. We want to be on top, but often the best we have done is distorted into all-or-nothing thinking. We fail to see and celebrate the small accomplishments we make in our life. Instead, we see ourselves as losers when we are winners. All-or-nothing thinking clouds our minds and keeps us from celebrating the positive.

When you think you have failed or are a loser, take another look at the situation. Even though you didn’t get that promotion, look at how far you have come to get to where you are now, and celebrate that. Look for the positive. Write it down and celebrate it. Rejoice that you got a B on a test instead of seeing yourself as a failure. Be proud of that speech you gave, even though you stumbled over a few words. Stand with pride for the job you are working even though it’s not the one you wanted.

I’m standing in the light of recovery admitting I have a humanities degree and rejoicing in the success I am today.

BULLYING WARNING SIGNS

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

Bullying is a big problem affecting people all around us, especially our children. Children are acting out violently, going into depression, and are even taking their lives because they are abused daily at school by their peers. Many children feel alone and unable to turn to others for help. They often struggle in silence. If you’re a parent or family member, it’s important to know the warning signs of bullying.

Below is a list I found on StopBullying.gov  of the warning signs for the adults in a child’s life to look out for. You know that old saying, “It takes a village to raise a child,” is true. Not only do the parents of children need to look out for the warning signs, but so do the other adults in their lives like aunts, uncles, grandparents, family friends, and so on.

Here is the list:

  • Lost or destroyed belongings such as electronics, clothing, jewelry, and others
  • Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
  • Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork or not wanting to go to school
  • Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social activities
  • Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, or decreased self-esteem
  • Self-destructive behaviors such as running away, self-harm, or talking about suicide

If you notice any of these signs in your children or children in your life, find them help. Talk to their teachers, guidance counselor, or principal, and if none of them listen to you, go to the school board. It’s important to encourage your children to talk to you, be willing to listen, and look into getting therapy for them. If you can’t afford a therapist, there are government funded programs that will get you help for a low price or for free.

When I was being bullied, the biggest mistake I made was to keep what was happening to myself. I suffered in silence and it led me down a dark road. If you’re being bullied, talk to someone you trust such as a parent, a family member, a teacher, a guidance counselor, or other trusted adult. You can’t rise above bullying without help. Don’t suffer alone.

It’s important that we all spread the message that bullying is a form of abuse and it needs to stop. Since my book, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, has been published, it has been my goal to speak up for those who can’t speak up for themselves. Spreading my message is helping me stand strong in the light of recovery.