We often react irrationally when we are angry or frustrated. We say things we don’t mean, and we behave badly. It’s easy to lose track of ourselves when our emotions get the best of us. The same is true when you are struggling with depression. When you’re feeling very sad and hopeless, everything seems overwhelming and your emotions become out of control. You get hurt by simple reactions from others, you might see a friend canceling something as if they are doing it to hurt you, or you might overreact to a text or comment a person makes to you. To protect yourself you might say, text, or react badly towards the person whose intentions you misperceive

I have misinterpreted many things while I was at my worst. I have overreacted to others’ simple words and reactions. When a friend had an emergency come up, I interpreted her canceling a get-together as “She doesn’t want to spend time with me.” I’ve mistaken others’ intentions or misread things people have said. My wrongful reactions have cost me friendships or led me to hurt people I care about. So, I came up with tips to help you take control of your reactions so you can handle situations better.

Here are my tips:

• Don’t react when you are very emotional. If you’re feeling down and you’re flooded with emotions, allow yourself to calm down and think more clearly before dealing with a disagreement or something that might have been said or done. Like when a friend told you she doesn’t have time to talk to you right now. You might be angry, sad, and hurt. All those emotions flood you and you start thinking your friendship is over and your friend hates you. In this case you might be attempted to say or text something mean. Instead of saying something you’ll regret, give yourself time to calm down. When you are calm, talk to your friend.
• When a friend cancels something, don’t take it personally. Emergencies come up, people get sick, and plans change. Don’t automatically think it’s because the friend is trying to hurt you, doesn’t have time for you, or the friend doesn’t want to be around you. Ask him or her why he or she canceled. If you take the time to talk to your friend before you jump to a conclusion, you might just find out the cancellation has nothing to do with you, and you might be able to reschedule with your friend.
• Write down your thoughts and feelings. When you are upset with someone, put your thoughts and feelings down on paper in a journal. Write out all those crazy thoughts that are driven by your emotions before you say something you don’t mean to. Once you get all those feelings and bad thoughts out, look at them and see if you can understand them differently, then write that down. Like, someone I know well ignored me when I said hi, so I thought she’s embarrassed by me. I hate her and will never talk to her again. Then think about it and write down: Maybe she was busy and didn’t hear or see me.
• Don’t take boundaries personally. We all have boundaries, and we need those boundaries to take care of ourselves. Don’t get mad if someone can’t talk about your problems because he or she is going through their own problems. Be understanding of that and find someone else to talk to. If your friend can’t talk after ten at night, respect that and make sure you call before ten. Don’t take boundaries personally. They are there to help the person who you care about and it’s nothing against you.
• Turn to a support partner. Talk out the situation or thing that happened with your support partner or support team. Having someone with a clear mind to talk to can help you think rationally about your feelings or the situation. They can help you calm down and tell you if you’re distorting things.

Use these tips to help you handle your emotions without overreacting and hurting relationships. It’s not easy to do when your mind is clouded by your sadness and hopelessness, but you can do it. By working through your emotions and thoughts before you overreact, you’ll find you’ll have stronger relationships and will avoid driving away people who really care about you.

I’m doing better at controlling my over-reactions when I go through a hard time, but sometimes I slip up. When I do slip up, I take the time to think it through and work it out with my friends and the people I care about. Following these tips helps me dance in the light of recovery.