Recently I was asked to write a keynote speech for One Life Project’s online conference in August. When Alex Kavarovic asked me to write it, the subject of the speech came to me instantly: self-harm. Self-injuring happens frequently among teens and college students, and it’s a bad coping technique that is very hard to change. To stop injuring oneself, a struggler must find new and healthy coping techniques.

I was once a self-injurer. I had a lot of painful emotions inside me, and the only way I knew how to release them was to hurt myself. It wasn’t until I found the right therapist that I learned healthier ways to cope with my emotions. It was a challenge to give up self-injury; I was addicted to it as if it were a drug, but with new coping techniques I soon found I no longer needed it.

Below are some coping techniques to replace self-harming.

• Express your feelings in a creative way. Find some way that you can release your feelings using different kinds of art like drawing, journaling, or dancing.
• Keep a self-harm journal. In a self-harm journal write how you are feeling before you hurt yourself. List your emotions. Then after you injure write how you are feeling once the rush of the injury has gone away. Do you feel shame, anger at yourself, more depressed, or anxious? Look at your entry and ask yourself, “Was hurting myself worth it?” Then list healthy coping techniques you can try next time.
• Change negative thoughts into positive ones. If you think, “I am a worthless person who ruins everyone’s lives,” change that to “I’m a good person who is important to many people.” You can take a piece of paper and fold it in half and put negative thoughts at the top of one side and on the other side write positive thoughts.
• Talk to someone you trust. It’s important to build a supportive system of friends and family you can talk to when you feel the need to injure yourself. It’s very helpful to talk out your feelings and have someone help you find different ways to cope.
• Go for a walk or do exercises. Walking and exercising are very good for your mental health. They give you something physical to do to release your pain. Ride a bike, do jumping jacks, lift weights, go for a run, and so on. When you walk, go briskly. Work out those emotions with each exercise or step.
• Set a goal to stop injuring. Set a small goal at first, like going one week without harming yourself. When you make it to that one week, celebrate by having dinner with friends, treating yourself to something special, or buying a cake. After completing a week keep adding to your goal, two weeks, a month, or a year. Celebrate each time you reach your goal. In time you will go years without hurting yourself.
• Write affirmations. Write positive things about yourself and your life. Put positive things about yourself on notecards, and put them where you’ll see and read them each day. Start a journal just for affirmations.
• Seek help. Therapists can teach you different ways to cope with self-injury, give you someone to talk with, and guide you in putting an end to self-harm. It may be hard to find a good therapist who makes you feel comfortable. Don’t give up. Make sure you ask your therapist if he or she has experience helping others who self-injure.

Learning healthy coping techniques will help you overcome self-harm. You can break away from the shame, silent struggle, hiding your wounds, and the endless cycle of agony. Try these coping techniques. Practice them regularly until you no longer need to hurt yourself. You can reach recovery.

Because I practice these techniques and incorporate them in my life, I have gone 23 years without self-harm. I stand in the light of recovery with pride.