People say things about mental illness without realizing how harmful their words are. Many who say the wrong things are not trying to be cruel. Instead, they don’t understand mental illness. People have told me to snap out of it, watch funny movies and you’ll feel better, and other things. Their words have hurt me deeply and have made me feel unheard, angry, and sad.  It’s important to talk about what not to say, because saying the wrong thing could lead a struggler deeper into his or her illness. The things people said to me threw me further down my dark hole.

Below is a list of things you should not say to a person struggling with mental illness.

• Just get over it. Like any other illness a person can not just shut off mental illness. It takes time, treatment, hard work, and dedication to reach recovery. Even in recovery there are bad days. Saying this can make a person feel guilty for struggling.
• You have nothing to be depressed about. Many people who are struggling have a good life, but they are still depressed. They have an illness that affects the chemicals in their brain. Unbalanced chemicals cause a deep sadness that the sufferer is not in control of. Many who are depressed have no explanation for their feelings.
• Everyone gets sad sometimes. Everyone gets sad, but not everyone gets depressed. There is a difference between occasionally being sad and a depression that just won’t go away. A person with depression is feeling a much deeper and stronger feelings than sudden sadness. A person with depression loses hope, feels worthless, no longer enjoys things that once brought happiness, and can’t stop these feelings. A person who is just sad gets over it quickly, can still feel joy, and can find things to make him or her feel better.
• You don’t look mentally ill. People with mental illness could be your cashier, your bus driver, your teacher, your boss, and so on. They are everyday people who are struggling with an awful illness. They don’t look any different than anyone else. Often, they put on a show so people won’t judge them. They smile when they are dying inside.
• You just need to think positively. If it were that easy, there wouldn’t be antidepressants, therapists, and psychiatrists. This is an illness. Thinking positively will not cure mental illness. When a person is struggling, it’s hard to see the positive things in his or her life. His or her mind and thoughts are changed by this illness. It takes hard work, therapy, and medication to reach recovery. Even in recovery the struggler will have days that the negative thoughts creep in.
• You’re using your mental illness as an excuse. There is a difference between an excuse and an explanation. An excuse is used to avoid something, and an explanation tells what happened. Mental illness isn’t an excuse for why someone can’t do something, but an explanation. People with mental illness have limitations that get in the way of them doing things. It’s the reason for the way they feel and act. It is not an excuse that they hide behind to get out of doing things; it is a reason for why they feel depressed, why they cancel plans, why they stay in bed all day, and why they avoid social gatherings.
• You should be over this by now. You can’t snap your fingers and you’re over being sick. Mental illness doesn’t go away overnight. There is no cure for this illness. Medication can help balance the chemicals in the brain and give the strugglers some relief, but it doesn’t make it disappear. A person can reach recovery, but that takes time, determination, treatment, and hard work. For a person in recovery, illness will always be there. He or she has to manage it every day.

Be careful with what you say to those struggling with mental illness. Your words could hurt a struggler or lead to bad feelings or doing something harmful. Be kind and understanding. It’s important that you learn about mental illness so you better understand it and can help those you care about. The more we talk about mental illness and learn about it, the easier it will become for strugglers to reach out for help.

I talk to people openly about my illness in hopes it will help others. I write this blog to bring education, awareness, and understanding to mental illness. I also write it to help those struggling. Because of my ability to talk and write about mental illness, I stand in the light of recovery.

Has someone said the wrong thing to you?

This is a safe place.  Please leave your answers in the comments.  Your words could help someone else.