When I was really struggling with my mental illness, many of my friends and family members didn’t know what to say. Some avoided me while others said the wrong thing. I felt alone, unheard, and like no one cared about me or cared if I were alive. This deepened my depression and suicidal thoughts. I did find a friend who knew the right things to say, and she made a big difference in my struggles.

Knowing what to say to individuals struggling with their mental health is very important and healing. I compiled a list of words that can help a person heal.

• I’m here for you. These words let people with this illness know they have support. It lets them know they have someone to tell their feelings to. Many times the strugglers feels like they must struggle alone because no one will support or listen to them. You can also say, “You don’t have to go through this alone,” “You can talk to me without worrying about being judged,” or “I’ll stand by you, even on your difficult days.”
• Your feelings are valid. This lets the strugglers know that you recognize their feelings and their emotions are acceptable. It’s important for people with this illness to know they are feeling is real and not for no reason at all. Many strugglers feel their emotions don’t matter to anyone else. They often keep their feelings to themselves. You can also say, “It’s okay to feel the way you feel,” “Your feelings matter,” or “What your feeling is important.”
• You are not a burden. These words are very important. This could help a struggler to decide not to take his or her life. It lets them know that despite what they are going through, they are not burdening their family and friends and they don’t have to struggle alone. The strugglers often believe they are too much to handle and are a problem for their friends and family. They often believe their family would be better off without them. Other things to say, “You don’t have to feel guilty for struggling,” “You are allowed to need support, too,” or “You don’t have to handle everything on your own.”
• You don’t have to be strong all the time. This allows them to know they can fall apart if they need to. They are allowed to be weak and vulnerable. They don’t have to hold it all inside and be brave for their family and friends. Sometimes strugglers think they can’t show their weaknesses. They put on a brave face while holding in tears and anguish. Other things to say, “It’s okay to have days when you don’t feel okay,” “It’s okay to admit when things are hard,” or “You don’t have to keep everything bottled up inside.”
• How can I support you? This lets the struggler know you are willing to help them. They can turn to you for help. Many dealing with powerful feels like they can’t depend on anyone. They feel like they must navigate their illness alone because no one is willing to support them. Other things to say, “What can I do to make things a little easier for you?”, “How can I be there for you?”, or “What can I do to help you feel less alone?”

If you use these words when talking to a person struggling with mental illness, you can help him or her heal. You could help him or her begin his or her journey towards recovery. Use words that help, not words that hurt. Be there for your friend or family member who is struggling. If you can’t help, let the person know you are willing to help him or her find help. What you say makes a big difference.

Because I found a friend and family members who knew what to say, I’m in the healing light of recovery.