Author: Aimee Eddy

SAINT DAVIDS CHRISTIAN WRITERS CONFERENCE

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Writers may be born with the ability to write, but they are not born knowing how to make their writing great, how to market it, how to obtain followers, how to format their writing to be sent out to editors, and so on. To learn about the writing field, we writers must read books and go to workshops and conferences.

June 21 through 25, I attended Saint Davids Christian Writers’ Conference at Allegany college in Meadville, PA. We stayed in the college apartments and went to workshops most of the days. We also had fun things like the literary coffee house, where authors had three minutes to read a piece from their recently published works. There was the Great Saint Davids Auction, where attendees brought new and used stuff to be auctioned off. The money goes into the scholarship fund to benefit next year’s conferees. There was also an awards banquet where we got fancied up, ate a nice meal, and saw who won the different categories of the conference’s writing contest.

I got to reconnect with old friends and make new friends. Conferences are a great place to network with established authors, other authors, publishers, and editors. I did lots of networking with fellow authors and have lots of new support in my writing career.

I met one on one with a woman who taught a workshop on talking to groups in schools. I got lots of advice from her. Now I have an idea on how to take my talk about bullying to schools, and I also have lots of work to get there.

I learned I can get paid to talk at schools and that schools have grants to have speakers. I need to find ways to engage the children in my talks and have them participate. I also learned I need to put together a printable pamphlet about my experiences as a speaker, what I will talk about, a blurb about me, quotes from places I have already talked to, a book order sheet and some other things. I need to get the book, Sell Books and Get Paid Doing Author School Visits by Kim Norman. Over the summer I have lots of work to do.

One thing that I learned at the conference is I must have an email newsletter to gain followers and an email list. Followers will buy my book, tell others about me, and bring more subscribers to my newsletter. Building an email list is important because those are people you can send links to upcoming books or announce books that you may have coming out. The email list you build from your newsletter are fans of your writing and they can help build your following and help with your sales.

I thought maybe I could just get away with writing about my book in this blog, but it’s not enough. I do have a fear of writing a newsletter. I’m not very good at editing. That is part of my learning disability. All writers must have someone edit their writing, but I have a hard time even editing a letter. I don’t know grammar very well. I get confused with nouns, pronouns, verbs, and adverbs. I have tried over the years to learn more about grammar, but I still struggle. I have an author friend edit these blog posts before I post them.

When I came home from the conference, I spent hours trying to figure out how to use Mailchimp (a free program to build newsletters). I just got frustrated and confused. Today I will attend a zoom meeting on how to use Mailchimp, so hopefully I’ll make progress. It takes me time to learn new things. I must be shown several times. Luckily the workshop will be recorded, and I can refer to it.

Keep your eyes open for a place on this site to subscribe to my newsletter and receive a gift. Even though I have risen above the bullying I faced in school, I still fear failure and I worry what people will think of me. So be patient with me as I figure out this newsletter.

I also learned about building platforms. An author’s platform is a way to target audiences by making the author visible to the readers. This means becoming part of online groups, networking, becoming part of organizations that pertain to the subject you are writing about and building a website. I have a website, I’m a director for One Life Project, and I’m part of groups on social media. I learned how to improve my platform and how to become more noticed.

I learned so much that when I got home, I felt like my brain was overloaded and steam was coming out of my ears. I have been going through my notes a little bit at a time. I have lots of homework from the conference to do to improve my marketing of my book and myself as an author.

The best part about a Christian conference is the kindness and caring. I had an asthma attack walking to workshops. Several ladies came to check up on me, one lady drove me back to the apartments, my roommate brought me dinner, and the lady who took me back to the apartments drove me each day to the workshops and the buildings where we used. They prayed over me and showered me with kindness. I could see God working within each person to make the conference a wonderful experience.

The conference lifted me up and gave me a gentle push forward in my writing career. It will help me succeed with my goals and grow as a writer. It has helped me stand in the light of recovery with bigger goals and dreams.

       THERAPY ANGEL

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          “If this therapist can’t help you, we’ll find one who can.  I don’t care what it takes.” My mother wrapped her arms around me. “I’ve prayed to God he would send you an angel.”

      We sat in the therapist’s waiting room. There is no hope for me, I thought. 

      In my senior year of high school, my cousin died in a car accident. I slipped into a deep sadness. My sadness only grew after I moved in with my grandparents and started college. I rolled around in my bed at night begging for sleep and found myself sick to my stomach every morning. Why didn’t I die instead? I don’t want to live any more, I thought before I dragged myself to classes. As the pain inside me increased, I discovered cutting myself to gain release from my inner agony.

     After a year, I moved back home with my parents and started seeing a therapist in a nearby town. The therapist told me I was injuring myself to hurt others. With each appointment, I felt more hopeless and my mother became desperate to find me help. She turned to the outpatient clinic of a neighboring state hospital, which referred us to a clinic a half hour away. Even though I had no insurance, the clinic had a sliding scale and was willing to accept what we could afford.

      “Aimee Eddy?” A slim lady walked into the waiting room and extended her hand toward me. “Hi, my name is Theresa.”

      “Hi.” I shook her hand and peace filled me.

      A smile stretched across Theresa’s face and she led me to a small room. “Please sit down and tell me a little bit about yourself and what is going on.”

      I sat down and warmth engulfed me. My fears of talking to a stranger disappeared and my life story spilled out. After an hour, Theresa diagnosed me with major depression and anxiety disorder. She handed me a video on depression, and my assignment was to watch the video before our next appointment.

     “You’ll see that depression is a common illness and

recovery is possible.” She took me back to the waiting room. “You will reach recovery.”

     For the first time in a long while I had hope. Theresa encouraged me to take a year off from college, saying, “You need time to care of yourself. When you get better, you can go back to college.” 

     At the same time, I started seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed medication. Theresa signed me up for a program to get my anti-depressants for free.

      With each appointment, overcome by a calming feeling, my mood began to improve and my depression started to fade. I stopped cutting and began working at a grocery store in the bakery department. In time, I moved to the front end of the store as a bagger.

      “For the first time I have a social life. I never had this many friends during my high school years.” I sat across from Theresa. “When I was in high school, I was picked on and now everyone loves me. I’ve never been so happy.”

    “This is just what you needed.” Theresa’s eyes reflected joy. She leaned forward. “Now–-we will be able to take you off your anti-depressants.”

      “But the psychiatrist told me I’d never get off my medication. He said I’d be on it for life.” I looked into Theresa’s eyes and my heart fluttered.

      “I assure you; you will be off your medication and will no longer need me.” She reached over and patted my hand. “But I must warn you, after a period of five years your illness will return, and you’ll need to get help again.”  

      Could this be true? Am I well enough to get off my medication? Wow, I can’t believe it. It’s a miracle. 

      Theresa directed me to stop taking my medication. I learned years later therapists don’t take patients off antidepressants. Within a year, I returned to college as a part-time student. I continued to work on the weekends at the grocery store and found time for my social life. After three years, I was ready to graduate from college. I sent an invitation for my graduation to Theresa only to have it returned. I went to the building where we had our therapy session and found it empty. No one had ever heard of Theresa and said the office had been empty for a very long time.

     My father rubbed his chin. “She must have been an angel.” 

     Two years after my graduation from college, I slipped back into my depression and began injuring again.  

     Years later, I have reached recovery, but I still must take medication and deal with the challenges of mental illness. Memories of my therapy angel, all that she taught me, and my five wonderful years of freedom that doctors cannot explain have become part of my drive to stay well.

ASKING FOR HELP

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It’s hard to ask for help when we are struggling, especially when suffering with mental illness. The stigma of mental illness surrounds us, it’s on the news, it’s in television shows, it’s in the newspaper, and it’s spoken about by misinformed people. Because of this stigma, many who struggle feel alone and scared. Others are afraid to ask for help because they fear they will hurt their family or they don’t understand what is happening to them. The sad thing is many go without help because of these reasons and spend their lives thinking there is no hope when there is.

When I was struggling with mental illness, I didn’t know what was happening to me. In school I felt this overwhelming sadness, I struggled to sleep, I felt hopeless, my thoughts raced, and I daydreamed of my death. I even burst out in angry rages at home. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I couldn’t explain to my parents what was happening inside me, so I never told them. I thought I could handle it on my own. When my uncle was killed in a car accident, I fell deeper down that dark hole of sadness. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.

My sadness got worse when my cousin was killed during my senior year of high school. I fell all the way to the bottom of that hole. When I started college I stopped sleeping, I became suicidal, I started cutting, I couldn’t keep food down, and the sadness was so strong I felt like it was suffocating me. I lived with my grandparents, and I hid from them my agony. I wrote my suicide note and planed my death. I never told them or my parents how badly I was struggling. It wasn’t until my mom noticed my wounds that I broke down in her arms and I confided in her. That’s when she searched for help for me and moved me back home so she and my dad could take care of me.

As I wrote my book, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, I was able to trace the start of my mental illness back to grade school. I ask myself, “What if I had asked for help back then? Could I have saved myself from so many years of suffering?” I believe if I had asked my parents for help, they would have done anything they could for me. When I did ask for help in college, my mom went as far as going to a hospital in a nearby town to find information on how to get me treatment.

I learned that no one can handle mental illness on their own. We need help to face such an awful illness, and there is help. There are organizations like One Life project Inspire Kindness | One Life Project (projectonelife.org) and NAMI https://www.nami.org/Home. Many states have programs that help you get treatment for low cost or no cost, there are suicide and crisis hot lines (call 988 for crisis or suicide, and so on. There are also more sites to turn to for help under resources on this site https://wordpress.com/view/aimeeeddygross.wordpress.com. Turn to your family, and if they are not understanding, talk to a close friend. Don’t suffer alone. 

I suffered alone for many years before I asked for help. By not telling anyone what was going on inside me, my illness only got worse. I could have found recovery sooner if only I told someone I was struggling and got therapy at a young age. I could have succeeded in my suicidal attempts. In college I took a bottle of pills. I was groggy and dizzy and yet some how I drove to my college in a snowstorm. I wasn’t even sure how I got there, let alone safely. The only answer I have is God got me there.

If you are thinking about taking your life and you feel like the only way out of your agony is to commit suicide, tell someone or call a hotline. If need to, have someone take you, or drive yourself to the nearest hospital. You may not see it, but your life is important, and you are important. Your death will hurt others and you have a future ahead of you. With help, recovery is possible. Never be afraid to ask for help.

Even though it took me a long time to ask for help, I did ask and now I am in recovery. I’m surrounded by caring and supportive people to help me with the rough days. I am a strong person enjoying life in the light of recovery.

Next week I will not post a blog post because I will be at Saint Davids Christian Writers’ Conference. I write on Saturday nights and Saturday this week is the last day of the conference. I return home on that Sunday.

TALKING TO A GIRL SCOUT TROOP

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As an anti-bullying advocate, I talk to adults and children about the effects of bullying. Most of my talks have been to adults, and that’s important. Adults get bullied, too, and many adults have children in their lives who are dealing with bullying. My biggest goal has been to talk to children. Bullying is a big problem in our schools, leading children to mental health problems, behavioral problems, suicide, and attempts at suicide.

I work as a cashier in a grocery store. During the winter the girl scouts set up tables to sell cookies. I work on express checkout, and the girls were set up next to that checkout. I told the leaders about my book and that I was an anti-bullying advocate. I gave the leaders my business card. One of the parents with the girls had been my physical therapist when I had back surgery and other health problems. She spoke to the leader of that troop with me.

That leader later contacted me to speak to her troop of girls in first through fifth grades. I suggested the leader invite the parents, too. The event was last Wednesday. I usually don’t plan my talks, but this was my first talk for children, I wrote an outline for my speech. I was nervous about bringing my talk down to a level young children would understand. When I stood up and gave my speech, my words just flowed from me. I knew how important it was to reach young children and tell them about bullying because my bullying started in first grade.

The girls listened and raised their hands to tell me about things that happened to them, or things they saw happen to others. They also raised their hands to ask questions. I told one girl a secret and had her pass it around the room. Funny thing is the girls got the secret right, but an adult got it wrong. I used that as an example on how passing around gossip can start out as one thing and by the time it gets passed around, it turns into something different.

I told the girls how each of our differences makes us beautiful and special. I told them we should never judge anyone for being different, and we should never change who we are to fit in. The girls listened intently. I told them that if you must change who you are and bully someone to fit in with others, it’s not worth it. The best friend they could have might be that person everyone puts down.

I told them about my dream to write a book. Then I asked them if they had dreams. Many raised their hands more than once. They had a variety of dreams like being teachers, artist, authors, and much more. I encouraged them to follow their dreams no matter how hard it is.

I asked the girls how many of them had faced bullying. My heart broke when half the girls raised their hands. I encouraged them to talk to their parents or other adults they trust about the bullying. I told them they can’t handle bullying without support from people that love them. I urged the parents to fight for their children and consider looking into therapy if the bullying is persistent.

I told the girls to be kind to everyone, and if they can’t be nice, then don’t say anything. I closed the talk by telling the girls they are each princesses who deserve to be treated kindly and who should also be nice to others. At the end the girls thanked me for coming and applauded me.

Afterward the parents gave some their daughters money to buy my book. I signed the books, including the girls’ names and in each book, I wrote “Stand up against bullying. You are special.” They also had an ice cream social after my talk. While I ate my ice cream, I talked with the mothers. They were impressed by my talk and told me I need to talk in schools. That is a goal of mine for the fall.

When I got home, I was so happy with my speech that I felt like I was flying high. My first talk to children was a big success. I was able to ease into talking to children without any problems and the girls participated well. I know they learned a lot and the parents also learned.

Talking to people of all ages about bullying and its effects helps me soars in the light of recovery.

SPREADING THE WORD

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Being a published author is a lot of work. Once you have a book published you must work hard to market it and setting up speaking engagements and book signings. Sometimes it seems like our hard work is hopeless and sometimes it is fruitful. Pushing forward despite the ups and downs is what makes a dedicated author.

On May 17, I had a talk and book signing at Patterson Library in Westfield, NY, a forty-five-minute drive from my home. Many people where I live do not travel past Erie, PA. Some people who live on the east side of Erie never even travel to the west side. Because of that it made it hard to tell my customers and friends about a speaking event out of state. I hoped the library would advertise around their community and surrounding areas. The librarian sent me a copy of the flyer she would be posting around Westfield. I prayed for a good turnout. Most of all I wanted to see the English teacher who helped me with my writing in high school.

We arrived at the library, and my husband and I set up my books, bookmarks, and business cards. Five people showed up and two of them were my parents. The librarian told me my high school teacher had been out of town and she gave me a note card to leave her a message. Despite the small turnout, I spoke from my heart about bullying and its effect on people. One woman who came had also come to hear me talk at another library; she is a big fan of mine. She told about dealing with bullying of her own child. Another woman told me how she faced bullying as a child. The librarian took my business card and said she would contact me for future events. I sold two books. It wasn’t the crowd I had hoped for, but I still was able to spread my message and I opened myself up for future opportunities.

Great things have been happening with One Life Project where I am director of research and education. Alex Kovarovic, the founder of the project, and I have started to do live chats on Facebook. Our first one was with Alex, Alicia, another director, and me. We did a chat about what One Life Project is and mental illness. We had two hundred and forty-seven views. Last Thursday Alex and I went on to talk about mental illness, acceptance, and pride month. We had 2.8k views. We may try to do live chats on Instagram next week. Look for One Life Project on Facebook at (8) one life project – Search Results | Facebook and Instagram One Life Project (@projectonelife) | Instagram. We will be going live between seven and eight PM.

I’m still working my way into my role as director of education and research. I’m waiting to begin going through applicants for my division. I am very happy to be helping young people who are struggling with mental illness, acceptance, bullying, dating abuse and much more. I believe the project will make a big difference in a lot of people’s lives. If you’re interested in volunteering for One Life Project, go to www.projectonelife.org.

Wednesday I am talking to Girl Scout Troop 20442. The leader has invited parents and community members. If you live in the area, please come to Faith Lutheran Church at 5414 Lake Rd, Harborcreek, PA at 6:00 PM. There will be an ice cream social after, and they welcome one dollar donations.

I met with a specialist for my asthma, and he may have the answer to why I keep having asthma attacks. He believes acid from my GRED is coming up into my air passages while I’m sleeping causing them to be inflamed. I now have a stronger inhaler, medicine for inflammations, and tests to come. I’m praying my asthma will be under control soon so I can set up more speaking events.

Because I am determined to spread the word about bullying and mental illness, I am helping others. By helping others, I continue to heal past wounds and I stand proudly in the light of recovery.

I FORGOT

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Oops!!! With the busy Memorial Day weekend I forgot to write a post. As a cashier the days before a holiday are very busy. On top of that I was preparing for a pulmonary function test which was this morning. I had to go all Memorial Day without my daily and rescue inhalers. I spent my holiday doing as little as possible so I would not have an asthma attack. I went on a binge watching shows on Netflix and my husband took me out for ice cream.

I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day and have a wonderful week. I plan to have a new post for you next Tuesday. Remember to keep fighting for recovery and look for the positive things in your life. You’re worth the fight.

DRIVING TOWARDS RECOVERY

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Do to struggles with health problems I didn’t write a blog post this week. So here is an old but food one.

     Things happen in your life that lifts your spirits and also get you thinking. Life is full of surprises. Sometimes it gives you a bumpy road to travel and other times it gives you smooth roads. We never know what road we will be traveling on. The road to recovery can be like getting rid of an old, rusty car for a shiny, new one. You’re getting rid of an old, broken life for a new, bright life.

     Tuesday morning my husband and I sat down to have breakfast. We began to talk about the problems with our 2008 Chevy Cobalt. We needed to get it fixed before May when our inspection would be up. We had a hole in the rocker panel, a sensor needed replacing, and we were having problems with the steering. There was no way we could afford to fix all these problems. We had already replaced the gas line and had the muffler repaired along with other things. It was time for something new.

     This got me thinking about myself while I was sick. I was like our old car. I had lots of problems that needed fixing. I was self-injuring, my thoughts were negative, I was suicidal, and I couldn’t control my anxiety attacks. Like our car, I couldn’t afford to keep my life going on that road. I needed to change. I needed to renew my life.

     After breakfast my husband and I decided to look at newer cars. We texted a friend we met through the dealer we bought our Cobalt from and she suggested a dealer ship. We drove to a town about a half hour away. We talked to a sales man, and he took us to a cherry red Chevy Equinox. The inside looked like new even though it was used. Both of us fell in love with it right away. We took it for a ride and we wanted to buy it. We were like kids in a toy store. So we began the long process of paperwork.

     My choice to work towards recovery was like looking at new cars. I looked at what my life could be like in recovery. I saw a chance for a new, bright life. I was excited to take it for a test drive. I fell in love with the idea I could be happy. Like doing paperwork, I had a long process of therapy, medication, and work before me to reach recovery. I knew it wasn’t an easy process, but I wanted it like we wanted that car. I was willing to do whatever it took to reach recovery.

     Hours later we got the keys to the SUV, and we drove to my parents to show it off. For a long while I had gotten used to being chauffeured around by my husband and lost interest in driving. When we got this SUV, I suddenly wanted to drive everywhere. I had a new toy and excitement filled me. At work I told my customers about our new vehicle and showed them pictures. Getting rid of the old car helped me let go of worries and getting a new one filled me with happiness.

     Reaching recovery is like getting a new car except instead of a new car, I got a new beginning. I wanted to show everyone the new me. I bragged about my new beginning. I had this new shiny life to show off, and I wanted to tell everyone and I did. I still do. I tell everyone about how I threw away my rusted life and built a new one. I was and am excited. I’m not cured, but I’m happy.  

Recovery is as shiny as a new car. Reach for it; strive for it. Get rid of your old broken-down life, and work towards a new one. Recovery is worth the fight. You don’t have to settle for an endless life of darkness and sadness. You can find happiness. You can learn to control, and manage your mental illness. Happiness is waiting for you. Fight for it.

I’m doing well in recovery. I’ve had bumpy roads, but I enjoy the smooth roads. I’m driving down the road in the light of recovery.

NEW STARTS AND WHAT’S HAPPENING

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I thought it was time to let you know what is going on with my book and my writing. They’re at a slow point, but they’re about to pick up. I put aside setting up talks and book signings for a bit as I struggled with my asthma. My asthma has been out of control, and I have a pulmonary function test and I see a specialist at the end of the month to hopefully get answers. Even though I have been struggling I haven’t given up. I have been busy planning and writing. Here is what I have been up to and what is to come. 

Last week I couldn’t write my blog post because of computer problems. I usually write on my couch, using a lap desk with the sound of the TV playing in the background. I sat down to work on a chapter about the years after we sold the garage when my dog, Esther, needed to go out. I sat my lap desk with the computer on it on the couch beside me. My computer slipped off and landed on the floor. The screen went black and refused to turn back on. My screen had blown. I put my frustrations about the loss of my computer on Facebook and a co-worker and friend messaged me she had a laptop for me. I got the new computer last Saturday, so instead of writing a blog post I was setting up all my programs. 

When I asked my friend if I could give her something for the computer she said, “You don’t need to give me anything. I know how important your writing is.” 

I got a partial scholarship to attend Saint Davids Christian Writers conference. I needed to come up with another $225. Finances have been hard this year. I was ready to decline the scholarship, thinking my husband and I couldn’t come up with the extra amount when my cousin suggested I start a GoFundMe. The next day I started the GoFundMe, and in one day I raised enough money to go to the conference. June 21 to the 25 I will be attending Saint Davids Christian Writers Conference at Allegheny College in Meadville, PA. I am excited to learn new techniques and information about writing. Conferences help us make connections with other writers and with publishers and agents. It also helps us improve our writing careers. 

I have been toying with two new ideas for books. My plan for my next book was to write a book compiling my blog posts. My friend Roberta has agreed to organize them for me, but she has been busy. I’m not quite sure where to start that book. So, I decide to wait for Roberta and see what posts she picks out for my book. Last week I decided to start chapter one on the years after the garage. I have nine pages written. I don’t know yet how to end the chapter. In Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, the chapters ended with coffee break and adventures at the garage. Now the garage is gone; in the next book I must search my memory for a new ending to my chapters.  I plan to get a start on my book using my blogs once I decide how to start it and see what posts Roberta chooses for it.  

Wednesday I am talking in the children’s section of Patterson Library in Westfield, NY. It’s about a forty-five drive from my home. I’m excited. My English teacher who helped me enter contests and edited my writing in high school volunteers at that library. I’m hoping she will attend my talk and I will get a chance to thank her for all she did for me. I haven’t seen her since I graduated from high school. I’m also looking forward to talking to children and their parents about bullying. If you live in the area, come see me. It starts at 4 P.M. 

I work for a grocery store as a cashier. While girl scouts were selling their cookies at the store, I told the leaders about my book and my advocacy against bullying and handed them a business card. Last month a girl scout leader messaged me on messenger and asked me to speak to her troop. The troop will be  girls from first to fifth grade. I also asked the leader to invite the parents. The leader said she’ll pay me twenty-five dollars to speak. I believe it’s very important to tell children of all ages how hurtful bullying is. I will be talking to the troop and their parents on May 24 at 6 P.M. 

There will also be some new things happening with the One Life Project where I am director of Education and Research. The leader of the organization has big plans for me. I will let you know soon about what is to come.  

I have a lot going on in my life and I’m excited. Following my dreams, advocating against bullying, and starting new adventures keeps me pushing forward in the light of recovery. 

COGNITIVE BEHAVIORIAL THERAPY

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When you are struggling with mental illness, you develop bad behaviors that turn into a pattern of bad choices that worsen the illness. We learn to cope in the only way we know how, and without therapy, our techniques can be damaging to us and those around us. Also, while struggling with mental illness, we develop bad thinking patterns that are self-destructive. How do we change these behavioral and thought patterns? The best way to change them is through behavioral therapy.

The first question you may have is what is behavioral therapy? The website healthline, defines behavioral therapy as a form of therapy that looks to identify and help change potentially self-destructive or unhealthy behaviors. It’s based on the idea that all behaviors are learned and that behaviors can be changed. The focus of treatment is often on current problems and how to change them. Behavioral Therapy: Definition, Types & Effectiveness (healthline.com)

A popular form of behavioral therapy is cognitive therapy. This deals with the bad thought patterns you form while you are sick. This type of therapy focuses on how negative thought patterns lead to unhealthy behaviors. Your negative thoughts can lead to poor choices, bad relationships, angry episodes, bad coping techniques, and a lack of interest to live a productive life. If you believe you’re an awful person and you don’t deserve to be treated well, you may fall into bad and abusive relationships.

Through bullying at school, I learned to hate myself, and my thoughts became negative and self-defeating. I couldn’t see anything good about my life, and this led me into a series of abusive relationships. A high school friend abused me in ways I can’t say. I held onto her tightly because I thought I needed her and couldn’t live if I lost another friend. Another friend as an adult stole my paycheck, made false promises, and lied, but I stayed loyal to her. Another friend stabbed me in the back over and over and yet I moved in with her and her husband to only be treated badly. I made poor choices in friends because I felt I was worthless and didn’t deserve better. My thinking pattern ruled my actions.

For a long time, I stopped writing because my thoughts told me I was a failure, I was an awful writer, my dreams were hopeless, and I wasn’t smart enough to write a book. I was stuck with a dream to write a book, but I believed my dream was impossible to complete. So, I put my pen down and my computer away and dwell in self-defeating thoughts. That thinking pattern prevented me from achieving my dreams. After years of being told I was worthless and a failure, those ideas were drilled into my head. With that cognitive distortion I was stuck going nowhere. My dream to write a book faded.

In cognitive behavioral therapy I learned to challenge my thoughts and turn them into positive ones. I began to identify the type of thinking I was using like magnification, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, and so on. In therapy I learned how to practice self-affirming thoughts, to journal something positive about my day and about myself each day. It’s hard work and takes a lot of time, but it changes your life.

Now I make better choices. I cut off unhealthy relationships; I notice the signs of negative people and I keep my distance. On my road to recovery, I ended a lot of bad relationships. I learned that I deserve healthy and happy friendships, not ones where I end up getting used, abused, and hurt. The friends I have chosen lift me up, support me, and treat me well and I am able to treat them the same way.

Since I have fought the negative thinking about my dream to write a book, I have written and published a book. I have short stories published and I have won several contests. I’m no longer stuck in a world of self-defeat. I no longer feel like a failure. I’ve been on the news and in the newspaper talking about my book. I’m doing talks about bullying and I’m doing book signing. Changing my thought pattern changed my life.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is effective and a big part of your road to recovery. It’s not easy to do. It takes a lot of hard work to change the way you have been thinking for a long time, but it’s worth it. If you have the right therapist, he or she will give you homework and show you ways you can use this type of therapy in your life. Changing your thinking will not cure you of mental illness, but it will lead you down the road of recovery. Your bad thinking will not disappear forever. You’ll find yourself from time to time falling into your old patterns, but you’ll have methods to combat them. Cognitive therapy teaches you healthy coping techniques.

I am happy with the life I live and the accomplishments I have made. By going through cognitive therapy, I have learned coping techniques that help me stay in recovery and keep me above that dark hole. Because of cognitive therapy, I’m thriving in the light of recovery.

BULLYING HAPPENS AT CHURCH

Published on by Aimee Eddy4 Comments

The one place we would think we could go and not be judged, put down, or treated badly is church. In the Bible we are taught that everyone is equal. Jesus saw all people as equal, despite their sins or evil ways. Jesus fed the hungry, healed the blind, and made the lame walk. He never put people down and he never turned his back on anyone. We as Christians should do the same especially in God’s house. Unfortunately bullying happens in the one place where it shouldn’t, church.

Bullying happens in many churches especially small churches. I’ve seen it myself. In many churches there seems to be one person who likes to take control of everything. This person seems to have a following. Other church members want to be on her or his good side, so they conform. By doing this they form a pack against those who stand on their own and pass judgment when they don’t have a right to.

This happened to a woman, I’ll call Sally, who means the world to me. I went to a small country church with this Sally. One bossy lady in the church took control of everything. She also had a group of women who followed her. Sally was a homemaker. Sally spent her life dedicated to raising her children and taking care of her home. The bossy lady and her followers judged her for that. They judged her for the way she dressed, the style of her hair, and much more.

Sally wanted to help revive the Sunday school at this church. The bossy lady agreed but insulted or turned down any of Sally’S ideas and plans. Sally would go to church events and be ignored by the others. Being ignored and left out of social events is another form of bullying. The bullying began to drag Sally down, causing her emotional pain; she and her husband ended up leaving the church. This should never happen anywhere and especially at a church.

Church is where we are supposed to be accepted no matter what. It’s not our job to judge anyone no matter how different they are or even if we don’t agree with their lifestyles. God is the ultimate and only judge. Church is the place we should be able to go and be welcomed with opened arms. Our baggage, our sins, our differences, and so on should be left at the door. Inside church we are God’s children loving each other for who we are inside. God loves each of us equally and treats us the same and so we should do the same.

In churches sometimes you hear rumors. I’ve heard it at church myself. Gossip is a form of bullying. It’s telling information about someone without knowing the facts. Rumors destroy lives because they change and grow as they are passed around. Such as “I heard Jessica is cheating on her husband with an old friend,” becomes “Jessica’s child is not her husband’s; it’s the child of the man she slept with behind her husband’s back” and so on. The truth could be that Jessica just had lunch with an old college friend.

Bullying is a big problem in our churches, society, and in our schools. People should never be treated badly for their differences especially at church. At church we gather as sinners, as beautiful unique people, and as God’s children. Love, acceptance, and kindness should be shared with all. No one person should take charge of things in a church. Each person has the right to take part in all church activities. When you go to church, love each person as God loves each one of his children.

God made each of us different. Not one of us is the same. Our uniqueness is what makes us special individuals. Differences are beautiful and not something to judge. In church, at school, in communities, and at work, embrace everyone’s uniqueness and treat everyone the way you want to be treated, with kindness.

Standing up against all bullying and spreading the word about the harm it causes fills me with pride and helps me bathe in the light of recovery.