Happy New Years!! I hope you’ve all have had a happy and fun New Years. Next week I will blog about New Years commitment not resolution. Now the celebrating is over I will have more time to write and will post my blog post next Tuesday. Until then think about what your New Years commitment will be. I wish you all a happy, healthy and bright New Years!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! MAY YOU ALL ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAYS AND TIME WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS!! I WILL NOT POST A BLOG UNTIL AFTER THE NEW YEAR BECAUSE I AM BUSY CELEBRATING AND I HOPE YOU ALL ARE TOO. REMEMBER TO ALLOW THE LIGHT TO SHINE WITHIN THIS HOLIDAY SEASON AND MAKE A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION TO REACH RECOVERY.

 

   Relationships take a lot of effort. Both must be able to work together to make a relationship thrive, but if one is unable to do his or her part then things can fall apart. A mentally ill person becomes consumed by his or her illness and forgets others have needs, too. The person with the illness can’t see beyond his or her own needs and begins to expect too much of others. This makes it hard for him or her to be a good partner or friend.

   When I relapsed into my mental illness, I became very needy and consumed with the darkness within me. I had a close friend that I spent a lot of time with before I became ill. I even used to go to her and her husband’s cabin for the weekend. When I became ill, I started giving her notes and sending them to her with my feelings. I wanted all of her attention and support, but I was unable to give her anything in return. I wanted to be the center of her focus, but she had children and grandchildren who were beginning to take up her time. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t have as much time for me. Couldn’t she see I was suffering? Wasn’t she supposed to be there for me no matter what?

   After the friendship ended and when I got better, I realized I couldn’t be a good friend unless I was able to take care of my illness. Our friendship ended because I couldn’t see that she had needs and limitations. I realized in order to be a good friend, I had to take care of myself first. It takes a strong person to stick by a person who cannot give the same support.

   A friend of mine is desperate to find the right girl. He has tried many ways to find the girl of his dreams without success. The only problem is he is deeply depressed and has isolated himself from the world. He struggles from day to day just to take care of himself. He hides from the people who love him the most and sometimes he disappoints his friends, not on purpose.

   I tell him; first he must take care of his mental illness and reach for recovery before he could be a good boyfriend to a young woman. I believe once he reaches recovery and learns to look beyond his own illness to others’ needs, he will find the right girl. I believe the right girlfriend is out there for him waiting for him to reach the light.

   I often got angry while I was sick that I couldn’t find Mr. Right. I bounced from one bad relationship to the other. The men were not the right ones. Then I spent a long time alone. I wondered if Mr. Right existed. I decided I would spend my life alone. It wasn’t untill I started to step into the light that I found my husband. I wondered why God took so long to bring him to me. In time I realized if I had met him sooner I could have never been as loving, supportive, and able to give back to him as I am now while I’m well.

   I’m a better wife because I can take care of myself and handle my mental illness. Without my new found strength I could not be there for him as I am now. I take care of myself and him. God waited for us to meet until he knew I was ready and able to be a good companion, friend, and so much more.

   Don’t rush into relationships until you take care of yourself first. Get the treatment for your illness, reach for recovery, and then pursue healthy relationships. If you’re lucky to find a friend who stands by you even when you can’t give back, cherish him or her, and when you reach recovery, be that friend you always wanted to be to him or her. I had a good friend who stood beside me and now I thank her and give her support like she gave me.

   Because I reached recovery I can be in healthy relationships and I can contribute. I see others’ needs and I’m a stronger person because of it. Being able to be a helpful partner in my relationships helps me stay within the light.

 

 

   Getting ready for Christmas is stressful for anybody, but can be very overwhelming if you’re struggling with mental illness. It can trigger depression, or give you anxiety attacks and even panic attacks. There are gifts to buy, family coming into town, family get together, and parties. It is expected to be a happy time of year, but when you’re depressed, it’s hard to find happiness. How do you take care of your illness and prepare for the holiday? How do you go shopping without being overwhelmed?

Here are a few tips to help you prepare and survive the Christmas chaos:

• Budget your money for gifts and your bills. Don’t buy lavish, expensive gifts. It’s not about how much you spend. You may find it comforting to make your own gifts. Homemade gifts have so much more meaning and can be therapeutic. Make sure your everyday bills are paid first before you spend it on presents. Give yourself a limit on how much you spend.

 

• Don’t let the chaos of stores stress you out. Stores are extremely busy this time of year and overwhelming. If you find the atmosphere too much to handle, take deep breaths, keep focused on what you need, and spend as little time as possible in the craziness. Keep calm. Have a list of what you want to buy, get it, and leave once it’s paid for. Spending extra time in the store may increase your anxiety and become very stressful. If the chaos is too much, shop on-line.

 

• Take care of yourself. Despite all the preparations for Christmas, remember you come first. Don’t let the expectations of being happy, of finding money among paying bills for presents, and the craziness take control of you. Do relaxation techniques, take your medications, fight your negative thoughts, and do your regular self-care methods you do all year around. You come first. Nurture yourself. If you need alone time, then spend some time at a quiet place or at home, but make sure you are taking care of your emotional needs while you’re alone.

 

• Avoid things that make you feel uncomfortable. Don’t go to that party just because you think everyone expects you to. If you’re feeling too down or overwhelmed to go, then say no. If spending time with your family means getting into fights or becoming depressed, then tell them you’re not up to it. If sitting alone at home deepens your sadness, then find a friend to spend time with, Skype a long distance family member, or call someone close.

 

• Look at the reason for the celebration. If no matter how hard you try you can’t enjoy the holiday, look to God for help and remember the true meaning of the holiday. It’s not about gifts, get togethers, and decorations; it’s about the birth of Jesus. Let God’s gift to us bring some light into your soul. Pray to him for guidance through the holidays. Go to regular and special church service. He’s the only one who can help you reach the light.

  It’s hard to be happy during holidays if your soul is filled with darkness, but it’s important to take care of yourself. Taking steps to help get through the holidays is important. You can’t erase what you feel inside, but you can strive to reach for the light. If you’re in recovery don’t let the season drag you into sadness. Take care of yourself first and take the necessary steps to stay in the light. Remember to stay positive.

   I’m taking the steps I need to keep myself in recovery. There are down days, but I work hard to rise above them. I take each day one at a time. When I do get stressed and overwhelmed, I take extra time to do what I need to help myself through. Because of this, I dance in the light of God’s glory.

 

   Pets can serve many purposes in a person’s life. They become part of the family, like a child to those who can’t have children, a companion, a helper for those with handicaps, and a comfort to those with different kinds of illnesses, including mental illness. Some people have dogs that help them with their anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses. Some dogs are trained just for this purpose and some dogs have that natural calming effect.

  This Wednesday I went to my foot doctor after getting a MRI on my ankle. I have been going to therapy for about four weeks for ankle pain. Nothing seemed to ease my pain, so my foot doctor arranged for me to get a MRI. I sat in his office while he explained the results. The weeks before I got the results I worked hard at fighting my worries and convincing myself he wouldn’t find anything, but he did.

   “You have a tear in your ligament,” my doctor said.

   I fought to hold my tears back until we left the office. I felt the darkness seep into my soul. I have gone through so many physical problems and had foot surgery on the same foot two years ago. When would the pain end? I felt helpless, angry, and sad. My husband took me to lunch. At lunch he looked into my eyes and said, “Cheer up. We’ll go to the animal shelter at noon and find a dog to bring home.”

   I doubted we’d find a dog. I also doubt I could love another dog as much as I loved my departed Elli, but agreed to go to the shelter. I walked into the shelter and the place rang out with barking, but in this one cage was a medium size dog named Esther. She didn’t make a noise. Esther sat on her bed with forlorn eyes. She stole my heart. I knew I had to have her.

  While we adopted Esther, my sadness faded. The forlorn dog formed a bond with me and my husband right away. When we took her home, she snuggled up on my lap, and suddenly the bad news I received earlier that morning faded to the back of my mind. Her sweet and loving personality brought light into my dark day. Her personality comforted me when I needed it. I miss my departed dog Elli, but found a new love for Esther.

  While I’m back to wearing a boot to work and facing possible surgery, Esther gives me unconditional love and comfort. Having a loving husband who cared enough to know we needed a new little one to brighten our days and help me face my sadness means the world to me.

   Esther and my previous dogs comforted me in different ways when I needed it the most. They give me that unconditional love that shines a light in the darkest times of my life. I’m excited to have Esther in my life as my baby girl for many years.

   If you’re feeling lonely and deeply depressed, a pet could bring you the comfort you are longing for. I believe each of my dogs was brought to me by God. Maybe God has a special one for you. Don’t pick any pet. Find one that steals your heart and you just know he or she is the one to fill your soul.

  When I lost Elli, a light went out in my soul. I felt empty and lost. Esther has helped fill my soul again. A new light shines all around me.

 

 

  Do you know that old saying, “You can’t help those who won’t help themselves?” Well, that holds true for those with mental illness. In order to help a person who suffers with mental illness, the person must want, deep down in his or her heart, to reach recovery. If he or she lacks the drive to get help or fight the illness, then all you can do is listen, encourage, and show them how to get help. If he or she continues to refuse help, you may need to distance yourself from him or her so that you’re not dragged down into his or her dark hole.

  I have a friend who tells everyone how miserable and depressed she is. When you give her advice and encourage her to get better, she refuses to listen. She takes herself off her antidepressants and doesn’t take them the way they are prescribed to her. She thrives on people’s sympathy and has no drive to reach recovery. I even suggested my psychiatrist to her, but she failed to listen to his instructions. She said he wasn’t helping her and she left him.

   I couldn’t feel sorry for her. I tried to listen and be supportive, but she became too much and I had to distance myself. I knew it had to be her choice to get better and I had done all I could to help her. There was nothing else I could do. I had to take care of my well-being and not allow her to pull me down.

   I had another friend who went to see a therapist and took her medication, but refused to do the work to reach for recovery. Medication and therapy are only part of getting well; you must also fight and work hard to change your thoughts and actions. She was too busy being depressed about all the bad stuff in her life. She dramatized everything. She blamed everyone and everything for her sadness. We were friends for many years. When we were both sick, we were a comfort to each other, but I worked hard to get better while she sat at the bottom of the hole. I tried to listen, be supportive and encourage her to reach for recovery, but she started to drag me down. Everything was about her and how awful her life was. She wouldn’t even try to change her thought pattern.

   I tried to distance myself, but that only angered her. She called me names and accused me of manipulating her. I had no choice but to end the friendship. Her dramatic life was too much for me to handle. I needed to take care of myself so I could stay in recovery.

   You can’t force anyone to get help or force them to help him or herself. You can show him or her how to get help, make suggestions, listen, and be supportive and encouraging. He or she must choose to reach for the light. A person who is ill can drag you down if you allow it. Sometimes you must make the decision to distance yourself until he or she gets help or if he or she is too much to handle then you may need to walk away. If the person refuses to get better then you must think about your well-being.

   If you live with the person who will not help him or herself or are unable to distance yourself, you must take care of yourself. Remind yourself you are not to blame for the illness and it is not up to you to take care of the person. It might help to get counseling for yourself or turn to friends for support. Refuse to allow that person to drag you into his or her hole. It’s important to remind yourself of the positive things in your life and keep yourself healthy. It’s not easy.

   When I was ill, it took me some time to reach for help, but when I finally did, I fought with all I had in me to get better. Because I was willing to fight to get well and accept the help of others, I stand bravely in the light.

 

   Many of us dread the holidays. There are meals to plan, family get-togethers, gifts to buy, unexpected bills, and even stressful jobs. We often become so overwhelmed with all the stuff in our lives that we forget the holidays are supposed to be a joyous time. For many who have mental illness, the holidays can trigger depression and anxiety. It’s hard to be happy when darkness fills your soul. A person with mental illness can feel alone and sad even though he or she is surrounded by family. Some totally avoid the holidays.

   Throughout much of my childhood, I found the holidays very depressing. Kids at school got me trick gifts, and no matter how hard I tried, nothing could shine the light on my dark soul. It took me many years till I could find the joy in the holidays, but I sometimes still dip into darkness. Being a cashier during the holidays challenges my mental health. Customers are grumpier, lines are long and endless, turkeys and hams are very heavy, and I just want to scream.

   The other day the lines stretched down into the aisles and customers were in a rush. My break came over an hour late. My emotions were overflowing. I wanted to scream and cry. My anxiety caused me to dry heave. I kept thinking about how much I hate the holidays. I just wanted Thanksgiving to be over with. I didn’t care if I celebrated or not. I forgot the reason for the holidays and I didn’t care.

   My husband came for my break and had to wait a long time. I told him to just go home, but he refused. He was determined to wait till I got my break and I’m glad he did. When I finally got my break, I was able to let some tears fall and my husband was there to comfort me. He reminded me what the holidays are about.

   I am thankful to have a job when so many are losing theirs. I am thankful to have a husband who will wait over an hour just to spend a fifteen minute break with me. I am thankful that I soon will be spending Thanksgiving Day at the nursing home with my grandma. I am thankful my brother and his family will be home for Christmas. I am thankful for all the love and support I have in my life.

   I have to work Tuesday before I’m off on Wednesday and Thanksgiving Day. Two more days of craziness. Will I be able to stay in the light? With my mind focused on what I am thankful for, I will face each day with a bright light shining in my soul. Then once I make it through the Thanksgiving madness, I will be ready to face the Christmas rush. I just need to focus on the good stuff in my life and fight the darkness.

   The holidays are about family, love, and Jesus. The stress will make things challenging, but God will carry me through. I’m ready for all the holiday stresses because I am strong with the Heavenly Father guiding me.

   This Thanksgiving and Christmas, don’t dwell on the darkness and the stresses of the holidays. Look at the good things you do have in your life and list them. Don’t hide from family and friends. Turn to the love of others to carry you through and turn to God to guide you. There is a light waiting to glimmer in your soul let it shine. Let Jesus glow within your soul.

   Despite the trials of the holidays, I will focus on the positive and allow God to lead me through. This holiday season I dance within the light of all God has given me and the love of his only son.

 

   Adults, for the most part, are independent. We don’t like to have people go out of their way for us. We don’t like to be an extra problem for others to deal with. When we get hurt or get sick, we hate it when others fuss over us or when we have to ask someone to help us with things we have done on our own before. When we are struggling with mental illness, we become needier of others’ help. We try hard to handle our problems on our own because we fear we will be a burden to others.

   When I was really depressed, I kept my feelings from my grandparents, whom I was living with and my parents. I didn’t want to be a burden to them. My grandparents loved having me live with them. My grandma fussed over me and refused to let me help. Grandpa checked my oil every morning and cleaned my car off in the winner. How could I tell them I was sinking deep into a black hole? I didn’t want to cause them problems or hurt them. I was suicidal, depressed, and sick to my stomach every morning. How could I burden them with that? They were doing enough for me. I couldn’t ask for more.

   When I moved back home, I feared I was a burden to my parents. I thought if I took my life they would be free from me. I wouldn’t cause them heartache. I didn’t want to cause anyone problems. I feared my illness was making me a helpless wreck who dragged people down into my hole with me. I was a curse on their lives and I feared in time they would be overwhelmed with dealing with my illness and me. I tried to hide things from my mom, but she always knew.

   I wanted to handle my illness on my own. I didn’t like to be needy. I wanted to be independent and strong, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t help but fear being a burden to the people I love. The problem was I needed the people I was trying to protect, but how could I subject them to my darkness? How could I expect them to suffer with me? What if they got sick of me and left?

   Each time I make friends, I worry about turning to them when I’m down or struggling with a problem. I fear I will be a burden to them. I don’t want to be another obstacle in a person’s life. My friends have their own lives, problems and heartaches and I don’t want to add another one. I often apologize for bothering them. I even worry that I’m a burden to my husband. I often ask him if I am and he always says no, but I still fear that someday he’ll get tired of dealing with me and my illness.

   The best way to deal with fears is to face them. Each time my fear of being a burden comes up, I face it. I stand up to it and tell myself they are here for me because they care for me. If they can’t handle my illness, then they would let me know, and if they walked away, it would not be my fault. Most importantly, I must reassure myself it’s okay to lean on others and to also be support to them.

   Needing others’ help when you’re suffering with mental illness is not a bad thing. You can’t face your illness on your own. Those who really care about you will never think of you as a burden. Those who walk away choose to; it’s nothing you have done. Some people are not strong enough to handle mental illness.

   The fears of being a burden have lessened since I have reached recovery. When my fear does surface, I face it and those I love reassure me I am not a burden. Because I stand up to my fear, I bathe in the light.