Tag: Mental Illness

When you are struggling with mental illness, you develop bad behaviors that turn into a pattern of bad choices that worsen the illness. We learn to cope in the only way we know how, and without therapy, our techniques can be damaging to us and those around us. Also, while struggling with mental illness, we develop bad thinking patterns that are self-destructive. How do we change these behavioral and thought patterns? The best way to change them is through behavioral therapy.

The first question you may have is what is behavioral therapy? The website healthline, defines behavioral therapy as a form of therapy that looks to identify and help change potentially self-destructive or unhealthy behaviors. It’s based on the idea that all behaviors are learned and that behaviors can be changed. The focus of treatment is often on current problems and how to change them. Behavioral Therapy: Definition, Types & Effectiveness (healthline.com)

A popular form of behavioral therapy is cognitive therapy. This deals with the bad thought patterns you form while you are sick. This type of therapy focuses on how negative thought patterns lead to unhealthy behaviors. Your negative thoughts can lead to poor choices, bad relationships, angry episodes, bad coping techniques, and a lack of interest to live a productive life. If you believe you’re an awful person and you don’t deserve to be treated well, you may fall into bad and abusive relationships.

Through bullying at school, I learned to hate myself, and my thoughts became negative and self-defeating. I couldn’t see anything good about my life, and this led me into a series of abusive relationships. A high school friend abused me in ways I can’t say. I held onto her tightly because I thought I needed her and couldn’t live if I lost another friend. Another friend as an adult stole my paycheck, made false promises, and lied, but I stayed loyal to her. Another friend stabbed me in the back over and over and yet I moved in with her and her husband to only be treated badly. I made poor choices in friends because I felt I was worthless and didn’t deserve better. My thinking pattern ruled my actions.

For a long time, I stopped writing because my thoughts told me I was a failure, I was an awful writer, my dreams were hopeless, and I wasn’t smart enough to write a book. I was stuck with a dream to write a book, but I believed my dream was impossible to complete. So, I put my pen down and my computer away and dwell in self-defeating thoughts. That thinking pattern prevented me from achieving my dreams. After years of being told I was worthless and a failure, those ideas were drilled into my head. With that cognitive distortion I was stuck going nowhere. My dream to write a book faded.

In cognitive behavioral therapy I learned to challenge my thoughts and turn them into positive ones. I began to identify the type of thinking I was using like magnification, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, and so on. In therapy I learned how to practice self-affirming thoughts, to journal something positive about my day and about myself each day. It’s hard work and takes a lot of time, but it changes your life.

Now I make better choices. I cut off unhealthy relationships; I notice the signs of negative people and I keep my distance. On my road to recovery, I ended a lot of bad relationships. I learned that I deserve healthy and happy friendships, not ones where I end up getting used, abused, and hurt. The friends I have chosen lift me up, support me, and treat me well and I am able to treat them the same way.

Since I have fought the negative thinking about my dream to write a book, I have written and published a book. I have short stories published and I have won several contests. I’m no longer stuck in a world of self-defeat. I no longer feel like a failure. I’ve been on the news and in the newspaper talking about my book. I’m doing talks about bullying and I’m doing book signing. Changing my thought pattern changed my life.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is effective and a big part of your road to recovery. It’s not easy to do. It takes a lot of hard work to change the way you have been thinking for a long time, but it’s worth it. If you have the right therapist, he or she will give you homework and show you ways you can use this type of therapy in your life. Changing your thinking will not cure you of mental illness, but it will lead you down the road of recovery. Your bad thinking will not disappear forever. You’ll find yourself from time to time falling into your old patterns, but you’ll have methods to combat them. Cognitive therapy teaches you healthy coping techniques.

I am happy with the life I live and the accomplishments I have made. By going through cognitive therapy, I have learned coping techniques that help me stay in recovery and keep me above that dark hole. Because of cognitive therapy, I’m thriving in the light of recovery.

    In this blog I have concentrated on depression, anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder. Those are the illnesses that I deal with daily. There are many other different types of mental illnesses. These illnesses are serious, but recovery still is possible. In this week’s interview, Marc Stewart gives us insight into a different type of mental illness. His story is inspiring.

What type of mental illness do you have and what are the symptoms?

My main diagnosis for over the last 30 years has been paranoid schizophrenia, later diagnosed as delusional disorder. It mostly manifests by my overestimating the hostility of other people–even so far as to once believe the FBI and university faculty were conspiring to drive me crazy. This notion was ludicrous, of course, because I am such a good guy. To this day, however, I tend to misanthropy based on my experiences with paranoia.

During a routine blood test, doctors discovered a blood anomaly that they thought might be due to my antipsychotic medication. The blood anomaly turned out to be leukemia. Ironically, my delusions then largely disappeared when the doctors discontinued the medication, but I developed mania associated with bipolar disorder. I became exuberant. My wife would say I was “Marc, only more so.”

What type of help or therapy did you get for your illness?

Fortunately, for most of the course of my illnesses, medication was able to relieve the utmost severity of the symptoms. While delusional, I was still largely able to function in the world. The medication for mania has practically cured my mania. Luckily, I never had the urge to harm anyone other than myself—suicidal ideation being a constant reminder that things aren’t peachy keen. I never seriously tried suicide, but don’t know why not.

Over the years, I have had several therapists who have been helpful for the most part—although I can barely remember what we talked about. My last therapist would listen to me talk for 45 minutes, then would take 15 minutes to tell me that I am fine. Indeed, I was.

When did you realize you had a illness and what did you do when you discovered it?

I first realized that I had paranoid schizophrenia about three weeks after I had been admitted to a big university hospital. I thought I had died and gone to a Sartrean No-Exit hell. I even tried to call the police to report my kidnapping. Accordingly, I quit trying to escape from the psychiatric unit and began to seriously comply with treatment—therapy groups and medication. 

What advice do you give to others struggling with mental illness? 

My advice to others struggling with mental illness is to understand as best they can exactly what their mental illness is. This involves consulting psychiatrists, therapists, other patients with similar and not so similar diagnoses, and relevant books. I have found philosophy and poetry particularly helpful. 

If in recovery, what steps do you take to stay in recovery?

I stay in recovery by religiously taking my medication and applying myself to the business of understanding life. Mental illness can be seen, for example, as a rational response to an irrational world, rather than an irrational response to a sensical world.

How has your family reacted to your illness?

Because I did not have flagrant symptoms, my family largely downplayed my mental illness. I was just “depressed”—depression being less stigma-oriented than psychosis.

     My wife of twelve years is a nurse and has been very supportive of me and a big help in my dealing with mania. We have no children. My parents are dead, but my brother and sister have largely written me off as “crazy” Uncle Marc. Nevertheless, we treat each other civilly.

How does your illness affect your ability to work?

I am retired now but managed to work part-time throughout my mental health problems. I did not live well, but adequately. I spent over twenty years doing peer support in mental health.

What is it like to function in society while struggling with your illness?

I find myself largely able to function in society. Continually, though, I must remind myself of the likelihood of my overestimating the hostility of others and that I am still not normal, whatever normal is. 

What encouraging words do you have for those struggling with mental illness?

Encouraging words for others with mental illness: Mental illness is a long-term disease that is in no way your fault. You will need to accept a certain amount of suffering on account of your illness, but there are a few things you can change. Some of your attempts at adjustment will work, but many will fail. Recovery is a lifelong experiment, but in the end you will probably prevail.

Marc Stewart’s Bio:

Marc Stewart was born and raised in western Pennsylvania. He attended Penn State University and the University of Minnesota where he was active in the Scum of the Earth Club, an artsy organization. He and his wife, both retired, live now in western Pennsylvania.

Give Marc your support by commenting and sharing this post. Please let me know if you would like to be interviewed for my blog post. Your story is important and can help and educate others.

 

   We all have heroes in our lives. They can be movie stars, parents, or people who performed a courageous act. Heroes are people we cherish deeply and look up to. Then there are people who try to play hero. They go out of their way to get a pat on the back and praise. When you’re struggling with mental illness, you tend to lean on others for support, but what you don’t need them to do is play hero.

   When I was with my ex-boyfriend, he made it a point to tell his friends and family about my mental illness and how helpless I was. The worse my illness became, the more he bragged about how well he was taking care of me. Everyone praised him on what a good person he was for taking care of such a helpless wreck. He even told my therapist about all he was doing for me and how I was ungrateful.

   He took care of everything for me and wouldn’t let me help out. He wouldn’t let me be his partner; instead he wanted to be my hero. He wanted everyone to believe he was my hero. He controlled me like an animal, causing my illness to worsen. He told people I abused him, when in fact, he abused me. All I wanted was him to work with me through my illness, but instead he told me he was going to take care of me on his own.

   I didn’t want him to be my hero. I wanted him to be my partner. It angered me each time he bragged about what he was doing for me. I hated how his family felt sorry for him and told him how wonderful he was. I cringed each time they told me how grateful I should be. He made me feel small, useless, and helpless.

   When I met my husband, he stood at my side and agreed to go to couple therapy to learn how to handle my illness. He comforted me, supported me, and told no one what he did for me. He never asked for a pat on the back; he just did it because he cared. He also allowed me to do things for him. I taught him how to drive and he taught me how to love again. He showed me he needed me as much as I needed him. He never played hero and refused to be called my hero. Instead, he became my partner.

   Together, as a team, we took on my illness and we still do. He allows me to do stuff for myself and for him. We figure out challenges together. We do almost everything together. We are partners.

   Just because somebody is mentally ill doesn’t mean he or she is incapable of doing anything. He or she does not need a hero. Allow him or her to do things for him or herself and you. Show him or her that you will work with him or her to get better. Don’t ask for praise from others. Just be at the person’s side because you love him or her. Don’t play hero; be a partner, a friend, and a supporter.

   I might need a little extra attention and support than my husband does, but I do take care of him, also. We face the complication of my illness,and we take care of our home and other responsibilities together. I also take care of some things on my own with his support. Because he doesn’t try to be my hero, we share our lives with happiness and I dance within the light.