Tag: Self-love

REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD LOVE YOURSELF

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

Each person on this earth is different and special. We have unique qualities that make us beautiful inside and out. There is no such thing as an ugly person. You might think you’re ugly when in fact you’re beautiful in many ways. Sometimes it’s hard to love ourselves. It’s easy to lose your self-esteem and to hate yourself when you struggle with mental illness. Especially when others put you down throughout your life. How do you love that person who’s looking back at you in the mirror? Why should you love yourself?

After being bullied throughout school, I learned to dislike myself. When I was at my worst with mental illness, I began to hate myself even more. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and worthless. As I worked towards recovery, I learned that there were many reasons why I should love myself.

Here are some reasons you should love yourself:

  • You deserve to love yourself. You are a special person, and you deserve all the love you can give yourself. Be kind to yourself especially while you are struggling with mental illness. While darkness is clouding your mind, you need self-love to soothe your aching soul. You deserve the very best. Give it to yourself.
  • You can’t love others until you love yourself. You can think you love another person, but how can you truly feel love for others when you can’t love yourself? You can’t give a part of you to someone else if you can’t give it to yourself. You might find yourself drawn to bad relationships because you think that’s what you deserve, but you don’t deserve that. You deserve a good, loving relationship, but to find that relationship you must love the person you are.
  • You’re worth it. You are unique and beautiful in many ways inside out. Behind your illness is a fun, loving, kind, and wonderful person. You are priceless. You’re worth being loved and cared for. You’re worth more than money or material things. You can’t be replaced. You are worth being loved, finding recovery, and finding joy.
  • You’re important. You might not see it, but you are important. Your life has meaning, and you have meaning. You are more than a person struggling with a horrible illness. You make a difference in this world even if you can’t see it. You touch people’s lives with a smile, a kind word, a gesture, and much more. You are important to the people who love you. You’re important to society. Your knowledge and abilities can make a difference in the world.
  • You can’t be a good friend without self-love. When you don’t love yourself, you can’t see past your self-hate to care for another person. Friends care and love each other selflessly. They give each other a part of themselves. How can you give a part of yourself if you don’t even like yourself? If you love yourself, you can give that to others and share in their joys and hard times. But without love you can’t see beyond your own misery to give to others.
  • God loves you. God made you and he loves you endlessly. He doesn’t make mistakes. He made you beautiful and wonderful in many ways.

If these are not enough reasons to learn to love yourself, then what are? Look deep in yourself and list the different things about yourself you like. On index cards write nice things about yourself and place them around your home or room. Each day read those cards. Split a piece of paper in half, on one side write a bad thought about yourself and on the other side write something positive about yourself. Work with a therapist to learn techniques on how to love yourself.

Once you love yourself, you’ll see the world in a different way. You’ll have healthier relationships, your future will be brighter, and you’ll feel better.  Remember you are worth it, you’re important. and you deserve it. Don’t worry if you fall in a rut and struggle with liking yourself. When this happens, pull out those index cards and read them; write that list again and remind yourself why you love the person you are. It took me years to love myself inside and out, and at times I struggle with self-love. When I struggle, I journal about the things I like about myself and I remind myself the reasons why I should love myself. Because I practice self-love, I have wonderful friends, a loving relationship with my husband, and a happy life in the light of recovery.

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

We all want to find the perfect partner to make our lives beautiful and to take our loneliness away. I’ve seen many posts on Facebook where people share their loneliness and if they could just find someone, they would be happy again. The thing is finding the right person is a very hard task. When you’re struggling with mental illness, you can’t have a healthy relationship until you take care of yourself, and you learn to love yourself.

When I was down into the dark depths of my illness, I daydreamed of the perfect man coming into my life and suddenly my sadness and loneliness would disappear. I wanted to find Mr. Right so badly that when a guy came along making phony promises, I thought I was in love with him. He asked me to move in with him and I did. Things changed quickly. It started with him saying I couldn’t use a certain pan because I would ruin it. Then it increased to verbal and physical abuse.

He was a narcissist, and he used my weakness to get pats on the back. He went to therapy with me and told the therapist how I abused him. He told his family and neighbors how hard it was on him to take care of a woman with mental illness so they would feel sorry for him. When he packed my bags to kick me out, I lost control and put my hand through a window. Instead of calling my mom, he called his. His mom sat there as the EMT bandaged my hand telling me if I had treated her son better, he wouldn’t have kicked me out.

I wanted to find the right guy so much that I missed all the signs that my ex-boyfriend was the wrong one for me. I didn’t love myself and I was so sick I couldn’t make clear decisions. After he threw me out, I went into a mental health hospital and started taking steps to take care of myself. When I got out of the hospital, I realized I couldn’t be in a healthy relationship with anyone until I decided I wanted to work towards recovery. How could I truly love a man if I didn’t love myself first?

After I got out of the hospital I started on a journey to recovery. I worked hard to change my thought processes and to learn to love myself. I was doing well, but I kept having bouts of depression. I started to see myself in a new light, but in the process to recovery, I had to end a lot of bad friendships. I was lonely. I was changing into a new person, and I had no one to share that with until I was set up on a blind date with my husband. When I met him, I finally loved myself enough to know I deserved a good man.

My husband has a friend who is struggling with mental illness. He talks continually about finding the right woman. He’s been in several bad relationships while looking for that special love. He tells my husband how lucky he is to have a woman like me. The problem is my husband’s friend does little to work on taking care of his illness and learning to love himself. I’ve told him several times, “Take care of yourself and learn to love yourself first, and in time you will find the love of your life.” Instead, he dwells on being single and goes out with all the wrong women who end up hurting him. I’m not sure if he will ever get the help he needs to work towards recovery and learn to love himself.

I belong to a mental health support group. Many people complain about how lonely they are and if they’d just find a partner, they will feel better. It’s not that easy. Loving someone else doesn’t cure mental illness and take away all their problems. We all want to be loved and cared for by someone special, but how can we give love if we don’t love the one important person in our lives, ourselves?

I know from experience that when we are deep down the dark hole of mental illness, the only thing we can see is our own horrible, miserable existence. We are so focused on hating our lives and ourselves, we can’t even be a good friend, let alone a good partner. When we’re at our worst we can’t even be supportive of the people we care about, let alone commit to a serious relationship. The first step you need to take is to decide if you want to work towards recovery. Secondly you need to find help, and thirdly you need to work hard to get better and learn to love yourself.

Once you learn to love yourself, you’re able to make clearer decisions about what type of person you want in your life. You’ll be able to see the flaws in the people you are dating, and you will be able to give equally to a relationship. Love yourself enough to find a partner who will love you the way you deserve.

Because I learned to love myself, I found a wonderful husband who spoils me every day and I dance in the light of recovery as a beautiful woman.