Recovery from mental illness happens when you learn to handle your illness with coping techniques and medicine. This doesn’t mean you will never struggle again and that you’re cured. There is no cure to mental illness. There will be times when things get hard and you feel like you need extra help. You might stumble towards that hole again, and an extra hand will help you stay in the light.
Lou and I were thrown for a loop with Lou’s illness. Especially Lou. His independence was taken from him when he lost his license, and the symptoms of his illness frustrate him. Being told you can’t drive ever again has to be hard. He is stuck at home a lot while I work. With his illness comes depression. I have been trying to make things easier on him, taking him for rides after I get out of work, planning things for us to do on my days off, taking him out to lunch before I have to work late, and so on. Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do for him, it’s not enough. He’s sad and I know it, but he won’t admit it.
Everyone tells me I have to prepare myself for the future when his illness gets worse. I joined an online support group, but reading people’s posts about their family members going through the same illness is scary and upsetting to me. I don’t know how to handle things. He’s not really bad right now. He needs some help with things, but he’s independent at this point. His worst problem now is depression.
I want to be strong for him, and I want to make his life enjoyable while I still can, but in the process of doing that, I have neglected to practice self-care. I have put him first above my own well-being and this has led to some problems. I realize that I too am important, and to navigate his illness and stay in recovery I need help. I decided to return to therapy.
This wasn’t an easy decision. Going back to therapy feels like I have fallen backwards. I have gone many years without therapy, relying on my support team, coping techniques, and medication to keep me in recovery. It has worked well for me until now. I have been turning to my support team, but I feel like I need more guidance. I’m not depressed, but I am lost, scared, and frustrated. I want to prevent myself from becoming depressed again.
It’s hard to ask for help again when I have been doing well for a long time. It feels like I have failed myself somehow, but I haven’t. I haven’t fallen down the hole again, but I need to do some maintenance on my illness to assure I don’t fall. I need to learn to balance being there for my husband and taking care of myself. I need to find a way to prepare myself for the worst.
Since my husband was diagnosed with his illness, I stopped working on my next book, I’m way behind on housework, I stopped journaling regularly, and I don’t take care of myself as well as I should. I need help finding away to change this and put a healthy balance in my life. A therapist can help me work on ways of doing this and help me prepare for what is to come. I’m doing this to make sure I stay in recovery.
It’s okay to ask for help when life gets hard and when you feel like your recovery is in jeopardy. It’s alright to fall and need help to get back on your feet. It doesn’t mean you failed. Part of recovery is knowing when you need extra help and being able to seek it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone needs help from time to time.
Sometimes life gets hard, and you may seek extra help to get through the rough times, and that’s okay. That is what therapists are there for. You need to take measures to protect your recovery, and that is part of self-care.
When you’re in recovery, you can be doing well for a very long time. You’re happy, productive, and doing well; then suddenly a large rock is thrown in your path. You try to go around the rock, but there are too many potholes, you try to climb over it, but you keep sliding down, and you have a choice to fall in the potholes or ask for help to climb over the rock. The best choice you can make to take care of yourself is to get that help.
I have a program through work which is helping me find a therapist. I’m taking each day step by step to stay in the light of recovery.
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