Tag: Mental Illness

STARTING COLLEGE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

Mental illness knows no age limits. It can happen to anyone at any age, even to children and teenagers. Some teens receive counseling, and some keep their struggles quiet out of fear. The mental illness doesn’t just weaken after high school especially if it’s untreated. Many young adults experience worsening of their mental illness or the onset of the illness when they start college. They are starting out on their own as adults, they have heavy work loads, long schedules, peer pressure, and a hard time fitting in.

During my senior year of high school, my cousin was killed in a car accident. This sent me deeper into depression. I kept my inner pain to myself and only told one of my friends. My grandparents lived close to the college I planned to attend so I moved in with them. They lived forty-five minutes from my home and my friends. My grandparents were kind people who gave to me endlessly. Grandpa checked my oil, cleaned snow off my car in the winter, and made sure my car was running every morning. Grandma went out of her way to cook my favorite foods, spoil me with love, and refused to let me help around the house. She told me my college work was more important. I was spoiled, yet unhappy.

My cousin’s death left me in great sadness and the only person I thought understood lived miles away. I was used to having my three siblings around and my mom there to help me. Even though my grandparents would have done anything for me, I felt like I had just entered adulthood and had to handle things on my own, including the endless sadness that was engulfing me.

I thought I could handle going to college full-time taking daytime and evening classes. This proved to be overwhelming. I had more homework than I could handle. My learning disability made it impossible for me to keep up with the reading assignments. I’m slower than the average reader, plus I have to reread things to be able to remember them. I stayed up late trying to complete reading assignments, study, and translate lectures I recorded with a small tape recorder into notes. I was stressed out. I was falling behind and that brought up the fear that followed me from high school, the fear I was going to be a failure.

If I wasn’t working late into the night, I would be lying in bed staring into the darkness struggling with endless negative thoughts and worries. Every morning I felt nauseated and forced myself to eat breakfast before going to classes. In between classes I escaped to the bathroom to get sick. On top of my depression, I was home sick and put my deepest feelings in notes to a friend. That ended in a big mess that led to abuse by my friend. I was too sick to see what she was doing to me. I just knew I couldn’t lose any of my friends and I held on too tightly.

In elementary and high school, I self-injured by pulling my hair or punching a wall, but in college I started cutting. I was sick, in pain, fatigue, stressed out and in agony, and I needed to release all those painful feelings. The only way I knew how was to injure myself. I hid my injuries under long sleeve shirts, or I cut further up on my arm that no one could see them. I hurt myself just deep enough to free the emotional pain.

I also began to plan my death. I even wrote out my obituary and suicide note. My grandparents slept downstairs and I had the whole upstairs to myself. They had no idea what I was doing. I was an adult I couldn’t trouble them with my problems; besides I didn’t want to hurt them. I thought if I were dead, I wouldn’t hurt my family with my miserable existence. One night I took a bottle of pills. I felt dizzy and out of it, yet somehow, I drove to college in a snowstorm and back.

When my mom started to notice something was wrong, she began to visit each week to spend time with me. When I finally confided completely in her about how I was feeling, she moved me home and went on a search to get me help. Eventually I took a year off college to work on my mental health.

College is a new beginning and can be made especially difficult if you are struggling with mental illness. My advice is don’t start college until you have begun treatment for your mental illness and have learned coping techniques for the sudden change in your lifestyle. If you need to take a year to work a job and do therapy to get your mental illness under control, do it. There is no need to rush off to college until you’re mentally strong enough to cope with the new challenges. Take care of yourself first. You can go to college at any time.

Don’t keep your feelings to yourself and try to handle your illness on your own. Tell your parents, a family member, or a counselor at the college what is happening to you. Even adults need help and support managing mental illness. Don’t suffer alone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially if you are suicidal.

If college is becoming too stressful and it’s taking a toll on your mental health, then consider cutting down on some of your classes. It might take you longer to complete your degree, but your mental well-being is more important. When I returned to college after a year off, I cut my class load down to part time. It took me longer to graduate, but I was less stressed and stronger mentally because of it.

I started a two-year college in the summer of 1993 and graduated in 1999. It took me much longer to get my degree, but my mental health was better because of it. I have my degree hanging on my wall to remind me of the huge accomplishment I made despite a learning disability and mental illness. I stand proudly in the light of recovery as a college graduate who is following her dreams.

THE IMPORTANCE OF STOPPING MEDICATION PROPERLY

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

Medication for mental illness regulates the chemicals in the brain to control many symptoms of the sickness. The medicine is very powerful and must be regulated by a doctor or psychiatrist. Sometimes psychiatrists or doctors improperly take patients off medications, causing the return of symptoms and withdrawal. Some struggling with the illness become frustrated with their medicine. They might not feel the relief they need or suffer with side effects. In this case they might take themselves off their medication cold turkey. This is dangerous. Medication should be stopped properly to avoid serious complications.

In Darvin Hege’s MD PC blog post “Abruptly Stopping Psychiatric Meds” he states, “The decision to stop taking psych meds without benefit of mental health or psychiatric planned medication reduction or change can be dangerous, even life threatening. Withdrawal can bring distressing reactions including potentially fatal seizures with unmonitored stoppage of psych meds.” 

When I was newly married to my husband Lou, we flew to Georgia to spend a week with his aunt and uncle. His uncle was a psychologist. He noticed my hands were shaking a lot. He sat me down and went into psychologist mode. He asked me questions about my illness and medications. I told him what antidepressants I was on and how long I had been taking them.

“I believe you have been on your antidepressants for too long and they are starting to cause a side effect, the shaking,” he said.

When I returned home, I told my psychiatrist. He decided to send me for tests to make sure it wasn’t anything neurological. I went through several tests. Doctors told me the different illnesses that could cause the shaking, but all the tests came back good. When my psychiatrist received the test results, he decided to take me off all my medication. Immediately I started feeling hot and sweaty. No matter what I did I couldn’t cool myself down. My stomach twisted into knots and just the sight of food made me nauseated. I stopped sleeping. I sat up all night long wishing I could just sleep.

I began having problems concentrating at my job and I made a mistake that resulted in me getting suspended. This devastated me. I cried easily, and my depression hit me so hard that I was thrown to the bottom of the hole. My body began to shake so bad I could barely stand. I felt sicker than I had ever felt. I couldn’t keep food down and became very weak. Lou took me to the Emergency Room, and they gave me an IV of fluids. It was worse than the flu. Lou called his uncle and told him what was going on. His uncle asked to talk to me. I told him how I felt, and he automatically knew I was going through withdrawal.

His uncle told me, “Your psychiatrist should have never taken you off your medicine all at once. He should have carefully lowered the dose until you were weaned off it and then slowly started you on new antidepressants.”

A friend told me about a psychiatrist a family member of hers was going to and I started seeing him. The new psychiatrist started me on new medicine and when it didn’t work, he kept lowering the dose while slowly starting me on a new med. This process helped me get off an antidepressant without having withdrawal.

Medication for mental illness is not a joke. It isn’t something you, your psychiatrist or doctor should play around with. If your psychiatrist or doctor tells you to stop taking your medication without weaning you off, then it may be time to find a new one. When he or she takes you off improperly, they are playing games with your health. A good psychiatrist or doctor will take you off your meds by slowly decreasing the dosage until it’s safe for you to stop it. Always refuse to be taken off your medication improperly.

When your medication isn’t working or you’re having side effects that are making your ability to function impossible, don’t just top your meds. Call your psychiatrist or doctor and tell them about any side effects or that your medicine isn’t working. Let them take you off properly and decide what medication to put you on. Finding the right medication is a frustrating process, but one that should be handled by a professional, not you.

Your health and well-being are important. The best way to stay on the road to recovery is to know the importance of your medication and to allow the professionals to decide how to take you off it and when to start you on a new one. Part of recovery is taking care of yourself and handling your medicine properly.

I have a psychiatrist who knows his medications well, and with his help I bathe in the light of recovery.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

Everyone has dreams for the future. We dream of finding our true love, of owning a bakery, writing a book, becoming a lawyer, and so on. Our dreams drive us to strive to make them come true, but sometimes when we struggle with mental illness, we feel like dreams are hopeless. We see our dark little world and suddenly the future seems like a road into more agony.

I have had several people who struggle with mental illness tell me, “Because of my mental illness I have to give up my dreams.” Or they say, “With my mental illness I can’t follow my dreams.”

I once thought this way. When I hit the bottom of my dark hole, I stopped writing. My father kept asking me when I was going to write a book. My excuse was because of my illness I’ll never be able to write a book. I thought my dream to publish a book could never come true. I stopped trying. I told myself it was hopeless. I thought of myself as a failure. I was just a worthless loser. I put my paper and pen down and sat in despair.

When I started on my path to recovery, I began writing again; I wrote short stories and essays. I had a few essays and a couple of humorous stories published. I even won a special award for a short humorous story, but I still believed I could not write a book. My parents asked me when I was going to write a book. My answer was, “I can’t; I can only write short stories.” I still could not believe in myself enough to strive to make my dream to publish a book come true. My dreams couldn’t come true. But I was wrong.

When I met my husband, I still struggled with bouts of depression and bad self-esteem. He changed my life. Every day he complimented me and encouraged me. He even agreed to go to couples’ counseling with me to learn how to handle my illness. With his help I strove to reach recovery. On that road towards the light, I attempted to write a book, but I gave up. Five years ago, I decided I was going to write and publish my memoir. I started writing, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying.

I struggled with reliving powerful emotions and self-doubt. I told my husband several times, “I can’t write this. My writing sucks.” Continuously, he encouraged me to keep writing. He told me to follow my dream.

Each night, before he went to bed, he said, “You’re going to write tonight, right?”

I hugged him. “Yes, I’ll write tonight.”

When I came to bed he’d wake up and ask, “How many pages did you write?”

When I needed a break to handle the memories and heal the wounds of the past, he reminded me that I could not give up on my dream. At times the emotions of the abuse the younger me felt were so powerful I felt like I couldn’t go on. My husband reminded me of how far I had come and that I could not give up when I was so close to making my dream come true. I started to believe in myself, in my dream. With each chapter I wrote, my writing improved and my dream got closer.

When I got to chapter 20, I started daydreaming of holding my book in my hand and giving talks about bullying. By the time I finished my first draft, I was dreaming of my launch party. My dream of publishing a book was coming true. When my book was finally published, I couldn’t wait until my first box of books came in the mail. I checked my front porch each day, hoping they would arrive early. I was jumping for joy when they finally arrived. I can’t tell you how wonderful it felt to hold my dream that I once thought would never come true in my hand. I was floating among the stars.

2022 was the year I made my dream come true. The year I started my work as an advocate against bullying by giving talks about my experiences and the harm bullying does. I have spoken at libraries, a historical society, a girl scout troop, and at the YMCA. Now my dream is to speak at schools and I’m going to strive to make that come true.

Don’t give up dreams just because you have a mental illness. It may take you longer to achieve it and you will have to work towards recovery before you can reach it, but dreams can come true. Never give up or stop following your dreams. If you are really struggling with your illness, put your dreams aside until you get stronger. Once you have your illness under control, strive to make it come true. If I can do it, so can you.

Because I followed my dream and made it come true, I stand proud in the light of recovery.

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THE IMPORTANCE OF MEDICATION

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

We all dread to be put on medicine. It seems like there is a prescription for every little problem we suffer with and then a medication for the side effects another one causes. It seems like an endless cycle. Sometimes we ask ourselves if being put on another drug is worth it. Does it really help? For those of us who struggle with mental illness, we might cringe at being put on an antidepressant, anti-anxiety, mood stabilizer, or antipsychotic. We fear the side effects and how they might make us feel. We wonder if they are important.

Medication for mental illness is very important. Most mental illnesses are caused by an imbalance of chemicals in our brains. To balance those chemicals, we need to take medication. Therapy helps change a pattern of behaviors and thoughts a person developed while struggling with mental illness, but therapy is no good without medication. Without something to balance the chemicals you will find yourself unable to climb out of the hole.

I consider my antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications my life savers. They control many of my symptoms of depression and anxiety. Without my medication my emotions take control of me: I cry, I can’t focus, I can’t make rational decisions, I can’t sleep, I get very depressed, and I get sick. Without them I would not be in recovery, but they alone are not what helped me get to where I am.

When I hit the bottom of my dark hole of mental illness, I was so consumed with sadness I could barely force myself out of bed in the morning. I spent endless nights begging for sleep and cried easily. While struggling with those emotions I developed a negative pattern of thinking, I lost my self-esteem, and I developed unhealthy coping techniques. When I finally told my mom about what was happening to me, she searched for help for me until she found it. I started seeing a therapist who helped me work on my thinking; she taught me healthier coping techniques and she worked with me on learning to love myself, but that wasn’t enough. She also sent me to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist asked me a series of questions. Some questions seemed crazy like who was the president and what year it was. Other questions seemed logical like how often a day I cried, how many hours of sleep a night I got, was there anything that brought me happiness, and so on. I didn’t understand at the time the importance of his questions, but I know now he was using my answers to diagnosis me and determine what antidepressant might work best for me.

psychiatrist with patient on couch clipart

With the right antidepressant, I was able to focus on therapy and getting myself well. I learned during both times in my life that I hit the bottom of the hole of my illness that medication and therapy work together to help a person become well enough to function and be happy. I couldn’t focus on therapy without medication to balance the chemicals in my brain. Therapy wouldn’t work if my symptoms kept me from functioning and focusing on changing my bad patterns and thoughts. So, I met regularly with a therapist and a psychiatrist.

I’ve had people say they refuse to go on medication for their mental illness. Some have tried herbal remedies like Saint John’s Wort. The problem with a lot of the herbal medications is they are not proven to work; they have not gone through the strict regulations prescription drugs go through. Many people I’ve known who have tried the herbal remedies have found no improvements with their illness. Then again there are some who have found some relief from herbs. My advice is if you choose to go with herbal remedies, but you find no relief, consider prescription medication.

If you want to reach recovery from mental illness, then understand the importance of medication. Sometimes there are side effects, and it takes time to find the right medicine for you, but they are important. Two crucial steps into reaching recovery from mental illness are to find a good psychiatrist and a good therapist. Once you have found both then you can start working towards living life. You won’t be cured of mental illness, but you can live a productive life and find happiness.

I have reached the point of my life where I no longer need therapy. I have a good support system, coping techniques and medication that help me stay happy in the light of recovery.

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LOVE YOURSELF FIRST

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

We all want to find the perfect partner to make our lives beautiful and to take our loneliness away. I’ve seen many posts on Facebook where people share their loneliness and if they could just find someone, they would be happy again. The thing is finding the right person is a very hard task. When you’re struggling with mental illness, you can’t have a healthy relationship until you take care of yourself, and you learn to love yourself.

When I was down into the dark depths of my illness, I daydreamed of the perfect man coming into my life and suddenly my sadness and loneliness would disappear. I wanted to find Mr. Right so badly that when a guy came along making phony promises, I thought I was in love with him. He asked me to move in with him and I did. Things changed quickly. It started with him saying I couldn’t use a certain pan because I would ruin it. Then it increased to verbal and physical abuse.

He was a narcissist, and he used my weakness to get pats on the back. He went to therapy with me and told the therapist how I abused him. He told his family and neighbors how hard it was on him to take care of a woman with mental illness so they would feel sorry for him. When he packed my bags to kick me out, I lost control and put my hand through a window. Instead of calling my mom, he called his. His mom sat there as the EMT bandaged my hand telling me if I had treated her son better, he wouldn’t have kicked me out.

I wanted to find the right guy so much that I missed all the signs that my ex-boyfriend was the wrong one for me. I didn’t love myself and I was so sick I couldn’t make clear decisions. After he threw me out, I went into a mental health hospital and started taking steps to take care of myself. When I got out of the hospital, I realized I couldn’t be in a healthy relationship with anyone until I decided I wanted to work towards recovery. How could I truly love a man if I didn’t love myself first?

After I got out of the hospital I started on a journey to recovery. I worked hard to change my thought processes and to learn to love myself. I was doing well, but I kept having bouts of depression. I started to see myself in a new light, but in the process to recovery, I had to end a lot of bad friendships. I was lonely. I was changing into a new person, and I had no one to share that with until I was set up on a blind date with my husband. When I met him, I finally loved myself enough to know I deserved a good man.

My husband has a friend who is struggling with mental illness. He talks continually about finding the right woman. He’s been in several bad relationships while looking for that special love. He tells my husband how lucky he is to have a woman like me. The problem is my husband’s friend does little to work on taking care of his illness and learning to love himself. I’ve told him several times, “Take care of yourself and learn to love yourself first, and in time you will find the love of your life.” Instead, he dwells on being single and goes out with all the wrong women who end up hurting him. I’m not sure if he will ever get the help he needs to work towards recovery and learn to love himself.

I belong to a mental health support group. Many people complain about how lonely they are and if they’d just find a partner, they will feel better. It’s not that easy. Loving someone else doesn’t cure mental illness and take away all their problems. We all want to be loved and cared for by someone special, but how can we give love if we don’t love the one important person in our lives, ourselves?

I know from experience that when we are deep down the dark hole of mental illness, the only thing we can see is our own horrible, miserable existence. We are so focused on hating our lives and ourselves, we can’t even be a good friend, let alone a good partner. When we’re at our worst we can’t even be supportive of the people we care about, let alone commit to a serious relationship. The first step you need to take is to decide if you want to work towards recovery. Secondly you need to find help, and thirdly you need to work hard to get better and learn to love yourself.

Once you learn to love yourself, you’re able to make clearer decisions about what type of person you want in your life. You’ll be able to see the flaws in the people you are dating, and you will be able to give equally to a relationship. Love yourself enough to find a partner who will love you the way you deserve.

Because I learned to love myself, I found a wonderful husband who spoils me every day and I dance in the light of recovery as a beautiful woman.

REASONS TO LIVE

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

You’re in the darkest deepest part of your hole of depression. You feel helpless, hopeless, useless, and worthless. You see your existence as a burden to your family and friends, and you just can’t stand living in so much pain anymore. It seems like your life is useless and there is no way out of that dark hole except to take your life. You keep asking yourself “why am I alive? What good am I to anyone?” The truth is, even though you might be unable to see it right now, there are many reasons to live.

You might say, “What does she know? She’s in recovery and she’s happy.”

I was once in your place. I had planned my suicide and attempted several times. In recovery I did find that there are many reasons to live. Some who attempt suicide or plan it don’t live to figure out why they should continue. So, I’m here to tell you, “STOP and read this.” Maybe this will change your mind.

Here are some reasons for living:

  • Happiness and recovery are possible. It may not seem like it right now, but you can learn to control and cope with your depression. With hard work you can take control over your illness and find recovery and happiness.
  • You are important. You may think badly of yourself right now, and it’s hard to just love yourself, but with work you can learn to love and like yourself. You are not just a sad, lowly person on this earth. You are a special, unique person who has touched others’ lives without even knowing it. You are important and you deserve to live and know that your existence means something. If you die, you’ll never know how important you are to this world and to others.
  • You have a future. Your life isn’t destined to experience continuous pain. God has plans for your future. You can travel, you can work a successful job, you can find the love of your life, and you can have your own family. You’ll never get to see your future if you take your life. There is a promising future for you just waiting if you’re willing to fight for recovery and if you decide to live.
  • You can make your dreams come true. Have you dreamed of owning your own bakery? Have you always wanted to climb the highest mountain? Have you wanted to go to France, and much more? Dreams can come true if you’re willing to fight and work hard for them. No dream is too big to reach. Believe in your dream and make it happen.
  • For your family and friends. You may think your family and friends would be better off without you, but they won’t. If they find your body or hear that you took your own life, they will never get over that. You would leave them with unanswered questions, endless grief, self-blame, and agony. No matter how hard it is for them to see you so sad, it is much harder for them to weep over your body and stand at your grave wondering how they could have prevented losing you. Do you really want to put them through that?
  • For a chance at a new beginning. Life is rough right now, everything is falling apart and going wrong, but it doesn’t always have to be like that. Taking the steps to ask for help and start your journey to recovery is taking a road to a new beginning. When you do reach recovery, you can rebuild your life and start a new beginning. If you made mistakes in the past, you could put them behind you and start out fresh. Being able to fight your depression and reach recovery gives you a new perspective on life and a chance to live a better life.
  • For you. Decide to live for you because you’re not that deep sadness that is overtaking your existence. You are much more than your illness. You’re a loving, kind, and strong person who deserves a chance at life. God made you for a reason. He doesn’t make mistakes. You are a good reason to choose living. You are a special person who deserves a chance to shine like the star you are. You should be the most important reason to live for. Stop planning to die and choose to live for yourself.

When you start thinking about suicide, think about the reasons you should live. Write them down on a piece of paper or in a journal. Hang them up on a mirror or near your bed. Each time you think you’re better off dead, read over the reasons you should live and decide to fight. When you think you can’t go on anymore, read those reasons. Keep reading them and pushing towards recovery. You can climb up out of the darkness of the hole and stand in the light of recovery. Choose life.

Several years ago, I thought my life wasn’t worth living. In time I chose to live and to fight for recovery. Now I live a wonderful life. I still cope with my illness, but I stand as a survivor of suicide and a stronger person in the light of recovery.

I AM AN OVERCOMER

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

What kind of person are you? This is a very important question when you are struggling with things such as a disability, bullying, health issues, and mental illness. First think hard about it. Do you give up? Do you hide in shame? Do you stand up and fight? Do you find away around your struggles? Once you answer these then you can decide what type of person you are. Are you a quitter? Are you determined? Are you a coward? Are you a winner?

I asked myself the question, “What kind of person am I?” at several points in my life. First when I struggled with a learning disability, second when I faced bullying, third while struggling at my lowest point with mental illness, fourth when I struggled with breast cancer, and fifth while continuously struggling with health problems. I concluded that “I am an Overcomer.”

I see each of the challenges I face in my life as something I will find a way around and overcome. Sometimes it takes a while, but I face it head on and I succeed. When I discovered I had a learning disability, I struggled to find my way around it, and I felt defeated. When I reached high school, I found my ways to work around it and made the merit roll, the honor roll, then the honor society, and finally I graduated from high school with a hidden hero speech given about me and five scholarships.

It took me time to find my way around the learning disability and bullying, but once I did, I faced it head on. I spent hours studying, I wrote my own notes from the textbooks, I put my notes on index cards, and I studied the cards for hours. I became very determined I would prove to everyone I wasn’t stupid, and I did. When I made the honor roll some of the kids who once bullied me asked to cheat off my tests. When I was in the National Honors Society, I was given the task to tutor a child in reading for an elementary teacher who once said I couldn’t read. The teacher quickly changed her mind about me. They told me I could never get good grades on my own and yet I did. I found my way around my disability and around the bullying and I overcame it.

When I was at the bottom of the dark hole of my mental illness, I thought my life was useless, I became suicidal, and I felt like I was going to never feel better. I struggled most of my childhood and teenage years with this illness, not knowing what it was. When my cousin was killed in a car accident, I hit the deepest, darkest part of my hole. When I started college, I was in despair. I was planning my death, I was self-injuring, I was getting sick every day, and I wasn’t sleeping. It took all my energy to force myself to get out of bed and go to my classes. I saw a pamphlet at college about depression, and then I knew what was going on with me. I went to my mom for help and started working on a path to recovery. I took a year off college, I started therapy, and I worked hard. I did the homework my therapist gave me, I started a job where I made friends, I got rid of a bad relationship, and I got a social life. I reached recovery, but several years later my mental illness hit rock bottom again.

I could have said, “I give up,” but I didn’t. When I noticed myself falling, I found myself a therapist. While I was struggling, I got involved in an abusive relationship. When he kicked me out of his home he told me, “I can’t help you. You gave up.” I needed to hear those words because they sparked determination in me. I went to several different therapists until I found the right one for me. She knew I was a writer so she had me do homework that involved writing, like putting my feelings down on paper, starting a positive journal, writing out my bad thoughts and turning them to positive ones, and so on.

I decided I didn’t want to live at the bottom of the hole, so I fought to climb out. I carried a journal with me wherever I went, I did the homework my therapist gave me, I fought my negative thinking, I joined a self-injury support group, and I went to a psychiatrist to get medication for my illness. I reached recovery and I have been living a happy life for several years now. I have bad days, but I handle them with coping techniques and the help of my support team. I faced mental illness head on, and I overcame it.

I did the same with breast cancer, nine surgeries, and many health problems. I don’t sit down and give up. When people tell me I can’t do something, I find a way to do it. I felt like giving up several times during my many struggles and at times I felt hopeless, but I didn’t quit. I couldn’t give up. That’s not who I am. I’m a person who faces my challenges head on and I find a way to rise above them and grow from them. I am an overcomer.

What type of person are you? Think hard about it. If you’re struggling with mental illness or other challenges, decide what you want to do about it. Do you want that challenge to define your life, or do you want to work around it and rise above it? Once you make the decision, then you can discover the type of person you are. When you figure that out, use it to propel you forward to success and recovery. Life’s hardships do not have to define you. An illness or a disability doesn’t have to define you. Your willingness to fight comes from the person you are deep inside, and that’s what defines you. 

When I needed back surgery and I had to lose weight to get it, I worked hard with a friend to lose the weight. I faced the challenge, and I overcame it. An overcomer is the type of person I am. It’s what makes me a strong person and is the reason why I stand happily in the light of recovery.

ASKING FOR HELP

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

It’s hard to ask for help when we are struggling, especially when suffering with mental illness. The stigma of mental illness surrounds us, it’s on the news, it’s in television shows, it’s in the newspaper, and it’s spoken about by misinformed people. Because of this stigma, many who struggle feel alone and scared. Others are afraid to ask for help because they fear they will hurt their family or they don’t understand what is happening to them. The sad thing is many go without help because of these reasons and spend their lives thinking there is no hope when there is.

When I was struggling with mental illness, I didn’t know what was happening to me. In school I felt this overwhelming sadness, I struggled to sleep, I felt hopeless, my thoughts raced, and I daydreamed of my death. I even burst out in angry rages at home. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I couldn’t explain to my parents what was happening inside me, so I never told them. I thought I could handle it on my own. When my uncle was killed in a car accident, I fell deeper down that dark hole of sadness. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.

My sadness got worse when my cousin was killed during my senior year of high school. I fell all the way to the bottom of that hole. When I started college I stopped sleeping, I became suicidal, I started cutting, I couldn’t keep food down, and the sadness was so strong I felt like it was suffocating me. I lived with my grandparents, and I hid from them my agony. I wrote my suicide note and planed my death. I never told them or my parents how badly I was struggling. It wasn’t until my mom noticed my wounds that I broke down in her arms and I confided in her. That’s when she searched for help for me and moved me back home so she and my dad could take care of me.

As I wrote my book, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, I was able to trace the start of my mental illness back to grade school. I ask myself, “What if I had asked for help back then? Could I have saved myself from so many years of suffering?” I believe if I had asked my parents for help, they would have done anything they could for me. When I did ask for help in college, my mom went as far as going to a hospital in a nearby town to find information on how to get me treatment.

I learned that no one can handle mental illness on their own. We need help to face such an awful illness, and there is help. There are organizations like One Life project Inspire Kindness | One Life Project (projectonelife.org) and NAMI https://www.nami.org/Home. Many states have programs that help you get treatment for low cost or no cost, there are suicide and crisis hot lines (call 988 for crisis or suicide, and so on. There are also more sites to turn to for help under resources on this site https://wordpress.com/view/aimeeeddygross.wordpress.com. Turn to your family, and if they are not understanding, talk to a close friend. Don’t suffer alone. 

I suffered alone for many years before I asked for help. By not telling anyone what was going on inside me, my illness only got worse. I could have found recovery sooner if only I told someone I was struggling and got therapy at a young age. I could have succeeded in my suicidal attempts. In college I took a bottle of pills. I was groggy and dizzy and yet some how I drove to my college in a snowstorm. I wasn’t even sure how I got there, let alone safely. The only answer I have is God got me there.

If you are thinking about taking your life and you feel like the only way out of your agony is to commit suicide, tell someone or call a hotline. If need to, have someone take you, or drive yourself to the nearest hospital. You may not see it, but your life is important, and you are important. Your death will hurt others and you have a future ahead of you. With help, recovery is possible. Never be afraid to ask for help.

Even though it took me a long time to ask for help, I did ask and now I am in recovery. I’m surrounded by caring and supportive people to help me with the rough days. I am a strong person enjoying life in the light of recovery.

Next week I will not post a blog post because I will be at Saint Davids Christian Writers’ Conference. I write on Saturday nights and Saturday this week is the last day of the conference. I return home on that Sunday.

DRIVING TOWARDS RECOVERY

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

Do to struggles with health problems I didn’t write a blog post this week. So here is an old but food one.

     Things happen in your life that lifts your spirits and also get you thinking. Life is full of surprises. Sometimes it gives you a bumpy road to travel and other times it gives you smooth roads. We never know what road we will be traveling on. The road to recovery can be like getting rid of an old, rusty car for a shiny, new one. You’re getting rid of an old, broken life for a new, bright life.

     Tuesday morning my husband and I sat down to have breakfast. We began to talk about the problems with our 2008 Chevy Cobalt. We needed to get it fixed before May when our inspection would be up. We had a hole in the rocker panel, a sensor needed replacing, and we were having problems with the steering. There was no way we could afford to fix all these problems. We had already replaced the gas line and had the muffler repaired along with other things. It was time for something new.

     This got me thinking about myself while I was sick. I was like our old car. I had lots of problems that needed fixing. I was self-injuring, my thoughts were negative, I was suicidal, and I couldn’t control my anxiety attacks. Like our car, I couldn’t afford to keep my life going on that road. I needed to change. I needed to renew my life.

     After breakfast my husband and I decided to look at newer cars. We texted a friend we met through the dealer we bought our Cobalt from and she suggested a dealer ship. We drove to a town about a half hour away. We talked to a sales man, and he took us to a cherry red Chevy Equinox. The inside looked like new even though it was used. Both of us fell in love with it right away. We took it for a ride and we wanted to buy it. We were like kids in a toy store. So we began the long process of paperwork.

     My choice to work towards recovery was like looking at new cars. I looked at what my life could be like in recovery. I saw a chance for a new, bright life. I was excited to take it for a test drive. I fell in love with the idea I could be happy. Like doing paperwork, I had a long process of therapy, medication, and work before me to reach recovery. I knew it wasn’t an easy process, but I wanted it like we wanted that car. I was willing to do whatever it took to reach recovery.

     Hours later we got the keys to the SUV, and we drove to my parents to show it off. For a long while I had gotten used to being chauffeured around by my husband and lost interest in driving. When we got this SUV, I suddenly wanted to drive everywhere. I had a new toy and excitement filled me. At work I told my customers about our new vehicle and showed them pictures. Getting rid of the old car helped me let go of worries and getting a new one filled me with happiness.

     Reaching recovery is like getting a new car except instead of a new car, I got a new beginning. I wanted to show everyone the new me. I bragged about my new beginning. I had this new shiny life to show off, and I wanted to tell everyone and I did. I still do. I tell everyone about how I threw away my rusted life and built a new one. I was and am excited. I’m not cured, but I’m happy.  

Recovery is as shiny as a new car. Reach for it; strive for it. Get rid of your old broken-down life, and work towards a new one. Recovery is worth the fight. You don’t have to settle for an endless life of darkness and sadness. You can find happiness. You can learn to control, and manage your mental illness. Happiness is waiting for you. Fight for it.

I’m doing well in recovery. I’ve had bumpy roads, but I enjoy the smooth roads. I’m driving down the road in the light of recovery.

NEW STARTS AND WHAT’S HAPPENING

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

I thought it was time to let you know what is going on with my book and my writing. They’re at a slow point, but they’re about to pick up. I put aside setting up talks and book signings for a bit as I struggled with my asthma. My asthma has been out of control, and I have a pulmonary function test and I see a specialist at the end of the month to hopefully get answers. Even though I have been struggling I haven’t given up. I have been busy planning and writing. Here is what I have been up to and what is to come. 

Last week I couldn’t write my blog post because of computer problems. I usually write on my couch, using a lap desk with the sound of the TV playing in the background. I sat down to work on a chapter about the years after we sold the garage when my dog, Esther, needed to go out. I sat my lap desk with the computer on it on the couch beside me. My computer slipped off and landed on the floor. The screen went black and refused to turn back on. My screen had blown. I put my frustrations about the loss of my computer on Facebook and a co-worker and friend messaged me she had a laptop for me. I got the new computer last Saturday, so instead of writing a blog post I was setting up all my programs. 

When I asked my friend if I could give her something for the computer she said, “You don’t need to give me anything. I know how important your writing is.” 

I got a partial scholarship to attend Saint Davids Christian Writers conference. I needed to come up with another $225. Finances have been hard this year. I was ready to decline the scholarship, thinking my husband and I couldn’t come up with the extra amount when my cousin suggested I start a GoFundMe. The next day I started the GoFundMe, and in one day I raised enough money to go to the conference. June 21 to the 25 I will be attending Saint Davids Christian Writers Conference at Allegheny College in Meadville, PA. I am excited to learn new techniques and information about writing. Conferences help us make connections with other writers and with publishers and agents. It also helps us improve our writing careers. 

I have been toying with two new ideas for books. My plan for my next book was to write a book compiling my blog posts. My friend Roberta has agreed to organize them for me, but she has been busy. I’m not quite sure where to start that book. So, I decide to wait for Roberta and see what posts she picks out for my book. Last week I decided to start chapter one on the years after the garage. I have nine pages written. I don’t know yet how to end the chapter. In Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, the chapters ended with coffee break and adventures at the garage. Now the garage is gone; in the next book I must search my memory for a new ending to my chapters.  I plan to get a start on my book using my blogs once I decide how to start it and see what posts Roberta chooses for it.  

Wednesday I am talking in the children’s section of Patterson Library in Westfield, NY. It’s about a forty-five drive from my home. I’m excited. My English teacher who helped me enter contests and edited my writing in high school volunteers at that library. I’m hoping she will attend my talk and I will get a chance to thank her for all she did for me. I haven’t seen her since I graduated from high school. I’m also looking forward to talking to children and their parents about bullying. If you live in the area, come see me. It starts at 4 P.M. 

I work for a grocery store as a cashier. While girl scouts were selling their cookies at the store, I told the leaders about my book and my advocacy against bullying and handed them a business card. Last month a girl scout leader messaged me on messenger and asked me to speak to her troop. The troop will be  girls from first to fifth grade. I also asked the leader to invite the parents. The leader said she’ll pay me twenty-five dollars to speak. I believe it’s very important to tell children of all ages how hurtful bullying is. I will be talking to the troop and their parents on May 24 at 6 P.M. 

There will also be some new things happening with the One Life Project where I am director of Education and Research. The leader of the organization has big plans for me. I will let you know soon about what is to come.  

I have a lot going on in my life and I’m excited. Following my dreams, advocating against bullying, and starting new adventures keeps me pushing forward in the light of recovery.