I started watching a Netflix series called 13 Reasons Why; it is about a young girl who was bullied at school and sexually harassed at school until she committed suicide. The series speaks to me because in some ways I was in the shoes of the girl the show is about. It goes through many reasons why she took her life, and it hits home with me. I wanted to die when I was being bullied. I daydreamed about something horrible happening to me, resulting in my death.

Life is hard and especially harder for others. Sometimes a series of things or just one thing happens to a person to make life seem impossible to live. Some may ask how anyone could even think about taking their life, and no one can truly know what is happening inside a person. You don’t know what can drive a person to suicide unless you have been at that breaking point, but that doesn’t make it right. It’s hard when you’re at that point to see any other way out of your inner anguish, but there is a way. There are many reasons to live and push forward.

I had many reasons why I wanted to die when I was in school: my classmates picked on me, some of my teachers put me down, my friends either moved away or turned their backs on me, I felt alone, I felt worthless, and I thought I was the ugly one in my family. In spite of that, there are reasons my life is important which I’m going to list:

• My parents loved me for who I was no matter what. My parents loved everything about me. They didn’t care if I was a tomboy or that my room was messy. They saw me for the person I was, and they loved me for that. If I took my life they would have been devastated.
• I had dreams to fulfill. I dreamed of becoming a published author. I wrote many short stories and entered them into contests. I didn’t know that I would publish my own memoir that would help many, but I would have never found that out if I had ended my life.
• I was smart and had a lot to accomplish. Despite my learning disability, I was an intelligent person. I just had to work harder to succeed at school. Once I found out that I was intelligent, I made the merit roll, honor roll, published stories, and made the National Honor Society. I would never have accomplished all that if I had taken my life.
• I made a difference in people’s lives. Even though I felt alone, I was making a difference in people’s lives. I was friends with a girl whose home life was bad and I gave her someone to lean on. I became best friends with a girl who also was being bullied and we became inseparable. I even became close to her sisters and mother. My parents and grandparents’ lives were beautiful with me in it. If I died, they would all have been hurt and very sad.
• I had a bright future ahead of me. At that time to me my future seemed dim, but it was bright. I proved I could accomplish a lot despite a learning disability, and my future was waiting for me. I had plans for college and dreams to become a published author. I had several acceptance letters to colleges. Now I am a published author, I have a college degree, I’ve worked the same job for twenty-nine years, I work for a nonprofit helping others with mental illness, and I would have never accomplished all this if I weren’t alive.
• My life story could help people. In high school I wrote fictional stories based on the bullying I faced. I was determined to prove myself and that helped me accomplish a lot. I was an example that anyone could succeed. As an adult I have overcome bullying, a learning disability, mental illness, and relationship abuse and many see me as an inspiration. I tell my story in this blog and in my memoir and it helps people. If I had died, I would have never been able to tell my story to the world.

If you are feeling suicidal, write out a list of why your life is important, and dig deep inside you to find those reasons. Ask people in your life why you are important to them. You’ll find that your life is worth living. There are a lot of reasons to be on this earth living your life and fighting for happiness. Instead of coming up with 13 reasons why you should end your life, come up with 13 reasons why you should live your life.

Because I never succeeded at taking my life I live a beautiful life with a wonderful husband, lots of memories, a good job, and lots of happiness. I stand tall in the light of recovery glad to be alive.