Author: Aimee Eddy

WRITER’S BLOCK AND MENTAL HEALTH

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Some people think that writer’s block doesn’t exist, but it does. I learned in a one day writing conference that there are things that cause writer’s block, such as something is wrong with the story, physical problems, and emotional problems. Sometimes there is something wrong with your WIP (work in progress) that you just can’t figure out. You could also be going through physical problems that may make writing hard. Your mental health can affect your ability to concentrate and write.

I have been searching for the reason I can write this blog but not my next memoir. The words won’t come to me, and I’ve lost the inspiration to work on it. The workshop I took spoke to me. As the instructor talked about the mental health issues that affect a person’s ability to write, I realized that is the reason I can’t work on my next memoir.

I kind of knew what was wrong with my husband before he was diagnosed, but I hoped it was something else. Hearing the doctor’s say diagnosis confirmed what I thought was wrong, shredded my hopes, and made everything very real. I attempted to fight back my tears, but they came anyway. At that moment my whole life, my whole world changed.

I have been in recovery from mental illness for years, but since my husband’s diagnosis I’ve been struggling. My husband is the love of my life, and I have depended on him for many things. To find out he’s sick and only going to get sicker has sent me in and out of depression. I have many emotions running through me. I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m frustrated, I’m scared, and much more. I’m trying hard to be strong, but sometimes I feel weak.

I know my husband is sad about his illness. I don’t blame him, but I don’t know how to help him. I take him for rides after work, I try to do fun things with him, and I attempt to get him to talk about his feelings. He has always taken care of me. When I had a bad day with my mental illness, he always knew how to lift my spirits and help me through it. When I was sick, he would take care of me and wait on me. When I had surgery, he took care of me and took me for rides. He always made sure I took my medication.

Now my husband and I have switched roles. I have had seven surgeries and health problems, and he was my caregiver through it all. Now I’m his caregiver. I’m happy to do it. I married him to be there through sickness and health. I believe he’s stronger than I am. He took care of me without showing sadness or any other emotions. Maybe he kept his feelings inside, but some days I just want to lie in bed and cry while taking care of him. I try to hide my tears, but he sees them.

It’s hard to work on my next memoir when I’m trying to deal with all these emotions I have about my husband’s illness. To write my next memoir I must be strong enough to relive the past, and right now I don’t feel strong enough. I’m dealing with too many emotions to take on reliving past emotions. I can write this blog post because I don’t go deep into my feelings to write most of these.

I wrote down my thoughts and feelings about not being able to write and let my therapist read it. She read it and we discussed it. She told me she’ll help me deal with my feelings and told me she’s proud of me with how I am handling everything. That meant the world to me, because I feel like I’m doing a bad job at handling everything. I have been afraid that I would never be able to finish my book, and I would only have one published book. I’m now hopeful that she will be able to help me get back to writing my next memoir.

If you’re struggling with writer’s block because of mental health issues, journal out your feelings, try coping techniques, and get help. Once you take care of your mental health, you’ll be able to work on your WIP again.

I believe with the help of my therapist I will be able to overcome my writers block and finish my next memoir. Working though my feelings and learning to cope with my husband’s illness will help me climb back into the light of recovery again.

CELEBRATING MY THIRTY YEARS

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This Past Wednesday I went to Pittsburgh, PA, to a dinner at Acrisure Stadium, the home of the Steelers football team, to celebrate my thirty years at the grocery store where I work. They celebrated people of different years, starting with twenty-five years and then every five years after. A video was played for what happened at the grocery chain each year that was celebrated. I remember 1995 for more than just starting a new job. It was the year I decided I needed to take care of my mental illness.

Thirty years ago, I was deeply depressed, suicidal, and self-injuring. I tried very hard to push through college, but despite my good grades, I was drowning inside and couldn’t continue. I decided I needed to take a year off and take care of my mental health. My plan was to work at the grocery store for a year or until I was well enough to finish college. Then I would quit, get my two-year degree, and go on to a four-year college, but God had other plans for me.

I started in the bakery. The manager yelled a lot, we had to remember prices of baked goods in the display case, we had to take cake orders and roll orders from customers, and I struggled with that. I talked to no one except when I had to. Every time the manager yelled, I wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. The manager reminded me of the teachers who put me down in school. I fought each day to pull myself out of bed and go to work. I wanted to REMAIN unseen, but that was impossible in a busy grocery store.

After a week or two in the bakery, the manager decided I was not a good fit there. I was moved up to the front of the store, known as the front end. I was given the job of bagger. I didn’t have to talk as much to customers and bagging was much easier than remembering prices. I was still silent unless forced to speak. I bagged groceries and pushed carts, but inside I felt like curling up in my bed and crying until the tears would no longer fall. I wanted my agony to end, and I found relief in hurting myself. My mom went out of her way to get me into therapy.

As I went to my therapy sessions, I pushed my way through my workdays. Cashiers started talking to me between customers. They asked me questions about my family and so on. My replies were short, but as time went by, my answers became longer. I started making friends, I was on medicine for depression, I was going to therapy weekly, and my depression began to lift. In grade school, making new friends was difficult and I was alone a lot, but at my job I became popular. My co-workers liked me for who I was, and that to me was the most beautiful feeling ever.

After my year off from college was up, my depression had lifted, and I returned to college on a part time basis. I continued to work at the store on weekends. In time I became a cashier and began to hold conversations with my customers. I started to get customers who made a point to come and see me, no matter how long my line was. I found that I enjoyed my fellow employees and customers.

In 1999 I graduated from college and went to work at my job during the week and on weekends. I realized with my mental illness and learning disability, I couldn’t go on to a four-year college. It took me several years just to get a two-year degree. I was on a high, though. For the first time in my life, I had friends and a social life. I even began dating, something I never got a chance to do in high school. I stayed out until 2:00 AM bowling with friends, drove half an hour home, and got up and went to work at 8:00 AM. I didn’t get much sleep, but I had fun.

Through my thirty years at the grocery store I overcame mental illness, stopped self-injuring, made friends, tore down my wall, became social, slid into mental illness again, went through many health problems, and found the love of my life. I can’t forget that I recovered from mental illness a second time. I grew into a better and stronger person over the years. For a while I regretted not being able to go to a four-year college, but in time I realized how much I loved and still love working with people.

My customers brighten my day. Each one is special like the one that calls me super woman, and the one who likes it when I tease him, and he tells my customers to pull my finger. There’s the older guy who says I’m cheating on him with my husband and the woman who brings me a pamphlet with interesting facts to read. There are ones who have passed on, ones that are like friends, and ones I’m getting to know. Each customer is special, and they always ask me how I can always be smiling. My reply is, “I love working with people.”

Despite mental illness, I preserved and found happiness and success as a cashier. Sometimes God has different plans for us then what we have for ourselves. Even if you don’t accomplish the goals you set for yourself, that doesn’t mean you failed. Push through your mental illness to reach recovery and discover God’s plans for you. You can make dreams come true, you can build a successful future, you can find new paths, and much more.

I’m proud of my thirty years at my job. I accomplished a lot on the job and personally. I stand in the light of recovery because I didn’t give up.

USING YOUR CREATIVITY TO EXPRESS FEELINGS

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Most people are creative. They find joy in art, music, writing, dance, and crafts. Many people use their creative skills to relax and escape from the stressors of life. For people struggling with mental illness, using the creative side of your brain can be a way to express pent up feelings or to tell others how you are is feeling. It’s an excellent coping mechanism.

When I was in high school, I turned to writing to cope with the feelings built up inside me. Feelings of loneliness, sadness, anger, and much more. I poured my feelings out in folders of college ruled paper. I created worlds I could escape to; I filled my characters with the feelings I felt and then I created happy endings. With my stories I felt like I was in control while in real life I felt like I was out of control.

In high school many of my stories were dark and depressing, because that’s how I felt. My mom even suggested that I try adding positivity in my writing. When I was caught in an abusive friendship, I wrote poems about how I felt about the friend. Some of my feelings were distorted and confusing, but I worked them out in my writing. I filled a folder full of poems trying to deal with my feelings about the friend and to understand what she was doing to me.

When my uncle was killed, I wrote about him and what he meant to me and how his loss affected me. I still write about the loved ones I lost in my life. It helps me deal with my grief. It helps me release my feelings and commemorate my loved one’s memory.

I joined a support group for mental illness. One of the strugglers in the group posts a drawing of how she feels each day. Others post drawings and paintings of things that express their feelings. There are also art therapy groups that focus on using art to help people express themselves, explore emotions, and improve mental health.

I use woodburning to express my emotions. I pick out patterns that show my feelings and help me explore my emotions in an imaginative and creative way. Sometimes I combine patterns to make a picture that expresses my feelings the best. The weight of my emotions pours out in the careful twist of my woodburning pen. The smell of burning wood eases my anxiety. As I create my woodburnings, my bad feelings are set free, and excitement and joy replace them.

Other arts that help express emotions are:

  • Painting uses colors and brush strokes to express emotions.
  • Music lets individuals express emotions in a way that is accessible and less inhibiting than words.
  • Dance can help an individual channel emotion in a way that is both expressive and freeing.
  • Collage and craft help an individual express emotion in an imaginative and creative way.

How can you express your feelings creatively through forms of art? You might not be very creative, and your drawings might be stick figures, but it doesn’t matter. You can doodle, you can just dance around your living room, you can scribble, you can knit a sweater with uneven arms, and you can journal random thoughts to express yourself. It doesn’t matter how good your art is. All that matters is that you express your feelings.

Writing my book, Escape from the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, helped me express my feelings about the bullying I faced as a child. By expressing my feelings, I was able to heal myself and find peace with my past. Writing is my creative outlet for my emotions, and it helps me stand in the light of recovery.

FRIENDSHIPS AND BOUNDARIES

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True friendship is a special thing, and it doesn’t come easily. A good friendship takes work. Both friends must give equally and understand each other’s boundaries. When a person is struggling with mental illness, it becomes hard to be a good friend. The person struggling has a hard time understanding boundaries and finds it hard to be able to listen and support a friend. Even in recovery a person struggles with friendships and boundaries.

Being a friend to a person in the depth of the hole of mental illness takes a lot of patience, understanding, and strength. A person struggling is trapped in his or her own agony, and he or she finds it impossible to be supportive, able to listen, and honor boundaries. He or she can barely handle his or her own problems let alone others’ problems. They often step on their friend’s boundaries, expecting too much, and become angry when the friend can’t give as much as he or she needs.

When in recovery, a person is stronger and more able to handle other’s problems, but must keep to his or her own boundaries. In recovery he or she are continually taking care of her or himself to stay well. When the struggler is having a hard time, he or she must focus on him or herself. It’s important for the person with mental illness to tell his or her friends when he or she must take a step back for a bit to focus on the persons own well being.

I have been struggling emotionally with my husband’s illness, and now he has another illness on top of that. I’m feeling overwhelmed, sad, and anxious. Several times I have teetered at the edge of that dark hole of depression. I’m trying to prepare for the future while handling what is going on with him now. It’s a lot to handle. I worry a lot, I slip into bouts of depression, and I have anxiety attacks.

A good friend of mine is also going through a hard time and she calls me almost every night to confide in me, but I have found it hard to listen to her problems and deal with my own. I told her I couldn’t handle her problems right now. She replied, “I didn’t ask you to handle my problems.”

When I care about a person and he or she confides in me or vents to me, I become emotionally involved. When I’m struggling with my mental illness, I can’t become involved because I’m barely hanging on. I must put myself first, so I don’t fall down that hole again. That’s when I need to put up my boundaries and stick to them. My friend didn’t call me for a couple of days. I feared she was mad at me. When I told her I was feeling better and could talk to her, she seemed distant.

What I needed from her was support, encouragement, and listening ears while I struggled, but instead I received silence. My Borderline Personality kicked in, and I feared she was abandoning me. I became angry and played over in my head how I would confront her, but I decided instead to write a nice email explaining why I couldn’t listen to her problems. I came to the realization that she too has boundaries and I can’t expect everyone to be able to handle my illness.

In time my friend started confiding in me again. Then my husband and I had an appointment with his doctor about his new illness. I became overwhelmed with the things I needed to do for him. Plus, I’m trying to help my sister with her vision problems and we keep hitting dead ends. I was feeling emotional and when my friend called, I confided in her and forgot to ask about her problems. She became mad at me and when I tried to explain we ended up arguing. I decided for my well being and for the sake of our friendship, I needed to take a break from the friendship. At this point in my life, I need to focus on keeping myself well and depend on friends who can be supportive and understanding.

Not every friend you have understands how to help you or is able to give the support you need during hard times. You can teach them, but it’s up to them if they can handle your illness. If they can’t that is okay. Mental illness is a hard illness to handle, and you must respect your friends’ boundaries. Know which friends you can turn to while you’re struggling and know that those friends also have boundaries. Respecting your friends’ boundaries and letting your friends know about your own boundaries will help you build a strong relationship.

Knowing that I have good friends and using boundaries and respecting boundaries helps me stand tall in the light of recovery.

SIGNS OF A GOOD THERAPIST

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This weekend I participated in a Literacy Festival where I sold my book. I spent the whole day at the festival and was to exhausted to write a blog post. So, I’m putting up an old one this week. Enjoy!!

     Last week I gave you signs of a bad therapist, and while there are many bad therapists, there are also good ones. The search for a good one can be frustrating. Some give up on their search after a bad experience. If you want to reach recovery, you must never quit looking for the right therapist. It took me several tries until I found one that helped me reach recovery. Good therapists do exist and if you want to reach recovery you must be determined in your pursuit to find the best therapist for you.

     Here are some signs of a good therapist. These are signs I have noted in my own search for help.

  • Listens. A good therapist listens to your feelings and thoughts. He or she may take notes while listening. Therapist have many patients and taking notes helps them keep track of what is going on with their clients. Don’t worry if your therapist doesn’t take notes. Some have good memories. My therapist, Linda, never took notes, but each time I saw her, she seemed to remember parts of our conversations from the last session. I spilled my soul out to her, I cried, and she listened.
  •  Uses your talents to help you communicate. If you can draw or write better than you can talk about your emotions, your therapist will use that to help you. Linda knew I am a writer. She gave me homework to write journal entries about my feelings and emotions. I would take my journal entry to our sessions, and we would discuss them. Then she had me keep a journal where I listed positive things in my life each day.
  • Gives you homework. A good therapist will assign you things to do at home. To get better you must work at it not only at therapy, but also at home. Reaching recovery is hard work. To change your negative thinking, to build up your self-esteem, to learn to think positively, and so on, you have to work at it on a daily basis, not just when you are at therapy. Linda gave me homework with each session. Sometimes I hated her for it because what she gave me to do was not easy. I gave it my all, though, and after time it got easier.
  • Teaches you healthy coping techniques. A good therapist doesn’t just listen to what you are going through, but also teaches you how to cope. Good coping techniques are the key to reaching recovery and staying in recovery. A good therapist knows that and will guide you through techniques that will help you deal with your illness. Linda taught me coping techniques that helped me handle my depression and she showed me healthy ways to cope with my internal pain without self-injuring. With her help I stopped self-injuring. The techniques she taught me helps me stay in recovery. I use them often.
  • Has lots of knowledge about mental illness and the illness you struggle with. You’d expect that this would be common sense. Unfortunately, there are those bad therapists who have little knowledge of this sickness. A good therapist has a vast knowledge about mental illness and the different kinds. He or she may have books on his or her bookshelves about mental illness. There are some therapists who specializes in certain types of mental illness. A therapist isn’t all knowing but should know enough to lead you to the proper help. Linda had a bookshelf in her office full of books on mental health. She knew a lot about the illnesses I have and how to help me fight them.
  • Has away to contact them when you need him or her. A good therapist has a number you can leave a message on or a on call person to contact if you need them after hours. While you are going through a rough time it is reassuring you can reach out to get help. They will never give you their home number, but they will give you a number where you can leave messages or where you can talk to someone who can contact them for you. Linda had a number where I could leave messages. She checked it frequently. I had to use it several times. She always called me back and she helped me through some very difficult times.
  • Shows compassion and cares about you. A good therapist shows you compassion and cares about you as a person. When you’re in therapy you build a relationship with your therapist. Your therapist becomes like a friend. She cares not only about helping you get better, but about you as a person. Linda was more than a therapist to me. She was my friend. Her children were born around the same time as my nieces. I could tell she cared about me and she showed me compassion. Now I am no longer in therapy and she moved on to a different type of therapy I miss her. I wish I could still talk to her, but I know that is not possible. I will always cherish her.

These are only a few signs of a good therapist. There are many more. If you search the internet, you can find sites that can guide you in finding the right help. Do your homework and be persistent. Finding a good therapist will help you reach recovery and what he or she teaches you will keep you in recovery. There is no cure to mental illness, but with the right medication, therapy, and coping techniques you can find happiness and learn how to handle your illness. Don’t give up there is a good therapist out there waiting to help you.

Linda was the best therapist I ever had. I went to her for many years and with her help I reached recovery. I could never thank her enough for what she taught me. I stand in recovery with strength and techniques to keep me above the hole of sadness.

VALIDATING FEELINGS

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A person with mental illness struggles with a lot of feelings. To others not struggling, those emotions seem minor or confusing. They might not understand why a person is feeling depressed without a reason or when the person’s life seems to be good. It sometimes becomes too easy for others to brush off or minimize the feelings of the one who is struggling. Even though you don’t see a reason for a person’s feelings, to the one who is sick those emotions are real and powerful. How you handle the person’s feelings is crucial.

When you brush off a person’s emotions, you make him or her feel like he or she is not important. When a person who is sick is made to feel like what he or she is going through is not significant, it can deepen depression, lead to suicide, or cause the person to turn to unhealthy coping techniques. It’s very important that you validate the person’s feelings.

What you say to a person who is struggling is meaningful. Don’t say, “What do you have to be depressed about?” or “Oh well, it will get better.” By saying this, you are dismissing how the person feels. Even though you don’t understand why a person is depressed, those emotions are very real.

Here is a list of ways to validate a person’s feelings:

  • Listen actively. Nod your head and maintain eye contact. Don’t interrupt the person as she or he talks. By showing you are listening, you are making the person feel like he or she is being heard. The person will be more willing to confide in you.
  • Show sympathy. Tell the person, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Is there anything I can do to help you?” Showing sympathy helps him or her feel like you care, and you are willing to help. Too often a person who is sick feels like nobody in the world cares about him or her.
  • Acknowledge the feelings. Tell the person you accept his or her feelings even if you don’t understand or if you have another perspective. By doing this, you are telling the person that you know his or her feelings are real to them and important.
  • Identify the problem. Ask the person about what is going on in his or her life that could cause these feelings. This can help you understand better. Helping the person identify the reason for his or her feelings; this can open a door for him or her to understand what is going on inside.
  • Don’t be judgmental. Don’t give advice or offer solutions unless you understand what the person is going through. Don’t form your own opinions about why the person is feeling the way she or he feels. Judging can make the person feel angry and more depressed.
  • Use validating statements. Use statements like “This must be hard for you,” “I understand how you would feel this way,” “I’m truly sorry you had to deal with…” and “I too would feel that way if I were in your situation.” These and other validating statements can be found at 25 Examples of Validating Statements to Show Empathy – Happier Human
  • Don’t minimize. Don’t make the person’s feelings seem small and unimportant. To the person, what he or she is going through is a big thing. If you make him or her sound small, you will cause more pain and make him or her feel dismissed.

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By validating a person who is struggling with feelings, you are showing him or her you care, he or she can confide in you, the person is not alone, and he or she is important. If you have a friend or loved one struggling with mental illness, use this list to help the person feel seen, cared for, and heard. By doing this you can help your friends and loved ones through their rough times without sending them deeper into their illness.

I have a friend and husband who is very good at validating my feelings, and they get me through many rough times. This helps me stand in the light of recovery.

*Information for this blog post can be found at how to validate someone with mental illness feelings – Search

FINDING PURPOSE

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I’ve been so deep down the hole of darkness and inner agony that I thought the light would never shine again. I cried tears of torment, tears that dripped down my cheeks and hurt like bee stings to the soul. I’ve been stomped down by words, whipped by prejudice, scared by illness, and torn apart by loss. Yet I have always found a way to pull myself up to the light.

What is it that makes us strong enough to weather the torrential rains of life? What pulls us up when we’re lying at the darkest depths of our illness? What makes us strong when we feel weak? How do we stand up when everything seems to be pushing us down?

How often have you wondered if the light would ever shine for you? Have you lost hope that it would? I once lost hope and felt my life was just a dark endless pit of pain. I have lain down at the bottom of my hole and curled up in a ball, begging the Heavenly Father to end my life. When he wouldn’t, I took it on myself to find a way to die, but something wouldn’t let me go. Was it God or my own willpower hidden within my pain? I believe it was both.

There is always a reason for our existence even when we can’t see it. Finding that reason may seem impossible and we might have our eyes closed when pain rears its head, but it’s there. God has a purpose for each one of us. To fulfill our purpose, we must dig deep into our souls, down to the pit of our very being to find willpower, strength, and determination to fight the darkness. To pursue our desire to climb out of the darkness and find our purpose we must fight that awful demon called mental illness. We must take it root by root and use it to pull ourselves up.

I did it. I climbed out of that dark hole, pulling myself up by its roots while setting each root on fire on my way up. I slipped a couple of times, falling back down and lying in my tears and agony for a moment. Then I began my climb to the top again. Once at the top, I searched long and hard for my God-given purpose. I looked hard for it until I realized it was staring at me.

While in the darkness, I gave up on my writing and my dream to publish a book. I thought I was only meant to write short stories for a while. Then one day I found my purpose and realized my writing was my reason for all my suffering. My writing was God’s reason for standing beside me in my darkest days. He knew I could help many with words written in a book, in this blog, and in speeches. I suffered to help and to educate others. My purpose is also to help young people through One Life Project.

Are you sitting at the bottom of your dark hole feeling there is no reason for your existence? If so, dig deep inside yourself for your hidden strength and determination and start climbing towards the light. Are you in the light but have not found your purpose? Sit still, close your eyes, and concentrate. Think about the things you can do, the life you have led, and open your eyes. Then look hard and you’ll find your purpose.

Your struggles and pain are not for nothing. There’s meaning in them. They help you grow and become stronger. They lead you to your reason for living. We struggle so we can stand up tall and do God’s will.

I still tumble into my illness, and at times I stand at the edge of that hole, but I hold on tight to my reason for living and God’s purpose for me. God reaches down to hold me up in the light of recovery.

FADING AWAY

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Here with me

But parts of you are

Fading away

I try my hardest

To be strong

I fight my tears knowing

In time more

Of you will fade away

I stand strong for you

But inside I feel weak

Each memory is precious

For so long I have

Leaned on you

Now I must be your rock

I cry when you don’t see

I confide in friends

I find support where I can

I practice self-care

I returned to therapy

As parts of you fade away

I will fight to

Stay in the light

Nurturing myself

Leaning on broad shoulders

Helps me stay in

the light of recovery

SUICIDE AND SELF-INJURY

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Many people don’t understand self-injury or even know anything about it. Many who hurt themselves do so in private and then they hide their injuries from others. It’s hard to understand why people would harm themselves on purpose. It is a misunderstood coping technique. Many people mistake self-injury for a suicide attempt, but it is not. However, suicide is still a risk factor.

Even though those who harm themselves do not injure to take their lives, that doesn’t mean they are not at risk. People who injure are sick and in pain. They have a mental illness, and with mental illness comes the risk of suicide. It’s important to take self-injury seriously. Don’t think it’s a way to get attention, don’t ignore the person, and make a joke about it. Look at it as if the person is suffering and needs help.

When I was self-injuring, I didn’t hurt myself to take my life. The physical pain released my inner pain. I felt so many overwhelming emotions that tore me apart inside. I was in agony. The only thing that eased that pain was hurting myself. Even though hurting myself wasn’t an attempt at suicide, I was suicidal. I suffered with depression, borderline personality disorder, and anxiety. My thoughts raced, I felt hopeless, I thought I was worthless, and I thought I was hurting my family by living.

When I was in college, I wrote a suicide note and planned my death. I thought of ways to take my life. One time I took a bottle of pills and got sick. I lived with my grandparents while I was in college, and my grandma thought I had the flu. I wanted to die because I was very sick. My mind was plagued with an awful illness that distorted my thinking.

No one injures themselves just for attention or for fun. They harm themselves because they have an illness that causes them a lot of emotional pain and suffering. It’s not a game or a joke. Every person who hurts themselves on purpose is suffering from some type of sickness and needs help. If they are hurting themselves, they are also at risk of being or becoming suicidal. So don’t walk away or laugh at them. Take it seriously.

The person might not be thinking about suicide when they are injuring. Self-harming releases endorphins that make the person feel better. The person could just be coping with his or her pain, but he or she is also struggling with a mental illness and can become suicidal at some point. By not ignoring self-injury you maybe saving a person from committing suicide in the future.

If a person shows you his or her injuries or you happen to see them, ask him or her if they would like to talk about it. Be willing to listen without judging. Encourage the person to get help. Tell someone who can help him or her. Don’t minimize the person’s feelings or pain. Look for the phone number for crisis or a helpline.

It took a while before I admitted to my mom I was self-injuring and that I was sick. When I told her, she went to great lengths to get me help. Because of my mom’s determination to get me help, I have not hurt myself in twenty-three years and I am alive. I stand in the light of recovery because I got help.

FIRST THERAPY APPOINTMENT

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Going to your first therapy appointment can be scary and it can make you very nervous. You may wonder if you’re taking the right step, if you will like your therapist, if the therapist any good, or what happens in therapy? Going to a counselor for the first time isn’t easy, and it doesn’t get any easier even when you return to therapy while in recovery. It’s a huge step forward.

Therapy is sitting down with a total stranger to ask for help. Your therapist must make you feel comfortable, gain your trust, and find ways to treat you. You must learn to trust your counselor and find the strength to bare your soul to him or her. Once you feel comfortable with your therapist and he or she gains your trust, you have to tell them everything, even your deepest secrets. If you don’t, he or she can’t help you.

Through the years I have had several therapists. My first therapist told me I was injuring myself to hurt others, and I came home from therapy in tears. I once had a therapist who told me to think happy thoughts and I would feel better. I had another therapist who was very nice but talked a lot about herself. Those were bad therapists, but not all therapists are bad. If you feel uncomfortable with your therapist, or if he or she gives you bad advice or makes you feel worse, then look for another one. Don’t give up.

My favorite therapist was Linda. I came to her after my ex-boyfriend threw me out and I was hospitalized. My whole world seemed to have collapsed before me. I had nothing to hold onto. I was injuring, suicidal, and very depressed. At my first appointment with Linda, she introduced herself and brought me to her office. From the moment I entered her office I felt comfortable. She asked me questions about my illness, about my life, and about my family. I told her about my ex, my loss of friends, my feelings, and a little bit about me with tear filled eyes. Linda had a special way that made it easy to talk to her. It didn’t take long for me to trust her. She incorporated my ability to write into my therapy, she gave me homework, she listened caringly, and she helped me reach recovery.

Last Thursday I returned to therapy after several years without. I should have been a pro at it after years of therapy, but I was still nervous. I desperately wished I could see Linda again, but she changed job sites. I started new with a stranger. Before my appointment, my stomach twisted and my nerves were on edge. Questions filled my head: Will she be good? Can I trust her? Will I feel comfortable with her?

When I got to her office, I filled out some paperwork, and then she took me back to a room. Once we sat down, she asked me to tell her about myself. I told her about my mental health history, about my husband, and about my writing. I even told her about working for One Life Project. She asked me about the people in my life like family and friends. I found out she was recovering from breast cancer, and I told her about my journey with cancer. She said, “We were sisters.” I also found out she was a dog lover like me, and her dogs often come to the office with her.

I felt comfortable with her right away. Talking to her came easily. The hour went by quickly. When she asked if I wanted to come back, I agreed. She told me to think about what I would like to work on with her, and at the next appointment she’ll come up with a treatment plan. I had nothing to be nervous about.

Going to therapy this time is different. I’m not going because I’m very sick. I’m going to make sure I stay in recovery while dealing with my husband’s illness and to find coping techniques. I’ve come a long way since the first time I started therapy way back when I was in college, but staring therapy again was still a bit scary. It’s not easy to start over again with a stranger, but I’m doing it.

Therapy may be scary and nerve wracking but it’s worth it. Asking for help and getting it is the first step towards recovery. You may feel comfortable with your therapist right away or it may take time. Then there’s the chance you don’t feel comfortable with your counselor at all. Don’t give up on therapy. If you don’t like your therapist, keep searching until you find the one that you feel comfortable with.

Because I went back to therapy I am working on keeping myself from slipping down that hole again, and this helps me hold onto the light of recovery.