Author: Aimee Eddy

LIFE’S ROADBLOCKS

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

“Give it to God and all your anxiety and stress will ease,” they tell me. I lie in my bed at night praying really hard for my worries to ease, my inner pain to go away, and for strength, but I feel no better. Is it because I’m not a good Christian, am I not praying the right way, or have I lost my connection with God? With mental illness it’s very hard to just let go of stress and anxiety, especially when life is putting up so many roadblocks. Praying doesn’t just take away my racing thoughts, anguish, tense muscles, and upset stomach. My mind won’t stop.

Life has been a challenge for a couple years since my husband’s workplace started remodeling. I held on to the hope that once the remodeling was done, he would be back to his full-time hours, and we would be on our feet again. Then when the remodeling ended, my husband got his hours back for a short time, but suddenly they cut him down to two days a week. He got unemployment, but not enough to pay all our bills. I told my boss to take me off express register and go to regular register, despite scoliosis and screws in my back so I could get more hours. We emptied our Christmas funds to pay some bills, and we still could not pay them all.

We started searching for jobs. We put in application after application only to hear nothing back. When my husband followed up, they told him they were still looking over applications. My husband felt hopeless, my anxiety heightened, and my stress levels went high. We started going to the food bank because we could only get twenty-three dollars in food stamps.

Then suddenly he got a phone interview with a department store. It was the answer to our prayers. He would only be making forty-eight cents less than his current job. We agreed he would still work two days a week at the current job until he got health insurance at the new job. We were excited. Finally, we would get back on our feet. Then suddenly his job of thirty-four years laid him off permanently, leaving him without insurance. Then after working a week and two days at the new job, he and six other new employees were laid off permanently. Suddenly my husband was jobless.

I was at work when my husband told me he lost his second job. I fell apart and had to sit in the manager’s office bawling my eyes out for almost an hour. The coordinator offered me words of encouragement until I was able to calm down. My world crumbled before my eyes. Our hopes were wiped away with one swipe. My worst fear of going broke and losing everything we owned seemed like it was coming true. Will we have to file for bankruptcy? Will we have to move in with my parents until we can get back on our feet? How could we find my husband another job? The worries ripped at my insides and flooded my mind.

My husband has an appointment for a very important test on November thirteen. We have waited for months for this test, but he now has no insurance. How could we pay for the test? So, I called and found out the cost of the test and started a GoFundMe. I raised more than enough for the test, but what if he needs further treatment? I filed for Medicaid for him, and all we can do now is pray he gets it.

My friend told me to give my stress and worries to God and I would feel better. I prayed and prayed for God to give me some peace, but the racing thoughts and endless worries continued. Some days I feel like the air is being squeezed from my lungs. My husband has been struggling to sleep and feeling down. It’s up to me to keep his spirits up, but my insides feel like I’m going to fall to pieces. Life’s roadblocks keep getting bigger and bigger and I can’t see around them.

I asked God, “Why are you not helping us?” “Why are you not easing my anxiety, stress, and worrying?” “Why are you not giving me peace? Is it because I don’t know how to give it to you?”  “Why are you letting all these bad things happen to us?” I stood at the edge of the hole of depression barely able to hold on waiting for an answer from God.

My parents gave us a bunch of coins to turn in for money, people donated so Lou could have his test, and a friend sent us a gift card for a grocery store. My mom also told me about a program that can help us pay an overdue bill, and we’re waiting for the application to apply for it. God has been giving us help to ease some of our burdens, and he’s been carrying us through. I was just too caught up in my emotions to see what God has been doing.

I realized it was my turn to do the work to control my worrying, stress, and anxiety. So, I journal out my worries and feelings, I turn to my support system, and I praise God for the signs that he is working in our lives to get us through this rough time.

God works in mysterious ways to get us through the roadblocks in our lives. Open your eyes to the things that happen in your life that are God’s way of helping you. It might not be as simple as God magically shutting off those racing thoughts and bad feelings, but it could be things put in your life to show you how to find peace. God will get you through life’s roadblocks, but you also must do some work to keep yourself from falling down the hole or falling deeper. Use your coping techniques to deal and let God carry you through.

I know now God is showing me I have nothing to worry about and stress about. He’s giving me the help I need to stay strong during this roadblock in my life. God is holding me in the light of recovery.

REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD LOVE YOURSELF

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

Each person on this earth is different and special. We have unique qualities that make us beautiful inside and out. There is no such thing as an ugly person. You might think you’re ugly when in fact you’re beautiful in many ways. Sometimes it’s hard to love ourselves. It’s easy to lose your self-esteem and to hate yourself when you struggle with mental illness. Especially when others put you down throughout your life. How do you love that person who’s looking back at you in the mirror? Why should you love yourself?

After being bullied throughout school, I learned to dislike myself. When I was at my worst with mental illness, I began to hate myself even more. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and worthless. As I worked towards recovery, I learned that there were many reasons why I should love myself.

Here are some reasons you should love yourself:

  • You deserve to love yourself. You are a special person, and you deserve all the love you can give yourself. Be kind to yourself especially while you are struggling with mental illness. While darkness is clouding your mind, you need self-love to soothe your aching soul. You deserve the very best. Give it to yourself.
  • You can’t love others until you love yourself. You can think you love another person, but how can you truly feel love for others when you can’t love yourself? You can’t give a part of you to someone else if you can’t give it to yourself. You might find yourself drawn to bad relationships because you think that’s what you deserve, but you don’t deserve that. You deserve a good, loving relationship, but to find that relationship you must love the person you are.
  • You’re worth it. You are unique and beautiful in many ways inside out. Behind your illness is a fun, loving, kind, and wonderful person. You are priceless. You’re worth being loved and cared for. You’re worth more than money or material things. You can’t be replaced. You are worth being loved, finding recovery, and finding joy.
  • You’re important. You might not see it, but you are important. Your life has meaning, and you have meaning. You are more than a person struggling with a horrible illness. You make a difference in this world even if you can’t see it. You touch people’s lives with a smile, a kind word, a gesture, and much more. You are important to the people who love you. You’re important to society. Your knowledge and abilities can make a difference in the world.
  • You can’t be a good friend without self-love. When you don’t love yourself, you can’t see past your self-hate to care for another person. Friends care and love each other selflessly. They give each other a part of themselves. How can you give a part of yourself if you don’t even like yourself? If you love yourself, you can give that to others and share in their joys and hard times. But without love you can’t see beyond your own misery to give to others.
  • God loves you. God made you and he loves you endlessly. He doesn’t make mistakes. He made you beautiful and wonderful in many ways.

If these are not enough reasons to learn to love yourself, then what are? Look deep in yourself and list the different things about yourself you like. On index cards write nice things about yourself and place them around your home or room. Each day read those cards. Split a piece of paper in half, on one side write a bad thought about yourself and on the other side write something positive about yourself. Work with a therapist to learn techniques on how to love yourself.

Once you love yourself, you’ll see the world in a different way. You’ll have healthier relationships, your future will be brighter, and you’ll feel better.  Remember you are worth it, you’re important. and you deserve it. Don’t worry if you fall in a rut and struggle with liking yourself. When this happens, pull out those index cards and read them; write that list again and remind yourself why you love the person you are. It took me years to love myself inside and out, and at times I struggle with self-love. When I struggle, I journal about the things I like about myself and I remind myself the reasons why I should love myself. Because I practice self-love, I have wonderful friends, a loving relationship with my husband, and a happy life in the light of recovery.

A LIGHT IN THE DARK

Published on by Aimee Eddy4 Comments

In the light of recovery

Life’s challenges send me

Into the dark.

On the edge of the hole, I teeter.

A fiery flare of emotions

Burns inside me.

Tears fall like

A torrential rainstorm.

Sadness stings me like

A frozen blast of winter air.

It’s as if I’m

Carrying a boulder alone,

My inner pain unseen.

My energy drained.

On the couch I lie,

Unable to fight.

To friends I turn;

They listen and encourage me;

Their support shines a light

Into my darkness.

I step back from the edge;

I work my way back

             To the light of recovery.

SURVIVING AND THRIVING

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

October is a special month for me. It’s not because of Halloween, but something dearer to my heart. It’s special because it’s breast cancer awareness month. Some of you may know that I am a breast cancer survivor. This year is six years cancer free. This month we celebrate those who are fighting, those who fought, and those who survived. We also bring awareness to this awful disease.

I can remember the phone call I got six years ago telling me they found something in my mammogram. Tears filled my eyes, and fear filled my soul. I sat in the bathroom at work with my phone, tearfully telling my husband. He talked to me until I calmed down. Then I pulled myself together and went to work. The days and weeks after that were nightmares. I had to get a biopsies in three spots.

After the biopsies they took me to a room where I sat for several minutes. Then a lady came in; I wasn’t sure if she was a doctor, a nurse, or a technician. She stood in front of me and told me there was a high chance I had breast cancer, but the results of the biopsies would not be in for a couple of days. I left the room crying and entered the waiting room where my husband was waiting.

The worst part was waiting for the results over Memorial Day weekend. It was painstaking. I couldn’t help but worry, cry, and worry some more. The day after Memorial Day I did not get a phone call with my results, so the next day I called in the morning, and they said the doctor would call me back. By lunchtime I called again, and they told me the same thing: the doctor would call. My husband and I went to my parents’ house, and I called the doctor’s office once again. This time the doctor called a few minutes later and the words, “You have cancer,” tore my insides apart.

I was lucky. Because I did my yearly mammogram my cancer was caught early, and I didn’t need chemo. However, my journey was not easy. I had the BRCA gene which can cause both breast and ovarian cancer. I had to choose to either have a lumpectomy and risk the chance of cancer returning or eliminate the risks by undergoing a double mastectomy. I agonized over this decision. How could I give up the part of my body that made me a woman? But I couldn’t risk getting cancer again. So, I got a double mastectomy and three months after that a full hysterectomy.

I grieved over the loss of my breasts. I struggled with the decision of possibly going through more surgeries to get reconstruction. I worried that I would look ugly without breasts and my husband wouldn’t look at me the same, but I hated the idea of going through more surgeries. I decided to go flat-chested. Well, not completely flat. I have some extra skin left in case I decide to get reconstruction. There’s enough skin to wear a size A cup bra.

It took time to learn to love myself as a woman without breasts. Six years later I’m happy not having to wear bras, to not have them bounce, to not get rashes under them, and to be a survivor. My story could be a lot worse if I hadn’t gotten my yearly mammogram. The BRCA gene makes cancer more aggressive. If I hadn’t gotten my yearly test, I may not have been here today.

If I see another woman struggling with cancer, I make it a point to tell her I’m a survivor and I’m praying for her. I’ve gotten tearful hugs; I’ve listened to women talk about their battles, and I have cried with them. No one’s struggle is easy or the same.

I am happy with my body and my husband tells me each day how beautiful I am. I look in the mirror and see my scarred chest and smile. I smile because I fought a horrible battle and now I’m a survivor and I’m thriving. I’m proud to tell others about how I kicked cancer’s butt. When my friends complain about their bras and the inconveniences of having breasts, I rub it in that I no longer have to deal with that.

Many have excuses for not getting their mammograms. They don’t have the time, they are too scared, it’s an uncomfortable procedure, and so on. Your life is too important not to get a mammogram. Chances are if you catch cancer early enough, you can live a long prosperous life.

I’m proud of my journey to beat cancer and I love my body the way it is. My scars are my badges of honor. I’m a survivor who is thriving in the light of recovery.

ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

We all experience life with different perceptions. We go through life’s struggles and each person’s journey is different. What may seem like a minor bad point in a person’s life may seem like a major one in another person’s life. Someone may feel sad about a situation, while another person may feel happy. No person on earth experiences life the same or feels the same emotions as another. Everyone’s feelings are valid even if we don’t feel the same or understand them.

Feelings are a tricky thing especially when it comes to mental illness. It is so hard to understand why a person with a good life could fall deep into sadness. It’s even more difficult to understand how a person could feel so hopeless and depressed that he or she would want to commit suicide.

A friend’s aunt came in my line at work. I told her that her nephew was really struggling with depression.

She looked at me and said, “What does he have to be depressed about?”

I was taken back by her response. It was like she couldn’t understand her nephew’s feelings of sadness. This happens a lot to people with mental illness. Many don’t understand those struggling and they shrug them off like their feelings are not important, when they are very important.

After my mastectomy I struggled with grief for the loss of my breasts. Many of my friends told me that I didn’t need them anyway and I should be happy they were gone. Some said they were envious of me and would love to get rid of theirs. I felt like they didn’t validate my feelings of grief and depression.  This made me feel even worse. It’s like my loss was a joke to them, and it wasn’t. I lost a part of my body, a part that made me a woman, and yes at times I wished I didn’t have them, but when it came to having them removed, it was like a piece of me was stolen from me. The hardest battle for me with breast cancer was dealing with my loss, and having friends who didn’t take my grief seriously made me feel even worse.

This has happened with my mental illness too. I had lived two years in recovery from mental illness. I had friends, I was living in an apartment with a friend, and I had a boyfriend. Then suddenly I fell down that hole of depression. I felt hopeless, depressed, useless, and worthless. Some people didn’t take my feelings seriously. It didn’t make sense to them that I would feel those emotions when it seemed like I had a good life. To them I had no reason to feel bad. This made me feel even more alone. The more my feelings were not taken seriously, the worse my depression got.

Years after I recovered from mental illness, I went to a friend’s house for a dinner. There was a group of us. They talked about a girl we all knew. The girl got upset and locked herself in the bathroom during a party. The girl told them her life was hopeless and she felt like she had nothing to live for. The group of girls who told me about it said that she was doing it for attention. They didn’t take her feelings seriously. They thought she was a joke when she was crying for help. To the girl her feelings were real and very overpowering. By locking herself in the bathroom and telling the group her feelings she was begging for help, and they didn’t listen. By not validating her feelings and noticing her call for help they made her feel more depressed, and she injured herself.

When I was in school there was a girl who kept talking about taking her life. I knew nothing about mental illness or that I was suffering with it. I thought she was telling us that for attention. She told me she was sad, and I thought she was a spoiled child craving attention. The teachers at my school never took her cries for help and feelings seriously either. She never got the help she needed because no one would listen to her or validate her feelings. I found out many years later she struggled with mental illness and was never able to get the proper help she needed. She has been living in an inner hell since she was a kid and it led to a very rough life.

     Everyone’s feelings are real and valid even if we don’t understand them or find a good reason for them. With mental illness the darkness, the feeling of hopelessness, the worthlessness, and inner anguish is very real. Not recognizing the person’s feelings and letting him or her know you acknowledge how they feel can be detrimental. It can lead a person deeper into his or her mental illness and can lead to suicide attempts or suicide.

When a person turns to you and tells you he or she is feeling depressed, that person is confiding in you and asking for help. Say you’re there for him or her, suggest he or she gets help, and listen to him or her. Don’t brush the person off or ask them, “What do you have to be depressed about?” Never assume the person is just trying to get attention. Don’t turn that person in to a joke you can talk about with your friends. Those feelings the person has been struggling with are very real, and if he or she is telling you about them then it is to ask you for help. Don’t ignore him or her. Validate his or her feelings.

Many years ago, when I confided in my mom my feelings, she went out of her way to get me help. Because people who care about me, friends, and family, validated my feelings, I got help and I dance in the light of recovery.

MY NEXT MEMOIR

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

It’s been a little while since I worked on my next memoir, The Years After the Garage. With all the hard times going on in my life, I haven’t been in the right mind set to relive my past. Plus, I’m learning a new role at One Life Project and that has been exciting, scary, and a bit overwhelming. Today, Saturday the twenty-eighth, I had the day off from work and it happened to be when Pennwriters meet in person. I haven’t been to an in person meeting in months. So, I printed out chapter one of my memoir and took it to the group.

I arrived there a little before one o’clock. There were some people I knew and some people who were new to me. I have reworked chapter one a couple of times, trying to make sure this book could keep the readers interest if they had not read the first one. That involved giving some details about things that happened in the first book. Details like coffee break was a break that the guys at E.L. Eddy and Sons Garage took. The new people who never read the first book said the memoir worked well as a stand-alone book. Even those who read the first book agreed.

One woman asked if I should add my perspective from me as an adult looking back. I explained that would take my readers out of the story. A good memoir brings the readers into the story and allows them to live each part with the author. I want my readers to cry, to get mad, to feel sad, to laugh, and to rejoice with the teenage me. This shows the readers what it’s like to go through bullying and to slide into mental illness. If I put the adult me into it, then I take the readers out of the story.

Minor grammar errors were found in my chapter. It was suggested to cut the chapter into two chapters, but that would make one eight pages long and the other one four pages long. I’m not sure if I can have chapters in such different lengths. I may have to add to the four pages chapter. When I got home, I talked with another memoir writer and posted on We Love Memoirs Authors group on Facebook to ask about the chapter lengths. Once I figure out what to do, I will know if I need to add, and then I will work on that. By splitting chapters I went from six chapters to eight, putting me further along in my memoir.

My first book was about bullying and finding acceptance from family. The second book focuses on mental illness and the accomplishments I make despite being sick. It shows the pressure I put on myself to succeed. What helps me deal with the mental illness is my writing and woodburning. The bullying I face in this book is a little different than what I faced in grade school. Bullying comes in many forms such as gossip, physical abuse, destruction of personal objects, and being ignored. I’m not going to tell you which one of these I face in the next book.

One theme I want to make clear in this book is that even though a person has mental illness, he or she can still accomplish a lot in his or her life. Mental illness doesn’t mean you cannot fulfill your dreams or succeed at your goals. I achieved a lot while struggling with my illness. It did make things harder, and I put myself through hell to reach my goals, but I did it. This book will show that.

The good news is after this meeting I am inspired to keep working on my next memoir. I came home and split a couple chapters up and reworked some scenes. I wanted to get this book done in two years, but it’s already been a year since I started it. I can’t write every day like many authors do. I write when I’m emotionally strong enough and inspired. I do hope it won’t take me four years to write it like it did the first one.

If you want to keep updated monthly on what is going on with my writing and One Life Project, sign up for my newsletter at http://eepurl.com/iuzWqw and get a gift for signing up.

Writing is my way of healing from the past and dealing with my emotions. When I’m not working on a book, I’m journaling. Releasing my feelings and past in words helps me stay in the light of recovery.

A NEW ROLE

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

We take on many roles in our lives such as the caregiver, the supporter, the listener and the one needing to be taken care of. As our lives and situations change, we can take on many different roles. Sometimes we get used to being in one role, and it suddenly changes. When you have mental illness, sometimes you get stuck in a self-absorbtion. The only problems and things you can handle are your own problems, and you can barely handle them. When you reach recovery, that changes.

When I was struggling with mental illness, I barely made it from day to day. I could barely handle the agony inside me. I couldn’t make decisions, I could barely eat, I couldn’t handle the deep sadness within me, and so on. When my friends and family members were having a hard time, I couldn’t see past my inner pain to be of any support to them. I was so absorbed by my own problems that the only role I could play was the person who closed herself off from the world.

Then I reached recovery, and I took on new roles. I became supportive and a good listener. Then I started having health problems, and my husband became my caregiver, my strength, and support. He has sat in many waiting rooms while I’ve gone through surgeries and tests. I became the person in need of extra care. He’s also been very supportive when I have bad days with my mental illness, and he’s always had a positive side to my negative side. When I felt like giving up, he encouraged me to keep going. I have been dependent on him for many things, and he has always given without complaining.

Now life has thrown some big rocks in my husband’s path, and our roles have changed. He has become more dependent on me. He has struggled with health problems which have put me in the caregiver role. I waited for hours in two different ERs with him and in waiting rooms of doctors.

Then his job started cutting his hours way down, trying to force him to retire. It has come to the point that they are only giving him two days a week. I have been helping him search for jobs and fill out applications. No one has been calling him for interviews, and he’s feeling discouraged. Instead of being the positive one, he has become negative. I have become the one that points out the positive and encourages him. I’m not used to this role change, but I’m taking it on with support from my support team.

I’m not only being supportive of my husband, but also of my older sister who is struggling with eye issues. I called and scheduled her an appointment with a retina special in Erie, even though she lives forty-five minutes away in New York state. My husband and I have been driving to pick her up for appointments and drive her back home. She’s currently waiting for the test results and is worrying about them. I am listening to her and being supportive. I’m providing her with the encouragement she needs.

I’ve also taken on a role as a leader in One Life Project. I have been promoted from president’s assistant to executive president of educational outreach and advocacy. I’m stepping away from my role as a follower to the role of a leader. I’m still learning this new role, but I feel proud of myself for taking on this new position. Throughout my life I have shied away from leadership roles and hid behind the scenes. I let others lead the way for me, but now I am standing taller as I learn to be the one in front. I’m proud of this new position at One Life Project.

I came from being the person who couldn’t handle anyone’s problems, let alone my own, to the person supporting and encouraging. I went from needing to be taken care of to taking care of others. I went from being led to being a leader. These roles are new to me, but I’m proud of myself for coming this far to be able to handle these roles. I’m happy to be able to support others in their time of need and to give back to my husband what he has been giving selflessly to me.

You may feel like you will never be able to take care of anyone, not even yourself, but with hard work in time you will take on a new role. Keep fighting for recovery because when you reach it, you’ll become a new person. You’ll become the kind of person others can depend on. When you do reach recovery, you’ll be strong enough to take on new roles. Roles you once thought you could never handle.

In my new roles I feel proud of myself and stronger. Taking on these new roles helps me stand taller in the light of recovery.

CATASTORPHIZING

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

This week was a very busy week for me and my husband and on Saturday Lou and I took a four-hour trip to Harrisburg and back for an event for One Life Project. So, this week I’m reposting an older post.

When you’re in the depth of the dark hole of depression it is easy for your thinking to become distorted. There are several types of cognitive distortions such as all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, mental filter, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, magnification (catastrophizing)and so on. It’s easy for your thoughts to take on a life of their own, sending you deeper into your illness. You become stuck in a defeating pattern of anguish.

It’s easy to take a small incident and in your mind turn it into a catastrophe. David D. Burns, M.D.’s book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy lists this type of thinking as magnification (catastrophizing). It describes it as exaggerating the importance of things. It’s taking a simple mistake and turning it into a disaster or worse. Just recently I found myself caught in this type of thinking and I wanted to share it with you.

Just a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving I got sick. I had to take two weeks off work. I had my doctor send an excuse for my absence. When I was feeling better, I had my doctor send a return to work note. When I came back, they were surprised to see me. They thought I would be out longer. I worked three days the week of Thanksgiving. We get our schedules online or on an app on our phones. The day after Thanksgiving I checked my app and there was no schedule for the following week. I called the store where I work and was told I wasn’t on the schedule. The coordinator (takes care of the front end and gives breaks) said he would message the front-end manager to find out why.

Early that day I received a paper about applying for disability through work. Before Thanksgiving the store’s personnel manager asked me why I had a doctor’s note to be on express checkout. I explained to her it was because I have osteoporosis, and it is worse in my back. She told me they would try to accommodate me but at times I may have to go on full size register.

After hearing the coordinator saying I didn’t have a schedule my mind went crazy. I became determined that personnel was forcing me to take a leave of absence. Osteoporosis doesn’t just go away. It can improve with treatment, but it doesn’t suddenly get better. I have had one infusion so far to stop it’s progression. It would take time to improve. If I had to take a leave, I would never be able to return. It could take years for my bones to become strong enough for me to lift heavy items and to work regular register.

A simple problem suddenly grew into a catastrophe. If I am forced to take a leave, I will lose my job. I can’t sit around home all day and do nothing. I need my job. It’s how I manage my depression. Without my job I would slip deep into my illness. I wouldn’t see my customers anymore and I’d lose my insurance which pays for my medication, part of my infusion, my psychiatrist, and many health problems. I could apply for Social Security disability but that could take a long time and we would go broke and lose our home.

I ran upstairs and woke my husband. I told him what happened and began crying.

He wrapped his arms around me. “It’s probably a mistake. Don’t worry about it.”

I cried harder. “I’m not stupid. I know what they are doing. They are making me take a leave because I have osteoporosis. That’s why they sent me the disability papers.”

Lou wiped my tears away. “Come to bed. You need to be up here with me.”

I went back downstairs and shut the lights off and went to bed. I lay in Lou’s arms and cried uncontrollably. Lou held me, telling me everything was going to be okay.

I sniffled. “I can’t lose my job. I can’t be stuck at home all the time. I can’t go back into depression. They can’t do this to me.”

“Now, now, you’re not going to lose your job. Tomorrow you’ll talk to your manager. It’s probably a mistake. They wouldn’t make you take a leave without talking to you,” Lou whispered.

I buried my face in his chest. “I know what they are doing. They don’t want me working there because I have osteoporosis. I’ll lose my job. I wish I would have killed myself years ago.”

Lou continued to comfort me until eventually I cried myself to sleep. The next morning my manager contacted me. She said because I was off work the company took me out of the computer and she was unable to put me on the schedule. She apologized and assured she would get me a schedule for the following week when she got to work, and she did. The union representative said I probably received the disability papers because they thought I was going to be on sick leave longer than I was.

I took a simple situation and turned it into a catastrophe. I let my mind magnify me not being on to the schedule into something horrible when it was a simple flaw that could easily be fixed. Even in recovery I can have times where distorted thinking takes control of my mind. Who knows what I would have done if my husband wasn’t there to comfort me? I might have hurt myself over a simple mistake.

If you find yourself magnifying a simple incident into a catastrophe, turn to someone who can help you talk it out and see your thinking is distorted. Get David D. Burns, M.D.’s book Feeling Good and read through the types of cognitive distortions and identify which ones you struggle with. Talk to a therapist about them and learn how to change your pattern of thinking into something more positive and how to cope when the distortions become overbearing. Educate your support system about the types of cognitive distortions you struggle with so they can help you.

Through this blog I have educated my husband and friends about the cognitive distortions I struggle with. My husband and friends are good at using what they learned to help me. Without my husband that night I might have harmed myself. I’m happy to have a husband who talked to me and held me until I was calm enough to sleep. With his help I stand in the light of recovery.

HELPING THE YOUTH

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

When I was in school, I struggled with mental illness, and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I kept my struggle to myself because I feared no one would understand the horrible feelings that plagued me. I fought deep sadness, inner pain, and racing thoughts in silence. When I went to school, in the seventies and eighties mental illness wasn’t talked about in or out of school.

Sad woman silhouette sitting alone on white background

My struggles followed me into college and adulthood. Now I work for One Life Project to help children find help and to educate them, so they don’t have to struggle alone.

I started with One Life Project in 2018 when it was called National Internet Safety and Cyberbullying Taskforce, and I have watched it grow as it changed into One Life Project (OLP). With One Life Project I believe I’m reaching out and touching one life at a time and making a difference. OLP helps make the world a kinder place where we advocate for, educate, and support youth with their mental health in the hopes to prevent suicide in our youth and to end the stigma surrounding mental health.

I started writing blog posts in 2018 for the Taskforce. I also helped interview volunteers and set up events. I was totally confused and nervous about my role of setting up events. Then when the Taskforce became One Life Project I took on new roles first as a director, then as the president’s assistant, and now as executive president of educational outreach and advocacy. As I take on my new role, I am learning to become a leader and advocate. I learned that I’m good at doing research, and I’m learning how to put projects together such as workbooks for college students. So far, I’ve helped edit a self-esteem workbook and I’m currently helping the president put together a sexual assault workbook. The next workbook I will be working on is deals with teen bullying, a subject I have become well acquainted with.

I believe strongly in the work One Life is doing, the projects I’m working on, and the subjects I’m researching. I believe if we can educate our youth early and support them then they can reach recovery from mental illness before they reach their adulthood. No child should struggle in silence and feel afraid to ask for help. No child should feel there is no help and the only way to receive relief is by taking his or her life. No parent should be confused with what is going on with their child or not knowing how to help their child. Working with OLP I’m helping to make sure that our youth and their parents are educated.

The workbooks and the educational materials I’m taking part in is going to help thousands of our youth with some very rough times in their lives. I’m proud to be a part of this. I don’t want to see our teens, our college students, and our young adults struggle like I did. Each youth is important and deserves to be educated, supported, and advocated for.

If mental health was talked about and taught when I was young, I may have never struggled into my adulthood or kept my struggles quiet. I would have been able to turn to my parents without fear, and they would have known how to help me. Instead, I learned after hitting rock bottom and trying to take my life from a pamphlet I found at college that I had an illness. After that I took a year off from college and got the help I needed. It has taken me into my adult years to reach recovery.

I’m still learning my role as executive president of educational outreach and advocacy, but I’m excited to grow as a leader and advocate. OLP is also helping me grow as a person and learn new things about myself. Check out One Life Project at https://www.projectonelife.org/

Working for One Life Project and believing in their mission is helping me grow into a better person and stand proudly in the light of recovery.

SHAME ON ME

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

Shame on me I forgot to write a blog post this week. With Labor Day it’s been a busy weekend at work. Plus I have been busy helping One Life Project get ready for our upcoming events season. The first event is next Saturday at Harrisburg at their minor league team, the Senators, game. We are working on educational material to hand out at events. I’m also helping my husband fill out job applications, long story.

I plan to write a new blog post for next week. Until then keep reaching for the light.