Tag: depression

REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD LOVE YOURSELF

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

Each person on this earth is different and special. We have unique qualities that make us beautiful inside and out. There is no such thing as an ugly person. You might think you’re ugly when in fact you’re beautiful in many ways. Sometimes it’s hard to love ourselves. It’s easy to lose your self-esteem and to hate yourself when you struggle with mental illness. Especially when others put you down throughout your life. How do you love that person who’s looking back at you in the mirror? Why should you love yourself?

After being bullied throughout school, I learned to dislike myself. When I was at my worst with mental illness, I began to hate myself even more. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and worthless. As I worked towards recovery, I learned that there were many reasons why I should love myself.

Here are some reasons you should love yourself:

  • You deserve to love yourself. You are a special person, and you deserve all the love you can give yourself. Be kind to yourself especially while you are struggling with mental illness. While darkness is clouding your mind, you need self-love to soothe your aching soul. You deserve the very best. Give it to yourself.
  • You can’t love others until you love yourself. You can think you love another person, but how can you truly feel love for others when you can’t love yourself? You can’t give a part of you to someone else if you can’t give it to yourself. You might find yourself drawn to bad relationships because you think that’s what you deserve, but you don’t deserve that. You deserve a good, loving relationship, but to find that relationship you must love the person you are.
  • You’re worth it. You are unique and beautiful in many ways inside out. Behind your illness is a fun, loving, kind, and wonderful person. You are priceless. You’re worth being loved and cared for. You’re worth more than money or material things. You can’t be replaced. You are worth being loved, finding recovery, and finding joy.
  • You’re important. You might not see it, but you are important. Your life has meaning, and you have meaning. You are more than a person struggling with a horrible illness. You make a difference in this world even if you can’t see it. You touch people’s lives with a smile, a kind word, a gesture, and much more. You are important to the people who love you. You’re important to society. Your knowledge and abilities can make a difference in the world.
  • You can’t be a good friend without self-love. When you don’t love yourself, you can’t see past your self-hate to care for another person. Friends care and love each other selflessly. They give each other a part of themselves. How can you give a part of yourself if you don’t even like yourself? If you love yourself, you can give that to others and share in their joys and hard times. But without love you can’t see beyond your own misery to give to others.
  • God loves you. God made you and he loves you endlessly. He doesn’t make mistakes. He made you beautiful and wonderful in many ways.

If these are not enough reasons to learn to love yourself, then what are? Look deep in yourself and list the different things about yourself you like. On index cards write nice things about yourself and place them around your home or room. Each day read those cards. Split a piece of paper in half, on one side write a bad thought about yourself and on the other side write something positive about yourself. Work with a therapist to learn techniques on how to love yourself.

Once you love yourself, you’ll see the world in a different way. You’ll have healthier relationships, your future will be brighter, and you’ll feel better.  Remember you are worth it, you’re important. and you deserve it. Don’t worry if you fall in a rut and struggle with liking yourself. When this happens, pull out those index cards and read them; write that list again and remind yourself why you love the person you are. It took me years to love myself inside and out, and at times I struggle with self-love. When I struggle, I journal about the things I like about myself and I remind myself the reasons why I should love myself. Because I practice self-love, I have wonderful friends, a loving relationship with my husband, and a happy life in the light of recovery.

A LIGHT IN THE DARK

Published on by Aimee Eddy4 Comments

In the light of recovery

Life’s challenges send me

Into the dark.

On the edge of the hole, I teeter.

A fiery flare of emotions

Burns inside me.

Tears fall like

A torrential rainstorm.

Sadness stings me like

A frozen blast of winter air.

It’s as if I’m

Carrying a boulder alone,

My inner pain unseen.

My energy drained.

On the couch I lie,

Unable to fight.

To friends I turn;

They listen and encourage me;

Their support shines a light

Into my darkness.

I step back from the edge;

I work my way back

             To the light of recovery.

ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

We all experience life with different perceptions. We go through life’s struggles and each person’s journey is different. What may seem like a minor bad point in a person’s life may seem like a major one in another person’s life. Someone may feel sad about a situation, while another person may feel happy. No person on earth experiences life the same or feels the same emotions as another. Everyone’s feelings are valid even if we don’t feel the same or understand them.

Feelings are a tricky thing especially when it comes to mental illness. It is so hard to understand why a person with a good life could fall deep into sadness. It’s even more difficult to understand how a person could feel so hopeless and depressed that he or she would want to commit suicide.

A friend’s aunt came in my line at work. I told her that her nephew was really struggling with depression.

She looked at me and said, “What does he have to be depressed about?”

I was taken back by her response. It was like she couldn’t understand her nephew’s feelings of sadness. This happens a lot to people with mental illness. Many don’t understand those struggling and they shrug them off like their feelings are not important, when they are very important.

After my mastectomy I struggled with grief for the loss of my breasts. Many of my friends told me that I didn’t need them anyway and I should be happy they were gone. Some said they were envious of me and would love to get rid of theirs. I felt like they didn’t validate my feelings of grief and depression.  This made me feel even worse. It’s like my loss was a joke to them, and it wasn’t. I lost a part of my body, a part that made me a woman, and yes at times I wished I didn’t have them, but when it came to having them removed, it was like a piece of me was stolen from me. The hardest battle for me with breast cancer was dealing with my loss, and having friends who didn’t take my grief seriously made me feel even worse.

This has happened with my mental illness too. I had lived two years in recovery from mental illness. I had friends, I was living in an apartment with a friend, and I had a boyfriend. Then suddenly I fell down that hole of depression. I felt hopeless, depressed, useless, and worthless. Some people didn’t take my feelings seriously. It didn’t make sense to them that I would feel those emotions when it seemed like I had a good life. To them I had no reason to feel bad. This made me feel even more alone. The more my feelings were not taken seriously, the worse my depression got.

Years after I recovered from mental illness, I went to a friend’s house for a dinner. There was a group of us. They talked about a girl we all knew. The girl got upset and locked herself in the bathroom during a party. The girl told them her life was hopeless and she felt like she had nothing to live for. The group of girls who told me about it said that she was doing it for attention. They didn’t take her feelings seriously. They thought she was a joke when she was crying for help. To the girl her feelings were real and very overpowering. By locking herself in the bathroom and telling the group her feelings she was begging for help, and they didn’t listen. By not validating her feelings and noticing her call for help they made her feel more depressed, and she injured herself.

When I was in school there was a girl who kept talking about taking her life. I knew nothing about mental illness or that I was suffering with it. I thought she was telling us that for attention. She told me she was sad, and I thought she was a spoiled child craving attention. The teachers at my school never took her cries for help and feelings seriously either. She never got the help she needed because no one would listen to her or validate her feelings. I found out many years later she struggled with mental illness and was never able to get the proper help she needed. She has been living in an inner hell since she was a kid and it led to a very rough life.

     Everyone’s feelings are real and valid even if we don’t understand them or find a good reason for them. With mental illness the darkness, the feeling of hopelessness, the worthlessness, and inner anguish is very real. Not recognizing the person’s feelings and letting him or her know you acknowledge how they feel can be detrimental. It can lead a person deeper into his or her mental illness and can lead to suicide attempts or suicide.

When a person turns to you and tells you he or she is feeling depressed, that person is confiding in you and asking for help. Say you’re there for him or her, suggest he or she gets help, and listen to him or her. Don’t brush the person off or ask them, “What do you have to be depressed about?” Never assume the person is just trying to get attention. Don’t turn that person in to a joke you can talk about with your friends. Those feelings the person has been struggling with are very real, and if he or she is telling you about them then it is to ask you for help. Don’t ignore him or her. Validate his or her feelings.

Many years ago, when I confided in my mom my feelings, she went out of her way to get me help. Because people who care about me, friends, and family, validated my feelings, I got help and I dance in the light of recovery.

MY NEXT MEMOIR

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

It’s been a little while since I worked on my next memoir, The Years After the Garage. With all the hard times going on in my life, I haven’t been in the right mind set to relive my past. Plus, I’m learning a new role at One Life Project and that has been exciting, scary, and a bit overwhelming. Today, Saturday the twenty-eighth, I had the day off from work and it happened to be when Pennwriters meet in person. I haven’t been to an in person meeting in months. So, I printed out chapter one of my memoir and took it to the group.

I arrived there a little before one o’clock. There were some people I knew and some people who were new to me. I have reworked chapter one a couple of times, trying to make sure this book could keep the readers interest if they had not read the first one. That involved giving some details about things that happened in the first book. Details like coffee break was a break that the guys at E.L. Eddy and Sons Garage took. The new people who never read the first book said the memoir worked well as a stand-alone book. Even those who read the first book agreed.

One woman asked if I should add my perspective from me as an adult looking back. I explained that would take my readers out of the story. A good memoir brings the readers into the story and allows them to live each part with the author. I want my readers to cry, to get mad, to feel sad, to laugh, and to rejoice with the teenage me. This shows the readers what it’s like to go through bullying and to slide into mental illness. If I put the adult me into it, then I take the readers out of the story.

Minor grammar errors were found in my chapter. It was suggested to cut the chapter into two chapters, but that would make one eight pages long and the other one four pages long. I’m not sure if I can have chapters in such different lengths. I may have to add to the four pages chapter. When I got home, I talked with another memoir writer and posted on We Love Memoirs Authors group on Facebook to ask about the chapter lengths. Once I figure out what to do, I will know if I need to add, and then I will work on that. By splitting chapters I went from six chapters to eight, putting me further along in my memoir.

My first book was about bullying and finding acceptance from family. The second book focuses on mental illness and the accomplishments I make despite being sick. It shows the pressure I put on myself to succeed. What helps me deal with the mental illness is my writing and woodburning. The bullying I face in this book is a little different than what I faced in grade school. Bullying comes in many forms such as gossip, physical abuse, destruction of personal objects, and being ignored. I’m not going to tell you which one of these I face in the next book.

One theme I want to make clear in this book is that even though a person has mental illness, he or she can still accomplish a lot in his or her life. Mental illness doesn’t mean you cannot fulfill your dreams or succeed at your goals. I achieved a lot while struggling with my illness. It did make things harder, and I put myself through hell to reach my goals, but I did it. This book will show that.

The good news is after this meeting I am inspired to keep working on my next memoir. I came home and split a couple chapters up and reworked some scenes. I wanted to get this book done in two years, but it’s already been a year since I started it. I can’t write every day like many authors do. I write when I’m emotionally strong enough and inspired. I do hope it won’t take me four years to write it like it did the first one.

If you want to keep updated monthly on what is going on with my writing and One Life Project, sign up for my newsletter at http://eepurl.com/iuzWqw and get a gift for signing up.

Writing is my way of healing from the past and dealing with my emotions. When I’m not working on a book, I’m journaling. Releasing my feelings and past in words helps me stay in the light of recovery.

A NEW ROLE

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

We take on many roles in our lives such as the caregiver, the supporter, the listener and the one needing to be taken care of. As our lives and situations change, we can take on many different roles. Sometimes we get used to being in one role, and it suddenly changes. When you have mental illness, sometimes you get stuck in a self-absorbtion. The only problems and things you can handle are your own problems, and you can barely handle them. When you reach recovery, that changes.

When I was struggling with mental illness, I barely made it from day to day. I could barely handle the agony inside me. I couldn’t make decisions, I could barely eat, I couldn’t handle the deep sadness within me, and so on. When my friends and family members were having a hard time, I couldn’t see past my inner pain to be of any support to them. I was so absorbed by my own problems that the only role I could play was the person who closed herself off from the world.

Then I reached recovery, and I took on new roles. I became supportive and a good listener. Then I started having health problems, and my husband became my caregiver, my strength, and support. He has sat in many waiting rooms while I’ve gone through surgeries and tests. I became the person in need of extra care. He’s also been very supportive when I have bad days with my mental illness, and he’s always had a positive side to my negative side. When I felt like giving up, he encouraged me to keep going. I have been dependent on him for many things, and he has always given without complaining.

Now life has thrown some big rocks in my husband’s path, and our roles have changed. He has become more dependent on me. He has struggled with health problems which have put me in the caregiver role. I waited for hours in two different ERs with him and in waiting rooms of doctors.

Then his job started cutting his hours way down, trying to force him to retire. It has come to the point that they are only giving him two days a week. I have been helping him search for jobs and fill out applications. No one has been calling him for interviews, and he’s feeling discouraged. Instead of being the positive one, he has become negative. I have become the one that points out the positive and encourages him. I’m not used to this role change, but I’m taking it on with support from my support team.

I’m not only being supportive of my husband, but also of my older sister who is struggling with eye issues. I called and scheduled her an appointment with a retina special in Erie, even though she lives forty-five minutes away in New York state. My husband and I have been driving to pick her up for appointments and drive her back home. She’s currently waiting for the test results and is worrying about them. I am listening to her and being supportive. I’m providing her with the encouragement she needs.

I’ve also taken on a role as a leader in One Life Project. I have been promoted from president’s assistant to executive president of educational outreach and advocacy. I’m stepping away from my role as a follower to the role of a leader. I’m still learning this new role, but I feel proud of myself for taking on this new position. Throughout my life I have shied away from leadership roles and hid behind the scenes. I let others lead the way for me, but now I am standing taller as I learn to be the one in front. I’m proud of this new position at One Life Project.

I came from being the person who couldn’t handle anyone’s problems, let alone my own, to the person supporting and encouraging. I went from needing to be taken care of to taking care of others. I went from being led to being a leader. These roles are new to me, but I’m proud of myself for coming this far to be able to handle these roles. I’m happy to be able to support others in their time of need and to give back to my husband what he has been giving selflessly to me.

You may feel like you will never be able to take care of anyone, not even yourself, but with hard work in time you will take on a new role. Keep fighting for recovery because when you reach it, you’ll become a new person. You’ll become the kind of person others can depend on. When you do reach recovery, you’ll be strong enough to take on new roles. Roles you once thought you could never handle.

In my new roles I feel proud of myself and stronger. Taking on these new roles helps me stand taller in the light of recovery.

CATASTORPHIZING

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

This week was a very busy week for me and my husband and on Saturday Lou and I took a four-hour trip to Harrisburg and back for an event for One Life Project. So, this week I’m reposting an older post.

When you’re in the depth of the dark hole of depression it is easy for your thinking to become distorted. There are several types of cognitive distortions such as all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, mental filter, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, magnification (catastrophizing)and so on. It’s easy for your thoughts to take on a life of their own, sending you deeper into your illness. You become stuck in a defeating pattern of anguish.

It’s easy to take a small incident and in your mind turn it into a catastrophe. David D. Burns, M.D.’s book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy lists this type of thinking as magnification (catastrophizing). It describes it as exaggerating the importance of things. It’s taking a simple mistake and turning it into a disaster or worse. Just recently I found myself caught in this type of thinking and I wanted to share it with you.

Just a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving I got sick. I had to take two weeks off work. I had my doctor send an excuse for my absence. When I was feeling better, I had my doctor send a return to work note. When I came back, they were surprised to see me. They thought I would be out longer. I worked three days the week of Thanksgiving. We get our schedules online or on an app on our phones. The day after Thanksgiving I checked my app and there was no schedule for the following week. I called the store where I work and was told I wasn’t on the schedule. The coordinator (takes care of the front end and gives breaks) said he would message the front-end manager to find out why.

Early that day I received a paper about applying for disability through work. Before Thanksgiving the store’s personnel manager asked me why I had a doctor’s note to be on express checkout. I explained to her it was because I have osteoporosis, and it is worse in my back. She told me they would try to accommodate me but at times I may have to go on full size register.

After hearing the coordinator saying I didn’t have a schedule my mind went crazy. I became determined that personnel was forcing me to take a leave of absence. Osteoporosis doesn’t just go away. It can improve with treatment, but it doesn’t suddenly get better. I have had one infusion so far to stop it’s progression. It would take time to improve. If I had to take a leave, I would never be able to return. It could take years for my bones to become strong enough for me to lift heavy items and to work regular register.

A simple problem suddenly grew into a catastrophe. If I am forced to take a leave, I will lose my job. I can’t sit around home all day and do nothing. I need my job. It’s how I manage my depression. Without my job I would slip deep into my illness. I wouldn’t see my customers anymore and I’d lose my insurance which pays for my medication, part of my infusion, my psychiatrist, and many health problems. I could apply for Social Security disability but that could take a long time and we would go broke and lose our home.

I ran upstairs and woke my husband. I told him what happened and began crying.

He wrapped his arms around me. “It’s probably a mistake. Don’t worry about it.”

I cried harder. “I’m not stupid. I know what they are doing. They are making me take a leave because I have osteoporosis. That’s why they sent me the disability papers.”

Lou wiped my tears away. “Come to bed. You need to be up here with me.”

I went back downstairs and shut the lights off and went to bed. I lay in Lou’s arms and cried uncontrollably. Lou held me, telling me everything was going to be okay.

I sniffled. “I can’t lose my job. I can’t be stuck at home all the time. I can’t go back into depression. They can’t do this to me.”

“Now, now, you’re not going to lose your job. Tomorrow you’ll talk to your manager. It’s probably a mistake. They wouldn’t make you take a leave without talking to you,” Lou whispered.

I buried my face in his chest. “I know what they are doing. They don’t want me working there because I have osteoporosis. I’ll lose my job. I wish I would have killed myself years ago.”

Lou continued to comfort me until eventually I cried myself to sleep. The next morning my manager contacted me. She said because I was off work the company took me out of the computer and she was unable to put me on the schedule. She apologized and assured she would get me a schedule for the following week when she got to work, and she did. The union representative said I probably received the disability papers because they thought I was going to be on sick leave longer than I was.

I took a simple situation and turned it into a catastrophe. I let my mind magnify me not being on to the schedule into something horrible when it was a simple flaw that could easily be fixed. Even in recovery I can have times where distorted thinking takes control of my mind. Who knows what I would have done if my husband wasn’t there to comfort me? I might have hurt myself over a simple mistake.

If you find yourself magnifying a simple incident into a catastrophe, turn to someone who can help you talk it out and see your thinking is distorted. Get David D. Burns, M.D.’s book Feeling Good and read through the types of cognitive distortions and identify which ones you struggle with. Talk to a therapist about them and learn how to change your pattern of thinking into something more positive and how to cope when the distortions become overbearing. Educate your support system about the types of cognitive distortions you struggle with so they can help you.

Through this blog I have educated my husband and friends about the cognitive distortions I struggle with. My husband and friends are good at using what they learned to help me. Without my husband that night I might have harmed myself. I’m happy to have a husband who talked to me and held me until I was calm enough to sleep. With his help I stand in the light of recovery.

GOOD COMES FROM THE BAD

Published on by Aimee Eddy4 Comments

When struggling with mental illness, we often see nothing but the bad things in our lives. We think the bad will never end and we can’t see past it. What we don’t see is that good comes from the bad things that happen to us. We must struggle until we find life’s positives. The rough times build us up and make us stronger.

My husband’s grandmother raised him and when she got sick, he had to move to a new city to live with his dad. His dad wasn’t the best dad in the world. He put my husband through some rough times. Then years later he was engaged to a woman who died. If he hadn’t moved to a new city and he hadn’t lost his fiancée, we would have never met and have such a beautiful marriage. God saw his struggles and brought him happiness.

I struggled with bullying to be able to write a book to help educate and help others. My book is one of the good things that came out of the abuse I faced in school. Writing the book helped me heal from old wounds. I struggled with mental illness so I can write this blog to reach out to others and help them. I struggled so good could come from it.

Before I met my husband, I was in an abusive relationship. After my partner kicked me out and I spent time in a mental health hospital, I swore I would never date again. I figured I would live with my parents until they passed and then live with one of my siblings. A lady at work insisted I meet this man whose fiancée had died. After a lot of convincing from my therapist and a friend, I agreed on one date. In six months, that man proposed to me. Who knows what would have happened if my ex had never kicked me out? I may have never met the man of my dreams and found happiness.

It’s the circle of life. Everyone goes through bad times and struggles with heartaches. If we look at the rough times and tell ourselves, “I’m struggling now, but in time something good will come out of this,” we just might be able to find hope within the darkness. God carries us through life’s hard times, and he brings us good things. He has plans for us even when we can’t see past our heart aches.

Rough times help us grow stronger and learn lessons. If life were easy, we would never grow into the people we are. Because I struggled with bullying, mental illness, and abuse from a boyfriend, I have become stronger and wiser. I have educated myself about bullying and mental illness. I’ve broken free of my fear of being hurt by others to make many friends. I have grown into a stronger, more compassionate, and determined person. That is something good that came out of the bad.

Right now, my husband and I are struggling financially, and the bills are increasing. I keep reminding myself that good will come to us. This gives me hope. It helps me from falling apart and keeps me above the dark hole.

It’s easy to see life as hopeless when things are going wrong and we are struggling. Try to look at your rough times differently. Try to see that, in time, good will come from your bad times. Better times are in your future, and good things will come your way. We don’t struggle for nothing. We struggle to grow as a person and to find the good in our lives. Maybe your husband leaving you hurts, but in the future, you might find a kinder man who will love you the way you should be loved. Look for the light out of the darkness.

Good things have come from the bad things I have faced in my life. Holding on to the knowledge that God will bring joy from my struggles helps me stand in the light of recovery.

THE GOOD SIDE OF A BAD VACATION

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

Even when we make the best plans for our life, things can go wrong. The best plans can be ruined in a second by an unexpected illness, a tragedy, or an injury. Life never works out exactly how we want it to. Life’s unexpected roadblocks can be hard to handle when you are working towards recovery or are in recovery from mental illness. How you handle these roadblocks is what keeps you on the right track towards or keeping in, recovery.

Last week I had planned for a vacation from work. Lou still had to work, but we planned one night out of town at a hotel and a day at a safari and shopping. The rest of my vacation I planned to put up our small pool, do laundry, and get the old 70’s -80’s entertainment center out of our living room and set up a TV stand. I even planned to buckle down and work on my next book. I was going to start my vacation with a Father’s Day picnic with my dad and family. I was looking forward to a week away from work, getting things done, and having some fun, but life threw a roadblock in my way and turned my vacation upside down.

The Thursday before my vacation I felt rundown. I thought maybe it was just an off day or a one-day thing, but when I woke up on Friday, I felt even more fatigued, my throat hurt, and I was coughing. My husband told me to call off work, but I was stubborn and went in. Halfway through my shift I felt so sick I could barely stand. I went home early and had to call off on Saturday. I lay in bed crying. Since I was sick, I couldn’t be anywhere near my dad since he’s going through cancer. My oldest sister was also sick, and my younger siblings live out of town. There would be none of us kids to spend Father’s Day with my dad. I felt awful about it. This was going to be the first Father’s Day in a long time I wasn’t going to spend with him.

I called and told my dad I was on vacation and if I were better by the end of the week, we could celebrate. I set my hopes on that. I told my husband we would have to lose our money for our night away, but he told me, “We’ll see how you are by Tuesday.” I started my vacation too sick to move, coughing so hard my stomach hurt, and unable to eat much food. Father’s Day I lay on the couch, sucking cough drops, and watching movies in between drifting off to sleep. My automatic thoughts were negative. My vacation was going to be an absolute disaster. We were going to lose our money on our hotel room and be stuck at home. Everything I had planned would never get done, and I was going to spend the whole week miserable.

Lou didn’t give up on our night away. He took me to the doctor on Monday. The doctor prescribed me cough medicine and a steroid because my asthma flared up by my illness. She diagnosed me with a viral infection and prescribed me lots of rest. I was feeling better by Monday, with a little more energy, but the cough was horrible. I had to curl up in a ball and clench my stomach each time I coughed.

Lou said, “How about I drive to the hotel, we get some food to eat, and spend the night resting in air conditioning. I’ll get us some snacks foods and I’ll take care of you. Since we’re going through a heat wave the air conditioning will help your breathing.”

I wasn’t too sure about this idea. Was I well enough for the ride? Would it be fair for Lou to do all the driving? What if I just got sicker? Would I even enjoy it? I agreed to our overnight trip but wasn’t too sure about it. I feared it would be a disaster.

We went on our trip. The cough medicine helped ease my coughing, I slept while Lou drove, and when we got there, I had more energy. We were able to have dinner out and spend the night relaxing in our room, eating junk food. Lou watched sports on the TV, and I watched movies on a portable DVD player. It turned out to be a very relaxing night away and I enjoyed it. The hotel had a very good free breakfast, and we went to Walmart to pick up a few things before heading home the next day. I was glad Lou wouldn’t let me cancel it.

Thursday morning Lou called me from work to tell me he wasn’t feeling good and was coming home. He was lightheaded so I took him to the ER. We sat in the ER waiting room for over five hours without them calling us back to a room. When I asked the woman at the check in desk how much longer until they call my husband back, they couldn’t find him in the computer. She went over and took his wrist band, told me to sit down and she would be right back. We sat and sat and she never came back. We got mad and left. That night while he slept, I had extra energy, so I went outside and put our pool up. Then I went inside and lay down. The next day I took Lou to Urgent Care to find out he had bronchitis.

I kept thinking this is the vacation from hell. Everything was going wrong. First, I was sick, then a horrible day at the ER, and next Lou was sick. Then I started to look at the positive side to my awful vacation: we still got to spend the night away, I got to sleep in and watch movies all day, I still was able to put the pool up, and I did sit in it for a couple days. I didn’t have to call off from work and I got paid to be sick.

Why am I telling you about my bad vacation? Because no matter how bad things, get there is a good side to everything. It’s so hard to see it when we are going though the difficult times, but the good is there. Instead of dwelling on the bad try to find the positive in what you are going through. Good comes from the bad.

As I write this, I’m not a hundred percent better, but I’m much better than I was. I still have a milder cough, my voice is hoarse, and I’m weak, but I’m ready to go back to work. Looking at the positive side of difficult situations keeps me soaking in the light of recovery.

TIPS FOR CONTROLING OVERREACTIONS WHEN YOU’RE EMOTIONAL

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

We often react irrationally when we are angry or frustrated. We say things we don’t mean, and we behave badly. It’s easy to lose track of ourselves when our emotions get the best of us. The same is true when you are struggling with depression. When you’re feeling very sad and hopeless, everything seems overwhelming and your emotions become out of control. You get hurt by simple reactions from others, you might see a friend canceling something as if they are doing it to hurt you, or you might overreact to a text or comment a person makes to you. To protect yourself you might say, text, or react badly towards the person whose intentions you misperceive

I have misinterpreted many things while I was at my worst. I have overreacted to others’ simple words and reactions. When a friend had an emergency come up, I interpreted her canceling a get-together as “She doesn’t want to spend time with me.” I’ve mistaken others’ intentions or misread things people have said. My wrongful reactions have cost me friendships or led me to hurt people I care about. So, I came up with tips to help you take control of your reactions so you can handle situations better.

Here are my tips:

  • Don’t react when you are very emotional. If you’re feeling down and you’re flooded with emotions, allow yourself to calm down and think more clearly before dealing with a disagreement or something that might have been said or done. Like when a friend told you she doesn’t have time to talk to you right now. You might be angry, sad, and hurt. All those emotions flood you and you start thinking your friendship is over and your friend hates you. In this case you might be attempted to say or text something mean. Instead of saying something you’ll regret, give yourself time to calm down. When you are calm, talk to your friend.
  • When a friend cancels something, don’t take it personally. Emergencies come up, people get sick, and plans change. Don’t automatically think it’s because the friend is trying to hurt you, doesn’t have time for you, or the friend doesn’t want to be around you. Ask him or her why he or she canceled. If you take the time to talk to your friend before you jump to a conclusion, you might just find out the cancellation has nothing to do with you, and you might be able to reschedule with your friend.
  • Write down your thoughts and feelings. When you are upset with someone, put your thoughts and feelings down on paper in a journal. Write out all those crazy thoughts that are driven by your emotions before you say something you don’t mean to. Once you get all those feelings and bad thoughts out, look at them and see if you can understand them differently, then write that down. Like, someone I know well ignored me when I said hi, so I thought she’s embarrassed by me. I hate her and will never talk to her again. Then think about it and write down: Maybe she was busy and didn’t hear or see me.
  • Don’t take boundaries personally. We all have boundaries, and we need those boundaries to take care of ourselves. Don’t get mad if someone can’t talk about your problems because he or she is going through their own problems. Be understanding of that and find someone else to talk to. If your friend can’t talk after ten at night, respect that and make sure you call before ten. Don’t take boundaries personally. They are there to help the person who you care about and it’s nothing against you.
  • Turn to a support partner. Talk out the situation or thing that happened with your support partner or support team. Having someone with a clear mind to talk to can help you think rationally about your feelings or the situation. They can help you calm down and tell you if you’re distorting things.

Use these tips to help you handle your emotions without overreacting and hurting relationships. It’s not easy to do when your mind is clouded by your sadness and hopelessness, but you can do it. By working through your emotions and thoughts before you overreact, you’ll find you’ll have stronger relationships and will avoid driving away people who really care about you.

I’m doing better at controlling my over-reactions when I go through a hard time, but sometimes I slip up. When I do slip up, I take the time to think it through and work it out with my friends and the people I care about. Following these tips helps me dance in the light of recovery.

UNEXPECTED KINDNESS

Published on by Aimee Eddy1 Comment

When you are struggling with depression, everything looks awful and hopeless. You can’t see past the dark clouds of your illness. It seems like everything is going wrong and life is an endless hole of negativity. Seeing something good seems impossible. The truth is your illness blinds you to the good happening around you. When the world seems like a dark hole, unexpected kindness can come out of nowhere. Open your heart and look towards the light.

A lot has been happening in my life. As you know, my dad is undergoing chemo for bone cancer and it has sent me into a depression. On top of that, I have been struggling with my asthma and my husband put his back and hip out of place. Last summer I struggled with my asthma too. I go to the lung specialist on Wednesday. My husband started back to work full-time last week after being partially laid off all winter, and he had to miss two days because of his back. He’s improving and working, but still hurting. I hate seeing him in pain. Last week after paying our mortgage, we barely had enough money to make it through the week. We really need him to have a good paycheck. We just can’t seem to catch up. It feels like the world is against us.

I’m slowly working on coming to terms with my dad having cancer, but now I’m worrying about everything else. I’m also worried about my older sister who is struggling with health issues too. When I start worrying, I worry obsessively, and it gets me down and stirs up my anxiety. Everything seems hopeless right now.

Saturday, I walked down to the corner of my street and waited for the bus. When the bus arrived, one of my regular grocery store customers crossed the road.

He walked over to me. “Hold on a minute. I have something for you that I have been meaning to give you for a while.”

I motioned to the bus driver to wait.

My regular customer handed me something. “This is for your book.”

I put it in my pocket without looking at it and said, “Thank you,” and got on the bus.  After I sat, I reached in my pocket for the thing my customer had handed me. I pulled it out and stared at it for several minutes. He had given me a hundred dollars! Suddenly the sun seemed to shine brighter and my soul lifted. I just couldn’t believe a customer would just give me a hundred dollars.

This unexpected kindness made everything wrong in my life seem less overwhelming and horrible. My customer made my whole day better. When I got to work, I told several of my co-workers about it. They were very happy for me. For the rest of my day, all my worries disappeared, and I felt like I was dancing with the sun. The customer said the hundred dollars was for my book, but I used some of it for food for dinner. It was money we needed badly.

I can’t wait until my customer comes into the store. If he and his wife don’t already have my book, I plan on giving them one with a bookmark I woodburned and a pen that has “Stop Bullying” and my book title on it. If he has my book, I’m going to give him a thank you note, a pen, and a bookmark. He made my day shine and helped me look at life in a positive way. Everything that was going wrong didn’t seem as awful. God sent that customer to show me there is hope and goodness in the world.

When you’re struggling with depression, it’s so hard to see past the sadness and hopelessness, but try to look for the good in your life. God gives us people and things in our life to show us there is positivity in the world. When you least expect it, someone may show you unexpected kindness, small or big. The person you least expect may ask you how you are or tell you how good you look. A stranger may walk up to you and tell you how much he or she loves your smile or give you a hug. Unexpected kindness comes in many forms. God is looking out for you, and you just need to look for the ways he’s working in your life. Also reach out and do unexpected acts of kindness for others. It will lift your spirits to make others feel good. You don’t have to spend money to do something kind for others. Say something nice, give a hug, or offer to help someone out.

Because God sent my regular customer to bless me with unexpected kindness, I am standing closer to the light of recovery.