Tag: Mental Illness

A SURPRISE BRINGS JOY

Published on by Aimee Eddy1 Comment

My husband has been having a hard time for a couple of years now. It started with his job doing remodeling over two years, leaving him laid off or working less hours. We have been struggling financially, and he felt like he wasn’t contributing enough. Then the same job of thirty-four years let him go. He got a new job, and they let him go after only nine days. Now he has an illness that has taken away his freedom of driving and ability to work. It felt like he couldn’t win, and I just wanted to make things better for him.

After applying to countless jobs and doing interviews with no prospect of a new job, my husband felt defeated. Then on top of that in January his unemployment benefit was about to expire. We decided his best bet was to file for early retirement, and then he would work part-time. I helped him file for Social Security Retirement online, and we continued to look for part-time jobs for him. The diagnosis of his illness tore apart his plans, leaving him devastated and angry. I just wanted to cheer him up.

I messaged a friend that I wanted to throw him a retirement party, but we were struggling financially. We couldn’t afford for him to retire early, but we had no choice. My friend suggested we go to Pizza Hut and have everyone chip in for the cost of the pizzas. I told her that was a great idea, and I would plan the party once his retirement was official.

In February my husband got his first retirement check, and I started planning his party. I decided the party would be a surprise. I told him we couldn’t afford a party for him, so I treated him to his favorite restaurant for dinner the day he got his first check. He seemed understanding. I told him maybe we could have a picnic with friends in the summer to celebrate and asked him who he wanted me to invite. I planned his party for March 19 at Pizza Hut, and he had no idea. I went to work inviting our friends and his friends, telling each one of them it was a surprise. I listed the people who I invited in my journal, knowing he would never see it.

Once the party date was decided and friends were invited, I had to come up with a way to get him to the party. I needed to be at the restaurant early to make sure tables were set up and to greet the guests. I needed an excuse. So I told him I was going to a friend’s house for dinner. I asked our friend Kelly to invite Lou to dinner the night of the party. The plans were set, but my sneaking around wasn’t over.

I needed to order him a cake. Since I work in a grocery store, that would be easy. I just told him I had to leave for work early to pick up prescriptions. I ordered the cake and picked up prescriptions. I started thinking about the perfect gift to get him and how I would hide the gift from him. I browsed Amazon and found him the perfect shirt. On the shirt it says, “Retired. Under new management. See wife for details.” Since Lou is at home and would get packages that arrive, how would I keep him from wondering what the package is and keep him from opening it? I came up with the perfect idea. We just got our tax money and gave each other a little to buy things we needed. So, I told him a package was coming with a new shirt for me.

When the package arrived, I quietly snuck it upstairs to my office/spare room/storage room. I took a sigh of relief when he didn’t ask me about my new shirt and didn’t ask me to put it on for him like I usually do when I get new clothes.

A few days before the party Kelly invited my husband to dinner with her husband and her. He was happy he wouldn’t be sitting home alone. I talked about my dinner at my friend’s house and told him I was happy knowing he wouldn’t be home by himself.

The day of the party I left the house at 5:15 PM to pick up the cake and go to Pizza Hut. He told me to let him know when I made it to my friend’s house.

At 6:00 PM all the guests arrived, and we waited patiently for Kelly to arrive with my husband. Kelly texted me when she picked him up and we were ready. When he walked into Pizza Hut, we all said, “Surprise!” The look on his face was priceless. A smile I hadn’t seen in a while shined brightly. The next day he was still feeling the high from his surprise party. I couldn’t be happier that I brought him joy during a very rough time in his life. His cake had black and yellow confetti on it and Steelers rings in the corner. In the middle in black it said, “Happy Retirement.” Anyone who knows my husband knows he’s a huge Steelers fan.

That night and days to follow my husband thanked me for his party. I relished his joy. Bringing light to a dark time in his life made me feel good. We endured the hard times together and together we celebrated a new chapter in his life.

Throwing this party for my husband during a hard time in his life and my life helps me stand happily in the light of recovery.

SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

When you’re struggling with mental illness, it’s easy to get into unhealthy relationships. Even if you don’t have a mental illness, you can find yourself in toxic relationships. When I was struggling with mental illness, I became prey to abusive and destructive relationships with boyfriends and friends. I was too sick to see the signs that I was in a toxic relationship, and they ended badly with me getting hurt.

As I worked on my recovery and went to therapy, I began to learn the signs of a toxic relationship. Once I learned the signs, I ended a lot of friendships that were not good for me. I found myself reevaluating what I needed and wanted in friends and boyfriends. Below is a list of the signs of a toxic relationship:

  • The relationship is one sided. When you are in a relationship, each person must contribute and support the other. When one person is doing all the work, it is an unhealthy relationship. I had to take a step away from a friend because our friendship suddenly centered all on her. I didn’t get a chance to talk about myself or my needs. I found the friendship too much for me to handle. I needed support too, so I walked away.
  • The person is controlling. When you’re in a relationship, you should be able to make your own decisions and do things on your own. When the other person starts telling you what to do and what you can’t do, that is unhealthy. The controlling person might take over all finances, tell you when you can see your friends and family, make decisions for you, and much more. I was in a relationship with an ex-boyfriend who was controlling. He told me what pan I could use to cook in, he spent my money on his needs, he demanded his family was more important than mine, and he made decisions for me. He kicked me out, and that’s when I was put in a mental health hospital and started on my road to recovery.
  • The person uses your weaknesses to put you down. A person who knows your weakness and uses them to play with your mind and put you down is toxic. This person will use your fears to manipulate you. For example, if you’re afraid you’re not a good driver, that person will harp on mistakes you make while driving, insult how you drive, and tell you what a bad driver you are. My ex-boyfriend used my self-doubt about being successful against me. He put me down for working as a cashier, told me I failed because I was unable to go on to a four-year college, and insulted me for not getting the degree I wanted. The funny thing was he never went to college and had no degree! After we broke up, I realized I was successful.
  • The person is abusive. No one deserves to be abused in any way. If you are being abused physically, sexually, or verbally, you need to find help. Verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. Words don’t cause physical wounds, but they do cause internal wounds. All abuse is wrong, and you need to get out of that relationship. A friend I trusted abused me sexually, and an ex-boyfriend verbally and sexually abused me. It took me years to recover from these abuses. Luckily, they both eventually broke up with me.
  • The person is always jealous. If you’re in a relationship where a partner is jealous every time you go out with friends or talk to another person, then you’re in a toxic relationship. If your friend is jealous of all your accomplishments or because you hang out with other friends without her or him, that is very unhealthy. I had a friend who was jealous because a lot of people I worked with liked me, and her jealousy became a big problem because she started copying me. When I started on my road to recovery, I ended the friendship.
  • The person doesn’t support you. When you’re in a relationship with a partner or a friend, you should support each other. You should support each other during good times and bad times. If you are not getting any support, that is a sign that you’re in a bad relationship. I had friendships in the past where I was supporting my friends, but when I needed support, I felt alone. Now that I am in recovery, I have friends who celebrate my accomplishments with me, listen to me when I’m struggling, and give me advice when I need it. I do the same for them.

If you notice some of these signs in a friend or partner, then make the decision to walk away from that relationship. If you are in an unhealthy marriage, try couple therapy. We all deserve to be around and with positive people who give us what we need in our relationships. We live in a harsh world where building good relationships is a lot of work, but it’s worth it. Toxic relationships lead to depression, PTSD, anxiety, stress, and hurt feelings. You deserve healthy and nurturing relationships.

Now that I’m in recovery I have healthy relationships. I have some real good friends and a wonderful husband. I now know when to walk away from toxic relationships, and that helps me stand in the light of recovery.

MY HOLIDAY

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

When I was bullied as a child, I did a lot of daydreaming to escape. I daydreamed of good things and bad things. I imagined getting hurt or dying so I would get attention or wouldn’t have to go to school. I also imagined winning awards, becoming a famous author, and my bullies cheering for me. I wanted people to see that I was capable of great things and realize they were wrong about me. I never thought that my childhood dreams would come true, until now.

If you have been following my blog, you read that in April I will be awarded a Lifetime Service Award from the president of the United States for my work for One Life Project. Last month I learned I will also be receiving a proclamation from the mayor of Buffalo, New York, declaring February 21, “Aimee Eddy Day”. The proclamation is a long letter which talks about my work with One Life and my book, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying. Alex, the founder of One Life Project, read it to me and sent me pictures of it. Alex also received a proclamation declaring February 22 “Alexander Kovarovic Day.”

“Next year we’ll have to meet in Buffalo on February 21 and celebrate our holidays at midnight,” Alex said.

I wiped tears of joy from my eyes. “That would be awesome. We definitely have to do that.”

I imagined as a child becoming an adult standing before a crowd of people giving a speech and receiving an award. Afterwards, Donna and other bullies shook my hand and apologized for how they treated me. Well, this dream is coming true. I will be giving a speech in New York City and receiving the president’s award, the proclamation, and other awards in front of lots of people. My bullies won’t be there to apologize, but I will be flying high.

My friend Amy said, “Wouldn’t it be great if on your holiday you went to Buffalo and they had a parade for you?”

I smiled. “I would wave out the window of a car at all my fans and tell them to buy my book.”

When I was a child, teachers said that I couldn’t read, and they pushed me from grade to grade. They thought because my learning disability would prevent me from accomplishing anything important in my life. One of my teachers predicted I would grow up to be on welfare. Some of those teachers shop at the grocery store I have worked at for going on thirty years. I make sure to tell them about my awards. They treat me totally differently now. One told me she always knew I was a hard worker. In school she accused me of cheating on a test when I earned an “A.”

Who would have ever thought I would have my own holiday? It’s not a major holiday requiring schools, post offices and banks to be closed, but it’s my day. On that day I went to work and told my customers about it. They were excited and some said they need to get my autograph. I told my co-workers too.

One co-worker said, “Since it’s Aimee Eddy Day, we should close the store down and all go celebrate.”

A customer spoke up. “Wait until after I pay for my groceries.”

I said, “Yes and we all get paid to have the day off.”

Unfortunately, the managers would not have agreed to closing the store and paying us to be off. After work my husband suggested we go out to eat to celebrate my holiday. So, we went to an Asian buffet. I love Asian food, but my husband doesn’t. Luckily the buffet had American food too.

I’m doing what God wants me to do. I’m helping youth who are struggling like I did as a young person. When I was a kid, we didn’t talk about mental illness. There were no programs in schools to educate children and not much out there to educate parents about mental illness. I’m helping change that with One Life Project. I am helping to put together workbooks that schools, young people, and parents can use. I’m helping with developing programs that I will take part in teaching about mental illness and coping techniques. I’m part of a podcast that talks about mental illness, and I help pass out information at events. I’m doing God’s work. I’m serving the youth of our country.

Dreams do come true. Just because you have a disability or mental illness, it doesn’t mean that you can’t succeed in life. If you work hard enough and believe in your dream, you can make anything happen. Maybe you can have a holiday of your own too. Life might take you down different paths, but don’t give up on your dreams.

I can’t wait until next month when I give my speech and receive my awards. I just need to find wall space to hang up my awards. I work hard to keep making my dreams come true, and that holds me up in the light of recovery.

THROWN FOR A LOOP

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

Sometimes life throws us the unexpected, and we find ourselves overwhelmed with a flood of emotions. We try to wrap our minds around the situation: a sudden death, an unexpected illness, or something bad happening to a loved one. The unexpected throws us for a loop, and we are left asking how to cope? How do we process these emotions? What do we do next?

My husband has been my rock. He went to therapy with me while we were dating to learn how to manage my mental illness, and he handles it well. He’s taken care of me during many surgeries. He has emptied drains, changed bandages, emptied a potty chair, lifted me up to a walker, and pushed me in a wheelchair without any complaints. He even cried with me when I found out I had breast cancer. He’s sat in the waiting room for hours during my surgeries and tests. He comforted me when I grieved the loss of my breasts and cried because I got an infection in a surgery site. He has held me during emotional break downs when I have had bad days with my mental illness and continuously reminds me to be positive.

This Wednesday we found out Lou has a serious illness (he asked me not to tell what the illness is) that will get worse in time. We sat in the doctor’s office while he gave us results of a test Lou went through. Lou sat quietly with a sad look on his face and my heart broke. There is no cure. The doctor talked and I struggled to fight my tears. I tried to think of questions to ask. I managed to ask a few, but I felt like I needed to ask more, but my mind went blank. Lou sat in shock, unable to speak at all.

Our lives are about to change dramatically, especially Lou’s. He must give up his hope to find a job and his ability to drive. He is faced with a disease that will only get worse in time. I can’t imagine what it is like for him. I understand a little bit. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was shocked, sad, and overwhelmed. I thought I was going to lose my hair and get extremely sick and die. Luckily I was in the early stages and a surgery got rid of my cancer. For Lou there is no surgery to take away his illness. There’s medication that can slow it down, but nothing to take it away.

He is feeling devastated, sad, and angry. He feels like his life is over. I find myself in a new position. I must be strong for him. There is no time for me to fall apart. Lou needs to lean on me, and he needs me to help him through this. I have to schedule his appointments, I have to make plans for future care for him, and I have to make sure I get time off work for his appointments. I have to do what is needed to protect my job in case I have to call off to take care of him. There is so much to do and to prepare for.

I want to lie in bed for a day and just cry, but I can’t. My husband needs me. Lou filed for early retirement, but our plans were for him to work part time to help with finances and to get him out of the house. Now he’s not going to be able to work at all. With my paycheck and his early retirement, we won’t have enough money to pay all our bills. I’m looking into financial assistance and ways to reduce some of our bills. I’m overwhelmed.

I feel sad. I wanted my husband to enjoy his retirement and work a part time job he would love. I can’t believe the love of my life, my rock, and my soulmate has to go through such a horrible sickness. It’s unfair. He deserves better. Am I strong enough to help him through this? Will I be able to manage his illness? Should I go back to therapy? When he gets really bad, will I be able to handle it without falling apart? I’m not used to being a caregiver. Can I do it?

I keep hearing the horrible things that can happen with his illness. I’m told in time I will have my hands full. Even TV shows portray the worst side of Lou’s illness. I just want someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay, and no matter what happens I will be able to handle it. I don’t want to think about the worst side of this illness, not now. I want someone to hold me and tell me to go ahead and let the tears flow. I need a few minutes to stop being strong. I want this to be just a bad dream.

If this happened several years ago, I would not have been able to be strong. I would have fallen apart and not been able to be there for my husband. I have come a long way. I know that I need to take one day at a time. I need to practice coping techniques to keep myself going. I need to lean on my support system. I need to go to therapy when things get harder. I need to practice self-care. It’s important to handle my mental health and to take care of myself as I take care of Lou. It’s important that I look into extra help options early so I will be prepared for when things get worse.

When you reach recovery from mental illness, it’s important to always manage your illness especially during the rough times. You can manage the unexpected as long as you remember to take care of yourself also. Don’t be afraid to go to therapy for extra support or to join support groups. Even though you must be strong, you are allowed time to fall apart as long as you pick yourself up.

My life is changing dramatically, but despite my mental illness I know I can handle it. I know when and how to ask for help. I’m taking one day at a time while I lean on the shoulders of my support team in the light of recovery.

FROM BEHIND THE SHADOWS

Published on by Aimee Eddy5 Comments

All my life I have been the type of person to hide in the shadows. In school I stayed in the shadows to try and hide from the bullying. That protection followed me into college and adulthood. If I went unseen, I was safe from making a fool out of myself or getting put down. I have always followed what others told me to do and never could see myself as a leader. Until now.

I went through school trying very hard to be unseen and hidden. If I was put in a group of people to do an assignment, I kept my mouth shut and let others make the decisions. In college I took a class in TV news. We were broken into groups and were given the task of putting together a commercial. One person took the role as leader of the group and each of us was given the task of brainstorming ideas. I listened to the others’ ideas and only gave my ideas when I was asked. I was too scared and shy to speak up on my own. Even in college away from the kids from previous schools I was afraid of being put down. I became comfortable in the shadows.

Even when I started working at the grocery store where I continue to work, I stayed in the shadows. When I first started there, I barely talked. In time I learned to open up to fellow employees, but I found it impossible to take the initiative to talk to managers or to speak up during a training session. Sitting quietly with my lips tightly closed has always been the safest way for me.

I was going through breast cancer when Alex Kovarovic asked me to write for his nonprofit National Internet Safety and Cyberbullying Taskforce. I was excited. In time I went from writing blog posts to interviewing volunteers and helping plan events. I felt totally out of my league, but I stayed with Alex and the nonprofit as it changed into One Life Project. With One Life Project I became president’s assistant in education and research and worked alongside, Alex. I started by researching topics for the website and realized I was pretty good at research.

When Alex moved me up to a higher position where I was going to work alongside another woman to lead a group of volunteers, I got scared. The girl often planned online meetings and let me know of them at the last minute. I sat in the meetings silently as she talked, but I noticed she was disorganized and kept getting distracted by people in the background. I was afraid to step out of the shadows to speak up and take charge.

But Alex didn’t give up on me; he moved me up to Executive President of Educational Outreach and Advocacy and then to Senior Executive President of Education. Now I’m making hard decisions like letting go of people who are not doing their share. Alex is continuing to guide me in my role as a leader. I’m stepping out of the shadows to excel in my position. I’m learning to speak up and step out of my comfort zone. It’s scary and exciting. I’m proud of how far I have come and of myself for stepping out of the shadows.

I work with my team of volunteers to put together workbooks for schools and universities. I have traveled to events and handed out educational material, and I was even interviewed with Alex for Spectrum News. I’m learning different skills and how to educate young people about mental illness. The work I do means a lot to me because I was once a young person with mental illness. I had no one to teach me what mental illness was and how to ask for help. Now I’m part of a organization that gives young people opportunities to learn and ways to ask for help.

In April I will be traveling to New York City for a conference and awards ceremony. I will be giving a speech at the conference and receiving awards at the ceremony. One award I know I’m getting is from the President of the United States. It is the Lifetime Achievement award. I can’t wait to be honored with this award and possibly others.

You may feel like you’ll never rise out of the darkness or from behind the shadows to succeed, but that is untrue. You can do a lot with your life, despite mental illness or bullying. You don’t have to settle for being at the bottom. Use the determination deep down inside you to rise and reach beyond your safe place. You can become successful. Mental illness and bullying are only challenges you must overcome to make your dreams become possible. Don’t be afraid to try something new.

Stepping out of the shadows has helped me rise above the hole into the light of success.

WINTER BLUES

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

This winter has been hard on everyone, even those in the south. Everyone is done with the snow, cold temperatures, and gloomy days especially those with seasonal depression and mental illness. It’s hard to see past long days, shoveling snow, and bitter cold. Even people without mental health problems are struggling. We have had mild winters for a few years and gotten spoiled. How do we look past the gloom of winter?

When I was a kid, I used to play outside until my hands were numb and I couldn’t feel my face. We built snowmen, made snow angels, and went sledding. Winter was fun. Now as an adult I wonder how I ever I liked winter. Now there is shoveling, scraping ice off windshield, layers of clothing, boots, and dark at five PM. I go to work while it’s gray and return home when it’s dark out. My spirits take a dip.

This winter has especially been hard. Right after Thanksgiving, we were buried with five feet of snow. Everyone was digging themselves out and many couldn’t leave their homes. Then last week we got an arctic blast with below zero temperatures. Plus, it just keeps snowing. I hear my customers complain about the winter each day and say they can’t wait until spring. I even feel the winter blues. I want to leave the house without a coat and gloves. I long to wear shorts and tank tops. I can’t wait until days stay light until nine and I feel more energetic after work. How do we cope with the winter blues?

For me the best way of dealing with the blues is looking for something positive about winter. Below are five positives I found about winter.

  • When the snow is new, it’s pretty. When we get a fresh coat of snow, it’s pure white and glitters when the sun peeks out. Staring out at it from inside with a cup of hot chocolate is peaceful.
  • Snow is better than other natural disasters. With snow we still have our warm homes and belongings to go back to. In some parts of the world people are losing everything to tornadoes, hurricanes and fires. We are lucky to have just snow.
  • A snow day is a good time to spend the day in pj’s. On bad days, when you can’t get out of the house, it’s a good time to wear your pj’s all day and binge on Netflix or movies.
  • Winter is a good time for hot comfort foods. This time of year is perfect for chili, homemade soups, and baked goods. Who doesn’t like chili or soup on a cold day? Baking helps warm up the house and smells good.
  • It’s never too cold for ice cream. The best part of eating ice cream in the winter is being able to keep warm while eating it. It could be negative ten degrees out and you can sit in your warm home snuggled up in blankets and eat a bowl of ice cream.

Can you come up with your own positives about winter? Sit down with a journal or piece of paper and list five things you think are positive about this time of year. Write five positives each day. Remember while you are struggling with the winter blues to take care of yourself. If you are dealing with seasonal depression and other mental illnesses, remember to use coping techniques, take your medication, and talk with a therapist when needed. I use my coping techniques, journaling my positives, and my support system to get through this tough winter. Finding the positives helps me dance in the

ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

This week I’m posting an old post because I have been struggling with a sinus infection. I hope to write a new post next week.

Last week I wrote about the cognitive distortion called catastrophizing, and this week I would like to write about another many struggle with, including me. It’s called All-Or-Nothing Thinking. It is seeing your personal qualities such as your success or mistakes in black and white. Like if a student in school got two questions on a test wrong, that student would automatically see himself or herself as a failure. The student wouldn’t be able to celebrate his or her got a passing grade. Instead, the person would only see the situation in extreme black and white or in a negative viewpoint.

I developed all-or-nothing thinking in high school. In school I became obsessed with passing and proving to everyone I wasn’t stupid. I pushed myself to succeed at all costs. I spent hours finding ways around my learning disability to study for tests. I had a hard time remembering what I read, I was a slow reader, and I couldn’t keep up with the notes in class. So, I had to make notes from my textbook and put them on index cards. I read them over and over for hours to remember them. I had to pass all my classes no matter what. A low grade was unacceptable to me.

If I didn’t get an A on a test, I saw myself as a failure. I pushed myself hard. I gave up time with my family and had fits of anger when I couldn’t remember things well enough. If I didn’t pass with high grades, then everyone would be right about me. I would be the stupid, loser they all said I was.

This type of thinking followed me into my adult years. I had my future planned when I started college. I was going attend a two-year college to get a degree in journalism, then go on to a four-year college and become a journalist. College was much harder than I thought. Because of my disability, I couldn’t meet the requirements for a journalism degree and instead I got a humanities degree. Then mental illness and my disability made completing college difficult. It took me four years to graduate from a two-year college. My plans were destroyed.

For years I viewed myself as a failure for not being able to go on to a four-year college. I became a cashier, not a journalist. I was a worthless loser who proved that I was good for nothing. I didn’t succeed at my dreams. I let myself down. I dwelled on what I didn’t accomplish instead of what I did succeed at.

For years and even now I tell people I have a journalism degree when I have a humanities degree. I’m ashamed of myself for not getting the degree I wanted. A humanities degree is a basic degree that doesn’t really amount to much. I wasn’t good enough to get a journalism degree. I failed. I was and am a looser. I can’t admit to peoples’ faces that I am a worthless failure. If I tell people the truth, they will look down on me like they did in school. I’m just a cashier not a journalist like I planned.

Repeatedly I tell people I have a journalism degree and I am working as a cashier because I couldn’t get a job as a journalist. I couldn’t see past what I couldn’t do to what I have done. Right now, while I write this, I see myself in another light. For so long I have viewed my life as black and white, but now there is color in my life.

I didn’t fail when I got a humanities degree and became a cashier. I worked around my learning disability to be a cashier, I have written a book, I have a small woodburning business, and I have kept the same job for 26 years despite many illnesses. I didn’t get the degree I wanted, but I continued to pursue my writing. I didn’t go on to a four-year college, but I have touched many lives as a cashier. I have customers who have been coming to me for years. I advocate against bullying and for mental illness awareness through my writing. For so long I felt I had failed when I have succeeded.

It’s so easy to strive for perfection and when you don’t quite make it you look at yourself as a failure. It’s hard to see the small things we do in our lives as successes. We want to be on top, but often the best we have done is distorted into all-or-nothing thinking. We fail to see and celebrate the small accomplishments we make in our life. Instead, we see ourselves as losers when we are winners. All-or-nothing thinking clouds our minds and keeps us from celebrating the positive.

When you think you have failed or are a loser, take another look at the situation. Even though you didn’t get that promotion, look at how far you have come to get to where you are now, and celebrate that. Look for the positive. Write it down and celebrate it. Rejoice that you got a B on a test instead of seeing yourself as a failure. Be proud of that speech you gave, even though you stumbled over a few words. Stand with pride for the job you are working even though it’s not the one you wanted.

I’m standing in the light of recovery admitting I have a humanities degree and rejoicing in the success I am today.

BULLYING WARNING SIGNS

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

Bullying is a big problem affecting people all around us, especially our children. Children are acting out violently, going into depression, and are even taking their lives because they are abused daily at school by their peers. Many children feel alone and unable to turn to others for help. They often struggle in silence. If you’re a parent or family member, it’s important to know the warning signs of bullying.

Below is a list I found on StopBullying.gov  of the warning signs for the adults in a child’s life to look out for. You know that old saying, “It takes a village to raise a child,” is true. Not only do the parents of children need to look out for the warning signs, but so do the other adults in their lives like aunts, uncles, grandparents, family friends, and so on.

Here is the list:

  • Lost or destroyed belongings such as electronics, clothing, jewelry, and others
  • Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
  • Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork or not wanting to go to school
  • Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social activities
  • Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, or decreased self-esteem
  • Self-destructive behaviors such as running away, self-harm, or talking about suicide

If you notice any of these signs in your children or children in your life, find them help. Talk to their teachers, guidance counselor, or principal, and if none of them listen to you, go to the school board. It’s important to encourage your children to talk to you, be willing to listen, and look into getting therapy for them. If you can’t afford a therapist, there are government funded programs that will get you help for a low price or for free.

When I was being bullied, the biggest mistake I made was to keep what was happening to myself. I suffered in silence and it led me down a dark road. If you’re being bullied, talk to someone you trust such as a parent, a family member, a teacher, a guidance counselor, or other trusted adult. You can’t rise above bullying without help. Don’t suffer alone.

It’s important that we all spread the message that bullying is a form of abuse and it needs to stop. Since my book, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, has been published, it has been my goal to speak up for those who can’t speak up for themselves. Spreading my message is helping me stand strong in the light of recovery.

CHRISTMAS JOY

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

A holiday, especially at Christmas, can be a very hard time for people. There are the stresses of buying gifts, preparing a meal, family get-togethers, and family drama. Some people are struggling with grief, mental illness, and loneliness. All these can make Christmas seem unbearable. How do you make it through the holidays if you’re struggling with these things? Do you lie in bed and ignore the holidays?

I used to find the holidays unbearable. I had loving parents and grandparents, but I felt alone. I was struggling with depression and didn’t know it. While everyone was excited about Christmas, I was dying inside. Everything seemed dark and hopeless. I couldn’t find the Christmas spirit. Instead of smiling and laughing with my siblings, I was grumpy and easily got mad or irritated. I’d lash out in anger when someone was just joking with me. I was a miserable person to be around. My parents couldn’t understand why I hated holidays. I even felt like I was alone among family at my grandparents. I wanted to hide from everyone.

When I got older and started going to therapy, I learned to cope with the holidays. I learned to find the positive side to holidays. I learned Christmas isn’t about the material gifts, but gifts from the heart. As a teen I woodburned gifts for my parents and grandparents. Even now that I’m an adult I woodburn gifts for friends and family. If I feel alone among family, I find one person I can confide in and talk to. When I feel hopeless, I list the things I’m grateful for. When I feel depressed, I journal out my feelings or turn to my support system.

This year I have been teetering on the edge of the hole of depression. 2024 has been rough and we have been struggling financially. I’ve been trying to help my husband find a job. I keep myself busy by wooodburing gifts, I‘ve been leaning on my support system and listing the positive things in my life. Unemployment claims my husband is working when he’s actually not and has paused his unemployment benefits until further review. We are pinching pennies, and everything seems hopeless but it’s not. Many positive things have happened: My parents help us when they can; a co-worker is gave us half a ham and we got a lot of food from the food bank. We even had some extra canned foods to give to an elderly lady in our neighborhood. We also received a check from one of my customers, and we used it to get each other a few gifts. We’re also blessed to have have a warm home.

I love it when my husband spoils me with gifts and I love to spoil him too, but we can’t do much of that this year. Christmas isn’t about celebrating with family, buying gifts, or eating big meals. Christmas is about the gift God gave us, his Son. We don’t need money to celebrate Jesus’s birthday. We just need to have the Holy Spirit in our hearts and love of Jesus and God in our souls. Money can’t buy that. If you have those then you don’t need family, gifts or food to enjoy Christmas.

You can share the love of God by smiling, saying a kind word, giving a hug, or dressing for the season. I dress up in holiday shirts and hats at work. I have one hat with Santa’s feet at the top like Santa got caught in a chimney on my head. It puts a smile on my customers’ faces, some giggle and it eases the stress of holiday shopping. I smile with the love of God in me and my customers love that. When you give a gift from the heart, then you are giving the true gift of Christmas. God gave us the gift of his Son, from his heart.

If you’re struggling this Christmas, find ways to cope, leave family get togethers when they become too much, or list memories of your loved one. If you’re alone, celebrate Jesus’s birthday by lighting a candle and eating something special. Find the joy of Christmas in your soul by thanking God for his gift by giving a gift from the heart. A few customers told me they had no family so Christmas is just another day, but it’s not. It’s a special day and you can celebrate without family. You can pray to God, sing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus, make a special meal for yourself, or find a place offering Christmas dinners to go eat.

Despite a rough year and lots of stress, I’m celebrating Christmas with a smile on my face and God in my soul. This Christmas my soul will shine bright in God’s love while I celebrate in the light of recovery. Merry Christmas!!!

REASONS WHY MY LIFE IS IMPORTANT

Published on by Aimee Eddy5 Comments

I started watching a Netflix series called 13 Reasons Why; it is about a young girl who was bullied at school and sexually harassed at school until she committed suicide. The series speaks to me because in some ways I was in the shoes of the girl the show is about. It goes through many reasons why she took her life, and it hits home with me. I wanted to die when I was being bullied. I daydreamed about something horrible happening to me, resulting in my death.

Life is hard and especially harder for others. Sometimes a series of things or just one thing happens to a person to make life seem impossible to live. Some may ask how anyone could even think about taking their life, and no one can truly know what is happening inside a person. You don’t know what can drive a person to suicide unless you have been at that breaking point, but that doesn’t make it right. It’s hard when you’re at that point to see any other way out of your inner anguish, but there is a way. There are many reasons to live and push forward.

I had many reasons why I wanted to die when I was in school: my classmates picked on me, some of my teachers put me down, my friends either moved away or turned their backs on me, I felt alone, I felt worthless, and I thought I was the ugly one in my family. In spite of that, there are reasons my life is important which I’m going to list:

  • My parents loved me for who I was no matter what. My parents loved everything about me. They didn’t care if I was a tomboy or that my room was messy. They saw me for the person I was, and they loved me for that. If I took my life they would have been devastated.
  • I had dreams to fulfill. I dreamed of becoming a published author. I wrote many short stories and entered them into contests. I didn’t know that I would publish my own memoir that would help many, but I would have never found that out if I had ended my life.
  • I was smart and had a lot to accomplish. Despite my learning disability, I was an intelligent person. I just had to work harder to succeed at school. Once I found out that I was intelligent, I made the merit roll, honor roll, published stories, and made the National Honor Society. I would never have accomplished all that if I had taken my life.
  • I made a difference in people’s lives. Even though I felt alone, I was making a difference in people’s lives. I was friends with a girl whose home life was bad and I gave her someone to lean on. I became best friends with a girl who also was being bullied and we became inseparable. I even became close to her sisters and mother. My parents and grandparents’ lives were beautiful with me in it. If I died, they would all have been hurt and very sad.
  • I had a bright future ahead of me. At that time to me my future seemed dim, but it was bright. I proved I could accomplish a lot despite a learning disability, and my future was waiting for me. I had plans for college and dreams to become a published author. I had several acceptance letters to colleges. Now I am a published author, I have a college degree, I’ve worked the same job for twenty-nine years, I work for a nonprofit helping others with mental illness, and I would have never accomplished all this if I weren’t alive.
  • My life story could help people. In high school I wrote fictional stories based on the bullying I faced. I was determined to prove myself and that helped me accomplish a lot. I was an example that anyone could succeed. As an adult I have overcome bullying, a learning disability, mental illness, and relationship abuse and many see me as an inspiration. I tell my story in this blog and in my memoir and it helps people. If I had died, I would have never been able to tell my story to the world.

If you are feeling suicidal, write out a list of why your life is important, and dig deep inside you to find those reasons. Ask people in your life why you are important to them. You’ll find that your life is worth living. There are a lot of reasons to be on this earth living your life and fighting for happiness. Instead of coming up with 13 reasons why you should end your life, come up with 13 reasons why you should live your life.

Because I never succeeded at taking my life I live a beautiful life with a wonderful husband, lots of memories, a good job, and lots of happiness. I stand tall in the light of recovery glad to be alive.