Tag: Recovery

A PRIVATE SPOT TO INJURE

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

     Typically, a person who self-injures does so in privacy, picking a spot where he or she feels safe from interruptions. This becomes like a sanctuary. It could be a bathroom, a bedroom, an office in the house, a sewing room, or any place where the person can be alone. A self-injurer will spend a lot of time in the place he or she chooses to harm him or herself.

     When I self-injured, I did it in my bedroom. When I lived with my grandparents, my room was upstairs and theirs was downstairs. They hardly ever went up there, so I knew I had all the privacy I needed. I told my grandparents I was spending endless hours studying in my room. I did study, but I also injured. I sat alone ripping at my flesh and feeling my soul free of pain for a little while. I even had a spot in my bedroom where I stored the tools I used to harm myself.

     My room was my hideaway from the world. No one would bother me, and no one would see what I was doing. I was ashamed of my self-injuring and I was ashamed of myself. What would people think of me? What kind of person was I? But in my room I was free of shame and I had nothing to hide. Outside of my room I wore long-sleeved shirts and told no one what I was doing. Since I was in college, my grandparents never asked why I spent so much time in my bedroom.

     Years later when I fell into the hole again and I lived with my ex-boyfriend, I hurt myself late at night in the living room. My ex-boyfriend went to bed early so I had the living room to myself. My ex was a sound sleeper, and I knew he would not wake up and see what I was doing. I’d stay up late at night hurting myself. The darkness surrounded me and the urges, desire, and need to free my inner pain took over my rational thinking.

     After my ex-boyfriend threw me out, I moved back home with my parents. All my siblings had moved away from home, and once again I hid in my bedroom. I spent many hours alone in my room hurting myself. I made excuses to my parents as to why I spent so much time up there.

     I learned in therapy that isolating myself was only giving me an excuse to injure. I needed to spend more time away from the place I felt safe and free to do such horrible things to my body. I had to walk away from my comfort zone and face the world around me. I learned that when I felt the need to escape from my inner pain, I needed to be around people and communicate with them. The more I shared with people how I felt and the more time I spent with friends and family, the easier the fight to stop injuring became.

     Take a step towards your recovery and come out of your hideaway. When you get the urge to hurt yourself, go to a friend’s house, or spend time with your family. If you feel as if you have no one to, go to then find somewhere public. Do what you can to stay away from the place you injure. Search for a therapist who has dealt with self-injury and he or she can help you walk towards the light of recovery.

     The more time I spent away from the area where I hurt myself the stronger I became at fighting my need to injure. With determination, I overcame self-injuring and I now stand within the light.

TAKING A STEP HIGHER

Published on by Aimee Eddy4 Comments

I write about my many health challenges and life struggles in my posts not to ask for pity. I write about them to show you how life’s challenges can make being in recovery or reaching for recovery a challenge. Learning how to cope with what life throws at us takes us a step higher above the dark hole of mental illness. It is easy to fall into negativity, hopelessness, and sadness when things go wrong and when life piles on one problem after another. It takes a strong person to take the steps to lift ourself up higher into the light.

When things go wrong, they seem to happen all at once, and when you have mental illness, it can be very overwhelming. It’s overwhelming for anyone to handle rough times, but it is worse when you have mental illness. It’s easy to see the worst scenario of your situation and to block out the good. This can lead to excessive worrying, crying, anger, and despair. It’s okay to have feelings and to get down when so many things go wrong, but we can’t allow ourselves to dwell in those emotions. We must lift ourselves up and push forward.

I’m going through one of those times when everything seems to be going wrong. Our SUV keeps having problems, our dog has a sore leg, I have several medical tests this month, I have a hint of glaucoma, bills keep coming up, and there isn’t enough money to pay for them all. I have been worrying about everything going on and I have cried in my husband’s arms. Everything seems hopeless.

This last week I was on vacation, and we didn’t have enough money to do much. I spent a couple of days being lazy and in the dumps about our situation, but I didn’t spend the whole time dangling over the hole of depression. Tuesday my husband and I took a ride to Conneaut, Ohio which is about forty-five minutes from our home. On Wednesday we spent the day with my older sister. We splurged on going to a fast-food restaurant with my sister and we took her to a few stores. It was fun spending time with her. The point is I didn’t spend my whole vacation dwelling on all the problems my husband and I are facing.

I also used coping techniques to deal with our hardships. I have called or texted people on my support teams. I have journaled out my feelings and listed the positives in my life. Plus, I’ve kept myself busy doing things I love and that relax me. I wrote three pages in my next memoir, and I’ve done some woodburning. Writing is my passion, and it makes me happy to be able to tell my story. I also love to plan out a woodburning project and work to make it look beautiful. It’s exciting and rewarding. Both my writing and my woodburning take me away from my problems for a while.

Doing each of my coping techniques helps me step up higher above the hole. Yes, I am in recovery, but I’m not cured. Even though I am happy with my life, I fight and cope each day to remain in recovery. Some days are harder than others, and when life throws everything at me at once, it threatens my ability to stay strong. It’s up to me to take the steps that will lift me up and help propel me forward.

Being in recovery isn’t a matter of being happy and never struggling again. Instead, it’s a matter of taking steps each day that lift us up a little higher and keep us from tumbling down the hole of despair. It’s about facing hard times and allowing ourselves to feel sad, angry, frustrated and so on. Then we can use coping techniques to deal with those feelings. It’s a matter of pushing ourselves to fight to stay in the light. It’s about our strength being tested daily, but having enough determination to push back. Recovery is wonderful, but it is also work. It’s worth every step and struggle you put into it.

Reaching for recovery is a long and hard road to take. It doesn’t happen overnight. Finding the right medicine, fighting an awful illness, learning new ways of thinking, and learning how to cope are all hard to handle and takes determination. It may take years of ups and downs to reach recovery, but it’s worth taking the steps to lift yourself up higher. Life’s unexpected challenges will pop up on your road and threaten to detour you, but you can and will push past them. You can succeed and reach recovery no matter how hard life can be if you have the determination to take the steps.

Never let life’s challenges get in the way of your recovery or your steps to recovery. You are strong, you are important, you are worth it, and you do deserve recovery. Fight for your happiness because you deserve to keep stepping up higher into the light. You are a special individual who deserves to shine. Stand up and fight.

Times are tough right now for my husband and me, but I won’t let it get me down. I’m going to keep fighting and taking the steps that lift me up. Because I take the steps to lift me up, I stand determined in the light of recovery.

THE IMPORTANCE OF MEDICATION

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

We all dread to be put on medicine. It seems like there is a prescription for every little problem we suffer with and then a medication for the side effects another one causes. It seems like an endless cycle. Sometimes we ask ourselves if being put on another drug is worth it. Does it really help? For those of us who struggle with mental illness, we might cringe at being put on an antidepressant, anti-anxiety, mood stabilizer, or antipsychotic. We fear the side effects and how they might make us feel. We wonder if they are important.

Medication for mental illness is very important. Most mental illnesses are caused by an imbalance of chemicals in our brains. To balance those chemicals, we need to take medication. Therapy helps change a pattern of behaviors and thoughts a person developed while struggling with mental illness, but therapy is no good without medication. Without something to balance the chemicals you will find yourself unable to climb out of the hole.

I consider my antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications my life savers. They control many of my symptoms of depression and anxiety. Without my medication my emotions take control of me: I cry, I can’t focus, I can’t make rational decisions, I can’t sleep, I get very depressed, and I get sick. Without them I would not be in recovery, but they alone are not what helped me get to where I am.

When I hit the bottom of my dark hole of mental illness, I was so consumed with sadness I could barely force myself out of bed in the morning. I spent endless nights begging for sleep and cried easily. While struggling with those emotions I developed a negative pattern of thinking, I lost my self-esteem, and I developed unhealthy coping techniques. When I finally told my mom about what was happening to me, she searched for help for me until she found it. I started seeing a therapist who helped me work on my thinking; she taught me healthier coping techniques and she worked with me on learning to love myself, but that wasn’t enough. She also sent me to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist asked me a series of questions. Some questions seemed crazy like who was the president and what year it was. Other questions seemed logical like how often a day I cried, how many hours of sleep a night I got, was there anything that brought me happiness, and so on. I didn’t understand at the time the importance of his questions, but I know now he was using my answers to diagnosis me and determine what antidepressant might work best for me.

psychiatrist with patient on couch clipart

With the right antidepressant, I was able to focus on therapy and getting myself well. I learned during both times in my life that I hit the bottom of the hole of my illness that medication and therapy work together to help a person become well enough to function and be happy. I couldn’t focus on therapy without medication to balance the chemicals in my brain. Therapy wouldn’t work if my symptoms kept me from functioning and focusing on changing my bad patterns and thoughts. So, I met regularly with a therapist and a psychiatrist.

I’ve had people say they refuse to go on medication for their mental illness. Some have tried herbal remedies like Saint John’s Wort. The problem with a lot of the herbal medications is they are not proven to work; they have not gone through the strict regulations prescription drugs go through. Many people I’ve known who have tried the herbal remedies have found no improvements with their illness. Then again there are some who have found some relief from herbs. My advice is if you choose to go with herbal remedies, but you find no relief, consider prescription medication.

If you want to reach recovery from mental illness, then understand the importance of medication. Sometimes there are side effects, and it takes time to find the right medicine for you, but they are important. Two crucial steps into reaching recovery from mental illness are to find a good psychiatrist and a good therapist. Once you have found both then you can start working towards living life. You won’t be cured of mental illness, but you can live a productive life and find happiness.

I have reached the point of my life where I no longer need therapy. I have a good support system, coping techniques and medication that help me stay happy in the light of recovery.

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