Author: Aimee Eddy

MENTAL HEALTH COMES FIRST

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

When I started my second book a year ago, my writers group told me the second book would be easier to write, and I would finish it sooner because now I know how to write a book. What no one could have predicted was life taking me down many bumpy roads. When I think things are going smoother, a big pothole forms and I must find my way around it. Luckily, I have lots of coping skills that help me stay above the potholes.

The road of life first started getting bumpy when my husband’s job started remodeling, and my husband got laid off. It went downhill from there. The potholes and bumps started getting bigger. He returned to work and put his back out of place, missing work. Then there were other health problems. Then he lost his job of thirty-four years. After that the potholes got deeper, and the bumps grew higher. I struggled to swerve around and climb over them. Writing my book started to trail behind me.

Then my dad got pneumonia and came very close to dying. At the same time my sister struggled with her vision. My sister needed someone to assist her in getting help. I took it upon myself to get her into a retina research doctor. My husband and I travel forty-five minutes to pick her up and then back again to take her to the doctor. Sometimes she spends the night at our house, which I enjoy.

I have been working hard to assist her in getting the help she needs. Since she lives in another state than the retina doctor we have to find her the specialist and tests the retina doctor, recommends in her state, so her insurance will pay. This has been a headache. I am trying to do my best to help her but the bumps in the road keep getting higher.

My husband got an illness that gave him no choice but to retire. He can no longer drive. I’m trying to be very supportive and comforting. He has been struggling to accept his diagnosis and accept having his freedom taken away from him. I’ve been trying to help him find a hobby and I give him things he can do while I’m at work. I take him for rides after work to get him out of the house. His illness has been very tough on him and hard on me. I’m climbing the bumps and swerving around the potholes the best I can.

Even though my dad has gotten better, he’s been struggling with bone cancer and chemo. April 9 he was admitted into Cleveland Clinic for a procedure that will hopefully put him into deep remission. He came home a week ago, but he is still recovering. He is weak and has some side effects from the procedure. The doctor says he will improve each day. I’m trying not to worry too much and be supportive. The potholes dare me to fall in, but I veer around them.

All these bumps in the road caused the potholes to only get deeper. I teetered on the edge coming close to falling in. My emotions have been strong, and I record them in my journal. The problem is my writing was left back down the road, always stuck in a rut. I can pour out my thoughts in these blog posts, but I can’t go back to reliving the pain of the past to write my book.

My second memoir, like my first, involves writing about some deep emotions and about very painful times in my life. It’s very hard to write about this when I’m climbing over the bumps and working to avoid the potholes in my present life. I can’t risk falling into the holes by adding the pain of the past with the bumpy roads of the present. So, I have not been working on my book. I’ve taken it out of the rut, and I’m allowing it to sit beside the road until things get better or when I feel like I can handle working on it again. Right now, my focus is on my family and taking care of my mental health. I will finish my book, but it must be when I’m sure I can handle reliving the past. Falling down a hole of any type is not an option. I can’t go in that direction again.

Life always has bumpy roads and big potholes, but you are strong. You can make it over the bumps and around the potholes. When things get tough, remember to use your coping techniques and make sure your mental health takes priority. If you have to leave things lingering on the side of the road while you’re avoiding the potholes, that’s okay. Your mental illness must come first.

Despite everything going on in my life, I have been using coping techniques I have learned, and I think I’m doing well. I’m very proud of how well I am handling everything. Coping helps me stand above the potholes and in the light of recovery.

ONCE JUDGED, NOW SUCCESSFUL

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

In school I was told I’d end up relying on welfare. Teachers thought I would never succeed in school or life. Throughout elementary school I believed they were right. Then in high school I worked hard to prove them wrong and succeeded. I was proud of myself for going to a two-year college, but because of my learning disability and mental illness, I couldn’t go on to a four-year college. For years I saw myself as a failure for becoming just a cashier in a grocery store. Until now.

Seven years ago, at a one day conference sponsored by Pennwriter’s, a national writing group, I learned to post regularly on online groups that pertain to my book. I was planning my memoir at that time and started posting positive messages on a Facebook mental health group. Alex Kovarvic contacted me to write blog posts for his nonprofit The National Internet Safety and Cyberbullying Taskforce. Then I went from writing blog posts to helping with events and interviewing volunteers. Back then I felt nervous about the tasks I was given. I wasn’t very comfortable with the new steps I was taking, but I was excited when the Taskforce awarded me the Saving Lives award.

I stayed with the Taskforce as it evolved into One Life Project (OLP). I moved from being an assistant to now a leader. I have been supporting events and helping with educational workbooks. I’m a co-host for OLP’s podcast, The Lifeline, and I’m advocating for mental illness. I’m continuing to learn my role as a leader and I’m excelling at it.

April 15 Alex picked up my husband and me up at our home and drove us five hours to Albany, New York, for an online conference for OLP. We spent the night in a hotel and the next day Alex drove us to OLP’s office in Massachusetts. In the office Alex recorded me giving a twenty-minute speech. He told me I did an excellent job. Then he presented me with five awards. He took pictures of me holding each award.

I was presented with the presidential Lifetime Achievement award signed by Joe Biden. I also received a letter from the president and a coin with an eagle on it.

Presidential Lifetime Achievement award signed by Joe Biden
Lifetime Achievement coin
Letter Signed by Joe Biden

My next award was a proclamation from the mayor of Buffalo, NY, declaring February 21 “Aimee Eddy Day.”

Proclamation From Buffalo, NY’s mayor

Then I received The Guardian of Hope award from OLP.

One Life’s Guardian of Hope award

Next, I got Colors United Allyship award from New York City.

Colors United Allyship award

Finally, I was presented with the Community Health Heroes award from Massachusetts.

Community Health Heroes award

In school I dreamed of growing up and becoming successful, and now I have made that dream come true. The best award I get from doing work for OLP is helping others. I’m working to educate young people about mental illness so they can understand what this illness is and how to get help. When I was young, I didn’t know what was wrong with me or how to ask for help, so I struggled alone. I want to make sure no one else struggles like I did.

I wouldn’t be the executive president of education for OLP if Alex didn’t believe in me. He had faith in my abilities to be a leader even when I didn’t. It’s a new experience for me. I have always stayed in the background, following others and not stepping up or out. In school staying behind the scenes, not speaking, and following others were safe. If I was neither seen or heard, I could avoid some harassment. I no longer am hiding. I’m growing and becoming stronger. I’m leading a team of volunteers and even doing things I once hid from.

I’m proud of the work I am doing and how I have grown. Each award is a symbol of how I have risen up from my past and succeeded. They are also symbols of how proud I am to serve young people by educating them and advocating for them. I wish there had been a nonprofit like this when I was young. It’s important to me to help as many young people as possible.

I no longer think of myself as a failure for not attending a four-year college. The work I am doing now is very rewarding. I even love my job as a cashier. I love working with people. I touch people each day by smiling and giving them someone to talk to. You don’t need a big degree to be successful. By overcoming challenges in your life, growing as a person, and being determined you can be successful.

 I came home from our trip and hung my awards up on a wall in my home. I call it my wall of fame. Each time I look at those awards I see how much I have overcome and how far I have come. This helps me dance in the light of recovery.

TRAVELING TUESDAY

Published on by Aimee Eddy1 Comment

Today we are traveling to Massachusetts for an online conference for One Life Project. At the conference I will be giving a 20 minute speech. After the conference is an awards ceremony. I will be receiving several awards including one signed by Joe Biden.

I’ve been so busy preparing for this trip that I didn’t write a blog post. I will have plenty to write about next week. Until next week keep fighting to reach the light of recovery and to stay in recovery.

SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

For most of my childhood and into my adult years, I didn’t know what a healthy friendship was. As a child I had friends turn against me or hurt me. In my adult years I chose people I thought were good friends, only to get hurt by them. When I started dating as an adult, I got myself into bad relationships. For the longest time I didn’t know what a healthy relationship was. I found myself being hurt, taken advantage of. and abused.

It wasn’t until I started to work towards recovery from mental illness that I learned through therapy what a healthy relationship is. That’s when I started cutting unhealthy relationships from my life. I ended friendships that were toxic and started working on building healthy relationships.

Sometimes while struggling with mental illness, you feel so bad about yourself that you can’t see the signs of a toxic relationship, or you think that you deserve how you are being treated. No one deserves to be treated badly. We all deserve to be in healthy relationships. You might ask how I know what a healthy relationship is? Below is a list of signs of a healthy relationship.

  • You have good communication. A healthy relationship cannot survive without good communication. You need to be able to talk to each other about important things, feelings, and much more.
  • You lift each other up. You support each other and you give each other strength. When one of you is down, you lift the other one up and so forth. If your partner cares for you, he or she will lift you up and make you feel good about yourself.
  • You respect each other. You value each other and care about one another’s wants and needs. You treat each other with consideration, and you recognize each other’s worth. You show kindness and compassion.
  • You are there during good and bad times. In a good relationship, you are there for each other during happy times and bad times. You take care of one another when you’re sick and celebrate the good times together. A good partner will take care of you after surgery, when you have the flu, when you lose a loved one, and you will do the same for him or her.
  • You listen to each other. In a good relationship your partner is willing to listen to you when you need someone to confide in or have something important to say. Your partner wants to hear about your bad days and good days. He or she is willing to let you vent when you need to. He or she doesn’t ignore you or cut you off when you are talking. The person cares about you enough to want to hear what you have to say.
  • You take care of each other. In a good relationship your partner should take care of you as much as you take care of him or her. It’s not a one-way street. One person doesn’t do all the work in a good relationship. You care for one another’s needs.
  • You respect each other’s boundaries. Everyone has boundaries and the person you care about should respect those boundaries. If you need time alone, then your partner should respect that. If you can’t handle something emotionally and you need to step back, that should be respected.
  • You support each other. If your partner starts a new job, be supportive. Your partner should be encouraging, helpful, and available when you are emotional. He or she celebrates your success with you and helps you out when things become too much. You do the same for your partner.
  • You care for each other. Your partner should show you how much he or she cares about you and your needs doing little things to show care like hugs, compliments, saying “I love you,” and helping you without you asking.

It wasn’t until I met my husband that I learned what a good relationship is. On our first date he promised to treat me like a woman, take care of me, and respect me. This promise convinced me to go on another date with him, and after twenty years together and almost eighteen years of marriage he is keeping that promise. He showed me what a healthy relationship is supposed to be, and he is the first man who ever treated me like a beautiful woman. I also now have healthy relationships with my friends.

Use these signs of a good relationship to guide you in friendships, boyfriends or girlfriends relationships, and marriages. If your relationship doesn’t have any signs of a good relationship, consider talking to your partner to work towards fixing your relationship. Therapy helps not only marriages, but all types of relationships. Consider it. If you find your partner is unwilling to fix your relationship, then walk away if you need to.

I walked away from a friendship that became too much for me. I got well and she didn’t. Our relationship risked my mental well=being. Now years later, she’s doing better, and we are talking again. We are slowly getting to know each other and rebuilding our friendship.

I now have many healthy relationships, and this helps me bathe in the light of recovery.

FINDING NEW STRENGTH

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

Life’s tribulations tug

Me in different directions

Loved ones need me

I must be strong for them

In new shoes I stand

No longer the one

In need of extra support

Now the one standing tall

With new strength

Tears shed

Shoulders droop

Yet I stand tall

I do not crumble

I do not fall

I do not hide

I balance the challenges

I stand tall

With new strength

In the light

Of recovery

A SURPRISE BRINGS JOY

Published on by Aimee Eddy1 Comment

My husband has been having a hard time for a couple of years now. It started with his job doing remodeling over two years, leaving him laid off or working less hours. We have been struggling financially, and he felt like he wasn’t contributing enough. Then the same job of thirty-four years let him go. He got a new job, and they let him go after only nine days. Now he has an illness that has taken away his freedom of driving and ability to work. It felt like he couldn’t win, and I just wanted to make things better for him.

After applying to countless jobs and doing interviews with no prospect of a new job, my husband felt defeated. Then on top of that in January his unemployment benefit was about to expire. We decided his best bet was to file for early retirement, and then he would work part-time. I helped him file for Social Security Retirement online, and we continued to look for part-time jobs for him. The diagnosis of his illness tore apart his plans, leaving him devastated and angry. I just wanted to cheer him up.

I messaged a friend that I wanted to throw him a retirement party, but we were struggling financially. We couldn’t afford for him to retire early, but we had no choice. My friend suggested we go to Pizza Hut and have everyone chip in for the cost of the pizzas. I told her that was a great idea, and I would plan the party once his retirement was official.

In February my husband got his first retirement check, and I started planning his party. I decided the party would be a surprise. I told him we couldn’t afford a party for him, so I treated him to his favorite restaurant for dinner the day he got his first check. He seemed understanding. I told him maybe we could have a picnic with friends in the summer to celebrate and asked him who he wanted me to invite. I planned his party for March 19 at Pizza Hut, and he had no idea. I went to work inviting our friends and his friends, telling each one of them it was a surprise. I listed the people who I invited in my journal, knowing he would never see it.

Once the party date was decided and friends were invited, I had to come up with a way to get him to the party. I needed to be at the restaurant early to make sure tables were set up and to greet the guests. I needed an excuse. So I told him I was going to a friend’s house for dinner. I asked our friend Kelly to invite Lou to dinner the night of the party. The plans were set, but my sneaking around wasn’t over.

I needed to order him a cake. Since I work in a grocery store, that would be easy. I just told him I had to leave for work early to pick up prescriptions. I ordered the cake and picked up prescriptions. I started thinking about the perfect gift to get him and how I would hide the gift from him. I browsed Amazon and found him the perfect shirt. On the shirt it says, “Retired. Under new management. See wife for details.” Since Lou is at home and would get packages that arrive, how would I keep him from wondering what the package is and keep him from opening it? I came up with the perfect idea. We just got our tax money and gave each other a little to buy things we needed. So, I told him a package was coming with a new shirt for me.

When the package arrived, I quietly snuck it upstairs to my office/spare room/storage room. I took a sigh of relief when he didn’t ask me about my new shirt and didn’t ask me to put it on for him like I usually do when I get new clothes.

A few days before the party Kelly invited my husband to dinner with her husband and her. He was happy he wouldn’t be sitting home alone. I talked about my dinner at my friend’s house and told him I was happy knowing he wouldn’t be home by himself.

The day of the party I left the house at 5:15 PM to pick up the cake and go to Pizza Hut. He told me to let him know when I made it to my friend’s house.

At 6:00 PM all the guests arrived, and we waited patiently for Kelly to arrive with my husband. Kelly texted me when she picked him up and we were ready. When he walked into Pizza Hut, we all said, “Surprise!” The look on his face was priceless. A smile I hadn’t seen in a while shined brightly. The next day he was still feeling the high from his surprise party. I couldn’t be happier that I brought him joy during a very rough time in his life. His cake had black and yellow confetti on it and Steelers rings in the corner. In the middle in black it said, “Happy Retirement.” Anyone who knows my husband knows he’s a huge Steelers fan.

That night and days to follow my husband thanked me for his party. I relished his joy. Bringing light to a dark time in his life made me feel good. We endured the hard times together and together we celebrated a new chapter in his life.

Throwing this party for my husband during a hard time in his life and my life helps me stand happily in the light of recovery.

CO-HOST FOR A POSCAST

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

As part of my work for One Life Project I am a co-host on their podcast The Lifeline. Below is the link for the first episode. We will be talking about mental health and interviewing guests. A new episode  will post each week. Please check it out and tell about and share this podcast with your family and friends.

SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

Published on by Aimee Eddy3 Comments

When you’re struggling with mental illness, it’s easy to get into unhealthy relationships. Even if you don’t have a mental illness, you can find yourself in toxic relationships. When I was struggling with mental illness, I became prey to abusive and destructive relationships with boyfriends and friends. I was too sick to see the signs that I was in a toxic relationship, and they ended badly with me getting hurt.

As I worked on my recovery and went to therapy, I began to learn the signs of a toxic relationship. Once I learned the signs, I ended a lot of friendships that were not good for me. I found myself reevaluating what I needed and wanted in friends and boyfriends. Below is a list of the signs of a toxic relationship:

  • The relationship is one sided. When you are in a relationship, each person must contribute and support the other. When one person is doing all the work, it is an unhealthy relationship. I had to take a step away from a friend because our friendship suddenly centered all on her. I didn’t get a chance to talk about myself or my needs. I found the friendship too much for me to handle. I needed support too, so I walked away.
  • The person is controlling. When you’re in a relationship, you should be able to make your own decisions and do things on your own. When the other person starts telling you what to do and what you can’t do, that is unhealthy. The controlling person might take over all finances, tell you when you can see your friends and family, make decisions for you, and much more. I was in a relationship with an ex-boyfriend who was controlling. He told me what pan I could use to cook in, he spent my money on his needs, he demanded his family was more important than mine, and he made decisions for me. He kicked me out, and that’s when I was put in a mental health hospital and started on my road to recovery.
  • The person uses your weaknesses to put you down. A person who knows your weakness and uses them to play with your mind and put you down is toxic. This person will use your fears to manipulate you. For example, if you’re afraid you’re not a good driver, that person will harp on mistakes you make while driving, insult how you drive, and tell you what a bad driver you are. My ex-boyfriend used my self-doubt about being successful against me. He put me down for working as a cashier, told me I failed because I was unable to go on to a four-year college, and insulted me for not getting the degree I wanted. The funny thing was he never went to college and had no degree! After we broke up, I realized I was successful.
  • The person is abusive. No one deserves to be abused in any way. If you are being abused physically, sexually, or verbally, you need to find help. Verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. Words don’t cause physical wounds, but they do cause internal wounds. All abuse is wrong, and you need to get out of that relationship. A friend I trusted abused me sexually, and an ex-boyfriend verbally and sexually abused me. It took me years to recover from these abuses. Luckily, they both eventually broke up with me.
  • The person is always jealous. If you’re in a relationship where a partner is jealous every time you go out with friends or talk to another person, then you’re in a toxic relationship. If your friend is jealous of all your accomplishments or because you hang out with other friends without her or him, that is very unhealthy. I had a friend who was jealous because a lot of people I worked with liked me, and her jealousy became a big problem because she started copying me. When I started on my road to recovery, I ended the friendship.
  • The person doesn’t support you. When you’re in a relationship with a partner or a friend, you should support each other. You should support each other during good times and bad times. If you are not getting any support, that is a sign that you’re in a bad relationship. I had friendships in the past where I was supporting my friends, but when I needed support, I felt alone. Now that I am in recovery, I have friends who celebrate my accomplishments with me, listen to me when I’m struggling, and give me advice when I need it. I do the same for them.

If you notice some of these signs in a friend or partner, then make the decision to walk away from that relationship. If you are in an unhealthy marriage, try couple therapy. We all deserve to be around and with positive people who give us what we need in our relationships. We live in a harsh world where building good relationships is a lot of work, but it’s worth it. Toxic relationships lead to depression, PTSD, anxiety, stress, and hurt feelings. You deserve healthy and nurturing relationships.

Now that I’m in recovery I have healthy relationships. I have some real good friends and a wonderful husband. I now know when to walk away from toxic relationships, and that helps me stand in the light of recovery.

MY HOLIDAY

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

When I was bullied as a child, I did a lot of daydreaming to escape. I daydreamed of good things and bad things. I imagined getting hurt or dying so I would get attention or wouldn’t have to go to school. I also imagined winning awards, becoming a famous author, and my bullies cheering for me. I wanted people to see that I was capable of great things and realize they were wrong about me. I never thought that my childhood dreams would come true, until now.

If you have been following my blog, you read that in April I will be awarded a Lifetime Service Award from the president of the United States for my work for One Life Project. Last month I learned I will also be receiving a proclamation from the mayor of Buffalo, New York, declaring February 21, “Aimee Eddy Day”. The proclamation is a long letter which talks about my work with One Life and my book, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying. Alex, the founder of One Life Project, read it to me and sent me pictures of it. Alex also received a proclamation declaring February 22 “Alexander Kovarovic Day.”

“Next year we’ll have to meet in Buffalo on February 21 and celebrate our holidays at midnight,” Alex said.

I wiped tears of joy from my eyes. “That would be awesome. We definitely have to do that.”

I imagined as a child becoming an adult standing before a crowd of people giving a speech and receiving an award. Afterwards, Donna and other bullies shook my hand and apologized for how they treated me. Well, this dream is coming true. I will be giving a speech in New York City and receiving the president’s award, the proclamation, and other awards in front of lots of people. My bullies won’t be there to apologize, but I will be flying high.

My friend Amy said, “Wouldn’t it be great if on your holiday you went to Buffalo and they had a parade for you?”

I smiled. “I would wave out the window of a car at all my fans and tell them to buy my book.”

When I was a child, teachers said that I couldn’t read, and they pushed me from grade to grade. They thought because my learning disability would prevent me from accomplishing anything important in my life. One of my teachers predicted I would grow up to be on welfare. Some of those teachers shop at the grocery store I have worked at for going on thirty years. I make sure to tell them about my awards. They treat me totally differently now. One told me she always knew I was a hard worker. In school she accused me of cheating on a test when I earned an “A.”

Who would have ever thought I would have my own holiday? It’s not a major holiday requiring schools, post offices and banks to be closed, but it’s my day. On that day I went to work and told my customers about it. They were excited and some said they need to get my autograph. I told my co-workers too.

One co-worker said, “Since it’s Aimee Eddy Day, we should close the store down and all go celebrate.”

A customer spoke up. “Wait until after I pay for my groceries.”

I said, “Yes and we all get paid to have the day off.”

Unfortunately, the managers would not have agreed to closing the store and paying us to be off. After work my husband suggested we go out to eat to celebrate my holiday. So, we went to an Asian buffet. I love Asian food, but my husband doesn’t. Luckily the buffet had American food too.

I’m doing what God wants me to do. I’m helping youth who are struggling like I did as a young person. When I was a kid, we didn’t talk about mental illness. There were no programs in schools to educate children and not much out there to educate parents about mental illness. I’m helping change that with One Life Project. I am helping to put together workbooks that schools, young people, and parents can use. I’m helping with developing programs that I will take part in teaching about mental illness and coping techniques. I’m part of a podcast that talks about mental illness, and I help pass out information at events. I’m doing God’s work. I’m serving the youth of our country.

Dreams do come true. Just because you have a disability or mental illness, it doesn’t mean that you can’t succeed in life. If you work hard enough and believe in your dream, you can make anything happen. Maybe you can have a holiday of your own too. Life might take you down different paths, but don’t give up on your dreams.

I can’t wait until next month when I give my speech and receive my awards. I just need to find wall space to hang up my awards. I work hard to keep making my dreams come true, and that holds me up in the light of recovery.