Tag: anxiety

COPING WITH STRESS

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

Stress causes physical and mental health problems such as stomach issues, weakened immune system, high blood pressure, tense muscles causing aches and pain, depression, and anxiety. We all deal with some type of stress in our lives, but when you have mental illness stress can make your illness worse. With mental illness minor things can stress you out and it can lead to self-injury, anxiety attacks, and suicide attempts.

The important thing is to know how to cope with stress so that you can reach towards the light of recovery or stay in the light of recovery. Here are some coping techniques I learned to deal with stress:

  • Identify your trigger. What types of things cause you to be stressed? Could it be dealing with family problems, could it be taking on too much responsibility, could it be making important decisions, or working long hours? List your triggers in a journal or on a sheet of paper. I keep a list of my triggers in my journal.
  • Reduce your to-do list. If you are doing too much, then cut your list down. See what is most important for you to complete, and leave the other things for another time. If work stresses you out, then determine if you need a different job or if you can reduce the number of hours you work. I work part time because working full time is too stressful for me and causes my anxiety to heighten.
  • Practice relaxation. Find something to do that relaxes you such as listening to music, deep breathing, trying yoga, practicing mindfulness, taking a bath, going for a walk, or doing a craft. Everyone has different ways or things they do that help them relax. Find something that works for you. I find woodburning, imagining lying on a beach, and deep breathing relaxing.
  • Turn to your support system. If you don’t have a support system, build one. Having friends and family that support you is very helpful with your mental illness and dealing with stress. If you’re feeling stressed, talk to someone in your support system, make plans to meet for lunch, send a text or invite them over. Leaning on others who can encourage you, listen to you, and who can help you see a different perspective will help you handle your feelings and stress better. When I’m stressed out, I lean on my husband and friends. My friend, Cheryl, and my husband always help me see things in a different way and find away to get me to laugh.
  • Ask for help. If you can’t deal with your stress on your own, consider going to therapy. A therapist can work with you on different coping techniques that will help you. If you are taking too much on, then ask a friend or family member to help you out. If you are making a decision that stresses you out ask someone to guide you with that decision. If you have too much to do, then ask a family member or friend to help you get it done. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. When I have problems with making a decision, I ask my husband for help, and when I have too much to do, I ask my husband to help me out.
  • Know your limits. Know how much you can handle before you get stressed out. Once you know your limits, stick to them. If a friend asks you to put together a baby shower for her and it pushes past your limits, kindly tell your friend you can’t do it. If working two jobs is too much, then just work one. If everyone is asking you to do something for them and it causes you stress, then only take on what you feel comfortable with and tell the others no. There is nothing wrong with limiting how much you do for your own wellbeing. I only do as much as I feel comfortable with. If it is more than I can handle, then I tell people no or I do less.
  • Take care of yourself. If you take care of your physical and mental health, you will be able to handle stress better. Get plenty of sleep, eat well, practice coping techniques, take your medicine, and pamper yourself when you need to. When I’m stressed it is easy to skip a meal or lose sleep by worrying too much. I try to journal out my worries before bed, and I make sure I eat three meals a day. If I’m worrying too much and can’t sleep, I talk to my husband, and he helps me talk things out so I can sleep.
  • Challenge your negative thoughts and practice positive thinking. If you’re thinking negative things, turn them into positive thoughts. Try to practice positive thinking to keep your spirits up. Bad thoughts only bring you down and make you feel hopeless. I journal out my negative thoughts and then change them to positive ones. When I’m negative, my husband reminds me to be positive. I notice when I focus on the positive, I feel better.

When stress starts to drag you down that dark hole, practice these coping techniques. Don’t let stress cause you physical health problems and worsen your mental health. You are important and it’s important to know how to take care of yourself by managing your stress with coping techniques. Sometimes there is stress in your life you just can’t avoid, but by coping with it you can handle it better.

By managing my stress, I relax in the light of recovery.

LIFE’S ROADBLOCKS

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

“Give it to God and all your anxiety and stress will ease,” they tell me. I lie in my bed at night praying really hard for my worries to ease, my inner pain to go away, and for strength, but I feel no better. Is it because I’m not a good Christian, am I not praying the right way, or have I lost my connection with God? With mental illness it’s very hard to just let go of stress and anxiety, especially when life is putting up so many roadblocks. Praying doesn’t just take away my racing thoughts, anguish, tense muscles, and upset stomach. My mind won’t stop.

Life has been a challenge for a couple years since my husband’s workplace started remodeling. I held on to the hope that once the remodeling was done, he would be back to his full-time hours, and we would be on our feet again. Then when the remodeling ended, my husband got his hours back for a short time, but suddenly they cut him down to two days a week. He got unemployment, but not enough to pay all our bills. I told my boss to take me off express register and go to regular register, despite scoliosis and screws in my back so I could get more hours. We emptied our Christmas funds to pay some bills, and we still could not pay them all.

We started searching for jobs. We put in application after application only to hear nothing back. When my husband followed up, they told him they were still looking over applications. My husband felt hopeless, my anxiety heightened, and my stress levels went high. We started going to the food bank because we could only get twenty-three dollars in food stamps.

Then suddenly he got a phone interview with a department store. It was the answer to our prayers. He would only be making forty-eight cents less than his current job. We agreed he would still work two days a week at the current job until he got health insurance at the new job. We were excited. Finally, we would get back on our feet. Then suddenly his job of thirty-four years laid him off permanently, leaving him without insurance. Then after working a week and two days at the new job, he and six other new employees were laid off permanently. Suddenly my husband was jobless.

I was at work when my husband told me he lost his second job. I fell apart and had to sit in the manager’s office bawling my eyes out for almost an hour. The coordinator offered me words of encouragement until I was able to calm down. My world crumbled before my eyes. Our hopes were wiped away with one swipe. My worst fear of going broke and losing everything we owned seemed like it was coming true. Will we have to file for bankruptcy? Will we have to move in with my parents until we can get back on our feet? How could we find my husband another job? The worries ripped at my insides and flooded my mind.

My husband has an appointment for a very important test on November thirteen. We have waited for months for this test, but he now has no insurance. How could we pay for the test? So, I called and found out the cost of the test and started a GoFundMe. I raised more than enough for the test, but what if he needs further treatment? I filed for Medicaid for him, and all we can do now is pray he gets it.

My friend told me to give my stress and worries to God and I would feel better. I prayed and prayed for God to give me some peace, but the racing thoughts and endless worries continued. Some days I feel like the air is being squeezed from my lungs. My husband has been struggling to sleep and feeling down. It’s up to me to keep his spirits up, but my insides feel like I’m going to fall to pieces. Life’s roadblocks keep getting bigger and bigger and I can’t see around them.

I asked God, “Why are you not helping us?” “Why are you not easing my anxiety, stress, and worrying?” “Why are you not giving me peace? Is it because I don’t know how to give it to you?”  “Why are you letting all these bad things happen to us?” I stood at the edge of the hole of depression barely able to hold on waiting for an answer from God.

My parents gave us a bunch of coins to turn in for money, people donated so Lou could have his test, and a friend sent us a gift card for a grocery store. My mom also told me about a program that can help us pay an overdue bill, and we’re waiting for the application to apply for it. God has been giving us help to ease some of our burdens, and he’s been carrying us through. I was just too caught up in my emotions to see what God has been doing.

I realized it was my turn to do the work to control my worrying, stress, and anxiety. So, I journal out my worries and feelings, I turn to my support system, and I praise God for the signs that he is working in our lives to get us through this rough time.

God works in mysterious ways to get us through the roadblocks in our lives. Open your eyes to the things that happen in your life that are God’s way of helping you. It might not be as simple as God magically shutting off those racing thoughts and bad feelings, but it could be things put in your life to show you how to find peace. God will get you through life’s roadblocks, but you also must do some work to keep yourself from falling down the hole or falling deeper. Use your coping techniques to deal and let God carry you through.

I know now God is showing me I have nothing to worry about and stress about. He’s giving me the help I need to stay strong during this roadblock in my life. God is holding me in the light of recovery.

UNEXPECTED KINDNESS

Published on by Aimee Eddy1 Comment

When you are struggling with depression, everything looks awful and hopeless. You can’t see past the dark clouds of your illness. It seems like everything is going wrong and life is an endless hole of negativity. Seeing something good seems impossible. The truth is your illness blinds you to the good happening around you. When the world seems like a dark hole, unexpected kindness can come out of nowhere. Open your heart and look towards the light.

A lot has been happening in my life. As you know, my dad is undergoing chemo for bone cancer and it has sent me into a depression. On top of that, I have been struggling with my asthma and my husband put his back and hip out of place. Last summer I struggled with my asthma too. I go to the lung specialist on Wednesday. My husband started back to work full-time last week after being partially laid off all winter, and he had to miss two days because of his back. He’s improving and working, but still hurting. I hate seeing him in pain. Last week after paying our mortgage, we barely had enough money to make it through the week. We really need him to have a good paycheck. We just can’t seem to catch up. It feels like the world is against us.

I’m slowly working on coming to terms with my dad having cancer, but now I’m worrying about everything else. I’m also worried about my older sister who is struggling with health issues too. When I start worrying, I worry obsessively, and it gets me down and stirs up my anxiety. Everything seems hopeless right now.

Saturday, I walked down to the corner of my street and waited for the bus. When the bus arrived, one of my regular grocery store customers crossed the road.

He walked over to me. “Hold on a minute. I have something for you that I have been meaning to give you for a while.”

I motioned to the bus driver to wait.

My regular customer handed me something. “This is for your book.”

I put it in my pocket without looking at it and said, “Thank you,” and got on the bus.  After I sat, I reached in my pocket for the thing my customer had handed me. I pulled it out and stared at it for several minutes. He had given me a hundred dollars! Suddenly the sun seemed to shine brighter and my soul lifted. I just couldn’t believe a customer would just give me a hundred dollars.

This unexpected kindness made everything wrong in my life seem less overwhelming and horrible. My customer made my whole day better. When I got to work, I told several of my co-workers about it. They were very happy for me. For the rest of my day, all my worries disappeared, and I felt like I was dancing with the sun. The customer said the hundred dollars was for my book, but I used some of it for food for dinner. It was money we needed badly.

I can’t wait until my customer comes into the store. If he and his wife don’t already have my book, I plan on giving them one with a bookmark I woodburned and a pen that has “Stop Bullying” and my book title on it. If he has my book, I’m going to give him a thank you note, a pen, and a bookmark. He made my day shine and helped me look at life in a positive way. Everything that was going wrong didn’t seem as awful. God sent that customer to show me there is hope and goodness in the world.

When you’re struggling with depression, it’s so hard to see past the sadness and hopelessness, but try to look for the good in your life. God gives us people and things in our life to show us there is positivity in the world. When you least expect it, someone may show you unexpected kindness, small or big. The person you least expect may ask you how you are or tell you how good you look. A stranger may walk up to you and tell you how much he or she loves your smile or give you a hug. Unexpected kindness comes in many forms. God is looking out for you, and you just need to look for the ways he’s working in your life. Also reach out and do unexpected acts of kindness for others. It will lift your spirits to make others feel good. You don’t have to spend money to do something kind for others. Say something nice, give a hug, or offer to help someone out.

Because God sent my regular customer to bless me with unexpected kindness, I am standing closer to the light of recovery.

KEEPING FEARS IN CHECK

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

Fears can be either realistic or unrealistic. If you’re afraid you are going to get hurt walking on a floor full of holes, that is realistic, but fear of things like heights is unrealistic. Standing at the top of a lighthouse with railings around you will not cause you harm. With mental illness, unrealistic fears are made bigger in the mind of the person struggling, causing anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and depression. In order to ease anxiety, a person needs to find a way to keep those fears in check.

As you read in my last post, my dad has bone cancer and I’m struggling with it. My fears are causing me to have anxiety attacks and giving me the feeling that I’m losing control of my depression and emotions. It began with the fear that my dad would become very sick from the chemo, but so far he’s only had mild side effects. Then the fear grew bigger to thinking the longer he’s on chemo, the sicker he’ll get. The fears kept growing; my dad is suffering from fatigue from his treatments. What if he gets depressed and gives up? If he gives up, his health will decline. My dad’s immune system is gone because of the chemo; what if he catches an illness and ends up in the hospital? What if he dies of a sickness he gets instead of chemo?

The fears just keep growing and new ones sprout up. I feel my chest tighten and my throat aches like a fist of emotions are being pushed up through it. I cry, I feel sick, and I just want to lie in bed and hide from the world. Everything becomes overwhelming and just holding myself up seems like too much.

I allowed my fears to take control of me, and I haven’t been doing a good job at keeping my fears in check. I am reminding myself to go back to my first fear and evaluate it. Was my fear that my dad would get really sick from chemo realistic? That fear was based on horror stories I heard from others who had bad experiences with chemo. It wasn’t based on facts. Facts are everyone reacts differently to chemo, and there are different types and strengths of chemo. Everyone’s cancer journey and treatments are different. My dad has only had annoying minor effects. Now I look at my first fear and realize it wasn’t a realistic fear. It was more like something to be concerned about, but not something I needed to drive myself into an anxiety attack over.

I realize I need to take control of my fears and keep them in check. I need to acknowledge the realistic fears and unrealistic fears, and then work on stopping them from multiplying. My dad will never give up, he’s a strong man, and his cancer will go in remission, and he will live a long live. I tell myself don’t worry about him catching other illnesses. I can not control the future and worrying about it will only cause me to fall back down the hole.

I have other fears that bring on my anxiety. I worry about our finances, and this causes fears. I fear we won’t be able to pay our bills and will get ourselves so deep in debt that we’ll lose our home and have nothing. We’ll end up being homeless with all our belongings being sold to pay our bills. This fear grew in intensity while my husband was partially laid off over the winter. I looked at that fear and realized how unrealistic it was. Money has been tight, but with managing and arranging payments on bills, we’ve been able to make it through. We have gone to the food bank at our church to keep meals on the table. We still have our home, and our mortgage is always paid.

I have developed a process where I tell my friend and my husband my fears, and they reassure me that I have nothing to worry about. I’ve started journaling out my fears and then looking at them to see which ones are realistic and which ones are not. Most of my fears are unrealistic. I tear apart my unrealistic fears and find a way to think differently. Instead of “We’re having a hard time paying bills and we’re going to lose everything” I now think “We’ll pay what we can, and we’ll be fine.”

Keeping your fears in check is taking your fear and deciding if you have a real reason to be afraid or not. Then stop yourself before the fear grows out of control. It’s not easy to do. It’s a battle with the mind to take your fears under control and to keep them from sending you into an anxiety attack, panic attack or depression.

Say or write down your fear. Then think about the fear and say or write down the facts about the fear. For example: Fear: My dad is going to get depressed and give up. Facts: My dad may get discouraged, but he never gives up on anything. He has a strong faith that keeps him going. He has a loving family that will keep encouraging him. My dad is a very determined man. Looking at the facts shows me that my fear is unrealistic and helps me let go of that fear.

Look at your fears. Write them down and write out the facts. Are your fears realistic or unrealistic? If it’s unrealistic, then take steps to let it go. Doing this will help you keep your fears in check and prevent them from getting out of hand.

I’m working hard on keeping my fears under control. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. In time my fears will take less control over me, and I will stand stronger in the light of recovery.

FACING A ROUGH TIME

Published on by Aimee Eddy4 Comments

Cancer has affected almost everyone’s life in some way or another, whether it be a friend, co-worker, family member, or your own journey. Cancer likes to rear its ugly head and leave a wound or scar on the soul. It’s hard to face going through your own cancer and then face it again with a loved one. When you have depression and anxiety, facing hardships like this can deepen your illness or send you down that dark hole again.

When my grandpa got prostate cancer many years ago, they said he’d die of natural causes before he’d die of cancer. The sad thing is the cancer spread throughout his body and he struggled to the end. I kept breaking down so much when I went to see him in the hospital that I couldn’t go see him anymore.

Then when I learned I had breast cancer, my thoughts went back to my grandpa and I thought I was also going to die a miserable death, but I didn’t. I’m still here, proud to be a survivor.

I prayed cancer would never affect our family again, but it has. After a week long vacation, my husband and I came home to the news that my dad has bone cancer. I put on a brave face on for my parents, but when I got home, I broke down. I cried in Lou’s arms. Then in the days after the announcement, I went from okay to falling apart. It became a matter of waiting to see when they would start chemo and the next steps. I didn’t have to go through chemo when I had cancer, but there was a lot of dreaded waiting. Waiting to find out if I had the BRCA gene, waiting to find out what was next, and wondering what was going to happen to me. All those memories returned with my dad. The old emotions and fears resurfaced.

My dad is a handy man and a mechanic. He can fix almost anything. He fixes cars, lawn mowers, and even private airplanes. He has fixed and still fixes many of my vehicles. He does repairs around his own home, has helped remodel his church and has done repairs in my home. If he’s sitting down too long, he thinks he’s being lazy. He gives from the bottom of his heart to his family, friends, and strangers. I don’t always agree on his views, but I love him endlessly. Hearing he has bone cancer sent a knife deep in my heart.

My father has always been a healthy, active man even at seventy-four. Nothing kept him down. His oncologist said his cancer wasn’t life threatening, but they said something similar about Grandpa’s. I can’t bear the thought of losing my dad from a miserable struggle with this horrible disease. This troubled me greatly. I don’t want to lose my dad. I cried more tears in Lou’s arms.

Then my dad had to take a class about his treatment and start shots and chemo. My younger sister came to town to go to appointments with them. I was relieved but I felt guilty. I stress every six months when I go to the cancer center for my checkups, but going there for my dad seemed even more frightening. I just couldn’t do it, but I felt it was my responsibility. My older sister is struggling with health problems, and as the second oldest I should be at my parents’ side while my dad goes through his treatments, but emotionally I can’t handle it.

I remember making the decision to have a double mastectomy and then a full hysterectomy. I cried about it and agonized over it. Then there was the news that I would have to wait six months to do reconstruction and it would take several surgeries for it. I decided not to do reconstruction, and I had to learn to love myself as a woman without breasts. I felt like I was getting one let down one after another. My whole life was changing, and I fell into a depression. Those feelings came back as my dad faced his treatments.

When my sister told me the details of my dad’s treatments, I realized my dad’s life would be forever changed. His food had to be washed before being prepared, masks in public, washing his hands frequently, being susceptible to illnesses, and chemo every day. I felt that anguish inside me like the anguish I felt when I had cancer.

Then as we came closer to the beginning of his treatments, I began to worry obsessively how chemo would affect him. Would he no longer be that active and strong man I always knew? Would he get very sick? Would he need lots of extra care? The worries flooded me, and I felt the sadness of depression taking control. My muscles were tense, my stomach twisted, and the tears came expectantly. I struggled to sleep or even focus on everyday things.

When he made it through his first shots and chemo pill without many problems, I sighed with relief. Now I worry about him catching an illness and ending up in the hospital. I worry about my dad having more side effects from the chemo pill the longer he takes it. The worries flood my mind and I feel like I’m losing control of my illness. I feel the pain of my emotions searing throughout my soul. The tears, the endless worries, and my chest tightening has me struggling to hold on to the edge of my hole. I feel like I’m losing control, and I will be at the bottom of that hole again.

I remind myself this is just a rough time, and I can get back to the top of the hole again. I lean on my support system, I journal my feelings, and I plan to work on some woodburning projects and my next book. I talked to my psychiatrist about my struggles with my depression during this rough time, and he upped my medicine.

Rough times are part of recovery from mental illness and part of the struggle with this sickness. The important part of dealing with rough times is using coping techniques, leaning on your support team, and asking for extra help from your therapist or psychiatrist. There will always be bad things happening in our lives, threatening to make the struggle with or recovery from mental illness rougher, but the most important thing is how you handle it. Don’t let it destroy you or throw you down that hole again. You can get through life’s heartaches and still work towards recovery or stay in recovery.

My dad’s journey has just begun and what is to come is unknown. Our hopes are that he will reach recovery. My struggles with this rough time will take a lot of work and coping, but I will soon stand in the light of recovery again.

SELF-CARE FOR MENTAL HEALTH

Published on by Aimee EddyLeave a comment

While struggling with mental illness, we may be so busy with jobs, college, children, and other responsibilities that taking care of ourselves gets pushed away. Or we could be struggling so much that we give up on ourselves. Wherever you are at with the mental illness you are fighting, you must take time out to care for yourself. Self-care is important in all aspects of mental illness, even in recovery.

In my journey through mental illness and as I work to stay in recovery, I came up with a few ways to practice self-care. Here are some important ways to take care of yourself.

  • Eat healthy meals. This is something I am working on. It’s important to watch how much sugary food you place into your body and to put together healthy meals. Add vegetables to your meals, snack on fruits, limit late night snacks, eat out less, and look into preparing wholesome meals.
  • Make time for meals. I always make sure I have three meals a day. If you’re busy, make a plan to take time out of your schedule to eat three meals daily. If you feel depressed and are avoiding eating, then force yourself to take time to eat. Put it on the calendar or set an alarm in your phone to remind you to take the time to eat. Food gives you the nutrients and strength you need to fight this illness. If you don’t eat regularly or avoid eating, you can cause physical health problems for yourself.
  • Take time for relaxation. You can spend money on a spa day, a massage, or a manicure. You can also relax without spending much money at all by taking a bubble bath, doing crafts, watching a funny movie, or listening to music. To relax I woodburn, soak in a bath, or write.
  • Take care of your mental and physical health. Listen to your body; if something doesn’t feel right or you feel sick, take care of yourself. Call off from work, go to the doctor when you need to, and allow yourself time for rest. When you notice you’re not handling your illness well or you’re getting worse, ask for help. Go to your therapist, take your medicine, turn to your support team, or build one, and do coping techniques. I go to the doctor when I need to, and if I don’t, my husband makes sure I do. My husband never lets me work when I’m sick, and when I struggle with my mental illness, I have coping techniques and a wonderful support team.
  • Get plenty of sleep. If you’re having trouble sleeping, talk to your psychiatrist for medications that can help you. Pick a set time at night to go to bed. Shut off your TV, social media, and phone. If you struggle with anxiety or racing thoughts, find a relaxation technique to try like deep breathing, listening to relaxing music, or muscle relaxation. I like to imagine myself lying on a beach with water coming up around me and I do deep breathing.
  • Take care of your basic needs. If you’re really struggling, you might not get out of bed, take a shower, comb your hair, or take care of your hygiene. Make a plan to get out of bed and sit in the living room, or get up and take a shower, or comb your hair, and brush your teeth. Taking care of these needs is important in self-care. When I was at my worst, I neglected to shower regularly, and I felt filthy. When I took a shower I felt refreshed.
  • Take time to socialize. Spend some time with people you care about. If your anxiety keeps you from going to places or events that involve a lot of people, then ask a friend to hang out with just you. Sitting alone at home leaves the mind to wander and makes you feel lonely. Go out and have some fun. You deserve to have a good time. When I’m home alone my mind wanders and I feel more depressed. My husband and I like to go out to dinner, to events, and the movies. Sometimes I go to dinner with friends at another friend’s house.
  • Take some time to be alone. If you live with other people and you get overwhelmed with things going on with them take some time to be alone. Take a walk, go to your room, sit out on the porch, or find a place you can go to be by yourself. Sometimes you just need a break from the people in your life, and that is okay. Take time to be alone and de-stress. My alone time is at night when my husband goes to bed. It’s when I write, when I journal, and when I snuggle with my dog. It gives me time to focus just on myself and my own needs.

These are only a few things you can do to take care of yourself. You are important and you owe it to your physical and mental health to practice self-care. Your mental health is connected to your physical health. If you don’t take care of both, you will not only struggle with mental illness, but also physical illness.  Taking care of the body and mind will help make you stronger to reach or stay in recovery.

I make self-care an important part of my life, and because I do I dance in the light of recovery.

RELEASE YOUR FEELINGS IN A JOURNAL

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

When struggling with mental illness, many are bombarded by racing thoughts, painful emotions, and an overload of feelings. Our thoughts trigger our emotions and feelings. Together they can cause physical problems such as achy shoulders, chest pain, upset stomach, and labored breathing. Often feelings become trapped within, causing anxiety, panic attacks, and unhealthy coping techniques like self-injury. A good way to release those feelings is to put them in a journal.

When I was in a mental health hospital, a friend brought me a journal and a pen. I began to journal every day. I poured out all my feelings on the pages. It felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders. When I got out of the hospital, I took my journal everywhere like a security blanket. I wrote in it at restaurants, on my break at work, sitting at a park, in my car, and other places.

My therapist gave me assignments to write journal entries about certain things that were bothering me and then we would discuss them in our sessions. She used them to develop a plan on how to teach me coping techniques and to learn how to change my pattern of thinking. She even had me keep a separate journal to write positive things in each day. It was very hard to come up with things good about my life at that time, but I worked hard at it.

You might think, “I don’t know what to write in a journal,” “I’m not good at writing,” Or “I’d rather draw.” You can start by writing, “Today I feel..” and let your thoughts and feelings flow. You could even put an emotion down like “I am sad and that makes me feel…” You could write a letter to yourself or to someone who hurt you. The possibilities are endless.

The good thing about journals is that you don’t have to be a good writer and you don’t even have to be grammatically correct. You could even write so badly that you can’t read your own writing. Just write. No one is going to read it but you.  

If you’re not good at putting your feelings in words but you like to draw, then draw pictures that portray your feelings. Get a journal with blank pages and fill it with your artwork. Express yourself with pencils, colored pencils, markers, or whatever works best for you. If you’re feeling like your world is falling apart, then put it into your drawings in your journal. Release your feelings in the way that works best for you, whether it be writing or drawing.

As I mentioned earlier, therapy my therapist had me keep a second journal where I wrote positive things about my day. At first it was very hard to come up with good things, but in time it got easier. If you decide to keep a separate positive journal, that’s fine. You could also write out your feelings in your journal and then add five positive things at the end of each entry.

You might be so far down in the hole of your mental illness that coming up with positive things seems impossible. Start small like “I got out of bed today” or “I took a shower.” For many with mental illness it’s a struggle just to get up and moving. Some find it takes a lot of energy just to take a shower. To accomplish these things is wonderful. As you work hard towards recovery, the positives become easier to come up with.

You can become creative with your journal, you can use stickers or pictures. You can cut out inspirational sayings from a magazine or news articles and put them in your journal. I have put obituaries for people I have lost and compliments from my customers in some of my journals. It’s your journal; you can put whatever you want in it and decorate it to your liking.

Journaling isn’t for everyone. If you’ve tried journaling and found it didn’t help you or you just couldn’t keep up with it, then investigate other ways of expressing your feelings like painting, playing a musical instrument, singing, or walking. Don’t keep your feelings inside you. They only cause more harm when you let them fester and build up with no release.

For me journaling has become a healthy coping technique. I no longer carry my journal with me everywhere and I don’t journal every day, but it still gets me through rough days. When I’m going through a hard time, I sit and journal. I not only put my feelings in it, but I problem solve, I brainstorm story ideas, and so much more. That’s how I came up with these blog posts. Journals can have several purposes. So, use your journal in whatever way works best for you.

Because I release my feelings in my journals, the light of recovery fills me.

YOU CAN DO IT

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

When you are struggling with depression, you lose interest in everyday things and you have feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. It becomes too easy to neglect your health and daily routines and tasks. You get stuck in a rut you can’t get out of. Even getting out of bed becomes very difficult. You feel as if you can’t move past this horrible sadness that has taken over your life.

I grew up with parents and grandparents who didn’t believe in the words, “I can’t.” Whenever my siblings or I said I can’t do something, my mom would look us in the eyes and tell us “There’s no such thing as can’t. You can do anything you put your mind to.” Her words were my inspiration and became my motto. If someone told me, I couldn’t do something I found a way to prove that person wrong. Throughout elementary they told me I couldn’t read, so I worked hard to learn how to read; they told me I couldn’t longer pass classes on my own, and in high school I passed my classes with “As” and “Bs.” My teachers said I would be on welfare when I grew up, but I graduated from college, I have worked the same job for twenty-eight years and I have written a book.

When I realized I had major depression in college, I felt like my life was doomed. I couldn’t sleep at night, I got sick every morning, I became suicidal, and I self-injured. It took all my strength to get out of bed each morning and go to my classes, yet I continued to get high grades. My life seemed like an endless cycle of hopelessness and inner agony, but I refused to fail at college. It was hard to pass my classes when I was so sick, but I could still hear those teachers from school saying, “You can’t succeed.” This drove me to study long hours to pass my classes.

For many who are struggling with depression, the simplest routine tasks like taking a shower, combing hair, eating, or getting out of bed seem impossible. It’s easy to give up and say, “I can’t do it.” The thing is if you dig deep down inside yourself, you’ll realize you can do it. You can get out of bed, you can take a shower, you can eat, and you can stand up to depression. Remember there is no such thing as, “I can’t.”

Are you lying in bed feeling too tired and depressed to get up? Then say to yourself, “I can get up,” several times. Dig deep down inside you until you get the determination to slip out of bed. Take small steps. Be proud of yourself for each step you take and shout out, “I did it!” Your illness doesn’t have to run your life. You can fight it, you can work towards getting better, and you can reach recovery.

Reaching recovery was the hardest battle I have ever fought. So many times I felt like I just couldn’t go on and I didn’t want to go on. I felt like I was doomed to a life of misery. My mom’s words, “There’s no such thing as can’t. You can do anything you put your mind to,” kept me pushing forward.

When I got home from work and the man I was living with told me he was kicking me out, I ended up in a mental health hospital. He told me he couldn’t help me because I could never get better. His words inspired me to fight harder. In a week I got out of the hospital and started on the path to recovery. I moved back home, I started going to group therapy, and I found a new therapist. Through several years I took steps towards recovery.

You might feel like reaching recovery is impossible and there is no way you can reach it, but you can. Take the first steps now. Start slowly and build your way up. Recovery doesn’t come easily so plan on fighting hard. Remember there is no such thing as can’t. “You can do anything you put your mind to.” Fight for happiness, fight for a new beginning, and fight for yourself. I believe in you. “You can do it.”

I believed I could get better, and I fought hard for it and I reached it. I stand in the light of recovery shouting, “I did it!”

EMOTIONS FROM THE PAST

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

Wounds on the soul from the past can heal, but a scar remains. We can move on from abuse, forgive those who have hurt us and heal, but the memory and the scar inside us never goes completely away. Sometimes things that happen in our lives reopen the wound and a storm of emotions flood us. How we handle the feelings is what matters the most.

I was looking at my reviews on Amazon for my book, Escape to the Garage: Family Love Overcomes Bullying, and realized I got a five star review last month. There was no name to tell who wrote the review. The review stated that he or she was a classmate of mine and had good memories of me. Then it stated that he or she hoped he or she was not one of those I wrote about. This opened an old wound. Who could have good memories of me, but not know if he or she was one of the bullies? I had friends that moved away when I was younger, and the few friends that I kept more than a year would know they were not one of the bullies.

Who would have good memories of me when I didn’t talk to my classmates? We had a very small class and often kids follow the crowd when it comes to bullying even if they don’t agree. That doesn’t make what they did okay. Even when you don’t agree yet you participate, you’re as bad as the bullies. Was this one of those type of people from my class? Was it someone who didn’t even try to talk to me because he or she was afraid of getting bullied? Or was it one of the friends who turned their back on me? I went over and over in my mind who it could be who wrote the review.

I want my classmates and the bullies to read my book and see what they put me through. The person did acknowledge that he or she is happy to see my success which made me feel good. Then the person wrote that now that he or she is an adult, none of that horrible kid’s stuff matters. He or she didn’t seem to understand that it’s not just horrible kids’ stuff. When I was younger in the eighties and nineties when kids were mean to others, they didn’t recognize it as bullying. It was kids being kids, but it’s more than that. Bullying doesn’t just happen with children; it happens to adults too. Adults also can be bullies. Plus, what happens to a victim of bullying can affect them into adulthood. The reader of my book obviously doesn’t understand that bullying isn’t just kids’ stuff and that angered me.

To me saying It’s kids’ stuff is just like saying kids will be kids, and the pain and damage I had to struggle with into my adulthood didn’t matter. I spent many years in therapy learning to love myself, change my negative thinking, mend the inner wounds, and forgive and move on from the abuse I faced as a child. Years of being put down by classmates and teachers destroyed my self-esteem, led me into a mental war with myself, and caused wounds no one could see. It also led me into bad relationships, made me afraid to stand up for myself, made it hard for me to trust, and made me agree to things I wasn’t comfortable with because I was too afraid to speak up and so much more. This led into my adulthood. The pain of that resurfaced with the five-star review.

The song “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson is about someone who was abused, and the lyrics hold true for bullying too. Think about the lyrics as you read them and imagine that child or adult who is being bullied. Here are the lyrics:

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side,

so I don’t get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me,

But everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

It took me years to overcome these things the song talks about. I had to go through therapy and take antidepressants, and even now I fear being hurt again. I am an adult now and my wounds are scars that at times reopen. The scars are from the bullies who verbally and physically abused me and the bad relationships I got into as an adult because I didn’t know how to have a healthy relationship.

Because of you (my bullies), sometimes my scars open up and the pain floods back, but because I’m stronger I can handle the pain and I stitch that wound up. When I read that review, I texted my friends who are also part of my support team, Cheryl and Amy. They both mentioned the positive side of the review and told me not to dwell on who it might be. I didn’t want to hear the positive, but I listened, or more like read it. Amy suggested I write this post about it, and it is very healing.

To my classmate who wrote the review you’re right; I have succeeded. I am not done yet. I have more books to write, and I am working hard at giving talks to bring awareness to bullying. Thank you for your review.

If old wounds are reopened, turn to your support system, don’t let the wounds push you down, and stitch them back up. Because I stitched my old wounds back up, I stand tall in the light of recovery.

CONQUERING FEAR

Published on by Aimee Eddy2 Comments

Everyone has a fear or more than one. Some fears have special names like acrophobia (fear of heights) or arachnophobia (fear of spiders and some fears are personal). We all avoid things that make us feel uncomfortable. We’ll stay away from high places when we have acrophobia, or we’ll avoid spiders if we have arachnophobia. When fears grow bigger in our mind or prevent us from living a happy life, then they become a problem.

All fears are irrational feelings that are very real to the person facing them. When these fears build on top of each other or grow from a small fear to a big one, they cause anxiety. They prevent us from falling in love, leaving our homes, reaching our dreams, and starting something new. When fears paralyze our lives when we need to get help and learn to stand up to them.

In high school I developed a fear of getting sick. I was obsessed with proving to my classmates that I was not dumb and getting the highest grades. At the end of the school year, I listened to the kids in my school receive multiple awards for their success in school. I decided to get awards and to succeed I had to stay healthy and not miss a day of school. In my mind getting sick meant I was weak and a failure. When my siblings got sick, I avoided them and was nasty to them. At night I begged God to keep me healthy, and at home I cleaned my hands frequently and became unbearable to be around.

That fear was built from my irrational thinking. Sickness didn’t make me weak; it wouldn’t have prevented me from proving to everyone I was smart. It prevented me from being kind to my siblings. It made me into an awful sister who treated my siblings horribly for something they couldn’t control. This fear followed me into adulthood and when I was dating my husband and he got sick, I left the house and drove around for hours. He called me several times and I ignored the calls. In time I learned to handle illnesses better.

I’m a director of One Life Project and we’re in the process of planning events. I’ve always been the person who likes to sit in the background unnoticed. Then I published my book and I’ve been standing in front of people giving speeches about bullying and now the founder of One Life, Alex, wants me to take a step further into the public. He wants me to learn to be a leader and to contact organizations. This scares me. I’d rather sit in the background and follow someone, but I can’t do that. Alex sees something in me I don’t see. He wouldn’t have chosen me if he didn’t. I could let my fear take control and prevent me from helping many with mental illness and making changes in others lives, or I can stand up to my fear.

I learned through my friend, Denise, and through therapy, you cannot let fear stop you. Denise picked me up from home one day and drove me to a resort that has many activities. When we got there, she turned to me and said, “You’re not afraid of heights are you?”

“Yes, I am,” I replied.

“Well, then you’re going to face it because we are going ziplining,” she said.

The whole time we rode the ski lift up the mountain side and I slowly climbed the tower to the zipline I kept telling myself, “I can’t do this.” Denise encouraged me all the way up and even until I jumped off the tower. I felt a rush of excitement as I sped down the mountain hooked to a cable. Through Denise I learned not to let fear stand in my way of doing things.

Instead of letting my fear of becoming a leader grow bigger and bigger until it paralyzes me, I’m going to face it. I will learn, I will ask questions, I will take it step by step and in time I will lead and be confident in contacting organizations.

Facing our fears helps us grow as a person. We grow stronger and more confident. I can’t tell you that fears will completely disappear. I still don’t like heights, but I’m more willing to tackle them. Facing your fears and pushing through them will open you up to new opportunities, new ways of thinking, and new beginnings.

Don’t let your fears cripple you from living, doing something new, from enjoying life, and from discovering yourself. Stand up to your fear and say, “You will not defeat me. I can overcome you.” Stop those little fears in their track before they grow into huge ones and leave you sick with anxiety. This is hard to do. I am still working on standing up to the little fears, but we can do it together.

Standing up to fears makes me a stronger person. Each day I take that step towards a fear I grow inside, and this helps me soar in the light of recovery.